The Inevitable New Merchandise for New Moon

Dear Twi-hards,

With the release of New Moon fast approaching (146 days!), it was only a matter of time before the machine started rolling out new merchandise for fans to buy. After all Hot Topic almost single handedly saved the economy back in February. And we really can’t be losing anymore mall stores. Where else will I find my neon green tutu’s, Mario Brothers shirts and gothic parasols?  I mean, there goes my whole wardrobe, right? But never fear we’re just now getting a glimpse of the goodies to come that might just save the entire United States economy. Fingers crossed.

WOOOOOWWW just in case you wanted to go hunting and be camouflaged but also show how much you love Twilight, we have this lovely shirt. To our country friends, this will look nice while you’re out hunting deer with Jethro and the boys and if you’re lucky enough you’ll be wearing this on the next season of Red Neck Weddings!

Don’t you hate it when you’re at work and just about to close the BIG deal and can’t remember what date it is? I know I do! But after I get this handy little desk calender I can look confidently at the client and say, why yes it IS exactly one month and 3 days till my life is complete and New Moon comes out October 17th! Thank God I had this calendar or we couldn’t have made this million dollar deal! Great doing business with you!

So Barbie Bella and Ken Edward dolls are like the complete antithesis of Malibu Barbie and Ken. Instead of tans they have pale, sparkly skin. Instead of the pink corvette Bella has the broke down beater truck. Instead of skin bearing bikini’s and swim trunks it’s coverage from head to toe. And instead of a Dream House on the beaches of Malibu, it’s a middle class house in rainy Forks, Washington. My only question is: what about the Bob Mackie designed raincoats and the Quielute addition to the “Barbies Around the World” collection? Mattel, you totally dropped the ball on this one!

Lip Venom, guys really? I remember this stuff from like Seventeen Magazine in the 90s. It was supposed to plump up your lips to give it that “bee stung” look. The whole concept is off, first of all who wants to be stung when putting on lip gloss? And not surprisingly the product failed and went away. But now that Vampires are the hip thing, why not trot this little diddy out again but with a new spin: Plump your lips up with the venom of a vampire! Close your eyes, dream a little dream, click your heels together and say “there’s no place like Forks” and wait for the magic of the venom to turn you into an immortal. Then you and Edward can be together forever, cause we know that’s what you dream about. Seriously, we know. We watched the movie.

When are we gonna get a Jacob action figure? Or a temporary vampire bite tattoo? Or an official Charlie Swan stick on Mustache?

Would you buy any of this?
Themoonisdown

Don’t forget to vote in the Wanna Tappa Vampa (our fake sorority) and the Twi Sisterhood’s PORN OFF! EVERY VOTE COUNTS!! Yes we can!

Read our review of Rob in The Bad Mother’s Handbook at LTR
Chat about it in The Forum!

South East Asia loves you too!

Another edition of Fan letters:

Dear Twilight,

I can say I am a huge fan of everything from the books, all the way to the cast and producers 🙂 * especially rob patt!* I’m just really upset about the fact, no celebrities come to a little country called “Brunei Darussalam” 

on the Borneo Island in South East Asia. Have you heard of it? i hope so 😦

It’s really tiny, and I don’t get a chance to go to any book exhibitions/autograph signings or to meet my favourite  actor(s)!  They don’t even sell posters or any merchandise here, and it’s really upsetting!

There are a lot A LOT A LOT of  Twilighters here! My whole school is in love with all your projects and talk about it everyday!

Best of Luck!

– yasy Z. xx

(a totally huge huge twilight and robert pattinson fan! TWILIGHT”S AWESOME!!!)

Editor’s note: Come on, all things Twilight! Go visit “Brunei Darussalam!” Yasy Z. seems sweet! (but seriously, if her country gets the Twi-calender before you restock the Border’s here, we’re gonna have some words)

Bah-Humbug!

Dear Makers of Official Calender–

You SUCK.

No Love,
Me

Neither unintendedchoice or myself received said calendar for Christmas because there were none to be had not ANYWHERE. And trust me, if my mom couldn’t find it. NO ONE could. Look what I’m going to miss on my birthday month?! REALLY, what am I supposed to use now to keep track of days at work?

Oh and I hear July’s an especially HOT month featuring Carlisle… but guess we’ll never know.

All I want for Christmas

Dear Hot Topic (and other fine Twilight retailers),

All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar. I even wrote a song about it (enjoy below). My husband says (yes, I have a husband and want a twi-cal, so what?) that when he asks for them at your store and other calendar stores, the clerks literally LAUGH at him. Why don’t you stop laughing at my husband and just give him a twi-cal to let me open Christmas morn?

It’s a bummer.. I saw tons of calendars last month.. he should’ve bought one then. Oh well, it’s his fault if I divorce him when I don’t get my only Christmas wish. Or it’s your fault. Or amazon’s fault for selling a calendar made by a poor 7 year old boy in a third world country for $49.89

PS: I’d also take Rob, naked, wrapped in a bow under my tree. xo

*Do YOU have a Twilight wish for Christmas? Write your own letter and email it to letterstotwilight@gmail.com or comment below!