Xavier Samuel, Welcome to Twilight oh and watch your donuts!

Dear Xavier,

I told UC I wanted to write you a letter since I’m pretty sure you still have a Google alert set up for your own name but I didn’t think I could make an entire letter out of: “HOLY CRAP, you’re HOT!” So since you’re a newbie to this fandom and since I’m more than willing to make fun of these dorks,  I thought I’d give you the 411 and the in’s and out’s of everything you need to know about Twilight. God help you.

Shhh they'll never know we're together! Let's wait one more week before we break their hearts!

Shhh they'll never know we're together! Let's wait one more week before we break their hearts!

First of all there’s there two…

Edward and Bella aka Rob and Kristen.

Stay away from this… stay far far away. Let them wallow in their angst and shirts from goodwill they never bothered to wash and keep right on moving. They’ll take the brunt of most of this saga and you should thank them. Send them a muffin basket or something and move along.

You might wanna watch out for Kristen, clearly she has a thing for boys with messy hair, questionable grooming habits and accents… you look like you might fit this bill. Watch your back. And take an occasional shower, that should keep her away.

taylorbigdaddyvancouver

I called ahead Taylor, they have a PizzaHut Express near our gate!

Next up…

Taylor Lautner aka Jacob Black

He’s the dude on the right. He’ll be the one lifting weights between scenes and drinking protein shakes while the rest of you get trashed at whatever friend of a friends band is playing that night. That dude on the left is affectionately known as Big Daddy. Watch your donuts around him.

Oh and uh yea Taylor’s 17. Ponder that one for a few.

Follow the cut to learn more Xavier!
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Dear girl rumored to be shagging Kellan but then got in a fight with him on New Years Eve because you kissed some other dude while Kellan was hosting the party-

Ashley is NOT impressed.

Neither is his youth Group.


Me (themoonisdown)

*UPDATE- apparently it’s the other way around and kellan was caught by perm-head kissing some other girl. NAUGHTY! Well can you blame me? I read so much twi stuff online it’s hard to keep it all straight. Nevertheless it still stands ASHLEY IS NOT IMPRESSED*

Impress this brother with a life of virtue

kellannoshirtDear Kellan-

Is it wrong to lust after your bible study leader?

Your sister in Christ-
Me

PS. so I guess Kellan is on 90210 on January 13th on the CW. Make sure to catch that or not… we don’t need any ‘stumbling blocks.’ 😀

PPS. Yes, I’m taking this Kellan/Youth Group storyline I’ve made up and I’m running with it. Especially after seeing him at Jackson’s 24k show (more on this later)

PPSS. Thanks to Kellmett Happens and Twilight Series Theories for the tip and pics. Hot sauce! And great sites.

Also… whenever I see, hear or think of Kellan why does the song “I don’t want it” by DC TALK ALWAYS come into my head?


overlook the random family… this is the only video of this song i could find.