Dear Eclipse Poster Designer and Marketers,
I have to commend on the new Eclipse poster… the darker colors, the NSYNC circa ’01 denim jacket (read this if you love NSYNC), Edward’s creepy dead-eye stare, Bella’s cocked eyebrow (kiss me!), and then I looked down and saw your tag line:
“It All Begins… With a Choice”
And I thought WTF? A choice? She will never choose Jacob, we know that, otherwise Bella would have told Edward to go ef himself when he came back to Forks and would have made out with Jacob in that little garage, instead of drinking warm soda while she fixated on his rippling muscles. So THAT can’t be the choice, it’s gotta be something else, right? But what? So I came up with a list of the only plausible things she could be choosing from…
“It All Begins… With a Choice”
- V-Neck vs Crew Neck – A peek of Edwards chest hair vs highlighting Jacob’s man boobs?
- Pancake makeup vs Bronzer – Deathly pallor of the undead or the deep tan of spending summers at the La Push beach
- Harry’s Famous Fish Fry vs Spaghetti – What will Bella make for Charlie’s dinner? Some of that famous fish fry and be forced to listen to another story about “the big one that got away” or the same dinner she always makes Charlie: Spaghetti.
- To let Alice pick your clothes or wear the khaki skirt/blue shirt again – Does anyone want to chance the wrath of the fashion obsessed Alice? And really what is so great about the darn blue shirt paired with the floor length Amish skirt? Why Bella resists, I’ll never know.
what about these…
- Paper vs Plastic – Neither you earth haters, get your reusable bag on, people!
- NSYNC vs Backstreet Boys – If you say anything besides NSYNC I don’t know you
- Jonas Brothers vs Hanson Brothers – Which brothers do it for you? Short, brunette- Jew-fro-d-Christian-purity-ring-wearing-brothers or blond-girly-haired-Christian brothers-from-Oklahoma?
- Dwight Schrute vs Andy Bernard – How could Angela choose between the Assistant to the Region Manager of Dunder Mifflin or the man who sings “Take a chance on me” barbershop style on speakerphone?
Follow the cut to see what other choices they could possibly mean
- Robsten vs Nonsten – Don’t start
- Ben vs Noel – The hot guy on the swim team you followed to NYU or the nerdy graphic designer RA on your dorm floor?
- The Double-Double vs The Big Mac – Is this even a question?
- Dawson vs Pacey – The Forehead or The Mighty Duck
- Jack vs Sawyer – Since I don’t watch Lost I had to ask my roommate who the big choice was in Lost and this is who she said. So Lost girls, tell me about the choice between Jack and Sawyer.
- Timberlake vs Beiber – The Justin who makes panties drop, grown ass women swoon and brings it on in to Omletteville or The Justin that awakens unknown feelings in prepubescent girls?
- Ryan vs Seth – The hooligan from the wrong side of tracks in Chino or the nerdy boy who quotes Death Cab and names his sailboat after his crush?
- Perez vs Micheal K – A queen blogger who draws penis’s on celebrity pictures or the best gay in the gossip blogging business?
- Good vs The Dark Side – You could use the force for good or for evil. It’s your choice. But I will say the Dark Side you can choke a man just by thinking about it and you might also have a bionic arm.
- Superman vs Batman – Nerdy reporter from Smallville, Kansas who moonlights as super hero in Metropolis or rich playboy Bruce Wayne from Gotham City (edit, sorry i was up late)
- Edward vs Jacob – This is obviously the choice you want us to make, Eclipse Poster designer and Eclipse Marketers but we know what happens, we know she will never choose Jacob and we know Jacob ends up with their crazy child spawn so you see your poster design is flawed because there was never a choice to begin with.But the V-Neck vs Crew Neck… that’s a choice for the ages.
Team Noel…no wait, Ben… no wait Noel… damn,
So what other choices are there I left out? What choices does Bella make in Eclipse? Did she make any wrong decisions in your opinion?
A message from Forum mod & LTT friend: Emmyloowho:
Did you start the Big Loser challenge in January ans slack off? it’s okay, so did I… Guess what? We’re doing it again, we’ve come up with a few changes in tasks that didn’t quite work and we’re switching up the wild cards. It’s all about fun, making friends and supporting each other in the challenges that real life faces. You get a point for doing things you do normally… or somethings you should do but might need to do better…
If you want to join in, post a message in the big loser thread in the Flat. We’re starting April 5th and we’ll be going until the Eclipse premiere…
Are you in?
Filed under: Bella, Eclipse, Edward, Jacob, Twilight | Tagged: Andy Bernard, Backstreet Boys, Batman, Bella, Ben, Charlie, Dwight Schrute, Eclipse, Eclipse poster, Edward, Felicity, Hanson, In-N-Out, Jack, Jacob, Jonas Brothers, Justin Beiber, Justin Timberlake, lost, Micheal K, Noel, Nonsten, NSYNC, Perez, Rob, Robert Pattinson, Robsten, Ryan, Sawyer, Seth, Superman, the oc |