Eclipse – The Choice is pretty simple… maybe

Vanilla or Chocolate, PC vs Mac - It all begins with a choice!

Dear Eclipse Poster Designer and Marketers,

I have to commend on the new Eclipse poster… the darker colors, the NSYNC circa ’01 denim jacket (read this if you love NSYNC), Edward’s creepy dead-eye stare, Bella’s cocked eyebrow (kiss me!), and then I looked down and saw your tag line:

“It All Begins… With a Choice”

And I thought WTF? A choice? She will never choose Jacob, we know that, otherwise Bella would have told Edward to go ef himself when he came back to Forks and would have made out with Jacob in that little garage, instead of drinking warm soda while she fixated on his rippling muscles. So THAT can’t be the choice, it’s gotta be something else, right? But what? So I came up with a list of the only plausible things she could be choosing from…

“It All Begins… With a Choice”

• V-Neck vs Crew Neck – A peek of Edwards chest hair vs highlighting Jacob’s man boobs?

• Pancake makeup vs Bronzer – Deathly pallor of the undead or the deep tan of spending summers at the La Push beach

• Harry’s Famous Fish Fry vs Spaghetti – What will Bella make for Charlie’s dinner? Some of that famous fish fry and be forced to listen to another story about “the big one that got away” or the same dinner she always makes Charlie: Spaghetti.

• To let Alice pick your clothes or wear the khaki skirt/blue shirt again – Does anyone want to chance the wrath of the fashion obsessed Alice? And really what is so great about the darn blue shirt paired with the floor length Amish skirt? Why Bella resists, I’ll never know.

what about these…

• Paper vs Plastic – Neither you earth haters, get your reusable bag on, people!

Ain't no lie baby, Bye Bye Bye!

• NSYNC vs Backstreet Boys – If you say anything besides NSYNC I don’t know you

• Jonas Brothers vs Hanson Brothers – Which brothers do it for you? Short, brunette- Jew-fro-d-Christian-purity-ring-wearing-brothers or blond-girly-haired-Christian brothers-from-Oklahoma?

• Dwight Schrute vs Andy Bernard – How could Angela choose between the Assistant to the Region Manager of Dunder Mifflin or the man who sings “Take a chance on me” barbershop style on speakerphone?

Follow the cut to see what other choices they could possibly mean

The music Stephenie Meyer REALLY listened to when writing Twilight

You know when you’re PMSing and everything is going wrong? Your thighs feel huge (might be the Ben & Jerry’s you finished off in 2 nights), your face breaks out like you’re in 7th grade, you cry when you can’t get your spreadsheet to look right at work and you’re suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that your life hasn’t turned out the way you thought it would back when you were growing up. And all you want to do is listen to music that reminds you of a simpler time? And cry? And eat more Ben & Jerry’s? Well, this explains posting the following fan letter* PS: I had no intention of finding Twilight-related videos to go along with it, I was going to post the original videos, but turns out Twilight fans have put Bella & Edward images & video to EVERY SONG ON THE PLANET:

Dear Stephenie,

Hi. I wanna just talk a little bit about your playlists on your website. They are filled with this awesome, rock-out music. (well…except for that Right Said Fred you have thrown in. That was a nice addition.) But, you see, I think you’re just trying to trick us. Because I think of totally other songs when I think about Twilight. I now present you with what I think you were actually listening to when you wrote this lovely series:

1) “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears.

This is obviously the song you were listening to when you wrote that drama between Jacob and Bella. Bella was playing with his heart the whole time. She got lost in the game. She made them believe they’re more than just friends. Oops, he thinks she’s in love. That she’s sent from aboooooooooove. Well, she’s not that innocent. (ok, I might have went too far there..)

2) “The Hardest Thing” by 98 Degrees.

This goes where Ed makes that bad call and leaves in New Moon. Because the WHOLE refrain of this song is about how the dude has to leave the chick and how he has to lie and tell her he doesn’t love her. Well, hello, that dude is Edward Cullen. And the chick is Bella Swan. Plus, he really is “the hardest thing” (that’s what she said…)

3) “The One” by The Backstreet Boys.

This one is for Jake. Because, while Bella may be playin with his heart and all, Jake was still willing to be the one who will make all her sorrows undone. The light when she feels like there’s nowhere to run.

4) “As Long As You Love Me” by The Backstreet Boys.

This song is for Bella’s craziness. She didn’t care who he was, what he did, where he’s from, as long as he loved her.

Last, but not least,

5) “All I Have to Give” by The Backstreet Boys.

I feel like if Twilight was a musical, this would be the song Jake sings to try to win Bella’s heart. Because he doesn’t know what Ed did to break her heart, but he’ll be there to make her smile. And he might not have a fancy car (like someone else we know…) but to get to her, he’d walk a thousand miles.

So there you go Stephenie. There’s what I really think you were jamming out to when you were writing. Don’t lie.

BSB still “rox my sox”,
cedvanhalen

After the jump, hear the song I danced to the night of my first open-mouthed, wet tongue, nasty kiss on the steps in front of my school IN PUBLIC:

Living Single in a Twilight Kind of World!

Dear LTT-er’s

On the heels of last weeks super successful Hardball:  Is Kristen Stewart pregnant? post, I’ve decided to tackle another subject close to my heart: Living single in a Twilight/Rob kind of world! Yup, free feel to sing that to the tune of the Living Single theme song. I feel like a good portion of our audience are mature adult women in relationships and I wanted to give a platform to the other side of the equation. What is is like to be a single adult lady and like a YA novel about Vampires? How has obsessing over Rob and other Twi stars affected their relationships and pursuit of life and boys? And most of all how in the crap will we meet Rob and have him fall madly in love with us? Cause after all that’s a possibility when you’re single!

So again I’ve gathered a panel of the brightest, smartest raddest ladies from the LTT/LTR family to participate in a Sex and the City style round table discussion (aka chat). Just imagine us in the coffee shop with our most awesomest shoes (you’ll see those, don’t worry!) sipping cocktails and dishing the dirt on everything from boys to friends to Twitter to Jonathan Brandis. Yup, we hit it all.

Welcome to Part One (yes we had to break it up there was so much good stuff!) of Living Single in a Twilight Kind of World *cue music*

Heels and a High Life that's the way Moon rolls

Moon: So ladies, just so you can introduce yourselves and let all those good viewers out there know who you are, I’ll start this how i start all my creepy online chats… A/S/L?
Moon: 26/female/los angeles… oh and send us tweetpics of your fabulous shoes while we chat…
Brooke: 29-F-Philly
chelsea: 24/F/Orange County
Calli: 25/f/Philly
janetrigs: 55/M/texas
aramisette: 28/F/Boston
janetrigs: Okay nooo
Brooke: oh Janet
janetrigs: 31/F/DC
freya: 34/Albuquerque
Brooke: Freya, you a man? didn’t want to tell us?
Moon: pre op?
janetrigs: She must totally be a man
freya: Sorry, 24/ALL WOMAN/Albuquerque
Moon: trannies living in a rob world!
freya: Dang–I just took my age down by ten years!
janetrigs: Trannies in Rob world seems NORMAL
chelsea: Pre or Post-op?

Freya likes booty with her heels

Single and Ready to Mingle?
Calli: i’m drinking disarono on the rocks
Brooke: That’s normal!
Moon: so are we all single or in some sort of relationship?
Calli: and i’ve got rootbeer vodka on the backburner
Moon: calli is classy. i want to be calli when i grow up
janetrigs: Rootbeer vodka!!
freya: Single.
Calli: single
aramisette: single
Brooke: Single
janetrigs: single, of course
chelsea: I prfer Unencumbered to single..
freya: “Unencumbered”–LOL
Moon: foot loose and fancy free!
aramisette: unencumbered is better. shows u don’t need a man
janetrigs: Well I’s divorced
janetrigs: Is that diff from single, I like to think NOOOO
Brooke: Janey has a wusband
Calli: i’m going to go with “suffering from limited options”
aramisette: u choose to be this way
janetrigs: Wasbands suck just so you know. But no kids thank the lord
Moon: couldnt match up to rob?
janetrigs: No one can Moon
janetrigs: No one is ever gonna match up to rob, that’s why I go for the drunk ones, closest to him I think
Moon: HAHAHA amen we’re getting there

Follow the cut to learn more about cover stories, batteries and which Rob is our favorite