Eclipse – The Choice is pretty simple… maybe

Vanilla or Chocolate, PC vs Mac - It all begins with a choice!

Dear Eclipse Poster Designer and Marketers,

I have to commend on the new Eclipse poster… the darker colors, the NSYNC circa ’01 denim jacket (read this if you love NSYNC), Edward’s creepy dead-eye stare, Bella’s cocked eyebrow (kiss me!), and then I looked down and saw your tag line:

“It All Begins… With a Choice”

And I thought WTF? A choice? She will never choose Jacob, we know that, otherwise Bella would have told Edward to go ef himself when he came back to Forks and would have made out with Jacob in that little garage, instead of drinking warm soda while she fixated on his rippling muscles. So THAT can’t be the choice, it’s gotta be something else, right? But what? So I came up with a list of the only plausible things she could be choosing from…

“It All Begins… With a Choice”

  • V-Neck vs Crew Neck – A peek of Edwards chest hair vs highlighting Jacob’s man boobs?
  • Pancake makeup vs Bronzer – Deathly pallor of the undead or the deep tan of spending summers at the La Push beach
  • Harry’s Famous Fish Fry vs Spaghetti – What will Bella make for Charlie’s dinner? Some of that famous fish fry and be forced to listen to another story about “the big one that got away” or the same dinner she always makes Charlie: Spaghetti.
  • To let Alice pick your clothes or wear the khaki skirt/blue shirt again – Does anyone want to chance the wrath of the fashion obsessed Alice? And really what is so great about the darn blue shirt paired with the floor length Amish skirt? Why Bella resists, I’ll never know.

what about these…

  • Paper vs Plastic – Neither you earth haters, get your reusable bag on, people!

Ain't no lie baby, Bye Bye Bye!

  • NSYNC vs Backstreet Boys – If you say anything besides NSYNC I don’t know you
  • Jonas Brothers vs Hanson Brothers – Which brothers do it for you? Short, brunette- Jew-fro-d-Christian-purity-ring-wearing-brothers or blond-girly-haired-Christian brothers-from-Oklahoma?
  • Dwight Schrute vs Andy Bernard – How could Angela choose between the Assistant to the Region Manager of Dunder Mifflin or the man who sings “Take a chance on me” barbershop style on speakerphone?

Follow the cut to see what other choices they could possibly mean

  • Robsten vs Nonsten – Don’t start

New wall paper, new shoe leather, a new way home, I don't remember. New version of you I need a new version of me!

  • Ben vs Noel – The hot guy on the swim team you followed to NYU or the nerdy graphic designer RA on your dorm floor?
  • The Double-Double vs The Big Mac – Is this even a question?
  • Dawson vs Pacey – The Forehead or The Mighty Duck
  • Jack vs Sawyer – Since I don’t watch Lost I had to ask my roommate who the big choice was in Lost and this is who she said. So Lost girls, tell me about the choice between Jack and Sawyer.
  • Timberlake vs Beiber – The Justin who makes panties drop, grown ass women swoon and brings it on in to Omletteville or The Justin that awakens unknown feelings in prepubescent girls?

Welcome to the OC, bitch!

  • Ryan vs Seth – The hooligan from the wrong side of tracks in Chino or the nerdy boy who quotes Death Cab and names his sailboat after his crush?
  • Perez vs Micheal K – A queen blogger who draws penis’s on celebrity pictures or the best gay in the gossip blogging business?
  • Good  vs The Dark Side – You could use the force for good or for evil. It’s your choice. But I will say the Dark Side you can choke a man just by thinking about it and you might also have a bionic arm.
  • Superman vs Batman – Nerdy reporter from Smallville, Kansas who moonlights as super hero in Metropolis or rich playboy Bruce Wayne from Gotham City (edit, sorry i was up late)

and finally…

Boom, roasted!

  • Edward vs Jacob – This is obviously the choice you want us to make, Eclipse Poster designer and Eclipse Marketers but we know what happens, we know she will never choose Jacob and we know Jacob ends up with their crazy child spawn so you see your poster design is flawed because there was never a choice to begin with.But the V-Neck vs Crew Neck… that’s a choice for the ages.

Team Noel…no wait, Ben… no wait Noel… damn,

So what other choices are there I left out? What choices does Bella make in Eclipse? Did she make any wrong decisions in your opinion?

Special Note:

A message from Forum mod & LTT friend: Emmyloowho:

Hey LTTers

Did you start the Big Loser challenge in January ans slack off? it’s okay, so did I… Guess what? We’re doing it again, we’ve come up with a few changes in tasks that didn’t quite work and we’re switching up the wild cards. It’s all about fun, making friends and supporting each other in the challenges that real life faces. You get a point for doing things you do normally… or somethings you should do but might need to do better…

If you want to join in, post a message in the big loser thread in the Flat. We’re starting April 5th and we’ll be going until the Eclipse premiere…

Are you in?

The LTT Biggest Loser on The Forum

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

190 Responses

  1. Hilar post! It’s like you know me.

    Ben vs. Noel?
    Jack vs. Sawyer?
    Superman vs. Batman?

    Dude, this is like choosing between UC vs. Moon — IT CAN’T BE DONE!

    (Except I would totes pick Ben over Noel. That is all.)

  2. LOVE random Hanson mentions.
    Makes my day, girls.

  3. Don’t know if this has been seen by members here or not yet, but these comment threads (courtesy of the legendary Cleolinda’s Livejournal) are pure dazzle and sparklepire and are awesome…. 🙂

    Check them out, seriously. Funny and great! 🙂

  4. Oh… and N*SYNC, Timberlake, Dark Side, spaghetti, and Batman all the way! 🙂

    And maybe I missed it, like… totally, but I can’t believe you didn’t link or post this!


  5. Ok, I totally had to comment on the superman vs. Batman. As a comicbook fiend, I am Team Marvel, not team DC. Superman and Batman are both DC. The better team vs. would be Batman vs. Iron man. Both super rich. Both have the “superpower” of having lots of gadgets and using science.
    Iron just does it better. Batman is WAAAY too emo for me.

    I’m also team Hanson 🙂 Still a huge fan. Their last CD, The Walk was amazing.

    As for Lost, Team Jack, but as a matchup for Kate? Team Sawyer.
    I also agree that the Eclipse poster was supposed to mean become a vamp, or don’t.

    • ohhh jamie i think you may be the font & white yorkie’s new favorite commenter… keep talking comic books and we’ll be calling you next

  6. Pepperoni Hotpockets v Philly Cheese-steak Hotpockets

    button fly vs zipper fly

    panties vs commando

    I always thought that guy-on-top was a poor decision for E&B, since girl-on-top gives her more control, but I guess since they are virgins they stuck with missionary. I also thought the sex bargaining was f**k up. Sex should not be a bargaining tool in a relationship.

  7. Just when I think I’m too old for this shiz you pull me back in (yes, I know those are from different movies). But I’m glad you gave me the opportunity to say this once more after so long: BACKSTREET BOYS FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

    And also…team Pacey, team Sayid, team Jonas, team we-don't-care-about-bree-give-us-midnight-sun !

  8. oh my goodness, this post just made my day. no joke.

    first of all, the NSYNC comments were wonderful and anyone who wouldn’t choose NSYNC needs to get schooled.

    also, the concept of this movie is freakin’ me out already. BELLA NEVER NEEDED TO MAKE A CHOICE, BECAUSE JACOB IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE AND SHE WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO CONSIDER HIM. also, he’s a terrible person.

    however, it’s pretty clear by now that the creators of this movie want to amplify the conflict…which, in case you didn’t notice, i do not appreciate. jacob sucks. wake up, people.

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