Breaking it down: Eclipse Sneak peek, threesomes, S&M workouts and Chippendales

Dear Eclipse Sneak Peek,

You’re just TOO good, too full of lol’s and wtf’s for us to let you pass by without breaking it down. All 5+ minutes. Yup, we’re breaking down the Eclipse sneak peek and away we go…

Moon: ok  here it is!

UC: let’s mother effing DO THIS
Moon: Wait, DUDE the little chocolatiers promo AGAIN!i love it.ok, I’m ready
UC: DAMN RILEY IS HOT
Moon: dude im so glad they got someone on etsy to make the clacker thingy that marks in the time for a scene
UC: aww david slade- so small, gay… short..
Moon: ps same cinematopgrapher as NM just saw that. so there will be SOME sort of continuity


UC: KELLAN HAS MAN BOOBS, I stopped it ON HIS BIG ASS BOOBS that are bigger than mine
Moon: THERES SO MUCH What, where are the boobs!?
UC: Haha he stands up like 29/30 major boobage
Moon: why is kellan wearing an off the shoulder top?
UC: I HAVE THAT SHIRT
Moon: like he took his sweatshirt and cut off the neckband
UC: he was at an 80s party earlier that day
Moon: he should be jazzercising or getting “physical” with Olivia Newton John and not kicking nomad vampire ass
UC: he needs a bra
Moon: you think he does that exercise from Judy Blume novels? “i must i must i must increase my bust” at night since like vampires dont sleep and he has nothing else to do
UC: yes, and it works but not for me. He has a perfect woman. with a big bust herself and he’s jealous she’s not always there… for him to caress the chest so … he grew his own
Moon: hahaha he can feel himself up
c

wait, Victoria's after BELLA?!

Moon: i just want to hear xaviers voice again. he better have a big part in the press for this
UC: um i think he will. look at his face it’s hot
UC: okay… this is seriously beating a dead horse…poor horse…but can we once and for all get it out of our system and LAMENT over Kristen’s awful wig?
Moon: HAHAHA and bryce’s while we’re at it. I feel bad she had to do an interview wearing it
Moon: at 38 she and david slade are having the most intense staring contest. i bet she won
UC: i THINK that Taylor just found out WHY victoria is upset he’s like…. “Bella is the reason that victoria is mad. SHe basically KILLED james” he had like a lightbulb go off in this interview..
Moon: he’s like DUDE thats why??!! and he turns around to ask kristen off camera and shes like DUH, haven’t you read this crap yet? So they cut to her and Kristen’s has to explain it
UC: nope- he’s too busy with his ka-rah-tay to have actually read the books
c
Follow the cut for threesomes, Rob running on the hampster wheel and the REAL story behind Eclipse

Hmmm is that moose I smell?

UC: and at :51…dun dun DUNNNNNN we have a TENT which is so much less romantic with a big ass camera in it
Moon: wait the TENT?! i didnt see it lemme find
UC: what else can it be? it looks open air in the shot before it
Moon: OHHHHHHHHHHH during the day?!
UC: IT IS the shoot to the top of the cliff then IN the tent
Moon: thats a huge ass tent
UC: well, they brought their camera crew they are making a documentary “How to get both guys and not look like a jerk” “How to have your cake and eat it too- the story of a bitchy, whiney girl and the two men who love her for some reason”
Moon: wait inside the tent is a Moroccan lamp?
UC: for ambiance- Alice probably decorated it
Moon: they’re awfully fancy for a little threesome
UC: Beller probably has some sexy lingere too made from Moose- got it with her discount at the Newton’s outfiter
Moon: jacob and edward wanted to make her first threesome special
UC: that’s why the introduced a little Morocco to the mix
Moon: he probably brought some candles and some “sensual oils” the flavor was “wild moose”
UC: bottled by Emmett on a recent hunting trip
UC: also… the music for this sneak peek- with it’s middle eastern feel, is from that night
Moon: exactly. Sexy music. But imagine her surprise when they douse her in animal blood
UC: and lick her
Moon: memorable to say the least
UC: and nibble
Moon: and they just rip her arm off cause they forgot
c


Moon: we see leah! in uggs and jorts! girls keeping it reaaaal!
UC: hahahahhaha yes she ISSSS awww it’s sam & what’s her face at 53  and omg.. is that BIG DADDY in the background!? if not it’s BIG GAFFER!! does Big Daddy get a cameo role?
Moon: DUDE!!! is he gonna be one of the tribal leaders in the story hour around the campfire scene?!
UC: yep
Moon: he’s gonna talk about how the white man built the first mcdonalds on sacred ground and thats why he now considers all mcdonalds to be sacred.sam is obviously telling emily that the filet o fish is the most sacred of all of them
UC: she’s like “more than muffins?”
c


Moon: oh poor BDH that wig is AWFUL. i love when she starts necking with xavier/riley cause we’d all do that regardless if we were crazy vampires or not

c

ROBSTEN! Me want Robsten!!!

Moon: oh the newborns and riley moving the wood log
UC: yes i am there
Moon: 115 do you think thats how the cast sees twihards?
UC: haha how? like big wood logs?
Moon: HAHA No, coming towards them all blood thirty and crazed looking
UC: hahahhaha yes- this whole movie is just a representation of Robsten fans- the lust of Robsten fans
Moon: HAHAHAHA oh my god like 99% women and 1% confused husbands
UC: their leader- Victoria… TED C??
Moon: victoria/ted c is out for vengeance since rob turned him down at a gay bar one time
UC: They all just want a peek inside of the tent. They just want to know if their love making is what they think it is beautiful, with moroccan music, moose scents on a deer skin rug
Moon: Ted C is going to take Robsten down by writing posts that aren’t particularly interesting or true gossip about them at parties and press events but gets the Robstens and Nonsteners going. He does that as his revenge for Rob turning him down.
c


Moon: 136 is a shot from the tent morrocan porno, david: “yea thats really nice there…zoom in on the moose sensual oils”
UC: is david slade on a stool? he is SO small is he a little person?
Moon: yea he’s on a step ladder he carries around the one from “little people big world” with the steps and the handle
C

Come to me my children, all who are lost... I will show you the way!

UC: okay MIKE NEWTON at 145
#1- does he have hair plugs
#2- like… can he BE more stereotypical (said like Ross from friends)
Moon:wtf is mike a missionary? Converting the vampires and werewolves to jesus?
UC: nope converting Robsten fans to Robsly fans Or… Welchsten fans
Moon: YES he’s going door to door converting robsten fans he’s telling them about the prophet ted c and all his “visions”
UC: or just walking around the side of the Newton Outfitters building .. were they are busy spray painting “ROBSTEN LIVES” and converting them there on the spot
c

Moon: smeyers totally just gave the political answer about directors fyi
UC: Yes. Stephenie doesnt get Daivd Slade or Chris Weitz “Each experience has been great” aka : I only liked Catherine
Moon: no, I think she defs wrote some fanfic about chris. He’s no NACHO, but it gave her some fodder for a good one shot
UC: Each different director “a whole different feeling”especially chris- CHris brings a WHOLEEEEEEEE different feeling
Moon: whole different feeling in her pants
UC: you’re right. the DILF is no Nacho
Moon: nacho is a silver fox a la anderson cooper style
UC: yes- like anderson cooper but gay
UC: i mean straight
Moon: HAHAHAHAA
c

I'm dark, you see this laser pointer? It means I'm dark! Cue the metal music!

UC: he’s a dark director- cue hardcore music
Moon: mike welch is SUPER on point and keeps saying DARKER!
UC: he’s making sure the editing guys really know when to cue metallica
Moon: and then cut to “craaAzzZyy” david shots now he’s punching girls on set he’s SOOO dark
UC: Wait- Ashley says the movie has a “Realistic” level? Really, Ash? really? Vampires? attacking a small town in oregon? realistic?
Moon: HAHA SUPER realistic just like her life in LA kicking ass in open fields with dudes wearing wigs
c

Carlisle has left the building!

Moon: OMG stop at 235 look at Carlisle’s hair!
UC: carlisle’s hair. WTF!???
Moon: carlisle blond elvis bouffant at 235 is SO ridiculous
UC: SO redic
Moon: he needs to break out into houndog or something or fools rush in
UC: haha i’m DYING
Moon: cause they gotta be a little stupid to be fighting crazy blood thirty vampires
UC: then beller with the worst wig ever
Moon: like a cone of hair they must be using a bump it from his bangs
UC: they totally are and straight BLEACH for the color
Moon: how else could you get that height?he is NOT a good blond none of these people are
UC: height from prayer from Michael Welch? he laid hands on his hair? after a successful day of converting a few Robsten fans?
Moon: mike welch performs miracles. one being volumizing hair
c


Moon: OMG rob on the hampster wheel! STOP
UC: aha rob exercising!
Moon: why is there not a ciggie hanging out of his mouth
UC: and why is that HOT?
Moon: SEROUSLY!
UC: he’s in his beanie and he looks HOT!
Moon: he looks crazy and im like wow hes kinda hot
UC: ROB LOOKS HOT EXERCISING!? who knew!??
Moon: you know he KNEW the camera was on him so he was like “suck it up pattinson, run like a normal man” in your beanie, black socks and bondage gear
UC: he probably has those holey jeans on too- you know he did- but they made him take kellan’s shorts..just for the shot so the insurance company wouldn’t know they don’t follow proper exercise procedure
Moon: put on these basketball shorts rob and put this bondage harness on so the straps go over your peen. It was actually Tarasueme (of The Sub/The Dom fame) who was his trainer he just didnt know he wasnt supposed to be wearing a harness while running or that whipping him while lifting weights wasnt normal. he’s gonna be awfully embarrassed when he signs up at 24 hr fitness
UC: good one
Moon: and asks who will be using the flogger on him during his lunges
UC: and if he’s allowed to relive himself later that night or if that waits until day 3 of the gym
Moon: and then we’ll get the inevitable gossip piece on him being a kinky guy and the source is from golds gym
UC: “who is in charge of my ejaculation schedule?” he asks at the front desk
Moon: and the front desk girl faints he just thinks we’re super hardcore about working out in the US
UC: he calls everyone master
Moon :YES master im done with the free weights
UC: Yes Master That was 20 spankings. 12 more please?
Moon: the juice head guy waiting for the lat machine totally freaked out when Rob told him this: May i do 10 more reps please, master? i dont feel the burn enough yet
c

Ain't no lie baby, bye bye bye!!

Moon: whats that dirt flying up when kellan falls back
UC: ” You have a lot of action. And that’s what us guys love. Well, not me. Cuz I’m pretty gay here with my 1987 haircut and my girlie voice. but other guys, other  guys I hear love this stuff!”
Moon:dude the ringer and the ceasar cut he’s SO 1998 right now he’s a “making the band” reject. tell him the meaning of being lonely, people!
c

Omg, it really IS a love story! Baby, just say yes!

UC: There’s a teeny bopper throwing grapes in Taylor’s mouth. he probably tells her some story about nights making out with Taylor swift everytime she gets one in. she’s a major swiftner fan- the cinematographer’s daughter brought on set so it looks like Taylor has a friend
Moon: i would be too! “Taylor, tell me about how she played the guitar while you ate meat patties!”
UC: “not until you get another 3 in “
Moon: TWSS
UC: Aww.. friendship
c


UC: they have Bellers sweatshirt blurred. i wonder what it says: Robsten Lives? “You are all fucking crazy?” “Switch to Welchsten”
Moon: It says Robsten Sucks! she got that one sweatshirt at cafepress and crossed out shipper

c

UC: at 3:35… she’s in a ‘boyfriend’ shirt that probably isn’t from her boyfriend but instead from the lesbian section at gap
Moon: YES she looks like the awkward neighborhood tomboy at the jr high graduation she has the long khaki skirt on with that and she wears flip flips with it
UC: at first they had Edwad in the sleeveless white buttonup but … he outshone Beller he looked hotter than Beller so… they put him in a Seth Cohen knock- off
Moon: too bad she didnt talk about death cab here like Sethela
Moon: Edward looked too Chippendales in the sleeveless shirt and she looked jr high
UC: not good for the pg-13 rating
Moon: especially when taylor asked if he could join the chippendales routine and then kellan joined in
UC: Got a little Gay literally- David Slade joined after that
Moon: Eclipse LIVE at the tool shack! (aka jacobs garage)

c

UC: at 3:54/55 beller says “I’m totally in love with my best friend. But just not as much as my true love…… (pause- big dramatic mother effing pause. cue Robsten fan freak out. OMG SHE IS GOING TO SAY ROB. SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT.) “who obviously is Edward”
Moon: ITS ROOOBBBB!!!aaaaahhhhh and then they break the computer from hugging it so hard
UC: and Mike Welch cries tears of compassion at the lost souls
Moon: he has a heart for robsteners
c

WWBD? What will Bella do?

Moon: BDH is so freaking deep about this stuff
UC: i know
Moon: “will she lose her life or will she lose her life” MOOHAHAHAH
UC: i love how the only one capable of really capturing the essence of the film & explaining it well is the new girl
c


Moon: i love that at the end it’s is all super intense and the images are flying and the music is pounding and then at 5:00 we see a tractor lifting a tree stump. And we learn that Eclipse is really about the deforestation of the pacific northwest NOT about vampires and werewolves making a pack to help save Bella together. It’s actually an environmental piece and it’s been all cleverly hidden in a movie with hot young actors. CONSPIRACY!

Save the earth! Watch Eclipse!
Moon and UC

So we know you all watched it, what’d you think?! What are you most looking forward to? Have you begun working out in bondage gear?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

About these ads

130 Responses

  1. “the story of a bitchy, whiney girl and the two men who love her for some reason.”

    That is the most awesome summary of the Twilight series I have ever heard!

  2. Oh man.
    Is that ridonkulously spoilery UC & Moon??
    Cos my purity ring is firmy in place. . .

    • Dammit Jayde! Why can’t I be strong like you?
      THAT’S IT. No more, no more until the damn movie comes out.

    • Stay strong, Jayde!! I haven’t watched the sneak peak, either, and so unfortunately, I can’t comment on this post or get my morning laugh. #TwiPure

      • Well I cheated just before New Moon came out and watched something. Defs NOT the break-up. Maybe the bday scene? Anywho. I’m staying pure on videos – trailers and still are ok. I mean, it’s too hard to avoid stills. Once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it, where as with a video you can press stop if you accidentally open it.

        Stay strong ladies!!!!

  3. Okay, um:
    – I have it bad for Charlie Bewley. And PFach for that matter.
    – Rob running is hot. I don’t get the whole Flippy nickname anymore – wasn’t that supposed to be because of the way he ran?
    – Watching Rob learn to fight… priceless.
    – I don’t like BDH as Victoria. I want Rachelle back.
    – I keep hearing people say that guy are gonna love this one; unless they already like the saga, they aren’t. They won’t just start liking Twilight because one movie has a few fights in it. I wish people would stop saying that.
    – I’m excited for June 30!

    • I don’t get the flippy either. He looked hot running. More please.

    • I know what you mean about Bewley! I was praying they’d use a cut from his interview in the piece… and then there he was twisting his head about and reveling in the fact that D-Slade is just as ADD and weird as he is.
      And yes about Rachelle! Every time BDH is on screen, I feel angry. Rachelle was just so rockin’ as Victoria! Grumble.

      • Bewley has a sexy voice. I’d forgotten until now.

  4. OMG…

    WIN WIN WIN to UC for saying “Beller”. I DIE laughing everytime Rob says that. WTH dude, her name is BELLA.

    This looks fabulous, well minus the crappy wigs and costumes.

    • Beller makes me laugh every. single. time.
      :-D

    • Unfortunately, with my accent, it makes me say “Beller”, but on occasion with effort I say “BellAH”, but once in a while say “Belly”.

  5. You had me at moose.

  6. “at the end it’s is all super intense and the images are flying and the music is pounding and then at 5:00 we see a tractor lifting a tree stump. And we learn that Eclipse is really about the deforestation of the pacific northwest ” Bahahaha!

    And Rob looks hot working out…I wonder how many days of painstaking work it took the choreographer to teach Rob how to run in a manly fashion like that.

    • I can’t get into Rob working out because he looks like he’s wearing a Victorian corset. Perhaps if he were in full drag I’d like it better? Or maybe I just my Rob lazy, greasy, smoking and reeking of stale liquor?

      • Yeah, what’s with the Victorian corset? I just laugh when I see Rob’s exercise outfit–the beanie, the corset, borrowed gym shorts from Kellan (don’t sniff them), black trouser socks?
        UC and Moon– B/D workout scenario FTW!

        • ………………I think I like the corset.

    • I was just going to comment on the same thing; about the deforestation… I loved that. Lmao!

      • Same!

      • Deforestation is a very big deal up here! Nice to see it getting some ‘press’.

        hahahahahahaha!

        • The wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business.

          • That shit is Tweed Serious.

          • Twi-nerd award!

  7. UC and Moon, you guys are seriously too good! I kept laughing like a crazy person while I read the entire post.
    Kellan’s manboobs? Bahaha….
    Also, Rob working out is HOTT! Even with that beanie and those black socks…
    I heart PFach, even with the ‘blond elvis bouffant’!
    Xavier Samuel is a total hottie! And his accent could rival Rob’s british one..
    Moon, you are too awesome to actually write ‘Bellar’ everytime! Oh Rob, the things you do…
    I know Bryce is like way too deep in this matter. “Will she give up her life or will she give up her life?” I don’t get the whole choice issue with Eclipse. She made the effin’ choice in the first book the moment she set her eyes on the Cullens!

    • True. And what choice? She got it all. Eternal life and youth, beauty, hot hubs, child, money, family, stylish sister and got to keep her best friend and hang out with her parents until they die. That’s what bothered me most when I finished the saga: there is no sacrafice whatsoever….

      • Alice, I couldn’t have put it better myself!

      • Ditto!

  8. There is so much win in here I don’t know where to start. Maybe we need to break down your break down. But if I take just one thing from today’s post, let it be “moose lingerie”.

    When Ashlice talked about “David Slade bringing it down to a realistic level” I thought it was a crack about his height.

    • A crack about his height! You made me spit my out my afternoon tea with laughter!

  9. Uhm, wtf is up with Carlisle’s accent? Is that how they spoke in England in the 1500’s? Why is it getting thicker with each movie?
    “Ah kind is nevah mohr physically powehful…”

    Also, thank you, Summit for turning Victoria into Raggedy Anne.

    • I noticed that with PFach too! It is getting thicker with each movie. Weird. I guess he forgot giving the interview where he talked about how Carlisle was English but had been in the US for so long and would have adapted his speaking… um, did that get too fangirl?

      • I just find it distracting because it doesn’t actually sound like an English accent to me. He just sounds like a jackass. Which is sad, because I love me some Carlisle AND some PFach. And if I squint really hard (until my eyes are closed) then his blonde pompadour doesn’t even bother me.

        • LOL, I agree. It’s starting to sound creepy and distracting. The one line that really gets me is in New Moon, the “yeaaahhhhs and yeaaahhhhs of praaahhhhhctice” – I cringe.

          • IKR?!

          • “yeaaahhhhs and yeaaahhhhs of praaahhhhhctice”!
            At first glance, I thought I was reading some fanfic where the character is getting some action…

          • aw! I love that line. Of all the moments in all the films, I think that is the only scene where one of the vampires actually looks somewhat like a vampire and not like a person with a bad wig, yellow colored contacts, and white clown make-up on.

          • oh don’t get me wrong, I really do love the scene.

            In fact I thought it was one where a vampire guy looks the hottest. (How does Beller just sit there…?!)

            However the line still makes me cringe.

            yeeeaaaahhhh.

        • OMG I’m in tears.. hahahahaha ‘blond pompadour’
          Seriously, what is up with hair people on these movies? Do they all get stoned out of their mind and have a little contest to see who can do the weirdest ‘do?

  10. BELLER! So win.
    I thought only New Yorkers added the “er” onto the end of names that end in “a”

    My entire family calls me Donner and my daughter is Rebeccer.

    I could barely breathe at Rob having Tarasueme as a trainer. I am litch-rally LOLing here!

    he’s gonna be awfully embarrassed when he signs up at 24 hr fitness
    “who is in charge of my ejaculation schedule?”

    The BEST!

    @JodieO- yeah I was wondering that too about Carlise’s strange English accent that comes and goes. Is the fact that he is from England even in the movies? Will the non-book reading viewers think P-Fach is just being pretentious?

    • I laughed so hard at the “ejaculation schedule”.
      As soon as they told him he’d been “taken advantage of” he’d look like this:

      http://robertpattinsonwho.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/robert-pattinson-mauling.jpg

      “What?! No more ejaculations every two to four hours??? Nooooooooo!”

    • Out of curiosity where in New England do they do that “er” at the end of words thing?

      I always thought it was a British thing. I have some British in-laws up here in Canada that add “er” to the end of words.

      • My family is from Long Island, NY and mostly just the older generation does it.

      • I don’t get it! How else is he supposed to say it?

  11. Rob does look hot running on that hamster wheel… Mmm… Yep, hot. I approve. ;)

  12. I never thought I would be reading a blog that contained the phrase “Rob’s ejaculation schedule”.

    I love you guys!

    • I know right?

      Epic win!

  13. Oh you guys have made me laugh big time.

    I wasn’t a big BDH fan and wanted Rachelle back but I watched the NM DVD last night and saw the deleted car scene with Rachelle and thought it was kind of blah. She didn’t have any of that crazy fire like in Twilight

    We need more Mike Welch

    • I seriously can’t get enough of Mike Welch/Newton. His scenes are my favorite in both Twilight and New Moon…”how you likin the rain” and “dude is weird” are some of the best lines, IMO

  14. I haven’t watched this yet. I know, I know BADFAN. Imma gonna watch it tonight, then read this post! GOODFAN.

    • I haven’t/can’t watch it yet either, but I went ahead and read the post because I just can’t resist a breakdown!

      It was funny enough, not having seen the video, can’t wait until my lunch break so I can watch and re-read.

  15. PFachs accent. Is he now doing more of a snobby Katherine Hepburn accent? Like the spoofs you see on SNL? Weird.

    So I completely forgot what I was gonna say so I’ll just go get on my bongage wear and take a run.

    • You said bong-age. That cracks me up – cackling like Beavis & Butthead here..

      • Haha! I did that just for you!

  16. 1. I volunteer to have the job as Taylor’s friend and throw grapes into his mouth all day. Is it a salaried position? Unionized?

    2. I can’t wait to go home and set up a morrocan lamp-filled tent in my living room, with a bear skin rug and some moose grease and wait for Bondageward to come over tonight.

    3. “I love how the only one capable of really capturing the essence of the film & explaining it well is the new girl” – thought the same thing. Too bad Bree had to die, she’s the smartest one there it seems.

  17. UC and Moon u rock!!! You guys are the best at breaking it down! I needed your post this morning! That and hot Rob running!

  18. I <3 you guys for continuously calling her Beller. I laugh every time Aro says "Beller is alive!" in NM.

    Who is Ted C? I'm confuzzled.

    Please excuse me while I spend another 20 minutes watching Rob run. Thanks for the crotch shot, camera dude! I hate that he's not out of breath…. he must have just started. This is why I don't run.

    • Ted C has a blog called the awful truth on E! online. He basically loves blogging about Rob and Kristen.

  19. Is it wrong of me to thing that Eclipse will be my favorite of the Twi movies because it looks like Rob will look so effing hot in it?

    • I’m excited for Eclipse in a way that I was not for NM.

      It looks like they might be able to top TW for Edward hotness.

      • Samesamesamesame!!!!!

        New Moon was my least-fave book, and eclipse my favourite. *ducks*

  20. Rob on the treadmill wasn’t bad, but him in fight training was beyond awkward and I did not find him attractive at all! So pansy, eep!

    Didn’t anyone else catch CW saying Rob runs like a girl and that’s why people were laughing during the future Bella-vamp scene in NM? HAHA

    • Really? C-Dubs said that he runs like a girl?Hahaha…Aw, poor Rob..

      “but him in fight training was beyond awkward and I did not find him attractive at all!”
      SO TRUE! Don’t forget he was wearing black socks and his beanie!

    • Yeah, it was the Easter dress for a 5-year-old that Vampella was wearing that had everyone laughing… not Rob’s running. Nice try, CDubs!
      And flats for a vampire? If I had superhuman reflexes and was never in pain I would wear 6 inch F Me heals all the freaking time for Edward.

      • Hey, Alice tried with Bella from the start!

    • Yes, C-DUB was definitely trying to pass the buck on that one…

      I’m just hoping that future scene was just some kinda of kinky vamp roll play… let’s pretend we’re on Little House on the Prairie and go!

      • Awww, poor Carrie fell down. Would that be Renesmee?

      • I was hoping it was so FAR into the future that turn of the century rural attire was back in fashion – you know, after the nuclear holocaust and the destruction of modern civilization and all that.

        And are people really watching Rob run? I thought everyone was trying to capture the minimal movement of the peen bounce.

        • Well now I am!

  21. WIN, WIN post!

    I was a good girl and watched the vid first. I knew that you would break down the hamster wheel. Beanie, bondage belts and black socks. I was feeling some major 2nd hand embarrassment. Sadly, if Rob had a ciggie hanging out of his mouth and holey jeans, I would’ve wanted to jump his bones right there on the wheel. Rob + shorts = FAIL

  22. I <3 when you girls break it down!

    Now where is this gym and how can I sign up for a membership?

  23. UC and Moon- you guys are awesome. I was laughing at everything you wrote! Seriously, watchin Rob learn to fight was hott! I always thought he was dorky and uncoordinated but he looked athletic to me. Maybe it was a stunt double?

  24. PFatch’s Elvis hair is SOOOOOOOOOOO hilarious. He better have a super slo-mo entrance in this movie too so we can admire it fully.

    Nice breakdown, I think Tiffanized is on to something with breaking down the breakdown. So much to love!

    • Ikr??
      I shouldnt even comment before there’s a breakdown of the breakdown.
      So much win. NACHO bwhahaha!

    • Yeah, a slo-mo, with PFach wearing a white jumpsuit with red sequins.

  25. Loved, loved, loved this post! I had to quietly crack up as my husband is inexplicably still home this morning.

    Just wanted to mention that with all the heinous wigs throughout the saga, I think they finally got Jasper’s hair looking decent.

    Also, Rob looks more like the Edward I imagine then in any of the other films. Can’t wait for this movie to come out!!

  26. They totally used The Bump It for Carlisle’s hair.

  27. 5 zillion cheers for Jasper’s new wig/hairdo! seriously, catfish has never looked better.

    Did anyone else rewind just to watch Taycob’s ripped back as he carries Beller through the woods to the Tent of Glory?!?!?!?

    • Tent of Glory…. I love this! “Palatial pad” methinks not.

      • I know – and it had better be all KINDS of glorious or I will demand years of my life back! Seriously – the tent scene basically epitomizes the pull of this whole thing.

        I knew I loved this whole thing from the first page of Twilight, but I IMPRINTED on it because of the tent scene – steel cables tie me to that scene and if it’s not everything it should be, then my world will be shattered, like Jacob’s heart and Riley’s body.

        • TBH when Beller started showing signs of pregnancy in Breaking Dawn I instantly thought back to the Tent Scene and wondered if Jacob’s ‘tent’ got a little too excited. Then my mind raced of possibilities: Would Edward divorce Beller for carrying Jacob’s baby even though they didn’t technically have sexy time… well she didn’t. How strange would it be to have a wolf-stinky baby?
          TREATY OVER
          This was before I knew male vampires could produce semen *roll eyes* that will lead to morning sickness within 3 days of conception.

          • We know he wouldn’t divorce her, ’cause that would make her unhappy, and we all know Edward won’t do anything that makes Beller unhappy.

          • But then she’d be all feeling guilty about cheating, even though Edward could read Jake’s mind when it went down. Hm, this is going into it too much.

        • Great Name!!

          Sounds like a band.

          Are you opening for Jesse and the Rippers at the Smash Club?

          • Yes! Let’s cross our fingers Uncle Jesse doesn’t get stuck in the wires this time as he is being lowered from the ceiling!

    • I’m not sure if you have commented on here before because sometimes I am oblivious, but love the Full House name!

      • ha thanks! I was just a lurker since last Spring, but I came out of the closet a couple months ago!

  28. May I just add that I’m fairly positive Jasper is restoring his bat level of hotness in this movie. I am so excited. Looks like he’s going to be back as my favorite and coolest character again.

    • I’m with you all the way! He looked all seriously hot in his fight scenes, probably from all the training he had before filming Avatar, which incidentally comes out around the same time as Eclipse.
      High hopes for the Civil War scenes. Can’t wait!

  29. I seriously wanna know what’s up w/ jasper’s hair??
    Why is it getting longer and uglyier?
    I thought vamps never change?
    Am I the only one bothered ? LoL

    And I can’t wait to see beller and jakeypoo and robbypoo :]

    • I’ve come to just block out Jasper’s hair. It’s like an automatic reflex whenever he’s on screen. I focus only on his face.

      • Anyone’s opinion on Rosalie’s hair @ 2.30?????

    • I think it looks better here than it ever has before. But maybe that’s just me.

    • It looks like a blond mop… not cool

  30. Every time I see Taylor catching grapes I say ‘good boy’ and then he does his back flips just like a good dog.

    • awww, everyone’s so mean to Taylor on here lately. It makes me want to hug him, first in an awkward-just-friends sort of way, then slowly my outstretched arms/hands will relax and sink into a full-fledged romantic hug.

      • I am SO with you on that one…After he did those flips I would be all “Oh man, you must be hot after that, here, let me help you with your robe…and those evil sweat pants…there – isn’t that better?” Yes, yes it is.

        • It is truly impressive that he can back flip in an open robe. Surely I would step on part of the robe and fall flat on my face before even getting off the ground. (Of course, that’s preferable to actually attempting to do a back flip and falling on my head.). And it’s impressive he can catch grapes that far away! Talk about eyesight!

          • I rubbishly love watching him do that. If I was there I’d be like ‘flip wolf-boy, flip’ & reward him with grapes. Maybe train him with a clicker to just flip any old time I feel like it…

        • Check your inbox DeeeeeJaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

      • Honestly don’t mean to be MEAN. It’s just my first instinct, can’t help it.

    • ROTFL!! ::wipes away tears::

  31. 7 lines into it and I spew the last bite of my last cookie all over my computer screen. Nice off the shoulder blouse, Kellan.

    • oh boo. i’d be so mad if i lost my last few cookie bites

  32. Bryce has taken over for Rachelle in more ways than one – Victoria and as the “serious” commentator for all the press interviews. “Will she give up her life … OR HER LIFE?” “WWBD?” “We could thrust back into darkness.” Really? She wears tweed for all Eclipse press. It’s SRS BSNS.

  33. I JUST DIED.
    “How to have your cake and eat it too- the story of a bitchy, whiney girl and the two men who love her for some reason”

    love you both more than Robsten.

    xoxoxoxxxxxoooooooo
    Ash

  34. Aaaaaaaaaaand back to Running Rob. Bless you for posting the gif here! So convenient.

  35. Anyone else get a little distracted by Rob’s sideburns in the sneak peek? Sometimes they were thick and bushy and sometimes a bit more tame…but I can’t stop staring at the sideburns!

    And his black socks while running on the hamster wheel are a fail for me. If I wanted to see a pale, athleticly (is that a word?!) awkward man run in short black socks, I could have watched my husband.

    • “Sometimes they were thick and bushy and sometimes a bit more tame” – TWSS

  36. WWBD is so catchy! i’ve been repeating it all day long. LOL

    • Yey! new twi tag line.

      Win!

  37. Is Rob wearing a Harley Quinn t-shirt? Is he a closet DC comics geek? That’s a dealbreaker. (c) Liz Lemon

    • WIN!

    • The Stoli shirt must have been in the shop.. getting re-sewn.

  38. Am I the only one who is, dare I say it, bothered that they didn’t put the names and jobs of the two people throwing grapes and footballs? Something like, “Young Gus Van Sant Lookalike, Camera Trainee and Football Tosser” and “French Braided Pigtails in Glasses, Production Assistant and Sometimes Grape Thrower”? (yeah, I said tosser)

    And why did the exclusive scene have the NM score in it?

  39. What’s with that Frolic Through the Woods vest that Rob’s wearing and his Mr. Darcy sideburns?

  40. Just love this,….all.

  41. “he needs to break out into houndog or something or fools rush in”

    I think I peed a little from laughing so hard at this post. THIS is the best you’ve ever done, breaking it down. I’m bookmarking this for when I need a laugh.

    I also love how you’ve taken to calling her Beller. I swear that’s what I heard Rob say.

  42. - Action Jackson…me likey!!!

    – So Riley’s not bad, but with all the other pretty, I really barely notice him.

    – Maybe it’s just me, but Kristin’s wig didn’t look so bad in many of the scenes, including her interview.

    – Haha, the grape and football throwing, as referenced by Jimmy Fallon during TayTay and KStew’s appearances, in action!

    – Loving that scene at the end and the carry-over of score music.

    – Last but not least:
    SQUEEEEEEEE! I’m totes excited now. The sleeping Twi-hard/love/obsession has been awakened once again. I can’t manage my expectations now. I’m having very high hopes for awesomeness.

  43. Seriously considering Team Riley!

  44. I’m SO SAD I’m getting to this post so late in the day! I love it to pieces.

    Can I just say that Rob, in his gym short and black trouser sock, running on that hamster wheel made my LIFE. So normal. I will watch that gif for years to come (I hope).

    And this: “And we learn that Eclipse is really about the deforestation of the pacific northwest NOT about vampires and werewolves…” is amazing. <3

  45. I’m still cracking up over mental images of Rob asking fitness center receptionists about their flogging-while-lunging practices. That’s not normal?? LMAO

    Another triumphant breakdown ladies, keep up the great work!

  46. Oh how I want to change my screen name to: Kellen’s_Man_Boobs.

    I lost it at “….. the lesbian section at the Gap”.
    -now how do I get rice out of my keyboard?

    Loved this BD!

  47. “How to get both guys and not look like a jerk” “How to have your cake and eat it too- the story of a bitchy, whiney girl and the two men who love her for some reason”

    WORD.

  48. Why is it Rob’s the only one wearing a corset? I think it’s so they can keep him from smashing his pretty face when he falls. Seriously. No one else was wearing one.

    I will be watching this repeatedly. And laughing my ass off reading “Beller!” And drooling in Charlie Bewley’s direction…

  49. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by letter2twilight: Are the Newborn vampires a metaphor for crazy Robsten-shippers? http://wp.me/pogYm-2fo

  50. love it!! but i gotta say….

    #2- like… can he BE more stereotypical (said like Ross from friends)

    …that was definitely Chandler’s line

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 158 other followers

%d bloggers like this: