Breaking it down: Eclipse Sneak peek, threesomes, S&M workouts and Chippendales

Dear Eclipse Sneak Peek,

You’re just TOO good, too full of lol’s and wtf’s for us to let you pass by without breaking it down. All 5+ minutes. Yup, we’re breaking down the Eclipse sneak peek and away we go…

Moon: ok  here it is!

UC: let’s mother effing DO THIS
Moon: Wait, DUDE the little chocolatiers promo AGAIN!i love it.ok, I’m ready
UC: DAMN RILEY IS HOT
Moon: dude im so glad they got someone on etsy to make the clacker thingy that marks in the time for a scene
UC: aww david slade- so small, gay… short..
Moon: ps same cinematopgrapher as NM just saw that. so there will be SOME sort of continuity


UC: KELLAN HAS MAN BOOBS, I stopped it ON HIS BIG ASS BOOBS that are bigger than mine
Moon: THERES SO MUCH What, where are the boobs!?
UC: Haha he stands up like 29/30 major boobage
Moon: why is kellan wearing an off the shoulder top?
UC: I HAVE THAT SHIRT
Moon: like he took his sweatshirt and cut off the neckband
UC: he was at an 80s party earlier that day
Moon: he should be jazzercising or getting “physical” with Olivia Newton John and not kicking nomad vampire ass
UC: he needs a bra
Moon: you think he does that exercise from Judy Blume novels? “i must i must i must increase my bust” at night since like vampires dont sleep and he has nothing else to do
UC: yes, and it works but not for me. He has a perfect woman. with a big bust herself and he’s jealous she’s not always there… for him to caress the chest so … he grew his own
Moon: hahaha he can feel himself up
c

wait, Victoria's after BELLA?!

Moon: i just want to hear xaviers voice again. he better have a big part in the press for this
UC: um i think he will. look at his face it’s hot
UC: okay… this is seriously beating a dead horse…poor horse…but can we once and for all get it out of our system and LAMENT over Kristen’s awful wig?
Moon: HAHAHA and bryce’s while we’re at it. I feel bad she had to do an interview wearing it
Moon: at 38 she and david slade are having the most intense staring contest. i bet she won
UC: i THINK that Taylor just found out WHY victoria is upset he’s like…. “Bella is the reason that victoria is mad. SHe basically KILLED james” he had like a lightbulb go off in this interview..
Moon: he’s like DUDE thats why??!! and he turns around to ask kristen off camera and shes like DUH, haven’t you read this crap yet? So they cut to her and Kristen’s has to explain it
UC: nope- he’s too busy with his ka-rah-tay to have actually read the books
c
Follow the cut for threesomes, Rob running on the hampster wheel and the REAL story behind Eclipse
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Time for a Newsdump: Everything NOT Twilight related aka Kellan shows us his Calvins!

Yo, it's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I'm gonna get mine so get yours, I wanna see sweat comin' out ya pores!

Dear LTT-ers

I was just lamenting (yes it was quite sorrowful) on Twitter that there was simply NO news about Twilight out right now and that makes things awfully boring… but then I started researching and there’s TONS of non-Twilight specific news that our favorite friends are in… so let’s get to it!

  • The trailer for “The Runaways” comes out and I can’t help but think two things-  ONE: they look like little girls playing dress up and TWO: I hope Dakota gets to punch someone


Che-Che-Che-Cherry BOMB!!!

Wait, this isn't the Maxim cover shoot!

  • This is the prom dress you see on the rack at Goodwill and think, dude that would be perfect for my prom scene in “Can’t Buy Me Love” Halloween Costume (just right for doing the African Anteater dance in!)

Follow the cut for more news, less catfish, more abage for the cabbage and one special tatt00
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Peter Facinelli Appreciation Day!

peterinatinytie

Fat man in a little tie! (yea yea you're not fat!)

Dear Peter,

So a few weeks ago we started this whole “Appreciation Sunday” thing quite by accident but has turned out to be a fun way to spend a few minutes on a Sunday. Another happy accident is that we’ve been featuring the “dads” of Twilight for the last couple Sundays and by popular request YOU’VE been chosen to complete the hat trick of dads! So we’re here this Sunday to appreciate YOU, Peter Facinelli!
c

What we appreciate about YOU:
c

You are Mike Dexter!

As most of the folks here know Can’t Hardly Wait is one of my most favorite movies ever and when I found out last year that you would be playing Carlisle Cullen I couldn’t contain myself. I mean you played Mike Dexter the high school jock jerk who dumps AmanDUH and befriends William Licther (spoiler alert!) only to show his true jerk feelings the next day. For someone who seems like a nice dude you play a great d-bag! Mike Dexter you are a GOD!

Bonus Mike Dexter clip (cause I can’t help myself):

You’re one of our favorite DILF’s

familycrocstogetherstaystogether

The family that wears Crocs together stays together! (I'm just gonna assume this wasn't your idea)

You, much like Chris and Billy our one of our favorite DILF’s! You’re the dad to a gaggle of girls and that probably gives you a special understanding of this whole Twilight thing. You live with all ladies so you “get it” and we love ya for that! Oh an Jennie Garth is one lucky chickadee!

Follow the cut to keep appreciating Peter
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(Un)Motivated by Twilight

overdue

Click to see how bad I am at my job

Dear Twilight,

It’s no secret that I’m completely unmotivated at work. I can prove it. See this task list from my Outlook inbox? Yep- two of those reports are 32 weeks overdue. Yep. I’ve been hitting “snooze” on those report alerts every 5 minutes since March.

I blame you.

Okay to be fair, I’m only unmotivated at work. And when it comes to cleaning my house. And talking to my real life friends. And finding an amazing present & party idea for my husband’s 30th birthday next week. Ugh. Twilight… stop it! You’re ruining everything!

Although… IllegalWolfLover just sent us these Motivational posters she made. I think it’s just what I’m looking for. These will REALLY motivate me towards being a better worker, better cleaner, better wife & better friend. I’m printing them out and hanging them all over my office.  (I know, I know. You think I’m crazy. Like that picture of Ashley Greene is going motivate me to do anything but write my husband a letter saying, “Sorry. The time has come to confess. I no longer like boys.”) Do these motivate YOU to do anything other than doodle “22 days” and hearts all around “Swiftner” on your progress report due in 20 minutes?


poster26838831

poster83002775

poster30574579

poster39428871

poster39396512

poster95660811

What do you think? Am I gonna get any work done today? Or ever again?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

THANKS IllegalWolfLover for these awesome motivational posters! I hope everyone prints out at least one & covers their fanfic binder with it! And if you have any motivational poster ideas, send them in!

Discuss how unmotivated you are at The Forum
Find out where Rob has been over on LTR

How to be a fun celebrity

We're not fooled by your attempt at fun. Whistling does not count

We're not fooled by your attempt at fun. Whistling does not count

Dear Twilight cast members who are absolutely no fun (read: Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson),

What’s your problem? Can’t you have a little fun? Sure it’s annoying having people run after you so you can sign a book that you had absolutely no part in writing. And some fans (read: most fans) are absolutely crazy, but it’s your life. And it’s not going away. So why not laugh about it? Otherwise, you’re just going to be running away for forever. And while all that running may produce a kick-ass gluteus maximus, who needs tight buns when you’re just hiding away in a dark hotel room all day long? (if you’re doing something with those tight buns in the dark hotel room, that’s a different story…)

If you want to trade positions, I’m willing. (positions in life- I’m no longer talking about tight buns) I’d be such a fun celebrity.. like Fach- Peter Facinelli. That dude knows how to be a celebrity the right way. He joined twitter, started tweeting back & forth with fans and before you knew it, some dude he knows is in a bikini on the street in Hollywood! Peter’s a good time!

I’ve put together a list of ideas on how to be a fun celebrity. Take my advice & your life will be so much more joy-filled, less stressful and you’ll be able to show off that gluteus maximus in public, instead of hiding away in a hotel room.

  • Kellan, will you ask that pap to sign my book?

    Kellan, do you think that photographer would sign my book?

    When you’re running away from the paparazzi and you jump into a cab, kiss the cabbie.

  • Tired of people thinking you’re with so-and-so just because you were seen together near the used lingerie section of VanCity’s finest thrift store? Hold hands with your bodyguard. And skip. (if you’re feeling extra funny, slip your new, used panties over the bodyguard’s head)
  • Carry around a Twilight book and have one of your cast members sign it right in front of the paps. OR ask the paps to sign it.
  • Stop fearing the paps- LOVE on them. Carry around a notebook & write little messages for them. “I like it when you call me Big Papa” (tell Big Daddy Lautner about that- he’ll get a kick out of it) or ‘Breaking News! I’m a hermaphrodite” or something simple like “I love the paps.” If you’re not feeling up to risking ending up as the latest freak mentioned in the National Enquirer, write about a charity- “fightpovery.org”
  • Get an official twitter. You wouldn’t even have to tweet often. People would still write you every day and wait for you to say “Damn that steak was good” or “My dirty hair is starting to itch” (psst there is even a setting where you can turn OFF replies from people you don’t follow! Protection from the fangirls!) Plus you could tweet lies like “Headed to 100 monkeys tonight- Man i Love them!” and instead run back to that thrift store because you forgot to pick up matching flannel pajama pants.
  • Drunk Tweet. Billy Black Burke (that was not an intentional mistake) does it the best:

    Just sitting here in my hotel room with uncomfortable images of PFach and Lutz together in a tandem lotus position. mmmm, dreamy.

    What the…?

  • Kstache

    I love little boys, and Twitpic

  • Once you have a twitter, get yourself a Twitpic account. Photoshop yourself with a mustache. Or photoshop your co-stars with a mustache. Upload the pictures.
  • Be touchy-feely with fangirls. Well, the hot ones anyway. I happen to think Kellan should be a lil more choosy with the fans he loves on. Pick the hottest ones (we do exist), get a lil smooch and maybe, if you’re feeling dangerous, even a lil’ more. Or kiss your co-stars who don’t get enough attention. Have you SEEN Christian Serratos lately? Dang…..
  • Put it out there on Craigslist like this guy. Don’t be ashamed if you have a strong want for a gorgeous Asian boy. And even if you don’t want a gorgeous Asian boy, pretend that you do. Cause you know that some pap will reply to the ad and set-up a date with you so they can catch you and sell the story. But the joke will be on them. Dress up like a vampire (I hear you may know somewhere you can swipe some clothes & make-up), set up some candles & romantic music, get your video camera ready with a live feed to your tinychat for twitter and open the door and say “Mama taught me how to make you ‘meow’ ” The pap might not get  it, but we all will.

Stop being a sourpuss couple. Be FUN celebrities! Learn from Fach, Kellan, TayTay and whoever is 26 and looking for a lil’ gaysian lovin’ to pass the time!

Happy to help!
UnintendedChoice

Who are your fav fun Twi-lebrities?

Discuss who wants a gaysian lover on The Forum
See if Rob did anything funny over on LTR

Pic Source and Thanks to Fatima for mustache-Kristen!)

Happy Labor Day from the hot Twilight cast

Dear LTTers in countries other than the US,

Today is Labor Day in the United States. That means instead of working we’ll be stuffing ourselves with hot dogs and throwing up on volleyball courts. (Yes, just like Memorial Day and July 4th– we’re not very creative). For LTT and Moon & I, this means we let other people do the work for us (you may have noticed a trend all weekend long…… we started the celebration early!)

Again, the gals in Rob’s Flat daily chat in The Forum have given us the goods with a whole other slew of Twi-cast Porn:

robert pattinson film set 4 150609

daddy copy

freewilly

wolfpackpleasure

icanbeinnocent copy

happytrail

dontask copy

bbburn

dirty deeds copy

notmom copy

Daaaanngggg ladies!

Happy Labor Day from your lazy friends UC & Moon! We’ll be back in full force tomorrow! Promise!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Talk about your volleyball score on The Forum
See who did our work for us over on LTR

Twilight Dirt – All the news that’s fit to print

Do your Twitpics look THIS GOOD? David Slade's do

Do your Twitpics look THIS GOOD? David Slade's do

Dear LTT-ers and Twihards,

It’s about that time again, yup we need to do a news dump, since we can’t write letters regarding EVERY little news piece nor do you want to hear us TRY to wax poetic about Sarah Clarke’s suitcase. I tried. It doesn’t work. So let’s get to it…

XO
Moon

  • If you’re not following David Slade on Twitter you are missing out on some awesome shiz, like pictures of Taylor doing backflips and THIS DUDE! This is the guy you see in the mirror after you chant “Red Rum” into your bathroom mirror with the lights off at your 6th grade sleepover. Eclipse crew are SEXYtimes.
  • Are you ready to simultaneously pee your pants, puke into the DVD storage unit near your tv, scream like a 14 yr old girl and hyperventilate? Yea, we are too! The holy trinity (Rob, KStew and Taycob) will be premiering a new (read: legit) trailer at the MTV Music Video Awards. And yes, Russell Brand is hosting again, get your pitch forks ready.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

OMG, Eclipse is filming right now? Let's go work out some more!

OMG, Eclipse is filming right now? Let's go work out some more!

  • I’m beginning to think these biotches aren’t even in Eclipse, they’re just hanging out, walking through Vancouver with their hoods up, drinking smoothies and working out 23 hours a day. Seriously, who owns THAT MUCH workout gear?

MORE News after the cut!
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