David Slade Protection Program

I can’t tell you how much it pains me that it’s almost time to retire talk of the DILF (Don’t worry- We’re not done yet. I’ve still to watch the commentary) I’m really not ready to start discussing David Spade Slade. But the reality is, it’s his time to shine. So while I prepare some positive things to say about his short, hardcore-ness, let’s kick off letters to David Slade with the following fan letter:

Arrrgghh! I'm so hardcore

Dear LTT,

Per your request and my need to dig deep into my subconscious, I’m writing about my recent revelation of my odd protective nature of Mr. Slade. Maybe it’s because he’s just so little and I want to put him in my pocket and shield him from the world. But then, why do I need to protect a man who makes dark, scary movies (Mike Welch confirms) and brought the wrath of twilight nation upon himself when he so eloquently said he’d rather shoot himself in the head than watch Twilight?

I must confess that I’ve never judged him for that statement (I’m pretty much realistic and well aware of civilian stance on all matters of the Twi). All I thought is Eclipse is my favorite book of the saga and I want it dark and edgy. So, when I’ve seen trailers for his previous movies, I was confident about his direction of this one. Never once did I doubt him (well, that’s not entirely true, those weird code tweets made me wary of both his sanity and/or motives). And I’ve witnessed the doubt of the Twi-nation. The fear. Whilst, the only fear that I had was that they’ll make him bend to their will and make a mushy, colorful chick flick.

And I am still elbows deep in decoding his tweets. Are they cries for help? Are they insults to twi-fans? Are they eff you’s to Summit? Are they little people language? Are they secret conversing with Cougar Cathy? Or are they just landscape in tweet mode?

Sup fellow Libras!

And you know, lil’ Dave, bless him, is a Libra. And I am fiercely protective of my fellow Librans. They’re my people. So maybe I’m a little bias. So what? That’s another reason why I worry. Librans are generally indesicive and are inclined to diplomatic solutions in order to satisfy everyone around them. Is Dave a pushover? He did extend his invitation to that lady in the sneak peak to hit him in the head. I wish I had his natal chart on hand so that I can rest assure there are other planets that will even this out. I asked him via twitter to ring his mum and ask her the exact hour and minute of his birth but as of press time got no response.

My fear only increased when news broke about replacing his editor, the dude that worked with him on all of his movies. I saw red and thought: the a-holes of Summit are messing with my man, Dave. I will not allow that. They better let him do his dark thing. Another thought about his dark tendencies.. maybe it’s a defense mechanism. If people perceive him as this dark, scary director, no one will pick on him. Or maybe when the lighting is just right, his shadow appears much taller than he is. So, you see.. Eclipse has to be dark and scary, otherwise his reputation will shrink to his actual size.

So, my favorite twi-girls, what do you think? Do you think we should maybe make inspirational notes for Dave? A protection program? Do you think it’s a matter of horoscope loyalty? [Btw, I’ve always wondered why there has never been an in-depth sign profiling of the cast. That may or may not be the first thing I looked up when I became hooked. Did you know that Stew and Jackson are one of the most compatible ones? And while we’re at fun facts, did you know TomStu’s middle names are Sidney Jerome?]

Hugs & kisses,
Gizmo

Gizmo I did NOT know about TomStu’s middle names but the fact you did is…. well, That’s Normal!

What do you think? Are you worried about David Slade? Think he will be TOO dark for Eclipse? Think he will be just right? Are YOU protective of David Slade? Do you STILL accidentally call him David Spade like I do?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

95 Responses

  1. Yer … I’m not sure about him😐
    I was sure about CeeDuba either but now he is God.
    Sladey, however, I am still not convinced by.
    Maybe I’m just bias, since New Moon is my fave book? I dunno. All I can say is proposal better be spec-f*cking-tabular cos Chapter 20 Compromise is probably my fave chapter in the series. Oh and leg hitch – that shit better be GOOD.

    • My love or disgust of David Slade shall be decided by the inclusion or not of the leg hitch. A PROPER leg hitch.

      That is all.

      • Word.

      • Seriously, it is like this is all there is to be said on the matter.

      • Like a rotating camera shot of the leghitch like the Lykke Li scene… in slowmo…while Errol Brown starts singing ‘I believe in miracles… ‘?

        • That sounds about right to me. Though I’m not sure if the I believe in miracles is the proper foreshadow song for what’s to come in book 4.

  2. I don’t know how I feel about David Slade. I do love that it’s almost impossible to find a picture of him in which he is not giving the two-fingered salute. But, even though Hard Candy has been in my Netflix queue for about two years (I am the world’s worst Netflix user.), the only thing of his that I’ve actually seen is the STP video for “Sour Girl.” Scott Weiland never should have gotten clean, because No. 4 was terrible. And, don’t get me started on Shangri-La-Di-Da…

    ANYWAY, I think Eclipse will be fine. None of these movies is going to be great. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Twilight Saga, but even if Eclipse is mediocre, it’s not going to ruin anything for me. Team Low Expectations!

    • Team Low Expectations, holla!

      I’m totally right there with you. If I’m being completely honest, I haven’t actually given a crap about anything. I mean… it’s TWILIGHT, people. We know it’s ridiculous. We love it because it’s ridiculous. We can’t seriously expect miracles here? I mean… I didn’t really care all that much for New Moon but I still have every intention of buying it. Why? Because it’s Twilight. Pretty sure it could suck a big fat D and we’d all still find something to like about it… even if that something has to be making endless fun of it.

      I need help.

      • Count me in for TLE!!!

        Because if it does suck a big fat D, then we have more to write about and laugh about!! In fact, other than the inclusion of the leg hitch, I hope it DOES suck!!!! Wahhaahahhahahaa! Then it will take us years, YEARS to dissect it on LTT and we will all be friends for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever, ahhhh-men!!

        HeyyyyBrother, send me the name of your therapist, I am the one who needs help here….

        • Who says I have a therapist? I just said I need help, not that I’m getting it. Living life crazy is WAY more fun.

          • How about a half analyst, half therapist?

          • FTW!

            It wasn’t the pronunciation I was worried about…

    • The fact that he carries a murse contradicts the hard-coreness of the perpetual two-finger salute.

      Team Low Expectations, FTW!

      • Only MANLY men carry murses.

        • Oh, OK, that explains it.

        • It’s not a purse! It’s European!😉

          • I wonder if Rob has a murse.

          • Seinfeld?

          • And now I’m singing that song from the Legally Blonde musical.

          • So stylish and relaxed. Is he gay or European? I think his chest is waxed!

            Hahaha, I was quoting Seinfeld, but it all works!

    • I am with you re:Scott Weiland. Remember the STP video for “No Way Out”, the one that was made with fan videos and with a fan concert at the end? I’m in it! My friend and I are at the very end, we were two of the people around him while he is crowd surfing.
      So hot , very little, but so hot.

      See Hard Candy!

      • You are officially my new hero! *Runs to youtube* I’m so jealous!

  3. I’ve not seen any of Sladey’s work but I am in favor of a darker Eclipse so tread on Dave. But I have to say one of the more refreshing qualities of the DILF was the excitement and energy he puts off when being interviewed about NM. CDubs wanted to make an awesome movie that fit the book just as much as the fans wanted him to. I only hope DS feels the same way.

    • YES – The DILF is just the type of person you can’t help but like. Sladey however … he sends weird cryptic Tweets. I had really high expectations for NM and they were met. My expectations for Eclipse are sadly very low. Hell, I’m kinda more excited to get my NM DVD than to see Eclipse. Srsly.

  4. With all the talk of him being a dark director I can’t help but wonder what the entire series woul have been like if M. Night Shamalaumayan (it’s like Reneesseeme hard as eff to spell) had been the director.

  5. Gizmo, can you do those horoscope charts for the cast? That sounds interesting, and when you know things like TomStu’s middle names, I feel like you have so many more good facts to give!

    In regards to Sladey, I don’t have an feelings towards him as yet, I think he’s been pretty engaging with the fans through twitter and stuff, which DILF was not, but DILF seems like more of a people person, and more into the fans and the saga as whole. I guess we’ll see in the coming months how Sladey comes across. It will be interesting to see what Rob and KStew say about him, after they waxed lyrical about working with the DILF!

    Basically it comes down to Leghitch WIN vs Leghitch FAIL. We shall see…

    • I second this. You should totes do horoscope charts for the cast. That way all of us can figure out who we’d be best paired with, cuz that’s Normal too!
      You should include the directors as well.

      Me thinks this could provide much fodder for LTT.

    • Well of course I will make charts. In fact, they are already done. That’s why I’m a Nonsten. Their signs totally collide.

      • you rule.

  6. Without a doubt Sladey’s got a lot to live up to after CeeDubs brought it.
    But Eclipse is my fav of the series and I’m really (no, REALLY) hoping DSlade will bring the darkness of it to the big screen. Maybe not 30 Days of Night DARK (LOVE that movie), but Twi-dark. Like the darkness of an eclipse perhaps???? (Ok, that was just dumb).
    Anyway, I’ve got great expectations for DS and as far as I”m concerned “innocent until proven guilty” is in effect. If he delivers I’ll love him forever. If he blows it I’ll dump him like yesterday’s kitty litter.
    TWO FINGERS SALUTE, OI!

  7. I knew nothing about ol’ Sladey, so I watched 30 Days of Night the other day. That was some good creeptastic vampire action, but ain’t gonna fly for a PG13 movie about sparkly vamps. We’ll see. Here’s to expecting the worst and hoping for the best!

  8. I really don’t know anything about David Slade so this post has helped me be a little optimistic (no pun intended).

    I’m personally not into the whole dark/emo thing but not saying that it couldn’t work for Eclipse. And if David thinks that Twilight fans are lame (which is essentially what he said in the past), then maybe he tried to make the movie “rise above” all the crazy fangirls into something extraordinary… it remains to be seen.

    I think I’ll stay optimistic, thanks to your post for the help with that.

    As a disclaimer I am also a libra, don’t know what that means other than perhaps I am going to be loyal for that reason too. Even though I really don’t care much about horoscopes. On the other hand, however, it could be interesting to see the cast horoscope chart; if you do get around to doing that, please share.

    • “And if David thinks that Twilight fans are lame (which is essentially what he said in the past), then maybe he tried to make the movie “rise above” all the crazy fangirls into something extraordinary…” <— Good point OR. I hope so too.

    • I knew I liked you (you’re a libra, I’m a libra). 😉 lol

      I’m hoping too that he rises above. I think he will

      • It’s Libra day on LTT!

    • Hi fellow Libra! I’m glad I could help with the optimistic vibe. Don’t give up on our Dave just yet.

  9. Dear Gizmo,

    Great letter! I also feel like I was to hover of David and kick everyone who knocks him before Eclipse even surfaces. Eclipse is also my favorite. I would LOVE to see some R-Rated Slade-driven Cullen ravage the newborns! Then again, that is not very conducive to sparkles. Let’s hope Davey can get out from under Summit!

    xoxox,
    Katie

    • Exactly what is the Twi-Sci reason that makes them sparkle? Does anyone know?

      • Because… their skin is like marble? Or… Too much shimmer powder? (I love the kind that smells and tastes like marshmallows.)

        • because SMeyer is on acid.

          • This!!

            I think maybe it has something to do with their allure?? Some people do seem to be drawn to sparkly things, but use of hallucinogens surely increases the appeal.

          • I just figured it was because SMeyer likes diamonds?
            Or diamonique on QVC?

          • I never took this into account, but I think you’re hitting on something potentially solid there.

            @operarose, a diamond is forever, right, and being a vamp is a forever decision. Plus diamonds are the hardest gemstone, which rolls right along with their hard skin. But, I’m gonna stick with snowwhitedrifted on this one.

      • Crystalline cell structure? That smells like marshmallows?
        R-rated Cullen ravaging, yes, but more importantly, how about some R-rated leg hitching? Mr. Slade, are you listening? I know you’re still editing the damn thing, because of the late-in-the-game editor switch, so put some of that “extra” stuff back in that Stephenie made you take out.

        • AGREED!

          And I think the “R-rated leg hitching” could be included in the “Cullen ravaging”, ifyouknowwhatI’msayin’andIthinkyoudo.

          Btw, I love you for calling it “crystalline cell structure”. And yes, it smells, AND tastes like marshmallows: http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P49104&shouldPaginate=true&categoryId=3806

          • Thanks for that link. I’m now imagining the Cullens buying that shizz by the ton and spreading it all over themselves on a regular basis.

    • Thank you! I think things will change once the movie comes out. And I’m totally for R-Rating, which is not gonna happen but it should be pretty close.

  10. Mr Slade – I have seriously high expectations for Eclipse because lets face it, it’s our last chance for a really good Twi movie. Reasons being-

    1. Breaking Dawn I’m assuming will be done as a black comedy musical on Broadway. *clap clap* ‘Jazz hands people, jazz hands!’

    2.They haven’t even got a script for BD let alone started shooting it, it is going to be a loooong time before we get any 10 sec teasers for it. That means a looooong time that we’ll only have Eclipse to tide us over.

    • PS-I will however be totally satisfied with spectacularly craptastic Eclipse.

    • Jazz hands!

      Breaking Dawn as a black comedy musical on Broadway would be awesome!

  11. David SPADE…
    Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

  12. Librans and Shorties unite! I got your back David Slade, that is unless you eff up the leg hitch and then my pitchfork is ready!

    Great letter Gizmo! Please do horoscope readings for the whole cast. That would be awesome!

    • and tarot card readings, Gizmo

      • Unfortunately, tarot is not my thing.

    • Girl, you read my mind!

    • I’m a libra, so I feel a sort of kinship with him now that I know david is too… But so help me if david messes with my leg hitch… I will disband my astrological allegiance and get my pitch fork sharpened and ready with 3hbh!
      😉

      • I think we could make a pretty bad@ss angry mob!

      • that’s a great thing about libras. we are pretty good natured, but you do not want to piss off one.

        • Lmao! So, so true, just ask my husband.🙂

    • And I forgot to tell you I often have one-sided conversations with Dave via twitter and I am very straightforward about my expectations and requests. And I have expressed fandom’s leghitch stance on more than one occasion.

      • I love that you have one-sided conversations with him on twitter. Lol! Thanks for being our leg hitch advocate. 🙂

  13. I know nothing about David Slade’s previous movies, fairly certain I have seen none of them. So I actually have no opinion whatsoever, but I NEVER let that stop me from commenting, ever! But Welch told Yorkie, and Yorkie told me that they are dark. DARK.

    Can he hook me up with a Kate Spade purse? Isn’t that is sister?

    • That must be where he got his murse.

  14. Question: It was in Eclipse when Edward and Bella were int he meadow and Edward says, “Screw it! Let’s do it right here, right now!” Ok, so he didn’t actually say that, but you know what I mean.

    I need to do some re-reading. THAT needs to be in the movie.

    • You’re SO right!! At the very end of Eclipse before she gets the ring officially. Mel Rosenberg – you better be on that! And don’t go all SMeyer on us and do a fade to black!

    • I think that’s Beller’s crowning moment because she gets to be all, “No, I don’t think so.” beat. “NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE COCK TEASED! HA!”

  15. David looks like he belongs in “American History X” in that 2 nd pic.

  16. I’m confused with the second picture. Is he flipping people off or giving the peace signs? He facial expression would looks like an f-u face, but the murse is a contradiction. He should have set his murse down first.

    • Murse! hahahah

      • 1st picture looks like he sat on the Twilight Sparkling Ice Peen.

  17. The only other David Slade work I have seen was 30 Days of Night, which was pretty good.

    I really had no idea of what to expect for Eclipse at all until yesterday’s viewing of the sneak peak. And now I am very excited. It won’t take much to please me, just continuity and a decent representation of the book.
    I don’t want to hang all my hopes on the leg hitch…..so we’ll see what happens.

    As a side note, I found out that my main twi-partner in crime is going to be AWOL for the release!!! SAD PANDA :*(

  18. Um, who?
    I’ve never heard of him until he showed up to do eclipse…
    I may or maynot be a little behind on sladinomics

    From what I’ve seen, the movie looks like it has potential…

    But if he is as hardcore as they claim,
    I’m pretty sure he may not need protecting…
    Jus a thought

  19. Eclipse, while containing some of my absolute favorite sayings and scenes (I’m a bit crazed about the leg hitch) it was my least favorite book *ducks thrown objects knowing the opposite is true with most of you* because I got so pissed and frustrated with bella have (did) scream at her.

    But despite that, I think it’ll be my favorite movie… Unless someone edits david’s darkness out or (tell me its not possible) my leg hitch is messed with…. Maybe it is my astrological allegiance. (fellow libra here)

    • Comment fail; “I got so pissed and frustrated with bella have (did) scream at her”

      Don’t know what I did but I meant; “I got so pissed and frustrated with bella I wanted to (did) scream at her”

      • I didn’t like Eclipse either, for the same exact reason. But after a Twilosophy from a few months ago that took place here stemmed by a post on the Jacob kiss and tent scene, I think I have a better understanding of what makes Eclipse a strong book. So, I’m going to reread that post and comments, and then reread the book. Which to be fair I’ve only read once (as opposed to my 3 times of New Moon)

    • This is my feeling too. Not my fave book at all b/c of Bella (wait, she’s in love with Jacob too?? NOOOOOOOO!!!!) but I have a feeling it’ll be my fave movie.

      • I know what you mean Bella’s undecisiveness really drove me kinda crazy…but yeah I think it too will be my favorite movie because if for no other reason just by looking at the previews, Rob looks effing hot!!!

    • Eclipse is bordering on my least favorite book. The movie may be okay because Robward is looking hot, but I’m with you, JacobEdwardsWife, I couldn’t tolerate Bella’s indecisiveness.

      (See what happens when you “confess”? You usually find others that will agree with you😉 )

  20. We can retire talk of the DILF, but I will never retire my adoration for him. CW has a fan for life in me (TWSS).

    I caved and watched the Eclipse sneak peek material too and I’m excited for how things will turn out. I am still concerned about all the shiteous wigs — did they multiply after having water spilled on them or what?! Thank Baby Jesus Rob wasn’t involved in a hair accident that required him to wear a wig because that would have obviously been FAIL x infinity. But now that it looks like we will get some kind of leg hitch, overall I’m sure Eclipse will be fine. Twilight has all kinds of problems and I still love that flick.

  21. I hope Eclipse is so dark that I need a flashlight to see it.I loved 30 days of nights and hard candy.I am a Libra as well.LOVE,LOVE David Slade!!

  22. I’m a libra too!

    • Wow there are a lot of us crawling around here!

      First LTT then the world! Lol!

      • Libras are great :]

        Libras unite!

      • We need a secret handshake or something…

    • I knew it! We’re out there..

  23. From what I have seen from the scenes of Eclipse I feel that Slade has accomplished some great things already.

    1. Jasper’s hair does not look like a poodle.
    2. Rob has been trained not to run like a drunk chicken
    3. Edward does not look like a tranny grandpa

    These things give me hope🙂

    • 4. Riley.

      • WORD!

        oh, Riley, too bad you’re not a Cullen…

      • Even though he’s a pawn, he’s a swoon worthy pawn.

    • I let out such a loud laugh at reading “2 Rob has been trained not to run like a drunk chicken” I woke my dog sleeping on the couch…he started and glared at me for waking him.

    • ‘Drunk chicken’ – BWAH!

    • +1million thumbs up

      LMFAO!

  24. Me ——–> Team Leg Hitch BB!!

    The only way David Slade will need a REAL protection program is if he doesn’t transfer page 186 of Eclipse (yes.. I memorized the exact page) onto the big screen. We want to… NO…we NEED the schmexy, heavy petting, leg hitch action. Hell, Slade, I even give you my blessing to take some creative licenses here and make it even hotter if you want to😉

    For the sake of Eclipse… I’m hoping Slade is a mad f*ckin’ genius and delivers on the scary too. I hope the newborns are seething… ravenous and not pussy vamps…

    Oh and here’s to hoping Edward gave away Grandpa Masen’s NM hand-me-downs …. Edward, give ’em to the Goodwill or something, k?🙂

    • Did you not notice in those leaked pics that there is an almost boob grope there along with leghitch?

  25. I love David Slade, too. I’m not sure why. I haven’t really delved into my subconscious to figure out why. I’m a touch worried at what I might find. But there’s just something about him that makes me feel comfortable.

    That said, I’m with tuesday on Team Low Expectations. And I’m really craving watching Twilight, but I need to save up for Forks Tour 2010 to do the back to back Twilight and New Moon movie watch. I find Twilight is always better to watch when I’ve forgotten half of the scenes. And I like to play the game, “Where in Oregon…” when I watch it. That’s normal.

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