Breaking it down: Eclipse Trailer, sperm donation and the Notebook

Dear LTT-ers,

SURPRISE, we broke down the Eclipse trailer, I mean what else did you expect us to do? We finally got something new from Eclipse and had to share our joy and horror and excitement and totally wild ideas together!

If you haven’t seen it yet (what the crap have you been doing?!) Here it is…

0-:25ish
UC: okay… let’s DO THIS! we’ll watch 20ish seconds and then stop and talk about it…
Moon: dont give away stuff at the end! I haven’t seen it yet!
UC: i won’t okay ready?
Moon: yes
UC: go
Moon: OHHHH black summit logo, black like their hearts (i kid, i kid!)

Hmmm wanna go get a sammy and some ice cream? Maybe some chips and salsa?

Moon: ISABELLA?!
UC: isbella…..
Moon: OOOHHHH shes in trouble! That’s her full name!
UC: STOP the trailer!
Moon: OMG!!!
UC: stops at the voluri
Moon: the volturi show up right as we stop
Moon: so lets talk about the meadow
UC: so yes- um  did Rob eat like… 10,000 bags of cheetos?
Moon: lemme watch again
UC: or did they have the dry humpy time and his shirt is all frumpled cuz he looks huge
Moon: he’s all rumpled from laying around in the meadow
UC: haha his belly! seriously it’s like.. sticking out like he is bloated
Moon: he doesnt even care anymore
UC: he’s got the girl, eaten a couple extra deer
Moon: he’s like letting it all go
UC: she looks curvy. and good
Moon: letting it all go like a real relationship
UC: they’re all.. swollen… like.. they had some major humpage in the meadow
Moon: they’re going to brunch a lot, reading newspapers, eating fattening foods cause they’re so in love…

One Vampire to rule them all, One Vampire to find them, One Vampire to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

UC: Let’s move on
Moon: to the elvin lords?
Moon: the volturi look like they’re in middle earth, surprised jane didnt speak in elvish to them

Follow the jump to break it ALL down and maybe think about your contraception plan

Kristen and Dakota on Leno? This is war!

Someone is NOT with Coco!

Dear Dakota and Kristen,

I heard the news that you will be on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show to promote your movie, The Runaways. And I gotta say I’m a bit hurt. I mean JAY LENO?! This is a traitorous move to the legions of Team Coco fans around the world who love the red-coiffed one and feel he was unjustly forced to leave the Tonight Show by the evil doers at NBC because of what a crap fest the Jay Leno Show was.

Don’t be surprised when Jay whips out some zingers like “This movie has BITE,” or “Watch out Dakota and Kristen will RUN AWAY with your hearts on this one folks,” or I’m hoping against hope he makes your girls participate in “Jay Walking All Stars.” That will teach you girls to turn your back on Conando.

Traitors

How can you do it girls?! And especially you Kristen! You touched Conan’s HAIR when you were on his show promoting New Moon! You’ve touch God, essentially and then to sully yourself by going over to sit on Leno’s couch is unthinkable. Such treason is not looked upon lightly by the Team Coco nation. “We’re with Coco” after all and if you’re not with us, you’re against us.
I’m off to wonder why Conan didn’t chose to follow me on his hilarious Twitter. Such is life.
Themoonisdown

PS Now let’s get to what we’re here for… screaming over the TEN SECOND (wtf?) TEASER TRAILER (another WTF?!) for Eclipse which I’m sure we’ll post here once it goes up.

How much of a Conan O’Brien nerd am I? Also please don’t make me link to the “How to tell if this is sarcasm” link. Seriously!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

UPDATE: THIS bad boy was just sent to us…