SURPRISE, we broke down the Eclipse trailer, I mean what else did you expect us to do? We finally got something new from Eclipse and had to share our joy and horror and excitement and totally wild ideas together!
If you haven’t seen it yet (what the crap have you been doing?!) Here it is…
UC: okay… let’s DO THIS! we’ll watch 20ish seconds and then stop and talk about it…
Moon: dont give away stuff at the end! I haven’t seen it yet!
UC: i won’t okay ready?
Moon: OHHHH black summit logo, black like their hearts (i kid, i kid!)
Moon: OOOHHHH shes in trouble! That’s her full name!
UC: STOP the trailer!
UC: stops at the voluri
Moon: the volturi show up right as we stop
Moon: so lets talk about the meadow
UC: so yes- um did Rob eat like… 10,000 bags of cheetos?
Moon: lemme watch again
UC: or did they have the dry humpy time and his shirt is all frumpled cuz he looks huge
Moon: he’s all rumpled from laying around in the meadow
UC: haha his belly! seriously it’s like.. sticking out like he is bloated
Moon: he doesnt even care anymore
UC: he’s got the girl, eaten a couple extra deer
Moon: he’s like letting it all go
UC: she looks curvy. and good
Moon: letting it all go like a real relationship
UC: they’re all.. swollen… like.. they had some major humpage in the meadow
Moon: they’re going to brunch a lot, reading newspapers, eating fattening foods cause they’re so in love…
UC: Let’s move on
Moon: to the elvin lords?
Moon: the volturi look like they’re in middle earth, surprised jane didnt speak in elvish to them
Follow the jump to break it ALL down and maybe think about your contraception plan
UC: i can’t understand bella on the bed, her hair
Moon: DUDE is that a bag of cheetos between them on the bed? (at .32)
Moon: that might explain the bloat
UC: it looks like an owl pillow from etsy or anthro gift from alice obvs
Moon: nah, it’s definitely a bag of Tositos. Just in case Bella gets hungry during the middle of the night, gotta have a snack handy. Since they’re celibate and all she’s gotta have some outlet, why not snack foods?
Moon: COPSTACHE and RENEE!! this is parent friendly yall
UC: they go to FLORIDA! we’re gonna see Bells with a tan
UC: MAYBE they’ll make the plot line make SENSE and convince me how Renee would POSSIBLY believe that Edward had a term paper
Moon: SERIOUSLY!!! he’s just staying inside all day IN FLORIDA. nothing going on there. no beach for him. “no thanks, we have a cold ass beach back home mrs phil!” whatever renee’s last name is now
UC: mrs. Phil haha
Moon: EDUCATIONAL MOMENT tell us twi nerds what Renee’s new last name is cause I can’t remember
UC: when Jake confesses the love on the beach dude they’re on the set of the notebook (around :56)
Moon: dude jacob is about to row the boat with bella like noah and ally. Too bad the Gos isn’t there giving him tips. Telling Ally, it’s not over- it never was!
UC: Maybe they’ll row down a river full of migrating geese and declare their love for each other as it starts to rain
Moon: Yea Jacob (Taylor) needs another rain scene, those were his best in NM. Boy can emote in the elements.
Moon: DUDE i love the ominous “it all began with a choice” its like a PSA or Planned parenthood commercial
Moon: the choice is NOT to have sex with a vampire when youre a human! DUH
Moon: save it till you’re a vampire. sex can wait, become a vampire first!
Moon: *said in movie voice over voice* ON JUNE 30 CHOOSE CONTRACEPTION!!
UC: Bella says SHE (Victoria) FOUND THEM. did they think she wasn’t gonna!? they didn’t leave, they didn’t hide
at exactly 1:10…
Moon: HOLY CRAP THATS THE WORST WIG IVE EVER SEEN!!!!
UC: WORST WIG WHY WHY WHY!??? it’s a frizzy wig Like? do they sell them? 1800 Wig store
Moon: DUDE!! DUUUUUUUDE
UC: “Hey- can I get your frizziest!?”
Moon: oh my god. it’s like a curtain around her face. WHAT IS THAT?!
UC: i feel BAD for her b/c seriously. she looked GOOD in New Moon but dang…
Moon: i do too cause Bryce Dallas Howard is such a pretty girl! who HAS RED HAIR NATURALLY! they didnt that just curl it, those in some extra tracks, wham, bam DONE!
UC: like someone else we know!?
Moon: oh my god this is a travesty
Moon: on a positive note, i LOVE the huge jumps and side angles. totally keeping the AWESOME cg style that chris weitz started
UC: overall the LOOK is good not brown not blue like a normal movie that looks good
Moon: yea but has a darkness but in a good way. and i love the long shot of edward looking over that mountain
UC: yes- ROBWARD. or EDOB is looking hottttttt. Which brings me to my next point…. jake is NOT
Moon: the angle from her feet before the jump is coolio
UC: is Jake not looking hot b/c Edward IS looking hot? Or was it one too many trips to the Olive Garden for Tay tay?
Moon: edward looks hot again because he’s not wearing something from MENS WAREHOUSE
UC: so true he looks….. dare I say it? 17! but like.. the kind of 17 you wanna eff which is no 17 yr old I know. so… more like.. 27… like I almost am. Perfect age
Moon: right jacob still looks hot but next to a more age appropriately dressed edward??!! thats HARD. and he’s not in a total downpour pouring his heart out to bella
Moon: 1:14 WHERE are they???!! is that a TENT WALL i spy??!!!
UC: WHAT!? no i think you’re crazy and have never been camping
Moon: its a weird background whatever it is
UC: unless you think going to a nice wedding in one of those expensive light up canopy tents is camping which it’s not tent are brown or green or gray
Moon: thats blue-gray! That could be a tent!! Like a camping tent!
UC: They really didn’t put any makeup on Bella this time around the wig is her whole look poor thing
Moon: its like hanging there at the end, so limp
UC: they found it and were like- with this bad boy- we don’t even need any make up! they saved like… 2K not hiring a make up artist
Moon: as tim gun would say “its a lot of look”
UC: look at :47/:48 it’s like me after i blow dry it before the straightener
Moon: so BAD. the wig, not your hair. unless it’s raining.
(try to follow us talking about two things)
UC: music is lammeee i feel like some of those tay/kstew scenes were shot like REALLY early in the am or something they both have major baggy eyes
Moon: its like SORTA like alexandra desplate/nm
UC: OR…. dun dun DUNNNN they were both up late together doing whattttttt?
Moon: studying??? comparing cut offs?
UC: yes- it’s like based on the NM music. but not as good
Moon: that shot of taylor at the end (1:16) looks like that picture david slade tweeted way back in the day. they should have just brought back alexandre
Moon: dude this whole thing is like a big sperm donor/infertility/contraception commercial
UC: “You have to consider the idea. that my sperm might be better for her than yours is”
UC: We can do this whole thing .. as a sperm donor PSA
Moon: Edward: i know the consequences of the choice youre making
Jacob: im in love with you i want you to choose me
Bumper reads: “it all begins with a choice”
jacob: i might be better for her than you are
Bella: Edward she found us (the egg donor?)
Bella to jacob: you dont know what you’re getting yourself into
Voice over: who will bella choose to inseminate her eggs?! will it be jacob or edward? will the egg donor find her and take them back? we’ll find out JUNE 30!!!!!!!!!
UC: HAHAHA yes
Moon: duh duh ddddddduuuuuh
Oh man overall we loved it. Of course there’s always things we want to tweak but SQUUEEEE finally some Eclipse goodies! I’m hoping they release one more trailer that’s like SUPER full of action and some WOLVES and then make us sweat it out till June! Dude we need David Slade to tweet something and I’ll feel a little better about where we stand, but I guess that’s a whole other letter for another day…
One blog to rule them all…
So what’d YOU think? Favorite part? What do you REALLY want to see in Eclipse? Nervous, excited, mad? Do share!
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Filed under: Bella, breaking it down vanity fair style, Eclipse, Edward, Jacob, Twilight, Victoria, Video | Tagged: Alexandre Desplat, Ally, Bella, break down, breaking it down vanity fair style, Bryce Dallas Howard, Charlie, copstache, Eclipse, Eclipse trailer, Edward, Elvin, Elvish, exclusive, Fellowship, Jacob, Korts, Kristen Stewart, lord of the rings, meadow, Music, Noah, Phil, Planned Parenthood, PSA, Renee, Robert Pattinson, Ryan Gosling, Taylor Lautner, The Notebook, trailer, Victoria, wigs |