Breaking it down: Eclipse Trailer, sperm donation and the Notebook

Dear LTT-ers,

SURPRISE, we broke down the Eclipse trailer, I mean what else did you expect us to do? We finally got something new from Eclipse and had to share our joy and horror and excitement and totally wild ideas together!

If you haven’t seen it yet (what the crap have you been doing?!) Here it is…

0-:25ish
UC: okay… let’s DO THIS! we’ll watch 20ish seconds and then stop and talk about it…
Moon: dont give away stuff at the end! I haven’t seen it yet!
UC: i won’t okay ready?
Moon: yes
UC: go
Moon: OHHHH black summit logo, black like their hearts (i kid, i kid!)

Hmmm wanna go get a sammy and some ice cream? Maybe some chips and salsa?

Moon: ISABELLA?!
UC: isbella…..
Moon: OOOHHHH shes in trouble! That’s her full name!
UC: STOP the trailer!
Moon: OMG!!!
UC: stops at the voluri
Moon: the volturi show up right as we stop
Moon: so lets talk about the meadow
UC: so yes- um  did Rob eat like… 10,000 bags of cheetos?
Moon: lemme watch again
UC: or did they have the dry humpy time and his shirt is all frumpled cuz he looks huge
Moon: he’s all rumpled from laying around in the meadow
UC: haha his belly! seriously it’s like.. sticking out like he is bloated
Moon: he doesnt even care anymore
UC: he’s got the girl, eaten a couple extra deer
Moon: he’s like letting it all go
UC: she looks curvy. and good
Moon: letting it all go like a real relationship
UC: they’re all.. swollen… like.. they had some major humpage in the meadow
Moon: they’re going to brunch a lot, reading newspapers, eating fattening foods cause they’re so in love…

One Vampire to rule them all, One Vampire to find them, One Vampire to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

UC: Let’s move on
Moon: to the elvin lords?
Moon: the volturi look like they’re in middle earth, surprised jane didnt speak in elvish to them

Follow the jump to break it ALL down and maybe think about your contraception plan
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My Edward/Jacob Manllow – A secret affair

The Edward "Manllow"

Dear LTT-ers, Twihards and makers of Twilight Merchandise,

Of ALL the things on the internet that are Twilight related and have come out over the past couple years the one I’ve been sent to most BY FAR has to be the Manllow!! Yes, EVERYONE and their iguana sent me (and UC) the link to that pillow shaped like a man with Edward or Jacob’s face printed on it on it.

And I must apologize for not returning all those emails because, honestly… I already have my own Manllow* and I’ve just been TOO busy this week with him/it to be bothered to write any of you back. Sorry Mom, sorry bill collectors, sorry BFF’s from high school looking to reconnect, sorry 8374349 Facebook notifications, sorry Grandma and sorry organ donor society emailing to tell me my new heart is available, I can’t write you back. I have a Manllow and I’m not afraid to sleep with it!

So why have I been too busy to answer my emails because of a Manllow, you say? What have I been doing with the Manllow?

Don't look now Jacob, Edward Manllow and I are having a private moment

  • Watching movies and the entire 2nd season of Six Feet Under with my Manllow is a no-brainer. He holds the remote AND me while I cry over David and Keith’s lost love and the craziness that is Brenda (seriously can she die yet?)
  • He’s also a great day bed and hang out spot for my 10 cats! They love purring in his arms when I’m away for the day. Manllow is NEVER lonely for company
  • When I want a night in I cook a special dinner of Lean Cuisines for the both of us and pop the top on some Boone’s Farm Blue Hawaii, light a few candles and have a special romantic night for two

Oh and FYI the Manllow isn’t just for your bedroom, you can take the Manllow into public with you… here’s what I’ve done with my Manllow outside of the bedroom this week

Ain't no thang just a Manllow threesome

  • I live in LA so traffic is horrendous! Our lovely Dept of Transportation provides HOV lanes for vehicles with more than one person riding in them and they go way faster than regular lanes. SO to save time on my way to see New Moon for the 8 gajillionth time I stuck my Manllow in the passenger seat and zoomed off down the freeway in search of popcorn and Face Punches!
  • My Manllow and I snuggled at the movie theater with the armrest UP! Making out WITH Edward/Jacob WHILE watching New Moon in the theater? You should try it sometime, I HIGHLY suggest it
  • Went for a picnic with my Manllow. Griffith Park will never be the same now that I’ve reenacted the Meadow Scene with the Edward Manllow. He sparkled and we talked about forever. It was magical. Sorry UC.
  • I take my Manllow shopping with me. I stick him in the front basket of the grocery buggy and he points out everything he wants. Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Check! Cuties? Check! Cookies & Cream Dreyers Yogurt? Check! Cat Food? Check! Ladies Dove Deodorant? Check! I mean…
  • For dinner I took my Edward/Jacob Manllow to Fridays so I could get the 2 for Tuesdays. Two appetizers, two dinner entress and two desserts all for 22.22! What a steal that I couldn’t have gotten without my Manllow. We even saw Cathy Hardwicke in the bar and she sent over a mucho Cougarita “for Rob, call me.” How nice was that?!

Love me, love my Manllow

So can you blame me, people? The Manllow and I are in love and just like Lars and Bianca in Lars & the Real Girl- we’re taking our love public and we’re here to stay regardless of public perception that I am a crazy lunatic. My Manllow loves me just the way I am.

My Manllow kinda makes me think of the Kid Sister/My Buddy that I had as a kid… only WAY more adult. Ifyouknowwhatimsaying. So all week I’ve been signing the theme song… sing it with me friends:

My Manllow, my Manllow… my Manllow aaaannddd mmeeee!

XO
Themoonisdown

Who has a Manllow on back order? Do you think I’m legit and actually really have a Manllow? What would YOU do with your Manllow?

I’d tell you to get your OWN Manllow but they’re SOLD OUT!

*HALE NO I do NOT own an Edward/Jacob Manllow and I’m allergic to cats!*

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Hey, David Slade! Where are the Eclipse exclusives?!

Whoopty-friggin-doooo

Dear David Slade,

One image and no trailer and we’re 4 months away from the premiere for Eclipse? Why? What is up over there at David Slade Headquarters, Inc.? Seriously… something’s wrong, isn’t it? At this point before New Moon we already had: Oodles of images, 1 mini trailer for MTV Video Music Awards, 2 clips from ComicCon, and if my math is correct the first trailer that played before Band Slam, and maybe a couple little interviews. So much so, I had to declare born again virginity and put on my New Moon chastity belt. So far the belt’s laying in a corner gathering dust and I’m begging on the streets (of Twitter) like a h00r. What gives?

Now that I’ve said that, let me first start off by saying I have to say THANK YOU for not bombarding up with clips, and interviews and crap like we got with New Moon. Which was SO overkill. But I also have to say a LITTLE something would be much appreciated. I know us bloggers are dying for anything to post. ANYTHING. And not that snoozeville of a picture you guys released of Edward and Bella in the meadow. YAWN. I could have taken that myself with a cardboard cut out of Edward/Rob and me in a Bella wig in the weeds at Griffith Park. Nice try though.

This is it?! At least we got some plaid in there

Why don’t you give us a 30 second super teaser trailer! The the box block of all mini trailers! Make us WANT IT even more (that’s what she said). Make Twitter explode from all the speculation. Trust me, it will be SO worth it to see those tweets instead of the ones that Twihards tweet you on a daily basis begging for some Bella/Edward/Jacob threesome action.

The real Eclipse!!

Since we haven’t seen anything new from Eclipse I can only assume the following…

01. There was a horrible error at the film processing plant thus completely erasing all the footage you shot and you’re currently having to go back and reshoot the entire movie using the mini Edward/Bella/Jacob dolls from Hot Topic along with a couple GI Joes for the Volturi, a Ken doll for Carlilse, a slutty Bratz Doll for Victoria and a Teddy Ruxpin as the wolfpack a la “Be Kind Rewind” since there is ZERO budget left to buy more glitter, white pancake makeup and jorts.

Follow the cut for the rest of my speculations on why there have been ZERO Eclipse exclusives
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