The day has finally arrived! We are no longer considered predators or creepy old ladies. Well, maybe creepy but definitely not old and no longer over stepping our legal bounds! It’s a party around here to say the least and in honor of your 18th birthday we thought, since we have a little experience, that we’d tell you what you’re now allowed to do legally in the USA!
It’s your 18th birthday so we’ve come up with a list of 18 things you can NOW do as a legal adult…
01. VOTE! No we’re not talking about voting for Rob as best dressed or for Kristen at the Bafta’s, we’re talking real deal referendums, amendments to city ordinances, Presidents, elected officials, school board councils, THE WORKS! Exciting I know.
02. You can be DRAFTED! One of the thrills of being a male American citizen of 18 years of age means you can now be drafted to join the US military. I’m sure you received that fun little piece of paper in the mail that you had to sign and send back to Uncle Sam cause he’ll come find you if you don’t and trust us he has his eye on you. He’s seen those canons and he wants them in his military. They could be considered lethal weapons after all.
03. You can now BUY A LOTTERY TICKET! Doesn’t matter that you’re now considered the highest paid “teen” actor in the business. Nothing beats filling up your tank at the gas station and buying a Mega Millions ticket! Oh the thrill, the risk, the ultimate let down.
04. Throw away your McLovin’ fake ID cause now you can buy smokes for Kristen and Rob LEGALLY! Tobacco is now at your finger tips any time you get the itch to hang with the “cool kids” on set. This also means after you become addicted you’re now able to buy “the patch” and Nicorette gum!
05. Remember when Taylor Swift left you for John Mayer/That dude from Glee/Jared Followill/The Blockbuster guy and you wanted to spray paint her a mural full of Lisa Frank hearts and rainbows and unicorns to remind her what she was missing? Well, now you can buy spray paint!! I hear they have sparkly spray paint now.
06. If you and the wolfpack are feeling adventurous and need a bonding activity while shooting Breaking Dawn you can now make that Wolfpack bicep tattoo permanent cause you’re now legal to get tattoos without Big Daddy’s permission. May I also suggest a heart with our names in it on your forearm?
Follow the cut to see the rest of the 18 things Taylor can now do and then celebrate with us!
07. If Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez ever take you back you guys can now get married without Big Daddy and Big Mama’s permission. And then inevitably after you figure out that was a colassal mistake cause you are 18 you can get a divorce as well!
08. Feeling frisky? Bored while shooting Breaking Dawn or need to take Rob out to console him after he gets his heart broken by Le Stew? You can take him to a Strip Club where you can now both get lap dances! Then if you’re so inspired by the dancing and want a change of pace you can both apply to work at the Strip Club! here’s how I see it: you, in some spandex pants with nothing but a collar and cuffs dancing to Hungry Like the Wolf!? What do you say?
09. Need to settle that riff between you and Kellan over your picture with Hilary Swank at the Super Bowl after party? You can now take him to Jerry Springer and settle it there. Like two men. With trailer trash wives and secrets to share!
10. Does Big Daddy need you to restock the house with gallon sizes of Mayo and vats of Olive Oil? As an 18 year old you can now have a membership at Costco! Just think of all those free samples on Saturday mornings and all those slightly irregular cut Calvin Klein jeans and Polo shirts you can buy now!
11. You’re no longer considered a child so now movie studios can crack the whip on you and make you work longer hours this means wearing your Jacob wig and no shirt into the wee hours of the morning. Sorry!
12. Bored in your hotel room while shooting a movie? Why not call some 1900 numbers and charge it back to the studio? You’re 18 so ask for someone who will be your “Bella” or if there’s a girl who can sing country songs to you. Or better yet a Twi-hard!
13. Are you inspired by Brangelina? As an 18 year old you can adopt your own kid! You very own mini-me Tay-Tay to lift (baby) weights with, eat meat patties, and finally make Big Daddy a Big Papa!
14. Were you inspired by the snail and the dragon and wanted to get your downstairs bonanza pierced? Well today’s your lucky day, cause it’s now legal for you to get a piercing!
15. Pissed off at the Jacob action figure manufactuers because they missed a 2 of your abs and instead of an 8 pack action figure Jacob has JUST a 6 pack? Have no fear you can sue them!
16. Feeling lucky like we did around the time New Moon came out and bet on opening weekend box office numbers? Well now that you’re 18 you can gamble on Eclipse. Or just go to Vegas and pull the slots.
17. We all love a good contest we now legally you’re able to enter and win contests and sweepstakes. So get in your entry to bet at the Remember Me red carpet quick cause you could win and be able to interview ROB! Which is OBVIOUSLY your life’s goal.
18. I’ve saved the best for the last!!! Now that you’re 18 Taylor you can… Rent a Port-A-Potty!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday Taylor, we hope you do EVERY single one of these 18 things to celebrate your birthday!
PS Dear Chris,
HAHAHA SUCK IT Hansen!
Ladies of the world
So what else should Taylor do now that he’s 18? Will there now be a mass exodus out of Georgia? Who sent Chris Hansen a picture of their middle finger?
AND don’t forget!!! See these hearts? This is to remind you to ENTER OUR VALENTINE’S DAY CONTEST & GIVEAWAY!
See this awesomesauce ad for a Twilight Valentine’s Gift Bundle? Know a gal/daughter/cousin/friend/fake lesbian who you still need a vtines gift for? Want us to drop a hint to your hubby/boyfriend/boy you’re fantasizing is Rob/Taylor/Kellan/Yorkie when you close your eyes? We will. Send us his (or her!) email address & we’ll non-nonchalantly mention you just might like a Twilight Valentine’s Gift Bundle. We’re not kidding. Your husband/boyfriend/Rob-replacement will be happy to find a gift and we would LOVE to let him know what you do in your spare time. KIDDING. We won’t tell! Email us if you want us to help you drop the hint!
Filed under: Taylor Lautner, Twilight Tagged: | 18, adopt a kid, Big Daddy, birthday, celebration, Chris Hansen, cigarettes, contest, Costco, divorced, drafted, drated, gamble, jacob black, Jerry Springer, kid, lap dance, legal, man, married, Selena Gomez, smoke, spray paint, strip club, Taylor Lautner, taylor swift, vote