18 ways for Taylor to celebrate being officially legal and we’re off the hook

We have finally made it!!

Dear Taylor,

The day has finally arrived! We are no longer considered predators or creepy old ladies. Well, maybe creepy but definitely not old and no longer over stepping our legal bounds! It’s a party around here to say the least and in honor of your 18th birthday we thought, since we have a little experience, that we’d tell you what you’re now allowed to do legally in the USA!

It’s your 18th birthday so we’ve come up with a list of 18 things you can NOW do as a legal adult…

01. VOTE! No we’re not talking about voting for Rob as best dressed or for Kristen at the Bafta’s, we’re talking real deal referendums, amendments to city ordinances, Presidents, elected officials, school board councils, THE WORKS! Exciting I know.

02. You can be DRAFTED! One of the thrills of being a male American citizen of 18 years of age means you can now be drafted to join the US military. I’m sure you received that fun little piece of paper in the mail that you had to sign and send back to Uncle Sam cause he’ll come find you if you don’t and trust us he has his eye on you. He’s seen those canons and he wants them in his military. They could be considered lethal weapons after all.

03. You can now BUY A LOTTERY TICKET! Doesn’t matter that you’re now considered the highest paid “teen” actor in the business. Nothing beats filling up your tank at the gas station and buying a Mega Millions ticket! Oh the thrill, the risk, the ultimate let down.

We'd be excited too!

04. Throw away your McLovin’ fake ID cause now you can buy smokes for Kristen and Rob LEGALLY! Tobacco is now at your finger tips any time you get the itch to hang with the “cool kids” on set. This also means after you become addicted you’re now able to buy “the patch” and Nicorette gum!

05. Remember when Taylor Swift left you for John Mayer/That dude from Glee/Jared Followill/The Blockbuster guy and you wanted to spray paint her a mural full of Lisa Frank hearts and rainbows and unicorns to remind her what she was missing? Well, now you can buy spray paint!! I hear they have sparkly spray paint now.

06. If you and the wolfpack are feeling adventurous and need a bonding activity while shooting Breaking Dawn you can now make that Wolfpack bicep tattoo permanent cause you’re now legal to get tattoos without Big Daddy’s permission. May I also suggest a heart with our names in it on your forearm?

Follow the cut to see the rest of the 18 things Taylor can now do and then celebrate with us!


07. If Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez ever take you back you guys can now get married without Big Daddy and Big Mama’s permission. And then inevitably after you figure out that was a colassal mistake cause you are 18 you can get a divorce as well!

08. Feeling frisky? Bored while shooting Breaking Dawn or need to take Rob out to console him after he gets his heart broken by Le Stew? You can take him to a Strip Club where you can now both get lap dances! Then if you’re so inspired by the dancing and want a change of pace you can both apply to work at the Strip Club! here’s how I see it: you, in some spandex pants with nothing but a collar and cuffs dancing to Hungry Like the Wolf!? What do you say?

09. Need to settle that riff between you and Kellan over your picture with Hilary Swank at the Super Bowl after party? You can now take him to Jerry Springer and settle it there. Like two men. With trailer trash wives and secrets to share!

10. Does Big Daddy need you to restock the house with gallon sizes of Mayo and vats of Olive Oil? As an 18 year old you can now have a membership at Costco! Just think of all those free samples on Saturday mornings and all those slightly irregular cut Calvin Klein jeans and Polo shirts you can buy now!

11. You’re no longer considered a child so now movie studios can crack the whip on you and make you work longer hours this means wearing your Jacob wig and no shirt into the wee hours of the morning. Sorry!

12. Bored in your hotel room while shooting a movie? Why not call some 1900 numbers and charge it back to the studio? You’re 18 so ask for someone who will be your “Bella” or if there’s a girl who can sing country songs to you. Or better yet a Twi-hard!

13. Are you inspired by Brangelina? As an 18 year old you can adopt your own kid! You very own mini-me Tay-Tay to lift (baby) weights with, eat meat patties, and finally make Big Daddy a Big Papa!

Kick up your heels, it's time to celebrate!

14. Were you inspired by the snail and the dragon and wanted to get your downstairs bonanza pierced? Well today’s your lucky day, cause it’s now legal for you to get a piercing!

15. Pissed off at the Jacob action figure manufactuers because they missed a 2 of your abs and instead of an 8 pack action figure Jacob has JUST a 6 pack? Have no fear you can sue them!

16. Feeling lucky like we did around the time New Moon came out and bet on opening weekend box office numbers? Well now that you’re 18 you can gamble on Eclipse. Or just go to Vegas and pull the slots.

17. We all love a good contest we now legally you’re able to enter and win contests and sweepstakes. So get in your entry to bet at the Remember Me red carpet quick cause you could win and be able to interview ROB! Which is OBVIOUSLY your life’s goal.

18. I’ve saved the best for the last!!! Now that you’re 18 Taylor you can… Rent a Port-A-Potty!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Taylor, we hope you do EVERY single one of these 18 things to celebrate your birthday!

Feliz Cumpleanos!

Why don't you take a party hat, Chris!

PS Dear Chris,


Ladies of the world


So what else should Taylor do now that he’s 18? Will there now be a mass exodus out of Georgia? Who sent Chris Hansen a picture of their middle finger?

AND don’t forget!!! See these hearts? This is to remind you to ENTER OUR VALENTINE’S DAY CONTEST & GIVEAWAY!

See this awesomesauce ad for a Twilight Valentine’s Gift Bundle? Know a gal/daughter/cousin/friend/fake lesbian who you still need a vtines gift for? Want us to drop a hint to your hubby/boyfriend/boy you’re fantasizing is Rob/Taylor/Kellan/Yorkie when you close your eyes? We will. Send us his (or her!) email address & we’ll non-nonchalantly mention you just might like a Twilight Valentine’s Gift Bundle. We’re not kidding. Your husband/boyfriend/Rob-replacement will be happy to find a gift and we would LOVE to let him know what you do in your spare time. KIDDING. We won’t tell! Email us if you want us to help you drop the hint!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

150 Responses

  1. Today we have the same topic on our blogs!!
    Happy birthday Tay and more important happy Legality too!!!

  2. Happy Birthday Taytay – time to come back to London and now we can get drunk together! As you are so pure and good you probably can’t take your alcohol as well as me, which means I’ll sit patiently and wait until you are too drunk to fight me off stop me from taking advantage of you going through your phone for Rob’s number.

    Who am I kidding, I’d take advantage of you, then go through your phone for Rob’s number.

    • Lolz… You’ll have to stand in line to “entertain” him. He’s a top five trending topic on Twitter. That is a seriously long a## line.

  3. I’m DYING to know what a port-a-potty is. I bet it’s something reeeeally embarrassing that no-one wants to explain to me here. Right now, the mental image I have is of a mobile toilet, but I’m suspecting it’s something soooo much better.

    Chris Hansen… see me waving all five fingers at ya? Say stop! 😀

    • disgusting mobile toilet is pretty much correct. i wish i could tell you it was something so much better!

      “you can google it” to see 🙂

      • Bahahaha, I just googled it… and it is exactly what I had in mind.

        Moon… why in hale would Taylor want to rent a port-a-potty? Hasn’t Rob told him about the versatile uses of a dumpster yet?

        (Ew… I just killed that fantasy for me.)

  4. “HAHAHA SUCK IT Hansen!” Awesome.
    And random question.. do you actually have to be 18 to buy spray paint in the US? I don’t think there’s an age in Canada. That’s so weird!

    Dear Taylor,
    Your place or mine?

  5. Just when I thought I’d bleached the image of the snail and the dragon out of my brain…

  6. Oh Taylor, Taylor what to say on this magnifico dia? What the heck, I’ll let K&G do the talking for me:

    “There’s a party goin’ on right here
    A celebration to last throughout the years
    So bring your good times, and your laughter too
    We gonna celebrate your party with you
    Come on now
    Let’s all celebrate and have a good time
    We gonna celebrate and have a good time with you”

    Hansen is not allowed to celebrate with us. Pffff

  7. Ah Moon, thank you so much for reminding me AGAIN of the snail and dragon thing…
    My favorite part? “HAHAHA SUCK IT Hansen!” Honestly so good!
    No more jail and legal in Georgia jokes, almost makes me sad… well, almost 😉

  8. The whole adopt a kid thing reminds me of brüno don’t know why…

  9. “HAHAHA SUCK IT Hansen!”

    Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!! I’m going to be saying that all day.

  10. My advice from last night still stands…. Run, Taylor! RUN!!!!


    (I love it when you call me Big Pop-pa)
    Throw your hands in the air, if youse a true player
    (I love it when you call me Big Pop-pa)
    If you got a gun up in your waist please don’t shoot up the place
    Cause I see some ladies tonight who should be havin my baby

    Aww…. Makes me think of G-Baby. *tear*

    • You wrote-sang Biggie.
      Now instead of Wonder Woman pajamas, I’ll wear Fangy pajamas, because you’re my hero 😉

      • Aww… Sweetness!

        Someone out there doesn’t like Biggie though. They are probably just a sad clown hooker. 😉

        • Urgh. You said the “c” word, so I’m gritting my teeth and looking over my shoulder as I type, but here goes:

          1. I love FangBiggie. I shall be LL Cool J (Lemmings Love Cool Jake). If only we had an actual singer . . . *coughstophidingcough*

          2. Sad, yes, but hooker? I doubt the downthumber could get paid for it.

          ❤ you, Big Poppa.

          • Pizz,

            I think you and I are going to have to fly to NZ to search the bamboo. Our little pandy is hiding from us.


            Are you trying to make me take off my top? It won’t be as effective and aweinspiring as when you do it.

            Come out. Your twinsie neeeeeeeeds you.

          • Dammit! I was gonna see if you’d actually take your top off…and slip on some tweed jorts…bow chicka wow wow…

            I am here…reluctantly….lol

  11. I love you guys for making reference to Lisa Frank hearts and rainbow and unicorns. I actually snorted when I read that! I haven’t thought about that since I had a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper in 1987.

  12. This is so hilarious! I started cutting and pasting my favorite lines, but there are just too many. Best part though? Scrolling down and seeing that creepy picture of Chris Hansen peering around the corner. I’m going to be laughing about that all day.

    Happy Birthday, Taylor!! 😀 (Cause he totally reads this.)

  13. […] ;   LTT ;   RAoR ;   […]

  14. Taylor,

    One other way you can celebrate turning 18 is by having a slumber party with a more “experienced” friend…say like someone who lives in on the east coast right outside the DC area? Have no worries it would all be completely wholesome. We would play checkboard on your stomach, play a round or two of twisted Twister, bake some cookies on your abs and watch a few inspirational movies like The Graduate, Risky Business, and Last Tango in Paris. See? Completly wholesome.

    ❤ Xylem

    • Xylem-

      How would he get to your house? Isnt there five feet of snow out there and unplowed roads with the “blizzard of the century”

      “As its being report to us folks here in Florida – the Baltimore weatherman was funny “14 to 22 inches of SNOW”

      • its ok, for us north esterners, taylor can use his karate skills to fight his way through the snow. or maybe his abs will simply melt it away

      • Thanks for reminding me. I knew I was forgetting something:

        “oh, and Taylor, we can also make our very own rated X R snow angels. My airport has been cleared for landings” (twss)

  15. Oh you mentioned the snail! So cruel. 😥

    That was great, Moon. I’d forgotten how many things you can do when you turn 18! And now I’ve learned that you can not just buy land, but rent a port-a-potty to put on that piece of property. How convenient!

  16. That photo and letter to Chris at the end made my laugh tea up my nose. Yeah, I didn’t think it was possible, but LTT made it so.

    p.s. – Rob, I drink tea. Let’s make out.

    Oh, sorry, this was about Taylor… Happy birthday, TayTay!

  17. McLovin’ FTW!!!!

    Suck it, indeed, Hansen!

  18. Port-A-Potties : Taylor as Dumpsters : Rob

  19. Happy “You’re no longer drooling over a minor” Day, ladies!!
    Taylor, you can now order things off of television!! Imagine the possibilities: MoonSand, Snuggies, The Slap-Chop, The Magic Bullet (different from the item of the same name you’ll find online), RonCo dehydrators and rotissierees, sandwich presses…the list goes on and on!!
    Imagine all the different ways you’ll be able to cook your meat patties!!

  20. UC –
    this post was all kinds of WIN, too many to count!!!

    IWL will probably come after me for this but…….

    Me – nude bedazzled gown, Breathless singing A la “Monroe”

    Happy Birthdaaaayyyy tooo yoooouuu
    Haaapppppy Birrthhhhdayyyy tooo yyooouuuu
    Haaappppy Biiiirrrthhhhddday Taaaayyyyyyllllllllllloooooooooorrrrrrrrrr
    Haappppy Bbiiirrrrrrthhhhhddddaaaaaayyyyyyy toooooo

  21. Well, he’d better have a body guard…. or a chastity belt *giggle* 😀

  22. BAHAHAH -> “HAHAHA SUCK IT Hansen!” Yesss!

    add a subsection onto that list because new idea:
    18. a) there can be a Letters to Taylor because it wouldn’t be as creepy.

    LTTL for short

  23. ITS A TRAP!

  24. Now I can finally show him what a REAL fursplosion is…

  25. High five for the star wars reference of the day! I ❤ your name!

  26. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Taylor woke up sobbing this morning. Those nightmares that have plagued him for months where he’s running through the woods from a pack of vicious giant cats? This time the cougars can catch him. And he’s screwed.

    Happy Birthday!

  27. This is so exciting! I was debating on whether to go to Costco today or not, but I am defs going now!

    Great post Moon! Thanks again for not linking the snail and dragon!

  28. You forgot the MOST exciting thing about turning 18: He can now, should the opportunity present itself, do the nasty with us lovely ladies.

  29. Taylor stripping to Hungry Like the Wolf!!!??????

    YES, YES, a thousand times YESSSSSSSSSS!

  30. #4 isn’t auctual;y correct, you have to be 19 to buy cirgarettes in the US.

  31. Ah, this day is getting better and better. Too bad what I would like to do to him is probably still illegal in some states. At least I can’t get prosecuted 😉 hee hee!

  32. Taylor,
    That’s NOT where the party hat goes.

    Happy 18th!

  33. Oh sweet (no longer a baby) Taylor, you, my dear, were seriously the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning! I kid you not! My alarm went off, and instead if thinking “ugh 5 more minutes” I thought “Ooooh lala Taylor is legal today! Wahoo!” I did. Yes, I did.

    I’d like to give a special shout out to Big Daddy, ’cause seriously – who would have thought you of all people could have produced this! Way to go Pappa L!

    I bet Taylor is having a giant birthday cake made of ground beef – like a meat patty cake. Patty cake! haha

  34. THANK GOD…HALLELEUJAH (i dont even care that i spelled that wrong) TAYLOR IS 18 YEARS OLD AND CHRIS HANSEN CAN…



    Can you tell I’m partial to our wolf pup? Oh wait…he’s no longer a wolf pup. Here I come, Taylor! Cougar in training on prowl…

    ❤ Ash

  35. thanks for great list my birthday is in like 20 days=] lol

  36. I’ve seen SUCK IT about 10 times on this page, clearly some pent up secksual energy is floating around lol.

    Is he ONLY a cougar magnet? I figured all the teeny boppers would be on him like white-on-rice.

    Everytime I see him, all I can think is SHARKBOY.

  37. You thought this is it? Theres more celebration at http://www.thecoldshower.wordpress.com

  38. um you have to be 21 to gamble in the US…

    • I have heard that there are places you can go. My friend won money somewhere. But big casinos (esp. that serve alcohol) you do have to be 21.

      • This is my understanding of it…

        Gambling of all types is legal at the age of 18. Which is why you can buy scratch cards, lotto tickets, and play poker online. It is the presence of alcohol, readily available in the establishment, without segregation by age, which makes it illegal for him to enter “the pit” at most large Casinos, or why the establishment will restrict the age of their patrons to 21+. They don’t want to take the trouble to section off an area for the 18-20 crowd…

    • where i grew up on our 18th bdday we went and bought scratchers and also went to the native american rez that was close and gambled! probably depends on the state

  39. Dear Taylor,

    Happy Birthday! Please don’t be afraid, not all of your fans are going to turn into sex-crazed weirdos throwing their drawers at you at every possible moment. Despite the fact that you are now legal, for some of us you are still ‘morally-ambiguous’ due to our advanced age & your still freshly hatched appearance, mostly in the facial area.

    Many people are also hoping you’ll do something ‘bad’ today, & not be so squeaky. I have to tell you, however, that some of us think that there’s plenty of room in the world, & even in the world of Hollywood, for an old-fashioned gentleman type.

    If you don’t want to go out, smoke, drink, get laid…etc…you don’t have to. In fact, there are those who believe this hackneyed ‘rebellious-bad-boy’ well worn track is a little tedious & cliched. If what you want to do today is not work out, not do your hair, eat icecream & watch TV all day then that’s fine. You do your thing. You’re an adult, you choose.

    Have a good one. Or a goodie-goodie one.

    • I totally agree – I think it’s nice and refreshing to see someone in young Hollywood that’s not a total trainwreck, a pretentious snob, or constantly trying to one-up their peers by seeing who can be the most lewd and rude (probably that should be the name of Robsten’s sex-tape expose). Taylor is all kinds of hot-to-trot in my book, and it’s just peachy with me that he seems to be a nice, fun, genuine guy. In this day, that’s rare at any age!

      • Which isn’t to say that I would protest if he wanted to be bad..for a day…or 5…with me…

        that is all!

        • Yeah, that was me (now) talking. My inner 15 yr old would still like to give him the kind of Happy Birthday snog that’d make his hair curl 🙂

          • Oh for sure! but when I first read that I thought you said birthday “song”, and I was thinking that I would really like to hear your hair(and toe?)-curling song! haha

            I often wonder how I would be acting/feeling about this whole Twilight business in general if it was happening while I was actually in high school. Would I care half as much?! I’m inclined to say probably not…because it’s so much more fun to experience it this way and laugh at ourselves and still love it, and not be the people we are (now) laughing at (sometimes)! Hopefully that made sense….

      • Ms. Tanner, I must agree. I think I meet so few genuine guys, I am starting to forget what they look like!

        Thanks Taylor, for a little piece of sunshine.
        AND, hopefully, a little “moon” action too… HA!

        Suck it Hansen, indeed!

  40. Happy Birthday Taylor!

    You may want to stay away from Twitter if you don’t want to be creeped out. On the other hand, it’s instant gratification to see how many people from all over the world are talking about having sex with you.

    In honour of you, we’ll all enjoy a meat patty tonight…and think of you.


    P.S. love the hat that the LTT ladies gave to you!

  41. i thought you had to be 21 to gamble in vegas? however he can hop on over to the locan indian casino. there its only 18!!

  42. Actually, I was convinced today’s letter will START with: EFF YOU CHRIS HANSEN!! and then move onto birthday wishes.. But you did not disappoint and this memo should be handed asap to, now legal, Tay.

    Happy b-day Tay! And come to Europe. You’re legal to drink here!

  43. The cougars know how to make a kitty MEOW…

    Seriously, he should hide behind the human shield that is Big Daddy until things calm down a bit.

  44. It is also a sad day. We won’t be seeing that much of Big Daddy form now on..

  45. Happy Birthday to you…
    Finally legal to do…
    All those things you couldn’t…
    And most that you shouldn’t…

    Happy Birthday Taylor dear…
    Your safe with me I swear…
    But beware of most others…
    Like Twi-hards & their Mothers…

    Yes Birthday wishes sent your way…
    Please enjoy this special day…
    Should you need some clever idea’s…
    I know of one that truly cares…

    She’s been waiting oh so long…
    To personally sing your birthday song…
    No better BFF will you discover…
    Even tho she loves another…

    So as you become a man today…
    Off to NZ is what I say…
    She’ll be waiting in the bamboo…
    The happy panda is there for you!

    Happy Birthday!

  46. Aww! What a nice song! 😀

  47. Where is Illegal?!?!? I am worried about her…like she woke up and realized what day it was and had a stroke…

    Please tell us you are ok!

    • Yes come out come out where ever you ILWL..and EVERYONE that misses ANG..please give her a shout out!!!

      • @DJ I havent had a stroke silly…I’m just sitting in the basement with canned goods and a cut out of Rob till the madness passes…*hugs* you’re such a sweetheart for being worried 🙂

        @Cyn I’m here! I’m here! and I MISS ANG!!!

        • How much fun would it be to be locked in a basement with canned goods, a cut out of Rob AND newly legal Taylor?!?!? Endless possibilities…..

      • Aw, MidCyn, you are sweet! My work access to LTT seems to be restored today. Thank goodness! Just haven’t had time to come visit.

        • YEAH ANG..glad your here..missed you!

          @legalwolflover: Glad you came out of the basement cause I am sure Ang was absent trying to find a flight to NZ to steal the cutout of Rob..she is fierce!! :0

          • I was just planning on checking on illegal/legal…never thought for a second about stealing the rob cut out. You believe me, right? 😉

          • @Ang..ummm of course I don’t..I mean do…of course I do… 😉

          • *pats chairs in basement* sit down…have some plaid…better yet…have some Rob. I just needed some company, hence the cutout. But you guys are here now. *does happy dance and distributes Bel Ami and RM pictures* aaaaand perve!

          • @Illegal(no longer)wolflover:
            Would gladly pull up a seat and keep you company…but request one thing..cutout of Edward which I will cuddle while we keep watch for the birthday boy…I mean man… to arrive so he can hear you sing for him!

  48. Does this mean we should stop calling him Tater Tot? I love tater tots.

  49. *whispers*
    Dear Taytor-tot-no-more,

    Did you know the video for “Hungry like the Wolf” was filmed in Sri Lanka. Aint it purrrrty? These are the useless facts you’ll learn when we’re BFFs.
    Oh yeah Happy Birthday…call me when the screaming stops. 🙂


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