My plea to Kristen Stewart: Please bone Robert Pattinson

doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well...

doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well...

Dear Kristen-

I’m writing you two days in a row… I know- check my pulse, I may be ill, but after yesterday when we were treated to the images of you and Rob SHIRTLESS in Italy (aka the day the earth stood still), I knew I needed to talk to you again. I’m ‘unconditionally and irrevocably’ jealous of you. I’m openly admitting this to you on a very public blog in which I usually give you a lot of crap because, you see, to kiss a man like this and not do anything else would simply be a tragedy to the entire human race, female and male. I can’t live in a world where someone isn’t enjoying Mr. Pattinson… oh and uh Rob.

I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump n grind...

I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump n grind...

Now I know you and Oregano are an item and swear up and down every day that you’re happily together and whatever… but COME ON! You’re in a foreign country! People do stupid stuff when they’re in foreign countries, like buy leather jackets they don’t need and rub shoulders with the locals ifyouknowwhatimsaying. You should let loose one night and blame it on the goose, blame it on the henney, blame it on whatever but PLEASE PLEASE don’t waste such a great opportunity.

Ok if you’d like to keep denying yourself, Kristen, I’m gonna open this letter up to the following… any takers?

my FAVE pic... that butt slot is just begging me to put a quarter in it

my FAVE pic... that butt slot is just begging me to put a quarter in it

01. Ashley Greene (seriously girl)
02. Anna Kendrick (we already know he was in St. Louis with you, why not Italy?)
03. Elizabeth Reaser
04. Rachelle LeFevre
05. the actress that played Ms. Cope
06. Whoever will play Mrs. Newton
07. The craft services chick
08. The gay dudes from hair and make up
09. the camera man
10. Nikki Reed (you know I’m serious now)
11. Stephanie Ritz
12. Stephenie Meyer (make your dreams come true girl!)
13. The Plumber at the hotel
14. Random Italian grandmas in the piazza they’re shooting in
15. Chris Weitz
16. Dakota Fanning (whats the age of consent in Italy?!)
17. Kellan Lutz, when you guys are spooning in Rob’s hotel room!
18. SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok I’ll just have to fly over to Italy and DO IT myself! Like they say, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself!

On my way! Oh and get that gladiator costume ready…

PS Don’t forget to check out the inevitable breaking down of these pictures over at Letters to Rob!
Daily chat over at the forum along with a TON of other goodies

Pictures: from EVERYWHERE! Popsugar, Lainey, Robert Pattinson Unlimited, and whoever else helped make this the best day ever!

68 Responses

  1. […] how you feel over at The Forum Read the Letter to Kristen Stewart begging her to make the magic […]

  2. =O) Could you include me in that list? Right ahead of Ashley Green, please. She already has beauty and the love of the fans, it would be so unfair that she got Rob too!!

    Thanks in advance,

    ANDREA =O)

    *praying for Kristen NOT to bone Rob*

  3. Unacceptable. The only one I want boning Rob is me. And possibly Ashley Greene. If I can watch. Brouhahahaha!

  4. Seriously. The man deserves some reward for his hard work.

    “the day the earth stood still” Fo sho!

  5. Moon you are soooo real girl ❤ you<3
    I have to admit that I'm one of those who get a bit jealous, envious {frustrated it isn't me} when rumours of Rob getting some come out {pounding spam} BUT the thought that all that HOT Rob is going to waste that no-one no-where is getting any of that and more importantly that ROB'S not getting any……It breaks my heart and I have no words…………..
    Get on that plane girl and DO for all of us, take U.C. along so you can gather an alternative persective, and then break it down with the quad for us all afterwards…
    Living in hope ❤ you all ❤

  6. I don’t think I got anything done at work yesterday after those photos surfaced. SO EFFING HOT.

    I agree that Rob needs some luv. Perhaps a random hot Italian girl that doesn’t speak English? Very not committal. Someone needs to caress those abs. Those abs….

  7. if ya liked it then you shoulda put a quarter in it!

  8. Yesterday when i saw these my mind just went to gush along with others things ifyouknowwhatimsayin!
    Please let the movie be as hot as Rob.
    And you know that KStew and RPattz have bumped uglies.

  9. God I almost came at work as I was going through the pics!!! If there are no takers…I am MORE than willing to ‘take one for the team!’…I’ll show him the benefits of being with a ‘wiser more experienced’ woman! 😉

  10. “…where someone isn’t enjoying Mr. Pattinson…oh and Rob.”

    That is brilliant.

    And seriously–since this letter is to Kristen, I must tell her this:
    You have a fab ass. I say this in a non-lesbian kind of way, too.

    I don’t care if she and Rob date or hit it or whatever…but those two have bums made for each other. I’m just sayin’.

    • seriously.. her ass is beautiful. i wanna crab it

      wow.. i mean grab it

      • I want those little dimples right above her ass. How do I get those??

      • yes. crab. grab. either way….her ass is hot. glad I’m not the only one who hetero-admires it.

      • me too.

        *but those two have bums made for each other. I’m just sayin’.* LOL.

      • Fabulous. Now I have to add squats to my workout. After seeing that, I’m totes jealous of the booty.

      • I can’t be jealous of her bum because she lacks in the rack. This baby may not have back, but I’ve got a nice rack. Eat it kstew. Hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful Thursday I’m
        Currently in my pool on this 95 degree day In Washington state. Contrary to popluar belief it doesn’t rain everyday here.

    • SEIROUSLY!! shes got some action in the back! i want those jeans too… joes??

  11. Hahahahahahahaha! Oh dear Lord.

    @Moon…the list. was. fantastic!

    I have to concur here, in all fairness. SOMEBODY NEEDS to hit that. STAT! Cause that is all kinds of ‘daayyyuumm!’ And we shouldn’t be wasteful.

    Isn’t he delish? I mean, boys been to the gym!

  12. I’m NOT a Robsten fan…. and I know you aren’t either, Moon. but THIS needs to happen. SOMETHING needs to happen WITH SOMEONE and ROB. PUH-LEASE!

    and i’m not talkin’ romance.. i’m talkin’ about gettin’ it ON!

    • 50 Cent said it best…
      “I’m into having sex, I ain’t into making love…”

      In Da Club. Best Song Ever.
      It is now Rob and Kristen’s theme song. Not a Robsten shipper, either, but isnt’ it time we all stop pretending that they haven’t been “productive.” On two nights. Ahem.

  13. How KStew didn’t wrap her legs around his waist and have at it I have no idea!! I would have purposely messed that shot up just so I could have gotten to do it again and again and again… know what I’m saying… Good Lord I’m getting the vapors!!!

    • The vapors! Awesome!

    • someone get the smelling salts… we got a fainter!

    • “How KStew didn’t wrap her legs around his waist and have at it I have no idea!!”

      SERIOUSLY! This might be the strongest proof that they aren’t hitting it. If she was, I don’t see how she’d be able to tear herself away. I imagine kissing Rob would be like how Edward explains vampires drinking human blood (or even smelling it) – you’d straight up go into a frenzy.

      See, now my imagination is wandering again… and I will let it

  14. “(aka the day the earth stood still)”


  15. ummmm, I’ll help out, too, Mr LPB won’t mind….

    I’ve said it a lot, STOP WASTING THE HOTNESS! Someone do that man, and do him right, please. He’s been working so hard, going to the gym, and being the most kick-ass Edward, and making the working women of the world completely non-productive for a while, now. Kristen, do not miss this opportunity!

  16. Ok, I’m definitely not a Robsten fan… I will never accept it…
    but… that boy needs someone that holds on him like her! come on!!! Seriously!!!
    There’s must be someone that does not look so plain and boring and that make us happy because she’s making our boy happy!
    Oh Rob… yesterday the earth definitely stood still… and it was the happiest day… Oh glorious day!

    Oh! and since the letter was for Kristen… girl… I like you even less now that I see how you can hold him like that and I can’t…

    • I like you even less now that I see how you can hold him like that and I can’t…

      hahAh preach

  17. Kristen would not take advantage of Robert that way or want to be involved in a fling. She is a serious person and Robert is also a sensitive and serious person at heart when comes to matters of the heart. Both of them need time, they just knew each other and they are good people. They respect each other so much that both of them do not want to take advantage of each other and want to be totally certain before making whatever decision. Starting with being good friends is the best foundation of a healthy relationship.

    • maybe they should ‘court?’

      • Moon, you totally just made me snarffle.

      • Maybe they could do a remake of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers.

        Goin’ courtin’, goin’ courtin’
        Oh it sets your senses in a whirl.
        Goin’ courtin’, goin’ courtin’
        Dudin’ up to go and see your gal.
        Oh, it’s fun to hunt and shoot a gun,
        Or to catch a rabbit on the run
        But you’ll find it’s twice as sportin’ goin’ courtin’.
        Now there’s lots o’ things you gotta know
        Be sure the parlor light is low
        Y’ sidle up and squeeze her hand
        Let me tell you fella’s that is grand.
        You hem and haw a little while
        She gives you kinda half a smile.
        You cuddle up she moves away
        Then the strategy comes into play.
        Goin’ courtin’, goin’ courtin’
        If you find it hard to break the ice
        Goin’ courtin’, goin’ courtin’
        Here’s a little feminine advice.
        Roll your eyes and heave a little sigh.
        Grunt and groan like you’re about to die.
        That is what’s known as emotin’ goin’ courtin’!

        Sad I know the words to that song.

        • um only one of my FAVORITE musicals of ALL time. so had a thing for gideon and ben!

          iiiiimmmmm a little ol hounddog! lonesome saaaad and bluuueeeee, cause i aint go no little girl hound dog vowing to be trrruuueee! whoo oooo oooo ooo ooo!

          • OMG, MOON! I so had a huge longing for Ben, back in the day! I love that musical! He couldn’t actually dance (note the big barn-raising scene), but dayum, he was broad across the shoulders. I’m going fangirl for a guy in the ’50s. WOW.

          • they totally made him stand off to the side!! loved it!

            i go fangirl for probably gay actors in musicals too! thats normal!

          • I’m a Howard Keel girl…he was fantastic in Showboat too…

            Why don’t they make men like they did back then? They just want to shoot and hunt and spark and swing axes around cause they miss you so much.

            THAT should be totally normal.

  18. As much as I hate to admit…you’re right Moon. SOMEONE should be hitting that. And unfortunately, if it can’t be me, I guess I wouldn’t mind if it was Kstew. I just feel bad for him…I mean a man has needs. I think he may be taking the whole angsty thing too far. The poor guy is gonna explode if he doesn’t get laid soon. And I know that we will know because inevitably there will be some sleazy pap there to snap a pic as they try to sneak out of the hotel separately (I hate them. but I love them) and there is sure to be a…wait for it….SMILE….on Kstews face that is not accompanied by the smell of some sweet smelling herbs. So, Kristen Please for the love of all that is Holy…please Tap That!

  19. AGREED! Someone must do that boy ASAP! I will volunteer for combat duty, if necessary. It’s a dirty job (one can only hope), but somebody’s got to do him. My only worry is that I will pass out from hotness before I can get him all primed–you know, drunk and playing air guitar.

    And UC? I love that you want to “crab” KStew’s ass.

  20. Can’t talk, busy imagining myself in Kstew’s shoes…..

    P.S. Can’t wait to break down the photoes with the interwebz bestie, and fellow TMZ stalker, Too_Far_Gone, later today for our evening “date”.

  21. My vote off that list??? Him and Kellan. And I am in the corner watching Little Ashes style. Just sayin….

  22. Ms. Cope! That’s a win for today, even if it did almost blow my cover at work. The bosses would know something was suspect if I were to bust up laughing.

  23. *my FAVE pic… that butt slot is just begging me to put a quarter in it*

    LMAO. moon, love you.

  24. girls are so dirty. I never knew just how dirty they were until rob entered my life and turned me into a dg. (dirty girl). Now I just wanna grab a handful of that arse and lick him. seriously I used to be so pure of heart and mind… He’s sending me to hell.

    • we were all SOOO innocent just a few short months ago and then rob entered our lives.

      AHEM yea innocent…

  25. Seeing the smile he is sporting in Montepulciano, I am certain the boy is gettin’ some.

    You hot italian girl, you!

  26. Umm… this is a little off topic, but im having twilight withdrawals.. anyone else go through this?

    Its only been a month since i finished the series, but im already feeling the need to re-read them.

    The only thing stopping me from getting the book (new moon) off my shelf, is that a family friend is borrowing it. Thank god, too because Im trying to wait as long as i can to re-read them. like a week or two before NM comes out. But its so hard!!

  27. You have rocked my world with this article and the Rob one over at LetterstoRob. Just thought you should know. I have literally destroyed my key board spitting out pinot grigio

  28. i was looking at IMDB under Kristen Stewart’s biography, and it says something about Rob being her boyfriend…? But I know anyone can just edit those.

  29. I feel the need to correct one of those numbers.

    18. Lisa! AKA author of this comment.

    You know how it is. *wink*

  30. OMG Gladiator! That was perfect!

  31. I don’t know who or if he’s “boning” anyone…and I’m all for bringing back the term boning… but for the love of everything that is good and holy, if that twit hasn’t had enough sense to get together and do the grown up with him yet…she doesn’t deserve to. She’s stupid and stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to have an orgasm.

  32. […] out of my mind I plead with you to bone Robert Pattinson while you’re filming New Moon in Italy. You probably took my advice. Or you didn’t and […]

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