Ashley Greene, Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning praying in the name of Rob in Italy

Dear Ashley, Kristen and Dakota-

I see that Kellan finally wore you down and you had a meeting of the girls accountability group of New Moon and decided to induct Dakota Fanning into the fold… how sweet of you gals!

Say Facebook! No say Rob DO ME!

Say 'Facebook!' No say 'Rob DO ME!'

First, Ashley decided to document the occasion because of course my BFF is like me and will inevitably scrapbook the moment for posterity to remember the day Dakota joined the league of girls “Praying and Fasting for a better New Moon.” The movement originally started by our dear Lula and continues till November 20 when we will find out if our prayers have been answered. Obviously you girls know how important this is so you started off the meeting with a round of prayer…


Kristen Stewart was just at a Women of the Word conference (obviously) and decided to begin after feeling the leading of the Holy Spirit and it went a little something like this…

KStew: Dear God we come to you today in front of the paparazzi and the crazy psycho set stalkers to say we are so thankful to be sweating our boobs off  filming here in Italy and want to welcome our newest sister in the Lord the Meyer, Dakota Fanning. Let her light shine to all she comes in contact with, though not Rob because he should only be seeing MY light, but anyway we ask for a hedge of protection around Dakota from all the whacky Pattinson pants girls and scary Twimoms, keep her safe and away from their Chico’s daywear grasp…

Dakota: Dear God, thank you for these special girls and may we all become closer than fake lesbians now that NReed is out of the picture… oh and an extra special blessing for my agent and manager for making a teen girls dream come true by taking me away from Oscar potential scripts and getting me this two-bit part and bringing me this much closer to Robert Pattin-

*interrupting* KStew: Uh that’s enough Dakota, don’t want to wear you out the first time, ASHLEY your turn, NOW!

Ashley: Huh? uh.. OH! I’m up… Dear God, after this whole accountability thingy is over please please please let us find an open Sephora store here in Montepulciano because all of us are out of concealer! Seriously, look at us, we’re out in public praying on a rooftop looking haggard, we NEED some MAC ‘studio stick’ coverage stat. Oh and please impress upon Jackson’s heart that he should ‘kiss groupies goodbye’ and shack up with me instead. Uh and thanks for Dakota, her presence helps give this little dog and pony show we call New Moon some much needed credibility.

And we all said AAAAAAMEN!

Then the always classy Kristen gave the watching paparazzi a little one finger blessing…

Jesus loves you too!!

Jesus loves you too!!

Spoken like a true prophetess! Don’t miss KStew on BET’s Sunday Best and next year on tour with Juanita Bynum bringing the word like only SHE can!

Your sister in the Meyer,

PS Don’t forget to check out our daily letters to Rob and see UC get him drunk!
Oh and chat about it all over at the forum!

70 Responses

  1. Hi Ladies! I just left a post on Monday’s thread. I know it’s a little belated, but I’ve been super busy. Just wanted to say thanks for the salute and the shout outs =D We’re flying out in a few days so it’s been mega hectic, but i’m glad i’m not forgotten yet, hehe.

    btw, do you think dakota will let me get a copy of those pics from her camera? that’s definitely laptop wallpaper material, no embarrassment whatsoever =P

  2. Um….are you kidding me? This is only the BEST LETTER EVER!!!! And not because of the whole “Fasting and Praying Movement.” (Oh, the fasting and praying…rather, the praying…I don’t fast too much. Just being honest.) Is everyone still fasting and praying? Come on, people…it seems to be working. Chris Weitz, I dig you.

    I love that they are prayer partners. I love that KStew flew the bird…and was thinking, “Jesus loves you–but everyone else thinks you are a butthole!” I love that Ashley’s mind wanders during prayer. We’ve all been there. I love the scary Twimoms in their Chicos daywear. Wait…no I don’t. I got ahead of myself. Sorry.

    “…this dog and pony show we call New Moon…”
    Moon, that right there is why I love you and want to be your fake lesbian life partner. The end.

    • listen here, if the loverly trio is praying i’m sure it;s for important things, like rob being cloned. Kristen giving the bird in that sexy slouched position and scrunchin her face all good makes me wanna throw her off that roof, i mean hug her. check out my blog to find out 5 reasons why twilight is bad for you

    • XO to you tooooo and it is a dog and pony show. so much parading around

  3. Tehehe! Love it, as always.
    I am ever so glad that I discovered LTT.
    You fab chicas provide me with a good laugh every few days and for that I send you big hugs 😀


  4. Hahaha. This about made me pee myself.

    “Uh and thanks for Dakota, her presence helps give this little dog and pony show we call New Moon some much needed credibility.” That is some good shit!

    And I’m trying as hard as I might to leave KStew’s finger poppage alone but it’s so hard. What is her freaking malfunction? Has she been taking public relations lessons from Britney, Paris and Lindsey???

    • “What is her freaking malfunction?”

      that made me LOL, i wonder the same thing.

      • Holy crap. I thought my aunt was the only person that says that! Anytime we do something stupid she goes from being a totally laid back person to putting on a really stern pissy voice and going “WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION?! HUH?!”

        It feels weird seeing Dakota as a teen now. She’s been in movies all through her childhood so now that shes growing up its hard to recatagorize her in my head. Its like “nooooo she can’t think naughty thoughts…”. Then I realize how I thought at her age and what a hypocrite I’m being

  5. God Bless this church you have created! I have enjoyed getting my religion on with you Moon,…even though you are trying to steal my future DH. Now time to start drinking….LTR here I come.

  6. OH MY GOD!!!!!!

    @Moon…okay srsly! Where do I even begin, too many choices!

    ‘but anyway we ask for a hedge of protection around Dakota from all the whacky Pattinson pants girls and scary Twimoms, keep her safe and away from their Chico’s daywear grasp…’ (holy crap that’s good stuff right there!)

    ‘Dear God, after this whole accountability thingy is over please please please let us find an open Sephora store here in Montepulciano because all of us are out of concealer!’ (yes! hahaha!)

    Dang I get you girls!

    Dear Rob,

    I feel it is my obligation to make myself available to you at any time, just in case, you know…you want to reach out, ‘touch faith’. Justsayin.

  7. Oh no she didn’t!!! That is the funniest pic of KStew I’ve ever seen!!! She must have run out of pot and was having withdrawals or something….just saying…

  8. So, I’ve become addicted to reading this website every morning before I go to work. Usually I just look at the stuff, laugh a little (ok a lot), and then head to work. But today! This made me laugh so much! I love the pictures and your captions. “Jesus loves you too!!” OMG… too funny 🙂

    Anyway, Moon and UC, thank you for becoming my morning entertainment before I go chase kids around at daycare for 8 hours. It is greatly appreciated! 😀

    • you should get a phone where you can enjoy us AT the daycare! it’ll help your day!!
      THANKS for saying hi:)

      • I’m on my lunch break now… had to come back and read it again!

        I have been thinking about getting internet on my phone (so I can be twilight obsessed 24 hours a day), but right now I’m saiving my money for the upcoming Twilight convention in Minneapolis!!! I’ve already got my tickets, just paying off my credit card bill! haha

    • AWWWW im so glad we can help be the morning wake up call!

  9. “keep her safe and away from their Chico’s daywear grasp…”


    And let me just say…KStew certainly puts the ass in class.


    and seriously. Thanks to Dakota for foregoing Oscar-worthy scripts for the time being… to hang out with pot heads & airheads (love you BOTH) so that Summit makes even MORE money!

  11. This is the best post evah! I feel like we are sisters in the same Sunday School class! Did we meet at SummerSalt once?

    “Jesus loves you too” Too much of the funny was brought there. (Who do I think I am? Yoda?)

  12. I have a totally random question. What exactly is a TwiMom?

    • we have a bit of a diff definition for a twi mom… some crazy whacko woman who has kids she should be taking care of but instead is set stalking and making homemade tshirts and berating other fans for saying “mean” things about the cast and go to events like comic con and ask inappropriate questions like ‘boxers or briefs’ to the underage cast.

      i think the original meaning is a lady who’s a mom and a twilight fan but some of them have gone to a whole other level and so we just call them crazy.

  13. I FEEL THE SPIRIT!!! I FEEL IT ALL THROUGH MY BONES….AAAAMMMMEEENNNN!!!! LOL Forgive me ladies for I have sinned…I haven’t quite been fasting as much as I should…I’ve been praying though…do I have to say 20 ‘Hail Edwards’ now as punishment? 😉 Or maybe if Kellan was my accountability partner, he could help me get through this indescresion together? Although a BETTER accountability partner would be Rob of course! 😀

  14. AMEN!!! To all the above. And God loves you, Kristen. : )

    *Dakota, stop fantasizing about Rob. It’s illegal for you to do so.[isn’t girls, or is it the other way around. Who cares, its illegal anyway]*

  15. @moon

    LMAO….you so nailed it with “Chico’s daywear”. I hate those effing commercials. “Cause its a Chico’s kind of day…..” So it’s a day to look like coordinated cougar crap??

    Anyhoo- the post was brill like always. I love when you guys tie in Jesus….makes me feel like I am attending church again….without actually having to go.

  16. Wow, this is a very entertaining piece .Love it,you are very creative and I do adore Kristen with all her antics. She just couldnt be bothered with how she looks, she is funny and look beautiful in every pose.Love Ashley and Dakota too. Great team.

  17. ‘Chico’s daywear’ hahaha, (cleans coffee from keyboard)

    What a great post, I was just getting over my giggles from LTR! You ladies are on fire today, I do not know how you do it!

    Kristen, Kristen , Kristen, didn’t mommy teach you if you don’t have something nice to say…..don’t get photographed saying it?

    Dakota is sure turning into a cute young woman, I have to say. I was a little tired of her being in every movie about a precocious little girl for a while there.

    • Word LaPush.

      Kristen sweetheart let a few seasoned chicks explain something to you:

      This, above, what you’re doing there…we feel what you are trying to communicate. May we suggest something slightly more creative? Dare I say, more polished? You will regret this someday,…trust. Oh, and Jesus loves you too.

    • “Kristen, Kristen , Kristen, didn’t mommy teach you if you don’t have something nice to say…..don’t get photographed saying it? ”

      HHAHA! no joke. next she’s gonna start wearing tshirts that say “fuck you” or “i’m with stupid”

    • Rob was recently photographed flipping photographers off too you know :-p

  18. “keep her safe and away from their Chico’s daywear grasp…”

    BEAUTIFUL. I love you so bad, it’s not even funny.

    Seriously, this may have been my fav LTT post ever. Dying!

  19. we are so sacreligious. So I’ve been away for a couple days because my older sis got married (to the biggest tool) on Sunday and being a good maid of honour iam Ive been working my butt off. The best part of the wedding was when my iPod was on shuffle in the brides room at the church right before sis went upstairs to get hitched. All the bridesmaids gathered around her to pray and prophesy and it was then that “never think” started to play. Robs presence filled the room gave me the strength to stand in front of 300 of our closest friends in 4 inch heels during the ceramony.
    When kstew tours with prophtess juanita bynum that will be the day I give up my rob obsession hell the day she can correctly identify miss bynum I will give him up.
    What’s with that chick? For real can somebody please explain to me why she is such a biotch? Real classy flipping off the camera and rolling and smoking a joint in front of cameras? Come on dude you look like a loser. I could almost see why she would flip someone off because those paps are rude and say really horrible stuff to get a reaction. But still taking hits off your joint with your co workers at lunch hummmm maybe I should pray for her instead of judging her. Tuesdays from now on will be my day for praying and fasting for kstew. Lord knows she needs it anyone else feel the burden from the lordto interceed on her behalf ?

    • intercede tiffany she NEEDS you!

      also when i get married to rob i hope this song plays before i we walk down the aisle.


  20. KStew is one classy lady if I ever saw one.
    PS Does it look like she’s trying to lick Ashley’s face in the first pic?

    • I think she is… NReed isn’t around so what is Kristen supposed to do without some fake lesbian action?

      I think my favorite part is: we “want to welcome our newest sister in the Meyer”

      Classic Gold. This + Shirtless Rob pics made my day

      • I just saw the shirtless Rob pic too and OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!!! I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again! He can rock my boat any day of the flippin week and twice on Sundays…..yeeeoowww!!! Sorry, I’m off subject…..

  21. I agree with Melissa… my friend, (hes gay) is almost more in love with rob than i am. He saw the pic at the exact same time and knew who it was immediately, it took me a couple minutes to realize it was him and to take it all in. Love the shirtless pic of Rob!! even if it is airbrushed. Oh & great post!

  22. Hi Lovelies,
    long time lurker, first time poster here. Just had to say your blog gives me major lolz 🙂

    “Oh and please impress upon Jackson’s heart that he should ‘kiss groupies goodbye’ and shack up with me instead.”

    – Damn straight! (Unless he want to shack up with ME, which would also be totally acceptable) 😉

    • yeaaa!! welcome out of lurkdom!! hope you’ll stick around!

      and yes jackson needs to kiss the groupies goodbye and say HELLO to ashley (or me)

    • Noooo I just saw the 100 monkeys were coming to my area in July and got all excited. Then the scenario of me leaning into his ear and offering myself to him popped in my head (slutty yes, but I’ve been reading waaaay too many smutty fanfics lately) and I’m debating if I’m hot enough for him to take me up on it ;). Hehe probably not if he could get a chick like ashley

  23. I thought LTR post was the best today…I think this won. Juanita Bynam? Meyer? Women of the Word? And this gem…
    “keep her safe and away from their Chico’s daywear grasp”

    4 real, my sister is in the Georgia Mass Choir (she’s the only white girl) – so if we need to get our church on, lemme know I have vids and mp3’s to send out for the mass worship.

  24. I think KStew keeps a ring off her middle finger just for pleasant gestures like this.
    She is so filled with etiquette!

  25. In the sweet baby Jesus and all the saints and Rob’s name…Amen. Praise his holy hotness, sistahs.

  26. OMG, Simply Amazing. Luv It. Huge Thanks. Nicky 😉

  27. […] us with your slutty photo shoots for Maxim mag, but we’re on to you.  We caught you in a time of prayer with your accountability partners, Dakota and Kristen, in Italy the other week, and we […]

  28. OMG. I know this is delayed (I’ve been trying to stay away from the twi-sites since I tend to get sucked in and can’t pull myself away…) but this is priceless! I know I read somewhere that Kstew has been getting migraines (plus I totally recognize her expression/body language in the pics) lately and with their schedules they have to be feeling like shit. The last pic of kristen makes my inner child giggle.

    Hmmm… I’ll keep in mind the part about the MAC studio stick. I’ve been needing to find a new foundation/concealer…

  29. I agree with kirsten. The paparazzis says always stupid things for her..

  30. ms. kristen stewart, if your not a roman catholic, i encourage you to be a catholic. For more information about the truths in our religion please log on to CATHOLICSCOMEHOME.ORG

  31. Dear Mr. Mark Christopher C. Biscocho,

    Does the “C” your initial stand for your Confirmation name?


    Mrs. Margaret Elizabeth “M” P.

  32. You know his last name (Biscocho) means “candy” or “sweet” in English!? Strange.
    Very good advice considering this weekend’s news. After all Rob is a “Catholic” and I bet Claire will love to take Kristen to Sunday Mass some day…

  33. Oh man! I laughed out loud at the “Jesus loves you too” She is a classy one isn’t she.
    It pains me. I mean what does he…..
    I just can’t take it this morning. Don’t even want to go there right now.

  34. i love Dakota!! ♥

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