A Twilight-themed Wedding

bella engagement ringDear UC & Moon,

I am writing to ask for your advice. I have recently gotten engaged & I was reading Eclipse & noticed Stephenie’s description of Bella’s Ring. My ring sounds almost identical! It was my fiancee’s grandmothers. I can’t believe the similarities between Bells & myself.  I met my fiancee when I was 17 and we fell in love very quickly.  Some would say we were a little obsessed with each other.  Well, after a few months, my now fiancee left me.  Yes- just like when Edward left Bella. It was basically a huge misunderstanding, but I was depressed for months. I lost 4 pounds and barely slept. After 2 months we got back together and have been together ever since! Isn’t that crazy?! Just like Bella & Edward! His name is Stu. I call him my Stuward. Anyway, when I realized the ring was just like Bella’s, it got me thinking- why don’t I have a Twilight-themed wedding!? Could you or your readers help me come up with ideas?

Love,
Twi-Bride to Be

Dear Twi-Bride to be,

YES! We love planning parties- planning a wedding can’t be that much different. And we LOVE Twilight, so combining a wedding with Twilight is a Win Win idea all around! This is so up our alley. We have 10 suggestions for you and some pictures that will hopefully provide inspiration!

  1. bella-s-wedding-twilight-series-6053356-500-343The Books: First of all, we definitely recommend bringing Eclipse & Breaking Dawn with you whenever you meet with vendors for your wedding- especially for those very important dress shopping trips. You should make sure to always be thinking with your “Cullen eyes”- think about everything the way that Alice, Bella or Edward would…. (probably focus on the Alice part- Bella Eyes might take you to David’s Bridal! Oh the horror!)
  2. Glitter: Don’t forget to adorn yourself in glitter. You need to be a sparkling beauty for all your guests. If The Stuward is a unique guy (and it sounds like he is) he might want to adorn himself in glitter as well.  For added effect, why don’t you have his chest exposed slightly- just have the buttons done half-way and have his jacket open.  If you have the extra money, dim the lights in the room & have a spotlight shine directly on his chest (that way the audience will really see him sparkle)
  3. Bridesmaid flowers: Instead of flowers, your bridesmaids should carry red, satin ribbons. If you’re at a loss for the perfect bridesmaid accessory, why don’t you fashion a mask out of the eclipse ribbon? The girls can hold it up to their eyes when they feel it’s appropriate
  4. Music: Walk down the aisle to something from the Twilight soundtrack.  It depends on what you’re like. If you want a party atmosphere, we suggest Perry Farrell’s “Go all the way.” If you’d like something more somber, maybe walk down to “Clair de Lune.” That’s probably a good choice as it’s pretty unique and probably hasnt’ been done in many weddings. If you want my honest opinion, I’d suggest walking down to “Never Think” by Robert Pattinson.  How beautiful would it be to walk toward your Stuward hearing the guy who played Edward sing a song? I have chills thinking of the moment…
  5. the-cullen-wedding-1368485a94The Vows: I know it’s trendy to write your own vows these days, but wouldn’t it be even trendier to have Edward & Bella write them for you? (Or… Stephenie Meyer?) Why don’t you try using only quotes from the 4 books (The Stuward could include some from Midnight Sun, if he wishes). Here is a quick example:To my darling Twi-Bride to be: Trust me. You look…sexy. Your number was up the first time I met you. I hope you enjoy dissapointment. It makes me…anxious… to be away from you. Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you? Look after my heart — I’ve left it with you. And the sound of your heart. It’s the most significant sound in my world. Tell me what you want, and you can have it. All of my best nights have happened since I met you. You love me more than I deserve.
  6. The Centerpieces: We think your centerpieces could incorporate a little bit of everything from the book series. Might we suggest bringing a little bit of Isle Esme to your reception hall? How about starting with a replica of a headboard (if you want to really get crazy- crack it!) glue on some feathers, add an apple or two, place a few chess pieces strategically in the center & top it off with some of the ribbons your bridesmaids will be carrying- you’ll represent the books but also have something sensual for you and your Stuward to enjoy.
  7. ruffledtulipsFlowers: The only flower you should use is the ruffled tulip- like the one on the front of New Moon. You could even give them out as your gifts- with a little card attached that says:”The lion fell in love with the lamb. But then he left the lamb for a little while, but then he came back and now the lion and lamb are married. Thank you for sharing in our joy”
  8. The garter: After The Stuward removes the garter from your leg, when he’s walking around, hands in the air doing a celebratory dance, he should yell “I AM Spider Monkey.” It can be your little secret sign to each other about the monkey-business that will happen later that evening.
  9. Blood: Obviously you can’t serve cups of blood at your reception (although that would be cool!) but you can pretend that you are! Dye everything red- use red wine, dye the water red, serve Bloody Marys & red jello shots. Spill red spots all over the white tableclothes – Ooh dip the edge of your dress in red dye!
  10. IsleEsme-1The Honeymoon: I assume you’re saving your virtue for your wedding night, as Bella & Edward did, so that’s taken care of. Have you been searching for french lingere? You know that’s the only kind Alice would approve of.  Just a few honeymoon tips from a gal who’s already experienced her Isle Esme: Use lines in the Twilight series’ as dirty talk.  We already mentioned “Spider Monkey” above, but that comes in handy quite often. You have no idea what it does to a guy when he hears “Spider Monkey” roll off your tounge. Another good one is “My Monkey Man.” (especially appropriate when he shows you his banana for the first time)  When you’re ready to see your Stuward in the buff, demand to see his “Buttcrack Santa.” He’ll get a laugh out of it and it will ease the tension.  You could even get him a little Santa hat and have him wear that (and only that) for your first time!
Please please PLEASE send us pictures so that we can see what it turned out like! (We’d especially like to see The Stuward in that Santa hat!) Good luck & Congratulations!
you are an idiot if you mirror yoru wedding after twilight
Love,
UC & Moon
don’t be an idiot
Don’t ever do this for your wedding. Don’t ever ever ever ever ever mirror your wedding after a book about vampires. Ever. If you do decide not to take our advice, use the following art board for inspiration:

and use this:
AND NOTHING ELSE: Do not google “twilight-themed wedding inspiration” DON’T DO IT! You will regret it….
i heart rob
Have a question for your Aunties Moon & UC? Email it to us at letterstotwilight@gmail.com & we would be happy to answer it and maybe even feature you as a post!
rob hearts me back
Today is the last day! Send us in your Twi-Porn for our Porn-off with The Twilight Sisterhood!
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113 Responses

  1. […] that special unicorn? Ready to plan your Twilight themed wedding?! We’re here to help at LTT! Wanna discuss stuff besides the posts?! Get on over to the forum and make some new friends! […]

    • I think the best advice anyone can give this person is to cease all wedding plans until they grow up enough to think this is a bad idea. Teen angst is not a solid basis for a marriage.

  2. I agree with UC & Moon.

    • why thank you!

  3. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Um. Speechless. Was this really a letter?

  4. wow… reallly??
    ok i agree w/ MAYBE the tulips..
    but the themed weddings (yeah.. i totallly didnt listen, and googled it..) sweet mother of pearl.. ppl actually do that?! lol
    lets hope that they kept it out in the sun as the colours are so dark.. at least it would be extra sparkly…?

  5. Sweet. Baby. Carrots.

    • in the microwave.

      • WIN!

  6. Can I like those black stilettos with the red heel?

    I’m not getting married I just want them for MY spider monkey time.

    • yes please. send me a pair too!

  7. I think “I hope you enjoy disappointment” should be added to every groom’s traditional vows.

    I’m off to Google “Twilight themed weddings”, because I’m a masochist.

    • “I think “I hope you enjoy disappointment” should be added to every groom’s traditional vows.”

      Oh, sing it sistah. Not that I don’t love my husband, but for real. Yeah.

      • Hahahaha!

      • As much Twilight crap as I’ve exposed myself to since I got separated, I think I could accurately say I’m having a Twilight themed divorce, which is no less stupid but at least I can date.

  8. “Another good one is “My Monkey Man.” (especially appropriate when he shows you his banana for the first time)”

    Oh. My. God.
    That is total win right there.
    I totally *giggle-snorted*.
    And that Isle Esme mock-up is so incredibly heinous and 2nd-hand embarassing.
    I cannot look at it.
    As for that wedding inspiration board . . .
    I’m totally in love with that red dress.
    I want it.

    Another top letter, ladies :)

    xoxo

    • “And that Isle Esme mock-up is so incredibly heinous and 2nd-hand embarassing.
      I cannot look at it.”

      I completely agree but in some ways I just want to copy that image location and send it to every friend who thinks I’m crazy for being obsessed with Twilight. Then I can say, “SEE! I’m not THIS crazy.”

      Also, I think it’s kinda hot. Shhhhhhhhh

  9. Is she for serious? Really? uuuhhh…. oookkkkay…. This reminds me of this wedding I came across one day…

    http://www.freewebs.com/needhamwedding/

    Yeah…. I really don’t think I need to say any more… UC & Moon might never let me come back….

    • omg.. LOTR wedding. why didn’t I THINK of that!?

    • Oh dear lord… this is so funny! these people are on crazy pills!

    • just when you think you’ve seen the crazy… the crazies get crazier!

      this is the best line: “Patrick and I set out to have the best, most memorable wedding that Toledo, OH has ever seen.”

      HAHAHAHAH

  10. You girls just made up that letter right? PLEASE tell me I’m right???

  11. OK. You knew that the moment we read “AND NOTHING ELSE: Do not google “twilight-themed wedding inspiration” DON’T DO IT! You will regret it…” we were going to do just that (and by “we” I mean “me”) :D LOL :D But the funny part was that when I googled it the first result I got was this very post. ;) You are at the top of the Google food-chain. ;)

    Hugs,

    ANDREA

  12. First of all, #3 & #6…HILARIOUS!
    But the vows, they are epic! I can’t stop laughing!

  13. Shoot, I wish I had a chance to do it all over again, so I COULD have the hubs get rubbed down in sparkles and have the spotlight on him. Classy and dazzling!

    Another insanely funny post, ladies!

  14. If I promise not to have a Twilight themed wedding can I have those shoes? And that dress? And those earrings? And that bag? And rings with red gemstones? Oh, and that guy.

    • what about the old timey car??

      • Well, if I was wearing those shoes I’d need the old timey car to mask the fact that I fell down, ripped my dress, and broke my ankle. Then while Rob, err, I mean my husband, is cleaning up my skinned knees I can wave out the window like I’m the Queen!

        Good thinkin’, Moon!

  15. hilarity=If you have the extra money, dim the lights in the room & have a spotlight shine directly on his chest (that way the audience will really see him sparkle)

  16. Well….you can try the Twilight theme b-day party….http://twilightguide.com/tg/2009/06/13/twilight-themed-birthday-party-2/

  17. What about dinner whit the Cullens? http://www.thebloomgirls.com/2009/05/twilight-theme-dinner-partydinner-with.html

    • It’s funny because the Cullens don’t eat.

    • based on their home decor I find this even more frightening…

    • And so everyone is aware…this party was held in Marietta Georgia…that does not mean that everyone from Georgia is crazy.

      Carrie and I are proof.

    • holy crap! they stitched the logo into the towel on the ice bucket! WTF! that took some planning!

    • Although it is a nicely done goth-style tablescape (Is that a real word??) I wouldn’t have recognized that as a Twilight theme at all. Didn’t the book make a point of making the vampires not goth, dark, and/or spooky?

  18. She sounds pretty serious to me. I think it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to have it, but done the right way. I would never have a Twilight themed wedding myself (wouldn’t submit my family to that, lol) Your suggestions were pretty great though UC and Moon! That would be one heck of a wedding.

    Now I’m off to google twilight themed wedding inspirations, i’m intrigued.

  19. THE VOWS!!!!!

    Heart you bad. :)

    Can we work, ‘animal attack’, somewhere into the honeymoon?

    • You’re obsessed with saying ‘animal attack’! Love it. :D

      This was beyond. I can’t stop laughing!

      • @Lapushbaby?????

        I’ve only recently seen the light where this phrase is concerned. Can you school us on the versatility of these words?

        • My personal favorites..(future tattoos, bumper stickers, etc.)

          ‘As if I needed another motive to kill you’ OR

          ‘Am I annoying you?’

          What does this say about me??? :)

          • Srsly…when I’m sporting the Volvo (normal, remember) next year…I am having a bumper sticker made that says this for my back window….

            Help me chose…either:

            Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving?

            OR

            Put your seatbelt on – I’m nervous already.

        • Well, there is just something hilarious/sexy/whatever here where he sighs, says “Animal Att-eck” and glances at Edward. It’s easily his best-delivered line.

          God I love this movie more every time I watch it.

          • Clearly there is brilliance behind all references on LTT/LTR. And the woman LPB….don’t underestimate her…. ;)

    • Wahahaha. And when they play Clair de Lune as you walk down the aisle, I’m going to call out “Clair de Lune is great!”

      • ANIMAL ATTACK!! (shifty eyes)

        CLARE DE LUNE IS GREAT!

        • LOL!

  20. OMFG,
    “My Monkey Man.” (especially appropriate when he shows you his banana for the first time)
    you are absolutely brilliant!

  21. Well, Moon and U.C. you have discovered a new career path The Twilight Wedding Planner’s.
    If I decide to re-new my vows, I’m totally bring you both to Ireland to get my Hubby covered in glitter sparkles….
    You Rock <3

  22. I’m sorry, but I actually like the stuff on that art board (if you take away the movie pics and the random wolf, no-one would ever know).

    But I’m not getting married, do you think I could wear the white dress grocery shopping?

    • no the artboard is great! minus the obvious twilight stuff!

  23. I will take the red dress.

  24. OMG that picture of Edward smooshing Bella’s boob in the ocean is wrong on SO many levels!!

    Don’t forget. The groom’s father should give him the talk about what to expect on the honeymoon. Leave the Tampax at home, honey! You’ll be knocked up with your very own “little nudger” by the time you get home!

    SM should be mamed for even typing the phrase “little nudger”. *shudders*

    • little nudger?

      that’s what she said!

      great post ladies. had me laughing like crazy. while at work. hah! :)

  25. Oh my god! I have missed you guys so much! My home internet was fail and my new job blocks everything but news sites– I tried to explain that LTT/LTR ARE news sites– another fail. Boo…but I’m catching up now! :)

    So please tell me that this letter wasn’t real! Please. No. Srsly. Please tell me that there aren’t peeps out there planning shizz like this. I mean, I would soooo go to this wedding just to see how wheels off it would be. And to blog about their dumba$$es later.

    • oh.. people are planning shizz like this… seriously…

  26. When I googled Twilight Themed weddings, you guys were fourth on the list.

    BUT…. Besides that. I want a Twilight Themed cake. I saw one that has the ribbon and the chess piece.

    YUM!

    And I figure people actually have a Twilight wedding, because if people are dumb enough to get a Twilight tattoo… I am pretty sure they are going to follow through with Twilight themed events!

  27. i think this comes down to word choice. if she just changed it from “twilight themed” to “twilight inspired” ill be on board.

  28. Wow. I mean, wow. First off, I’d like to think this letter isn’t real, but I know it probably is.

    I have no words to explain how I am feeling inside. Forget the pictures, I want a copy of the video!

    • me too. especially of The Stuward shaking his thang on the wedding night

  29. I am not much of a fan of the twilight books. But i saw the movie. I just don’t know the rest of the story. But I still feel weird thinking that someone would google a twilight theme wedding.

    • i think the weird part is not the googling but the actually HAVING of the said twilight-themed wedding!

      • I was afraid to say that… No offense to the bride…

  30. Wow, I’m pretty sure if I had suggested a Twilight themed wedding, my husband would have seriously gone freak on me and taken over all the planning himself. DAMN. I should have done that.

    Skeet, LMAO at ‘little nudger.’ I had actually been successful at forgetting that phrase ever existed until you brought it back into my life.

    And ok, this is another opportunity for me to embarrass myself, but what the hell…. Is Rosalie really saying ‘My Monkey Man’? I always thought that sounded so stupid, she *must* be actually saying ‘My Mountain Man’, which seems to make sense given that its Emmett, with the bears and all, and its just hard to pick it up. However, I haven’t watched the movie with the subtitles on yet…mostly because I hate the movie part of it and go straight for the flippy bat skillz. And I’m too lazy to pop it in now and check. If you guys tell me that it is indeed ‘My Monkey Man’, I will just take your word for it and nod my head sorrily, while remembering that this came from the same author who actually uses ‘irrevocably’ in sentences and coins phrases like ‘little nudger.’

    • Just to help…the phrase was “My Monkey Man”, but it wasn’t from the books at all, it was like the “Spider Monkey” quote straight from Melissa Rosenberg’s screenplay …oh I wonder what gems will come from New Moon?……..

      • Ugh, that Spider Monkey thing is srsly second-hand embarrassing enough that I sometimes cringe when I have to admit to others that I’m held in the thrall of Twilight’s opiatic haze…

  31. And here’s your cake:

    Oh My.

  32. And bridesmaid dresses and photo idea:

    Dear. Lord.

    • Awww…the bridesmaid’s look embarrassed. I’m sad for them. The dresses aren’t bad, but the apple bouquet is the worse.

    • The same bride has a picture of herself and her bridesmaids with an Edward poster. Nothing says, “I love you and want to be with you forever” like holding up a picture of another guy at your wedding.

      • I SAW THAT! wtf?

        • And here it is complete with plastic fangs:

          The groom has probably skipped out by now. The honeymoon was probably over when she called him “Edward” in bed later that night.

          • Um……*crickets*…..ya, those are some loyal friends. Justsayin.

          • i almost posted that. but i was too embarrassed

          • noooooooooo…….

    • I would REFUSE to be in this wedding those girls look so embarassed…

      • Since she only has two bridesmaids, I’m guessing the 16 other girls she asked first said “hell to the NO!”

        • good call dude.. she totes was planning on having a 12 person wedding party only 2 loved her enough to go through with it… probably her sisters and their mom made them…

    • That is TRUE FRIENDSHIP those girls are loyal lifelong friends, I’ve only got one who would support me to that degree, {after she’d tried everything else}…..

    • oh sweet baby jesus in a manager… doing the apple pose at the church. help me

  33. And for the wedding night, of course:

    somebody stop me, please.

    • what are they a couple from the 50’s? why are there two beds?

      • hahahhaahhaha. It’s like the Dick Van Dyke show!!!

        (i never realized what a hilarious name he had until I just typed it. Apparently I now have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy)

    • Holly, I’m having a seizure here….please don’t stop…. all this confirms I DO NOThave a problem AT ALL and any internet stalking and fantasy play I have in my head is TOTALLY NORMAL…….
      Have to admit whoever made the cake is very clever.

  34. wow. and I thought my wedding in ’92 was embarrasing… <3 you guys mucho!

  35. I have to believe that this request isn’t real, but if it is…bless her dear little heart.

    Great post. You ladies certainly put more effort into wedding details than SM did in Breaking Dawn.

  36. DON’T DO IT!!! You will NOT enjoy the disappointment in ten years.

    This reminds me of the heart-shaped diamond my BFF just HAD to have as her engagment ring when she got engaged at (eek!) 21 years old. Big, cheesey, expensive MISTAKE!!

  37. Wow. Well, as a crafty gal, I would like to offer my services for constructing the centerpieces. I’ve got a glue gun.

    And I, too, want the red dress, but since red isn’t my color, I’ll take it in blue.

  38. OKay I don’t even tell people in RL that I like Twilight… (sorry girls and corns, remember Im always trying to protect my street cred, if this gets out, Im toast) why the hell would anyone want to display their insanity before God and their friends and family?
    Is her love story really like edward and bella’s? really? he’s a vampire? and she’s a blinking, clumsy girl with absolutly no self preservation instinct?
    COOL!

    • Sorry that last part was a little snarky… all the happiness to you bride to be… but Don’t under any circumstances have a twilight themed wedding… everyone will laugh at you and think you are a psycho hose beast…

  39. I’m pretty sure if I had suggested this to my husband when we were marrying it would have been a deal breaker.
    Oh, the vows! “I hope you enjoy dissapointment” I was laughing so hard my four-year old came in the room and asked “mommy, what’s so funny?”
    Another hilarious post.

  40. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    This post was great!

    I’m getting married on May 22, 2010 and I’m not gonna lie, I asked my fiance if we could have a Twilight inspired song played. That’s not too creepster is it?

    Considering the bridal party are all entering the reception wearing Pittsburgh Penguin Hockey Jerseys it only seems appropriate that I get what I want as well, don’t you agree? hehe

    • make a play for it girl! if he’s getting jerseys you can get some edward, right?!

      • RIGHT! AMEN!

        So our next convo will sound something like this…

        Me: Hey, dove*, Moon says I should get to have a Twilight song played at our wedding.

        Dove: Moon what? Huh?

        Me: *rolls eyes* Don’t you know anything! Gawd!

        *Dove is our annoying pet name for each other. Go ahead, and snicker as you wish! :-D

  41. if that letter is real it is truly pathetic, i’m sorry but it is. i mean i like the series and everything but a twilight themed wedding is just ridiculous. and her and stu’s story isnt really that similar to edward and bella’s, yeah “they fell in love at the age of 17 and were kinda obsessed” well what 17 years olds arent obsessed it’s because it’s usually there first supposed “love”, and he left for a few months and omg she lost 4 whole pounds?! well that’s just crazy
    well even if it isnt real thanks for posting it because it makes me feel alot less creepy

    • that’s why we’re here!

  42. did someone srsly write this letter?????

  43. Oh, and don’t forget they must wed on August 13th.
    Is it weird that the idea of walking down the aisle to ‘Never Think’ is actually starting to seem appealing?

  44. In the words of Moon & UC: “Ah HALE NAH!”

    But in all seriousness- you both SHOULD go into the Twilight Wedding Coordinator business OR continue to blog and make us all laugh our arces off as you always do!

  45. I’m glad this sweet girl and her Stu are tying the knot. That’s fabulous, and yes she should get used to disappointment. Especially if losing 4 pounds seems like a tragedy. Bless her heart.

  46. blerrgh, i had to scroll away from that ‘isle esme’ manip. cant stare at that crap to long thats seriously heebie-jeebie-creepy.

  47. Um, I just googled. I know, I know, I wasn’t supposed to, but you knew we would. Anyway, it seems there are people out there who don’t understand the first thing about tongue-in-cheek (yep, that’s what she said). Several sites are recommending this story as a must-read for anyone leaning towards a Twilight-themed wedding…for real!

    My dear sweet Lord, I shudder to think what these people did for excitement before Stephenie Meyer dreamed about vampires.

    I know Hello Kitty-themed weddings were big in Japan about 10 years ago. Maybe there’s a market for this and you two are going to wind up laughing all the way to the bank.

    Proving once and for all, real life IS stranger than fiction.

  48. UC and Moon, your caring and attention to detail are amazing. You should go into business planning Twilight-themed weddings in Forks. You could make a killing. Think about it. Twilight Wedding Chapel. Little Chapel of Twilight. The Ruffled Tulip Wedding Chapel.

    *if this idea is used it better be by me, UC, and/or Moon. you know where you read it first.

  49. Winner winner, chicken dinner. That is all.

  50. LMAO! She only lost 4 pounds. ROTFL! It must not have hurt that bad.

    Thanks for the laugh though.

    I much prefer “little coward” from the book rather than spider monkey.

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