Lainey Gossip & I just may become friends…

Just a day in the life of Nikki & Kristen, hanging out with Rob- err- Michael Oregano

Just a day in the life of Nikki & Kristen, hanging out with Rob- err- Michael Oregano

Dear Lainey,
I think we need to be friends. I know, I know, why in the WORLD would you want to be friends with a Twilight/Rob “Open Mouth” Pattinson lover like me, (and more importantly why the H would I want to be friends with a smut-hound, Twi-hater like you?) but hear me out.
I think we’re a lot alike. Sure you’re bitchier than me and pretty rude to Twilight fans and make your living writing gossip that no one really needs to hear about (and if I weren’t running a Twilight/Rob site myself, I would NEVER read you or have even heard of you- gossip ain’t my thang), but you’re also snarky and write with an “i don’t give a shit” attitude and are pretty spot-on about the whole of the Twi-dom most of the time. Plus you’re using Twilight/New Moon news to self-promote and like Sam Bradley, I kinda gotta give you some credit. Plus I secretly think you’re a Twifan yourself deep down.  (But it’s okay, I can keep a secret.)
My girls and I (we call ourselves “the quad”- go ahead, make fun) like to break things down Vanity-Fair Style (It’s a LTT/LTR thing, you wouldn’t understand) and today via e-mail we broke down your latest post about Nikki, Kristen & Oregano out and about in Vancouver:
Me: Did you see Lainey’s post today? I hate her, but I also love her snarkiness b/c she’s so right
Friend #1: She’s a nutjob, for the record.  I’d LOVE to see what she looks like.  Ten to one says the 4 of us are way more fabulouser than she is.  Fo’ sho.
Via Lainey: Nikki was spotted heading over to Rob’s. She stayed at his place a few hours, then they went out and hooked up with some friends… Next question, I know it’s coming: Are they dating? Doubtful. Are they f-cking? Probable.

Shh paps.... keep the secret that I was the one who actually called you, k? Tell Lainey me and Mikey are in love n' stuff...

Shhhh paps.... keep the secret that I was the one who actually called you, k? Tell Lainey me and Rob- err- Mikey are in love n' stuff...

Friend#1: Rob and Nikki are totally using each other for booty calls.  I know y’all don’t want to hear that, but it’s true.  They’ve done it before…they’ll probably do it again.  And the thing is, Rob knows it’s just friends with benefits.  But Nikki wants it to be more. Nikki needs it to be more…
So that’s the real deal.  I feel it in my bones.
And if it’s not, he and Kristen are banging and this whole “holding hands with Oregano while skipping through the streets of Vancouver” thing was a total set up.  KStew was completely looking at the cameras–making sure everyone saw her face, while holding his hand.
It was a set up.  Big time.  And NReed was there to ease the tension/awkwardness.
Via Lainey: Am told RP was approached repeatedly, some girls doing the usual super loser twi-hard gushy flappy arms thing and others trying to front like they were too cool to obsess over a movie hunk and starting up a conversation with him anyway, because he can totally tell between super loser twi-hard hysterics and closet super loser twi-hard hystericsd. It’s a huge difference.


I want to be Rob

I want to be Rob

I am Rob

I am Rob

Friend #1: Finally, bitch that she is, Lainey is fairly correct in her assessment of Twi-fans.

And do we think that Oregano was trying too hard to look like Rob?  Yes.  We do.
Moon: PS: Lainey is probably a Twi-fan herself but like us can be funny about it and knows how to keep “the crazy” inside her brain instead of embarrassing the whole of the Twi-Dom. (aka the fans at the “how to be” screening this weekend.)
Girl, we’d hate you less if you’d just come out of the closet. You love Twilight. You even loved Breaking Dawn and probably sleep with it under your pillow every night. Everyone is wondering who you’re blowing to get all this New Moon ‘smut,’ and we know that you’re getting it first hand. YOU’re stalking the set, YOU’re taking all the pics, YOU’re going up to Rob and pretending not to know who he is. Just admit it so we can all have a good ol’ laugh and become bffs.  Too ashamed that you were bit by the Twi-bug? Make fun of yourself… that’s what we do.. we can even make fun of you for you, if you’d like. Get over yourself so we can come up and visit and all stalk the Wolf-pack together. I’ve got dibs on the dorky wolf!
All pics and quotes from Lainey Gossip (our new bff- in consideration for the 5th member of “the quad”)
I also realized after posting this that the 4th member of the quad wasn’t involved- whoops. We missed you Friend #2!
Update: Just spoke with Friend #2 who said:
I can’t believe I missed the Lainey Breakdown. Here are my thoughts: 
  • Nikki/Rob shagging most def
  • Rob/Kstew shagging most def
  • Nikki/Kstew wishing they would shag, most def

67 Responses

  1. Dear Quad!

    Yes you are spot are correct about the NR and Robert relationship and I for one am glad he has a “ahem” friend. Everyone needs a friend!! lol


  2. Thoughts going through NReed’s mind –

    “God. I can’t walk too closely or else the paps might be able to tell that we all had a threesome last night…”

    “Dammit Kristen, when will this charade end!? You know you want to be holding my hand instead of uhhh… whatshisname’s… Mitch? No – Mark. No wait… MIKE!”

    “Why is he publicly dressing like Robbie? Kris and I only asked him to do that for role playing last night…”

  3. something in the milk ain’t clean..since when does kstew go hand-holding down the street with anyone but nikki…i think nikki’s just supporting rob while his wannabe’s in town.

  4. Fleeting thought –

    The only job Oregano can get is to be Rob’s stand-in, and he only gets that chance because of Kristen’s begging the producers.

    That’s all.

  5. OMG always so funny…Nikki should know better than to want more outta whatever is going with her and Rob…which I for one still have my doubts about. She should know that she’s just not “that type of girl”…but no one has really ever turned down a friend with benefits…I mean when its being practically thrown at you…what are you supposed to do??? LOL

  6. Dear Oregano,

    Give it up Dude, it soooo ain’t happening! NEVA gonna be like Rob.


    • I feel bad for Oregano. It must suck that the hot look right now comes directly from his competition. I like Oregano. He needs to get his own hot look so I don’t feel so sad for him.

  7. Preparing for inevitable Lainey backlash…and the confirmation that she is, in fact, truly the newest BFF of LTT.

  8. Oh Lainey, Lainey… no one can hate something so much unless they are secretly in love with it. I mean, why else do you have Google Alerts for Rob Pattinson, New Moon and Twilight… oh, research for your job you say. Yeah, me too Lainey, me too.

    @JBell – LMAO!! How are you this clever so early in the morning?

  9. Dudes I FREAKING LOVE YOUR POSTS! I’ve been cyber-stalking your site for awhile and I’m commenting for the first time. Just wanted to say how freaking hilarious you guys are. Seriously have you thought about taking your show on the road? I would so go. Anyway love ya’lls site, think your doing a bitchin job. x’s and o’s all around.

    • oh THANKS for commenting! we love finding out who the lurkers are!
      our show on the road? like flight of the conchords? OMG… Moon we could set out letters to MUSIC… that would be soo awesome 🙂 (or sooooo gay!) THANKS Love!

      • I think alot of people would pay alot of money to see that. Maybe all in hopes that rob would hear about it and stop by. Of course we would all forget you existed when he did….Lol

        • only 85% of you would!!! XO (see sam bradley post on LTR to know what i mean!)

          • HAHAHAAH only 85% cause you really love rob and not us.

            off to schedule our tour of the world wherein we sing and perform monologues of letters to rob/twilight.

            will let you know our tour dates ASAP!

  10. Dear Lainey,

    The first step is always the hardest…you are in the denial stage. Embrace your LTT/LTR obsession. We do. Come on out of the closet! The more the merrier…plenty of ROB to go around …lol


  11. Note to self: stop drinking coffee while reading LTT posts.

    1. Nikki will just have to do until KStew & Rob’s secret rendezvous in Italy. Poor Nik…stand in partner for the nasty tango.

    2. Lainey is a secret Twi-porn author. True story.

    3. Dear KStew,

    It’s a sad cry for Rob….making your dorktastic bf dress up like him. It’s beyond obvious. Do you make him talk to you with a british accent too? I guess it’s ok…Rob makes Nikki stammer and rapidly blink .

    4. Dear UC & Moon,

    Break down the DVD commentary…srsly…I’m convinced Kristen is sitting on Rob’s lap the whole time.

    • @Tasha Oh my gosh! My stomach hurts from trying not to laugh too loudly at my lame office. But from your comment, I wanna be your new BFF. “Rob makes Nikki stammer and blink rapidly”, too funny.

      You are so right about the commentary.
      PLEASE PLEASE UC and Moon break that down Vantity Fair Style!

    • haha. his LAP! okay.. we haev our break down scheduled this week.. it’s coming! it is! promise! XO

      • Yes. Breakdown is def necessary. I mean…there’s so much subtext to that commentary! What about when Rob says he can’t deliver and CH says “So we’ve heard.” WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?!?

        I’m waiting for your insightful analysis.

    • it is on the agenda… but it is hours long so we gotta take some time!

      ps hAHmburgAHS! thats my main note from the commentary

  12. *cheesey soap opera music*
    *narrator chimes in, in his oh so sexy accent. Everyone realizes its Rob even if he wont say its him*


    Today on the set of New Moon, Spunk Ransom aka Robward aka RPattz aka Moon and UC playtoy, was the center of the newest on set drama.. No its not how smelly Rob can get over night.. we bring you *drumroll*
    Nikki Reed and KStew were duking it out in their trailors over me. Seems Nikki found my boxer/briefs in KStews couch and a non discript wet spot on the couch. NIkki demanded to know whom KStew was banging, since Oregano is so completely out of the question now. KStew just gave that shrug that she is so familiar with and Nikki went all Rosalie on her. Trendils of hair flew, lots of name calling-plenty of use with the word WHORE! and then passionate kissing. KStew declaring her love for both Robward and Reed.

    Ladies and Gents (yes you men who use girls names cause you dont want to admit that you love Twi just as much as the rest of us), When will the drama stop? When will these two chicks stop fighting over me?
    I hope fairly soon, I see Oregano attempting to make a noose. We dont need the set cursed like Wizard of Oz..

    Yea, I am demented. I just woke up from a night full of Jasper dreams again.. with Edward trying to save me from Jaspers venom (insert any sexual innuendo you like here).

    Nikki is so banging Rob, I mean she is gorgeous! How can a man resist her? Unless of course he is a eunich. And I am pretty sure KStew has it all on a DVD somewhere.. I would SO buy that one.

  13. When I was looking at those pics last night, I thought it was funny how Oregano’s expression & posture generally doesn’t change from pic to pic. Usually in pics, Kristen and Oregano are kinda awkward because they’re avoiding the paparazi, but in these they actually look at ease with each other. *sigh* Doesn’t look good for rob…

    • hmm.. Maybe its one of the *real* dolls? I mean if he is always the same.. its plausiable.

      • Heh he’s not necessarily the same in all of them, it more looks like hes just walking along while Kristen and Nikki ramble and he grunts at them. Rob would be interacting… but maybe Kristen likes to work for attention. Who knows.

  14. It’s so funny that the Quad had nearly the exact same convo that my 3 gals and I had yesterday. Too funny. Great minds…

    We’ve seen Thirteen– we think NReed is dirrrrrty and our poor Rob will never be clean again if he’s truly hooking up with her. Makes me sad.

  15. It’s looks like you ladies have called it spot on …just so happens Lainey posted some “exclusive pictures from the set of New Moon” She is obviously a fan or she wouldn’t be hunting these hard to get photo’s down!

    I have to add that while looking at the pictures I was shocked to see that there are a few that have KStew with what appears to be a genuine smile on her face! Unbelievable!!!!

  16. OMG, I thought the exact same thing when I saw those photos. Mikey is SOOOO a Rob wannabe!

  17. I know KStew is stick thin, but those pants make her look not good. She has the money to buy new pants, unworn, that fit, right?

  18. Great insight…. There words for Rob if he’s actually booty calling Nikki REED…..

    “Double bag it!”

  19. I was wondering if you guys (or anyone else) has broken down the movie VF style in other languages, namely the French and Spanish dubbing. The dialogue is more faithful than I expected, and it’s some of the best dubbing I’ve seen, in terms of lip-synching, not that that says much. But I need judgment on whether it’s better for Rose to call Em her monkey man or her “little chimpanzee” (Fr), for example. 😉
    Most importantly, I need help reaching a verdict on which Edward voice is sexiest: Robward, Pepe le Pew Eduard, or Telemundo Eduardo.

    • omg! amazing!!! i will have to check it out!

      • Warning: Jasper without a Southern accent is just wrong. But Laurent in his native tongue is kinda smokin’.

    • HAha! OMg I definitely will be watching it in other languages later. Did you see at the end of the “From script to screen” segment on the second disk that it says “If you’ve watched all the credits, you may have OCD (obsessive cullen disorder)”? I died when i saw that.

      • Yeah, the lion_lamb people tipped me off to that DVD goodie. 🙂
        Until I find a translation of the Japenese Twilight stuff, so I can rate its lulz potential, the Spanish trailer is still my fave. Total supernatural telenovela, just how I like it. I want to know what the Spanish translation does with spider monkey. In French, it’s been sweetened to “mon petit singe,” my little monkey. (I put on the dubbed voice track *and* the foreign subtitles, to help me not miss things.)

  20. I adore this site. Bravo. Bravo. Am I the only one who is sick at the thought of Nikki/Rob doing it?

  21. hi… just came out of lurkdom on LTR and thought i’d do so here too… bc i love the musings on the anomaly that is Rob/Kristen /Oregano/Nikki

    the convos you ladies have (especially the quad’s breaking it down) kill me… just thought i’d add my general musing on lainey’s most recent blurb…

    lainey says:
    “My sources tell me exclusively that at the end of the evening, or early morning depending how you see it, the four of them left the event, hugged before parting ways (a weird 4-way group hug), Kristen and Michael hopped in a cab, and Nikki and Rob walked further up the block… arms wrapped around each other on their way home.

    She stayed with him overnight, was supposed to be back in LA on Monday…. But never showed. ”

    now i’m not saying they are or they ain’t… but i can tell you there have been PLENTY of times i’ve been in this situation… it’s called drinking way to much.

    1. the awk four way hug …. been there done that and usually “i love you guys … we are fun” was slurred in there somewhere.
    2. arms wrapped around eachother… yes, been there too… bc someones holding me up/i’m holding someone else up so that pavement face doesn’t happen.
    3. staying over night & not showing in the AM…. also called a hangover…. something tells me N.Reed knows how to miss an airplane or 2 due to some serious party skills…

    then of course, they could just be lovers. you can draw it so many ways… love it.

    p.s. i hate to admit it … but when i first saw the thumbnails yesterday on lainey’s blog i thought it was Rob and Kstew strolling together… he’s trying THAT hard to look like him.

    • Yeah…I get you here. I could see that happening. I could see them having a booty call. (wouldn’t that be awkward for KStew, though….given that she is her BFF and she is playing HIS onscreen love) I could also see this a complete load of crap. In any case, I have a question since I am fairly new to the Twilight world. Did Nikki and Rob date last year? I have gotten so many different answers to this. I heard they were a secret couple on the set, that she met his family…yadda yadda…then I get people telling me it is all a bunch of garbage.

    • we talked about this today, too calliope. moon quite often gets drunk and falls into the arms of an unsuspecting man (oh yes i DID just say that.. and i’m jk) but we’ve been there… done that… and it hasn’t been sexual.. so i can see it..

      but i DO think rob/nikki IS sexual!!!!! THANKS for the first comment! XO

      • haha! i think my mind just automatically goes back to the scenes of college and 2am (okay and last weekend as well)… and the things people can infer! thank goodness the paparazzi don’t follow us around! the things they could write…

        i say to all the cast … LIVE IT UP… bc famous or not we all need that experience of being 20 (i’m averaging their ages for simplicity … haha!) and loving, laughing, making mistakes, getting through them, and learning… they may have to deal with the press, but at least they can afford the bar tab…

        and yeaa UC … i still can’t decide about rob/nikki … bffs? cuddle buddies? bumping u

  22. Tell me you saw Ashley Greene drunk on TMZ, today, somebody? She looks awesomely fun, wasted and lost, as well as she does posing for the photogs.

    • i’m liking this girl more and more as each day passes. sounds like my kind of lady!

      was she wearing a black n red plaid shirt? saw some pics if so.

      • Yup, same black and red shirt. The site will probably post the video soon. I am video embedding stupid and cannot send it to you, but check out their site in a day or two.

        I would love to hang with her, having drinks. She seems way fun.

  23. Thoughts on Kris, Rob, Nikki and Mike:

    I think that Rob and Kris have only played “just the tip” due to the Mike situation. Nikki, however, parleyed a drunken night of “I’m not Kristen but we are like sisters” into a full on F*ck buddy deal. Rob is still hoping to play a little more “just the tip” with Kristen once Mike leaves town.

    The end.

  24. Nikki is walking behind Kristen with that look because she just overheard KStew tell Rob “Dude, did you see 13? Sounds like Nikki shared a lot of needles, so thanks for ‘dating’ her after me” KStew and Oregano had just spent a romantic evening watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall on pay-per-view, you see. She is a little miffed that her fake lesbo lover could dis her like this, and she is afraid that their friendship might be on the rocks-thus the erasing the guilt that is keeping KStew from hitting that again.

  25. OMG.

    Listening to Christina Aguilera’s “Get Mine, Get Yours.”

    Go. Listen. Now.

    Rob & Nikki anyone?

    Lol. 😉

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