Stuff guys say about Twilight and about me meeting Rob

This unicorn needs to call me. I need new content

This unicorn needs to call me. I need new content

Dear LTTers,

I have a confession to make. After 6 and 1/2 months of blogging at least once a day about Twilight-related stuff, sometimes it’s difficult to come up with content. So occasionally….. I force it. I’ll check my favorite Twilight Saga blogs: NewMoonMovie or TwiCrackAddict and read a headline like “Solomon Trimble: coming to a K-mart near you” and run to my husband and say “Great news! Solomon Trimble, the guy who played Sam (we think) in Twilight but didn’t get rehired b/c he wasn’t studly enough, is gonna be folding sheets in the Martha Stewart section in the Kmart up in Qtown.” Then I wait. What used to happen is that my husband would say something funny. Then I’d say “YES!” and quickly run to draft up a post on my computer. But he’s caught on. He no longer responds to me whenever I mention anything Twilight-related (However, he does respond whenever I mention Rob. He says “He’s a tool”)

So me catching “stuff guys say about Twilight” hasn’t been happening as naturally as it once did. However, it’s been my lucky week because I’ve just captured 3 gems:

1. My friend Jen e-mailed me a little story about the guy who sits next to her at work. He heard on the radio that Rob’s abs were airbrushed on in the New Moon Volterra scene and was appalled. Then this conversation happened between Jen, a girlfriend & her guyfriend:

Girlfriend: (saying to Jen) Hey Arizona, how you likin’ the rain? (UC Note: I can’t even count the number of ‘arizona how you likin’ the rain’ and ‘forks-like weather’ references I’ve heard recently in Pennsylvania. It hasn’t stopped raining for a month)
Guyfriend
: What are you girls talking about?
Jen
: Twilight
Guyfriend
: Oh geez. Yeah, rain…I hope he gets caught in the rain and it washes his airbrushed abs off. Maybe I’ll airbrush 3 extra feet on myself (Jen note: Joe is 5’4″ tall)

See what else guys say after the jump! Continue reading

Watching the New Moon trailer – It’s all in the reaction!

Dear Twi-hards-

I love you so because I am one of you… deep down in my screaming 14yr old heart of hearts. I shouldn’t have to convince you: the blogs, the live blogging the awards, the mini edwards pics for goodness sake, that should tell you all you need to know. The only place I have yet to venture into (besides crafting wearable twilight pants) in my fandom is the reaction video! And boy are there some amazing ones out there. Some awesomely funny, some totally 2nd hand embarrassing and some like looking in a mirror. Recently, these reaction videos have been getting some major play around the internet and one gal in particular. She is actually one of UC and my favorite vloggers… she is so wild and crazy we almost can’t believe she exists in real life. No one can be this whacky or this devoted and just downright entertaining, right?? A few nights ago I was writing my blog post and who should i see on tv? None of other than our favorite vlogger, the light of our lives, NuttyMadam herself! They showed her on Vh1’s Best Day Ever, so of course like a weirdo I sent UC a text at 2 in the morning her time yelling (cause you can do that over text) SHE’S ON TV!!! OUR GIRL IS ON TV!!!!

And actually the wild thing is her New Moon reaction video isn’t her best one, sure she cries and yells crap like THE BEACH! but it’s nothing like her other greatest hits like the Twilight trailer reaction video or better yet when she goes off on Breaking Dawn haters!

Watch her and other folks’s New Moon Reaction videos… adjust your speakers accordingly, let out any small animals and remove glass objects from the vicinity of the computer…


She’s “gonna fangirl SOOOO hard.” Uh… don’t break anything dear.

Also check out her reactions AFTER seeing Twilight, like directly outside the theater door, trust me!

Grab some popcorn and take the jump to watch some of our other favorite reaction videos from the New Moon trailer…
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Just as awkward as you thought it would be – Kristen Stewart and New Moon madness at the MTV Movie Awards

OMG you guys I made it up the steps without tripping!! I won't do anything else embarrasing! At ALL!

OMG you guys I made it up the stairs without tripping!! I won't do anything else embarrassing! At ALL! (for the next 2.4 seconds)

Dear Kristen (my new favorite letters recipient, apparently)-

I’m going on hour 6 of live blogging the MTV Movie awards, I’ve fainted over your fake out kiss with Rob, I’ve eaten too many Sprinkles cupcakes, I kept repeating to myself “he is 17” while looking over my shoulder for Chris Hanson, I’m bleary eyed and tired, but most of all, I’m more excited than I’ve ever been about the New Moon movie (if that’s even possible) and I wanted to say I think I may even start to like you after seeing your total fumble after winning the ‘Best Female Performance’ award…

This is exactly the type of moment you used to read about in that section in Seventeen called “My Most Embarrassing Moments,” and you’d cringe right along with them as they had toilet paper stuck to their shoe or they ran into a locker door as Jimmy, the cute quarterback walked by… but yours is beyond 2nd hand embarrassing and captured for all eternity courtesy of Youtube. I seriously can’t think of a better way you could have handled it and all the while coming off the most real or human you EVER have! Best quote of yours EVER:

“I was just about as awkward as you thought I was going to be, BYE!”

Seriously? So much win right there.

I must be in a sugar coma from the cupcakes cause I’m saying nice things to you… ok though THE HAIR?! Seriously, a headband, a clip, whatever just NEVER wear it down again or I’ll go nuts. Whew, I feel better now.

XOXO your new fake lesbian lover
Themoonisdown

PS HUGE thanks and thumbs up to NewMoonMovie.org for hosting the most rad live blogging event ever, check out all the goodies he already has live, also don’t forget our other live bloggers in crime Confessions of a TwiCrack Addict and Lauren’s Bite! And an even bigger thanks to you all for showing up and squeeeeing with us as we watched the trailer premier and Rob in his maitre d jacket.

Don’t miss the LTR MTV Movie Awards Post!

Take the jump to see more pics and video from the MTV movie awards last night!
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How to create your very own Unicorn

Dear “All the single (LTT) ladies,”

I know. It’s rough out there. You meet a nice fella, and he takes you out, but it just doesn’t feel right. He took you to a day-time baseball game so clearly he doesn’t sparkle. In like 10 minutes he consumed 3 cheeseburgers and 4 hot dogs with chilli & onions on top, so obviously he’s not a “vegetarian.”  He didn’t seem very interested in finding out what was hidden in your mind, and you’re pretty sure he grabbed the beer girl’s ass when he thought you weren’t looking. Is it you? Is chivalry dead? Are your expectations too high because of that vampire story you blew through in a weekend? Yeah, probably. (But in the case of this baseball date-dude, he sounds like a fat slob, so good call on saying no to date #2).

Would you like this to be your Unicorn?

Would you like this to be your Unicorn?

It’s safe to say that the Twilight Saga has created some unrealistic expectations of men for many women. (A week or so ago Lauren from Lauren’s Bite wrote a great bit about this very topic.) We think we know the solution to your problem- what you really need: A Unicorn of your very own!

If you’re new to LTT/LTR you’re probably asking what the H a Unicorn is. Well, check out our first post about a Unicorn here, but basically a Unicorn is a mythical creature- something no one is really sure actually exists. Aka: A man who reads, loves or watches Twilight.  Unicorns tend to hang out at airports, but we’ve spotted them a few other places over the past few months, including on our very own blog! (If all this time you’ve been thinking we’re talking about the “unicorns” in the fan ficton Wide Awake well, you would be wrong (and kinda perverted)! If you’re unfamiliar with what a unicorn is in Wide Awake… I’ll tell you when you’re older)

As a young married gal (not to a unicorn but to a guy who says stuff about rob) who runs a blog where unicorns like to lurk, I feel I am appropriate skilled in the art of making a unicorn. You can call me your guru, I won’t mind.

This Unicorn would like to be your lover

This Unicorn would like to be your lover

Step 1: (cut a hole in the box) Find yourself a male. Any male will do, but it would be best if he’s someone you could see yourself gettin’ it on with (cuz that’s what happens with me as your guru). Don’t worry if he seems a little out of your league. I’m the best at this, I assure you.

Step 2: Invite this outta-your-league guy over to your home. Tell him Ashley Greene is going to be there (“we’re going to lie”- name that quote!)

Step 3: Get him liquored up. Offer him any type of alcohol he’d like. When he asks where Ashley is, tell him she was swinging by to pick up Kristen, Rachelle & Nikki and they said to start without them.

Step 4: Keep him drinking until he passes out. Once he does, figure out a way to tie him up nice and tight. (An older brother or a burly man would be helpful in this step- ooh- you can ask the fat slob from your baseball date!)

Step 5:  When he awakens from his drunken slumber, tell him he isn’t allowed to leave until he reads all 4 books AND watches the movie (and the ET New Moon specials). If he resists, tell him the Twi-girls asked him too. Tell them they’ll reenact the scene in the middle of Eclipse when all the lesbian vampires get it on (“we’re going to lie”)

Step 6: A Unicorn is Born!

I was discussing this post with my husband trying to get some creative “how to make a unicorn” ideas and he said,

Mr. Choice:  A dude isn’t going to go hang out with some ugly chick and watch Twilight just because there’s beer there. Nobody likes beer that much.

Eff him. So I asked,

Me: What if it was a hot girl?

Mr. Choice: If he thought if he was going to be able to hook-up with her.”

Ask this Unicorn for a unicorn

Ask this Unicorn for a unicorn

As a result of this conversation I have another method for you to try which might possibly be more effective:

Step 1: Get hot (if you’re not already)

Step 2: Invite outta-your-league guy over to your home with no mention of Ashley Greene

Step 3: Tell him that if he watched Twilight with you, you’ll hook-up with him after.

Step 4: Ride ’em hard.

Step 5: A unicorn is made (hopefully both kinds)

Told you I was a guru.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to LaPush baby for the idea!

Coincidentally, the DAY I wrote this, ArmyUnicorn (our latest unicorn on LTT) wrote a how-to-guide for creating your own unicorn.  Although, I think mine is more realistic (and his doesn’t include Step #4 of my second method) his is kinda decent. Read after the jump!

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A Two Unicorn Tuesday

miracles do happen!

miracles do happen!

To my husband, the newest unicorn –

I have bugged you for months about Twilight, annoyed you would probably be the more appropriate term. You despised it and I’m pretty sure the eye rolling was an uncontrollable reflex every time the words “Twilight” or “Robert Pattinson” crossed my lips. And I was fine with that, I mean, you’re a guy. You’re supposed to hate Twilight, right?

Then something happened. When Twilight came out on DVD, we bought it and you sat down with me to watch it. And you liked it. Not just tolerated it, but actually enjoyed the movie. We watched all the special features together. You found the vampire kiss scenes just as crazy sexy as I did. The next day, we watched the commentary together. You found Rob as irresistible as me and offered him the number 3 spot on your man crush list.

And I was happy. The eye rolling stopped and you didn’t completely shut down whenever I started talking Twilight. But, when asked to read the book, you said no. You’re not much of a reader anyway, so that was cool.

Once again, something happened. The other night, you started spouting off knowledge about Twilight that could not have been collected while watching the movie. You talked about how Edward didn’t run off after the accident, and how Eric’s role just seemed to be a little larger than it should have been in the movie. When you saw my complete look of shock, you picked up the Twilight book and said, “I’m almost done with chapter 3” and showed me where you were in the book. “I would have been farther along, but (our son) keeps taking the book and telling me, ‘No, that’s mommy’s book.'”

And now, right after our 5 year wedding anniversary, I realized I have married a genuine unicorn. And I couldn’t be happier!

Your loving wife,

Amber

P.S. Also, thanks for being cool about Rob and the whole freebie list thing. Oh, and the coupons I used to attempt to morph you into a Rob clone.

Get ready.. after the jump we have our first gay unicorn- YES! Best.Day.Ever

Continue reading

This if how you found us? Vol. 2

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT/LTR Readers and Random Googlers –

It’s that time of the month again! Time to go trolling through the search terms that led people to our site. Last month we started this feature because we wanted to share with you awesome readers some of the funny stuff UC and I see on the ‘backend’ of the blogs that never get seen by anyone else. For the uninitiated wordpress has this handy dandy feature that shows us every day what terms people google to find us. Most searches that lead people here are obvious ones like: Twilight, Letters, Rob, shirtless Kellan pics… you know the usuals! But every so often we get a real winner that simply must be shared with the world and here are this months…

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find us

  • filet-o-fish fan site – uh no, not us but this sounds like the perfect name for our new LetterstoTaylorsDad fan site. We LOVE you Taylor’s Dad!
  • a shirtless jackson rathbone – it warms my heart that we’re thought of as a place where shirtless pics of the cast can be found. Someday I will unveil my gallery of all the shirtless pictures I’ve been collecting since we started these blogs
  • kristen stewart looking like shit – so uh you’re looking for just ANY picture of Kristen, huh. Is there any other way she looks?
  • robert pattinson buttcrack – Oh HALE nah, who does Rob think he is? Our lover Buttcrack Santa. NEVER!
  • Robert pattinson win a date contest 2009 – Brought to you by a Nigerian Prince and the UK Lottery (which you’ve won!). Just ask these girls
  • im rob pattinson ex-girlfriend – no you’re not! SHE is!
  • robert pattinson hamburger – ok fakerpattz we know this one’s you!
  • unicorn jasper – He does speak eloquently about Twilight, but these guys might have something to say about that!
  • pornos – um, wrong place dudes. Unless we’re talking Rob, then head over here
  • sass family crest – Sass? Was this you?
  • does rob pattinson brush his teeth – this is still up for debate

More funnies after the cut… Continue reading

Ashley Greene our new BFF

ashcloseuplttltrDear Ashley,

Friday night was a night of amazing luck.  Not only did my flight get in 52 minutes early, but Moon BOOKED IT over to Hollywood after work (without eating any dinner- that’s commitment) got us tickets for your appearance at Hot Topic, picked me & the hubster up at LAX, and drove us BACK to Hollywood where we showed up at 10:04 and live twitted our entire evening’s experience. And though the night ended around 2am, I still had enough energy to drag my bag up Moon’s bajillion stairs into her house, even though it was 5am my time. Luck, I tell you…

Because we had tickets, we decided NOT to wait in the long-ass line of ticket holders since it was freezing and FAR away from the action. Instead we got up close and ashwalksinlttltrpersonal with all your fans and the camera crews waiting outside of the Hot Topic Store.  There we met some pretty great new Twi-friends (and made fun of and took pictures of some way weirdo Twi-fans) and got to be with Mini-Edward for his first MTV experience.  It was so fun being with all the hyped-up fans (minus the one girl who seriously needs to be kicked for her insane screaming fits) that we didn’t even mind waiting for you for two hours. Plus when you finally showed you were in this adorable red dress flashing your famous, gorgeous “Ashley Greene” smile that we didn’t even mind the crowd rushing us from behind and pushing us into the security gate. (Okay…we minded a little…)

usashAfter you went into Hot Topic we decided to be super smart and, again, forego the long-ass line and get us a midnight snack. Johnny Rockets rocks the fries at 12:15am.  By the time we were done, we jumped back at the end of the line, made it into Hot Topic within a 1/2 hour, snapped some adorable shots of you behind the counter, picked up our signed copies of the DVD & swooned over your adorable Twilight earrings (and after viewing some of the professional vids of you that night- we realize you didn’t show up with those earrings and must’ve put them on mid-evening… we’re guessing you were wearing a fan gift, which makes you even more bff-worthy in our minds).

Plus, we ended the night meeting the BEST Unicorn ever in line- Kynt from season 12 of The Amazing Race. He’s the biggest Twilight fan and we wanna invite him to our next sleepover with you and Rachelle, if that’s okay with you.

Really, not much could’ve made our night better (well, maybe 5-8 degrees, a soft comfy chair, 1 less screaming, crazy girl, & you coming 2 hours earlier serving us Rob on a platter). It was amazing and so wonderful to know without a doubt that you are the graceful, beautiful person you appear to be on screen, up close & personal!

Bffs already,
UnintendedChoice

Seriously, amazing night. I was high on adreneline and that’s the only reason I wasn’t falling asleep standing up. Thanks to Ashley Greene for being your adorable, awesome self. Thanks to Moon for not eating dinner and running all over town to ensure we had an amazing night- plus putting the Edward Cullen PillowCase on the bed to welcome me to your home. Thanks to JBell who is our best cheerleader on Twitter! Thanks to the hubster for sitting by himself for hours in downtown Hollywood and enduring the people pretending to be Jesus & Spiderman in the street. And thanks to Kynt, our new friend, who blogs here, and who was so fun to meet at 1-something in the am. Oh, and thanks to Rob Pattinson because you’re hot and… why the hell not?