What if there was a Twilight theme park?

This rollercoaster doens't go fast. You THINK it's going to. You get ALL the way up to the top of the hill then... well, I'm not sure. It fades to black...

Dear Twilight,

I’m just going to come out and say it, I’m a Harry Potter fan. Hardcore. And I am SUPER excited to finally be able to go to Hogwarts when the Wizarding World of Harry Potter opens up in Florida this summer. I will drink Butterbeer and be merry all the day long. [UC note: ME TOO!!!!]

I know what you’re thinking…What the heck does all this Potter talk have to do with Twilight? Well, I’m getting there…

You see, I have a crazy Twilight fan as a friend. One who is out and proud. One who sports the Twilight t-shirts without thinking twice. While I’m not quite there, I do owe her. Cause she did introduce me to the Edward Cullen greatness. (Well…after I saw Cedric was playing Edward that is…) Now, this friend isn’t a Harry Potter fan. How we are still friends, I will never know. I think it is the Twi-talk that holds us together.

Anyways, sometimes I forget she doesn’t like Harry Potter (or maybe I just ignore it..) and I start to talk about things. Like the fact that I am super excited about this theme park. And it never fails, she always changes the topic of convo to Twilight. Always. So as I talk of fantastic HP rides and Hogwarts, she brings up the idea of a Twilight theme park. And that got me thinking…Would there ever be a Twilight theme park? Do I even want one? What the (Jasper) Hale will be in a Twilight theme park?

So let’s answer those questions, shall we? Good. We’ll start with that last one.

What would be in a Twilight theme park?
These are the ideas I have came up with:

  • They recreate Forks High School and there is a large restaurant in the cafeteria of the school. It has a menu that serves up the best that high school lunches have to offer and servers dressed like lunch ladies. Think Chris Farley during the Lunch Lady skit from SNL.
  • A souvenir shop filled with the best Twilight crap ever. Where else are you going to get your Buttcrack Santa bobblehead and pair of official wolfpack jorts? Nowhere else, that’s where.
  • As for rides, here’s what I’ve got: The Volvo Ride of Doom. Here’s the concept: while riding in a cart that resembles a Volvo, you speed along dark highways at high speeds dodging other cars and people that walk across the street.

    “Holy crow! Is that Charlie’s police cruiser we’re coming up on?!” **cars swerves out of the way**

    “Oh no look out for those bears running in the distance!” **car relunctantly dodges the pack of animals that you realize upon closer inspection are “NOT bears”**

I mean, these are just some of the ideas I’ve thought up so far. (actually…that’s pretty much all I’ve got..) So let’s move on to the next question.

Don't forget to get your nails done before visitng the Twilight theme park!

Will there be a Twilight theme park in our future?
Here’s my simple answer: I don’t know. People would definitely flock there. People would probably make a lot of money from it. But is there really enough content in the stories to make an awesomesauce theme park? This is what stumps me. I’m sure other people can come up with more things than I came up with. Although, I bet you the Buttcrack Santa bobblehead would be a best seller. I think I should patent that idea right now.

So there you go. If people actually think up and create a Twilight theme park, a Twi-park if you will, will I go? Probably. We all probably will. Or at least think about it.

No student can escape the magic of Lunch Lady Land,

One word: Magic Carpet Ride (except it’ll be on a huge version of Jasper’s Wig). Okay another word (this is fun): Chris Hansen look-a-likes walking around the park, posing for pictures with you for a mere $25.00 while you hold a sign that says “I like ’em young.” What are your thoughts!?

See these hearts? This is to remind you to ENTER OUR VALENTINE’S DAY CONTEST & GIVEAWAY!

See this awesomesauce ad for a Twilight Valentine’s Gift Bundle? Know a gal/daughter/cousin/friend/fake lesbian who you still need a vtines gift for? Want us to drop a hint to your hubby/boyfriend/boy you’re fantasizing is Rob/Taylor/Kellan/Yorkie when you close your eyes? We will. Send us his (or her!) email address & we’ll non-nonchalantly mention you just might like a Twilight Valentine’s Gift Bundle. We’re not kidding. Your husband/boyfriend/Rob-replacement will be happy to find a gift and we would LOVE to let him know what you do in your spare time. KIDDING. We won’t tell! Email us if you want us to help you drop the hint!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Say it loud, I’m a Twi-Hard and Proud!

Nothing gets me pumped to continue writing on LTT day-after-day and continuing loving the movies and the books and the whole entire saga like a really good fan letter!

Say it! Out Loud!

Dear LTT,

Although I have been a huge fan of Twilight since August of 2008 I only recently found the blogging world of sanity that I now flock to daily like a crow and road kill. From the brazen posts of UC and Moon I decided that I was going to “come out” of the Twilight Closet in a big way…

Every single person I know, they know about it (The Twi-Hard “it factor”) because I can’t shut up. I have stopped restricting myself. See I’m hard core about this shizzz. There is no room for error, no room for misinformation or misquotes and no room for a semi-twi-hard to step in my path. I’m not Avril Lavigne soft punk over this, no, I’m Johnny Rotten Sex Pistols crazy about this epidemic that has me in it’s clutches like the 1918 Spanish Influenza.

Could I interest you in this home? Vampires not included

Work: I am twenty-nine years old and work for a Fortune 500 company related to real estate and new construction. Here’s what happens when you are: (Say It Loud) – I’m a TWI-HARD and proud!

While sitting in a model home, in a suit, waiting to sell a splendid house to anyone who walks in my door, I see a younger girl, around twenty-four, with her fiance. I scrutinize her, not to see if she can afford the house, but to see if I notice the, “I’ve read the Twilight Saga and know the world,” look. You know the look… the one where their eyes permanently are subconsciously looking for something Twi related. Maybe it’s a Cullen Crest bumper sticker, a little bottle of liquor, a picture of a lion and a lamb, or anything related to cliff diving and Forks. Their eyes are constantly searching for something Twilight.

When this potential Twi-Hard’s fiance goes to explore the man cave of a basement I look her in the eyes and I see it. Like Edward with a mountain lion, I see the look and ask, “So, did you see New Moon?” SOLD! Another house, another commission, another sale thanks to Twilight. Who wouldn’t trust their sales rep when they talk Twilight to them? The fiance is confused when he comes upstairs from the man cave and the wife explodes that they are going to build a house, like, now.

That's Normal

Work Friends: Then there are my coworkers who know about this reality I live. One of them went to Burger King and left for me the NM cards with the pictures of the cast on the front and discounts to Hot Topic on the back. Her cute little yellow post-it notes that have cupcakes on them (I internally giggle “thank you CWIA”) states: “I saw these and thought of you! Enjoy!”
Yes, they all know. They even knew that Nov 20, 2009 was a huge, take the day off, party like a child, and go see a movie at midnight, event. I received at least 3 emails wishing me good luck amongst the teenagers and to drink lots of “red” wine.
The still-in-the-closet-semi-twi-hard coworkers know that we can giggle secretly about Jacob being too young and Rob, Robert, Edward, Robward, His Holy Hotness, whatever you want to call him, making our panties qualify for a mortgage (weirdo real estate language for panties disintegrating). Suddenly, my inbox is no longer filled with house buying related information but their favorite pictures of HHH in VF.

I highly suggest finding yourself an "out" Twi-hard friend. This is mine...

Friend: *sigh* Yes, I only have one Twi-Hard friend to non-stop talk about this world with BUT she’s very reserved and not “out”. Therefore I went on my hunt for other Twi-Hards and oh, I have found you. Sanity has returned and my serotonin levels are normal because I was afraid that I was loosing it. Now I know, “that’s normal.” Phew.

Family: This one’s a bit tricky. It’s me and my niece’s against the family world! We rule, they suck, and we don’t care that they don’t know what we are gabbing about: Marshmallows, kiss me I’m Irish, does she even like Italian, things like this just don’t happen, they do in my world, fire and powder, my kung fu is strong, face punch, punch face, … it goes on and on… for hours…
Yet, my sister did ask for my advice about my two niece’s iPod touches they were getting for Xmas. Sister wanted to know what Twilight quote to get engraved for each of them. Well, shiz monkey man, that’s a tough freaking question!! I told her, “La Tua Cantante” and “Quil-clout-lay.” It’s perfect, one’s Team Edward and the other Team Jacob. Only those on the inside (obsessed side) would know.

My mother caved and read Twilight. She refuses to continue with the series because, “I just can’t handle the description of kissing those cold, hard, lips…” Good thing I didn’t recommend that she try kissing the ice box for the experience (JK! I have never done that, I swear).

What did I request for myself for Xmas, you ask? Well, I told my husband I wanted a full-size figure of a certain celebrity. He rolled his eyes. I took that as a “yes, of course!”

Thanks LTT for allowing me to express how being out of the Twi-Hard closet had altered my sales skills, work relationships, and familial affairs. Not to mention my total language is forever altered and I’m so chillaxed with the change.


Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter