Monday Funnies: Twilight Tattoo Freaks Part 2

Dear LTT-ers and Crazy Insane Twihards with a need for ink,

Last summer we wrote a post that highlighted the best and worst of the Twilight themed tattoos we could find on the web… you guys responded and it remains one of our most popular posts almost a year later. Of course last summer was a bit more innocent and not as many folks knew about Twilight like now… so when I went to search for something the other day and saw new tattoos floating around I knew it was time we revisit the best and worst of Twilight tattoos…

(click to enlarge these to witness full size crazy)


Oh hey there crazy New Moon fan, you have a ruffled Tulip growing out of your armpit. You might wanna get that checked out.


Reminiscent of  the NM tattoo, this girl went ahead and straight up tattoo-ed the entire section from the “moonless night” part of New Moon. Sure, this is commitment but now I’m just waiting to see some girl do full sleeves of all the words from the saga. DO IT someone. COMMIT or else your shit is WEAK!


From the badass mother effer file comes my favorite Twilight tattoo so far. Nothing says “I will ef your shiz so fast” like a “Cullen” knuckle tatt. FORKS REPRESENT!


From the “I took a couple Literature classes and look at my lace panties” file we have the “Fire & Ice” tattoo along with something from Edna St Vincent Millay, Shakespeare, and a partridge and a pear tree and someones rib cage.


Next to Jimmy Neutron/Edward of the Shire tattoo, this one of my next favorite portrait tattoo. This Edward has a hot ass mullet and a wonk eye. I’m think this girl took in our “picture” of the dealbreaker Rob mullet. So sexy.

and now… witness the piece de resistance

Courtesy of PeopleofWalmart we have the tattoo that was emailed to us at least 2390492034 times last week! Bonus points for it actually looking like Robert Pattinson is hiding in the back of this woman’s White Stag sweater at Walmart. Negative points for her being able to buy 96 cent KoolAid and me not having a Walmart within reasonable driving distance.

Oh Monday, with these Tattoos you are somewhat bearable. SOMEWHAT. You know what would make it more bearable? For Rob to pull out that guitar and start playing… but I guess we’ll have to settle for some tattoos in the meantime.

CULLEN PRIDE!
Themoonisdown

Are you planning your Twilight tattoo? What would you get? I’m thinking a version of Mount Rushmore with the 4 directors: Hardi, Weitz, Slade, Condon and SMeyer on the end. Totally normal, no?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

When Twihards attack

Dear Twihards,

First let’s come up with a better name for ourselves because I don’t exactly like to be called anything that ends in “hards.” Secondly, other people are onto us. It’s not just our little LTT corner of the fandom that discusses the ridiculous (but amazingness) of the phenomenon anymore. Other people know. Like REAL people who haven’t fallen for the Edward Cullen or Jacob Black trap. They haven’t been entranced by the “spider monkey” line or Buttcrack Santa or the Fake lesbians, the DILF’s mustard pants or the brilliancy of “They’re NOT Bears!”

A few weeks ago I heard about some drama going down on a blog called The Score Card Review. Basically every year they host their own movie awards on their site. They work with writers & people in the industry to come up with a list of the best movies, actors, screenplays etc. etc. etc. And then their readers vote. It’d be like if we did an LTT award ceremony and had you vote between Buttcrack Santa & Big Daddy (which would be CRUEL and unfair. HOW COULD ONE CHOOSE!?)

So anyway, New Moon was included as one of the options on a few categories. The guy running the awards said even though the movie wasn’t at the caliber as many of the Oscar-nominated movies that were also up for his award, it made a lot of money and he wanted to see where it ended up in the rankings. Here is the rest of the story, straight from his site:

Last year, 823 people voted. February 16, a date that will live in infamy to … well, me. I was tracking my stats, and noticed people finding the TSR Movie Awards from [a bunch of Twilight sites]. On February 16, I had over 2,000 voters. Then I looked at the results. Everything Twilight was nominated for, was destroying the competition. Destroying. Something had to be done. It was a hostile takeover. I ran some filters and noticed a couple of things.

1. A number of voters were only voting for Twilight and nothing else.
2. A large number of voters were giving everything Twilight a 10 and everything else a 1.
3. Moon was crushing everything else for Best Ending. Keep in mind this is a film barely anyone saw, yet hundreds were voting for it. I think it did $1.5 million at the box office. My best guess as to why this was happening … Remember when I said the awards appeared on many Spanish websites? I think they recognized the word Moon and decided that must be The Twilight Saga: New Moon. When Moon was the ONLY film hundreds voted on for Best Ending, it’s the most reasonable explanation.

The site decided to pull New Moon from the awards. This was (part of) their official statement:

Unfortunately, I had to remove ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’ choices. Too many twihards were giving everything Twilight a 10, and every other film a 1, trying to manipulate the results.

I love movies, movie fans and I have no problem with people loving Twilight, but trying to kill other movies is not the point of these awards….but here is an example of what was happening …

In the BEST MUSIC category, Twilight had a 9.3 score. The next highest was Crazy Heart with a 3.8. That was the next highest! In other words, there were hundreds of twihards who decided the best way for Twilight to win was to give the other nominees a 1.

Apparently fans FLIPPED out & sent him hate mail & hate comments. And he had some pretty strong words for the “Twihards” and called them out for their avid fan… uh.. ish.. ness. Yes. their fanishness..

Hear my thoughts & get Twilosophical with me after the jump Continue reading

Losing our Twilight (movie) virginity

Remember seeing this everywhere? (With the old release date!)

Remember seeing this everywhere? (With the old release date!)

Dear Twilight,

There’s nothing like your first time. The nerves, the jitters, the excitement, that nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. And then it’s over and suddenly you know what everyone has been talking about. You are no longer a virgin. A Twilight Movie virgin, that is! What did you think I was talking about?

We’ve talked about our first everything’s on here… first time reading the books, first time seeing the NM trailer, first time seeing each other in years, there’s a first time for everything BUT we’ve never talked about the first time we saw the movie in the theater. And it just so happens the other day UC and I were having a conversation about just this subject and here’s what we had to say…

UC: In August after I finished the books I found out it was going to be made into a movie and i was PISSED that it was being made into a movie b/c i knew it would suck. I saw ‘that girl from that movie with adam brody’ and then Cedric as Edward and was like “what the?” i will NOT watch this.” but duh.. time went on
Moon: Hmmm Adam Brody… how about when you went and saw it?
UC: I found 4 random people to see the movie with and then had drinks at pf changs after and stayed quiet while they talked about how Edward was NOT cute enough and how cheesy it was and i just had this FEELING
Moon: (like the black eyed peas?)
UC: (yup, like that)

Follow the cut to read the rest of our first time
Continue reading

New Moon premiering in Knoxville, TN

Knoxville1Dear City of Knoxville, TN,

Are you ready? Do you think you can handle the swarm of girls that will be lining up at your doors weeks in advance? Are your Motel 6’s all paid up on their electric bills so they can Keep the lights on for everyone rolling into town? Do you even have any idea what the hell I’m talking about? Oh. Let me start over. Apparently New Moon is premiering in your town. Are you prepared?

I know the article only mentions the movie showing early for a charity event, but already plans are set in motion. Blogs have commented on how odd the choice of Knoxville is (no offense) over Los Angeles but have praised the cast for going somewhere a little less flashy. Airline’s customer service lines have been busy all week with Twihards trying to change their November flights from LAX to, uh, KNOX (?), fighting with the customer service rep over the $200 change flight fee but deciding in the end that “it’s worth it” to see Robert Pattinson, up close and personal, in the deep south.

I, for one, understand completely why the execs at Summit decided to whisk the cast from sunny LA to the Redneck Riviera. Knoxville offers the cast the following advantages for their site seeing tour: Mullets, Wife Beaters, Bluegrass, RC Colas and Moon Pies, Lee Press-On Nails, Fanny Packs, and Chevy Pick-up Trucks with gun racks and rebel flag bumper stickers, versus the following disadvantages of what is sure to be seen in LA: Hipster man bangs, flannel or plaid pearl snap shirts, dj’s who mash up pop music and oldies, vegan food, minx, murses & Toyota Prius’. Are you prepared with Knoxville’s finest rednecks to greet ‘dem fellers from dat der big ocean in da west?

Note to Solomon: reliving the 'best moment of your life' (pic with Kstew) will not be happening again this year

Note to Solomon: reliving the 'best moment of your life' (pic with Kstew) will not be happening again this year

On second thought, how well are your Wal-Mart’s stocked with tissues? Because when the news breaks that the premiere isn’t actually in Knoxville but the movie is just showing a few days early to raise a lot of money for a good cause, the devastating cries from Twihards in their New Moon t-shirts, Pattinson pants & Wolfpack tiny backpacks will be heard from downtown Knoxville all the way to Paris, Texas. Heck, once everyone finds out that instead of their beloved Edward, Bella & Jacob, Summit sent Gill Birmingham, Christian Serratos & a random wolf to represent the event, I wouldn’t even be surprised if there’s a riot amongst the city of tents painted with murals of shirtless Edward.  I bet that once a bus rolls up in front of the theatre the rioters will calm for a moment thinking that Sam Bradley has come to serenade the crowd with soulful tunes, but when they find out it’s just Solomon Trimble on the greyhound crashing the show, the riots will begin again. Are you prepared?

Perhaps you should reissue a statement in your newspaper clarifying that when you say “Although confirmation of the Knoxville premiere of the movie is set” you actually mean a Knoxville premiere (aka first time showing in Knoxville) and not the New Moon premiere that is being whispered all over the web.  That way, you can save your police force the trouble of calming down the riots that are sure to begin when Solomon Trimble shows up as the “star” for the event. You don’t want your city experiencing the 2nd-hand embarrassment of Twihard-girl-on-twihard-girl mud wrestling, winner being the one who gets to ask Solomon to autograph her left breast, if you don’t have to.

Bring home some moonpies for me,
UnintendedChoice

PS: before you southerners call me a “damn yank” and get mad at my poking fun of Knoxville, all those references came from EastFriend, who is a southern girl born & raised. Get mad at her. Just don’t tell her you love UT. Then she’ll be mad at you.

Did you see this posted places and think people were silly for assuming that the actual premiere would be moved to Knoxville like we did?

The Forum is a great place to discuss football rivalries
LTR is a great place to discuss Rob. Actually, anywhere is a great place to discuss Rob, sigh…

Kickin’ arse and taking names with Cam Gigandet

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “cam“, posted with vodpod

Dear Cam-

Your video on Funny or Die was part genius you truly ALMOST hit the mark with this one. Good call on cashing in on Twilight since your character James is dead now and won’t be back for any of the sequels so you miss out on all the extra publicity. The video is hilarious because it’s true and that’s what makes the video so great… but between you and me we all know if this every really happened, if you ever really encountered a group of crazy twihards be it preteens or twimoms in a book group you wouldn’t have won. Not at all. They would have “ripped you apart and burned the pieces.” Just like any good vampire killer would. Trust. Now be careful out there dear it’s a wild world!

You can run but you can’t hide!
Themoonisdown

Don’t forget ol Robby today or the forum!