Monday Funnies: Twilight, In 20 Years… and the LTT/LTR Store

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s a Monday and you might be on your 3rd cup of coffee looking to wake up and shake off the tireds. But you can’t, I know. In fact you’re probably looking pretty haggard when you catch your glimpse in the reflection of the coffee pot in the break room and wondered, ‘when the crap did I age 20 years?’ You’re definitely not eternally 17. So I was thinking if normal people feel this way than the twi folks have to have a few haggard days themselves. Since we could all use a pick-me-up and helped out with the site In 20 Years that Brooke sent me, I present you some of our Twilight folks… IN TWENTY YEARS!

First up we have Rob…

Hmmm… they usually say men get better with age… but it appears as though Rob’s eyebrows have just grown with age. And he may just have a drooling problem…

Daaamn and we thought present day Kristen was a hardass… look at what 20 years and some smokes will do to you… Joan Jett, midlife crisis movie here she comes!

Then it was Taylor’s turn and a funny thing happened…
I put this picture in, but kept getting this back
Looks like the apple (or the double bacon cheese burger) doesn’t fall far from the tree…

Follow the cut to see an extra special treat AAANNNDDD an extra special announcement. Spoiler alert it may involve tshirts

My perfect New Moon premiere outfit – Contest

Dear New Moon cast members,

We are 34 days from the premiere of New Moon and to be honest I’m started to freak out a little bit.That’s 34 days till every Twihard descends on Los Angeles to hunt you like dogs in the street. Ok, maybe it won’t be that intense. 34 days till UC and I are reunited again. 34 days till I get to meet tons of our awesome readers turned pals! 34 days till we make out with Chris Weitz to how our gratitude. But mostly there’s only 34 days for me to pick out the perfect outfit to wear when I see New Moon. You can imagine how much I’ve been thinking about this. UC has already pulled her perfect outfit together so I’m under the gun and I need to find the hottest, sexiest outfit that will make Rob stop dead in his tracks.

So I got to thinking that I should probably wear something comfortable since I’ll have to be able to punch and kick easily and the outfit needs to be able to last several days out in the elements as I’ll be sleeping on the sidewalk in front of the theater next to a hobo. Because of these prerequisites I’ve decided I should role with a tshirt and here are the options I’ve found…

I’m just a werewolf… not a mummy or a zombie or even a cookie monster. Sorry to let you down

Follow the cut to see my NM outfit and to learn about our CONTEST!

The Inevitable New Merchandise for New Moon

Dear Twi-hards,

With the release of New Moon fast approaching (146 days!), it was only a matter of time before the machine started rolling out new merchandise for fans to buy. After all Hot Topic almost single handedly saved the economy back in February. And we really can’t be losing anymore mall stores. Where else will I find my neon green tutu’s, Mario Brothers shirts and gothic parasols?  I mean, there goes my whole wardrobe, right? But never fear we’re just now getting a glimpse of the goodies to come that might just save the entire United States economy. Fingers crossed.

WOOOOOWWW just in case you wanted to go hunting and be camouflaged but also show how much you love Twilight, we have this lovely shirt. To our country friends, this will look nice while you’re out hunting deer with Jethro and the boys and if you’re lucky enough you’ll be wearing this on the next season of Red Neck Weddings!

Don’t you hate it when you’re at work and just about to close the BIG deal and can’t remember what date it is? I know I do! But after I get this handy little desk calender I can look confidently at the client and say, why yes it IS exactly one month and 3 days till my life is complete and New Moon comes out October 17th! Thank God I had this calendar or we couldn’t have made this million dollar deal! Great doing business with you!

So Barbie Bella and Ken Edward dolls are like the complete antithesis of Malibu Barbie and Ken. Instead of tans they have pale, sparkly skin. Instead of the pink corvette Bella has the broke down beater truck. Instead of skin bearing bikini’s and swim trunks it’s coverage from head to toe. And instead of a Dream House on the beaches of Malibu, it’s a middle class house in rainy Forks, Washington. My only question is: what about the Bob Mackie designed raincoats and the Quielute addition to the “Barbies Around the World” collection? Mattel, you totally dropped the ball on this one!

Lip Venom, guys really? I remember this stuff from like Seventeen Magazine in the 90s. It was supposed to plump up your lips to give it that “bee stung” look. The whole concept is off, first of all who wants to be stung when putting on lip gloss? And not surprisingly the product failed and went away. But now that Vampires are the hip thing, why not trot this little diddy out again but with a new spin: Plump your lips up with the venom of a vampire! Close your eyes, dream a little dream, click your heels together and say “there’s no place like Forks” and wait for the magic of the venom to turn you into an immortal. Then you and Edward can be together forever, cause we know that’s what you dream about. Seriously, we know. We watched the movie.

When are we gonna get a Jacob action figure? Or a temporary vampire bite tattoo? Or an official Charlie Swan stick on Mustache?

Would you buy any of this?
Themoonisdown

Don’t forget to vote in the Wanna Tappa Vampa (our fake sorority) and the Twi Sisterhood’s PORN OFF! EVERY VOTE COUNTS!! Yes we can!

Read our review of Rob in The Bad Mother’s Handbook at LTR
Chat about it in The Forum!