Twilight stuff that should not exist…. then some that should

Dear Twilight art lovers,

While we’re waiting for the leg hitch anything from David Slade & Summit, I thought we’d take a stroll through the Twilight Saga Art Gallery to see what’s new. What I love about this saga is all the crap it provides that I can make fun of that with each new movie, more and more people are inspired to make horrifying beautiful art. I hope their inspiration doesn’t wane. And I hope that with the new stills of Eclipse that we’re sure to see any day now and the eventual images of Taylor Lautner and a little girl from Toddlers and Tiara’s and the shots of Kristen Stewart with a prosthetic pregnant stomach when Breaking Dawn starts filming, some creative artists will make us drawings, paintings, sculptures and finger puppets so that the images of Taylor and a baby and Kristen with child can be etched in our minds forever. And with just the touch of a button and the virtual swipe of a credit card on Etsy, we can each have a physical reminder of the incredible creepiness of the storyline of a grown boy imprinting on a child powerful story of love between Edward & Bella.

First, an artful homage to Jacob Black

Good thing she copywrote this drawing. I was about to make 1,000 copies and sell them at the Remember Me premiere in March for Rob to sign. (Instead I’ll just bring him my Twilight books)

Something for your baby to wear in the church nursery

Oh you think this is just an attractive pic of Taylor Lautner shirtless? I did too. Look closely at what he’s touching

Let’s not forget about Jasper

The crazy thing is, he actually looks better here than he does in the movies….

And how about a little Robsten art love?

These little upside-down clay pots representing Bella & Edward come with a cardboard cut out of the Meadow scene for you to act out when your husband is asleep!

Don’t ask why. Ask why not!

Thankfully, there is GOOD Twilight art out there. Follow the jump to see some that might be new to you! Continue reading

Say it loud, I’m a Twi-Hard and Proud!

Nothing gets me pumped to continue writing on LTT day-after-day and continuing loving the movies and the books and the whole entire saga like a really good fan letter!

Say it! Out Loud!

Dear LTT,

Although I have been a huge fan of Twilight since August of 2008 I only recently found the blogging world of sanity that I now flock to daily like a crow and road kill. From the brazen posts of UC and Moon I decided that I was going to “come out” of the Twilight Closet in a big way…

Every single person I know, they know about it (The Twi-Hard “it factor”) because I can’t shut up. I have stopped restricting myself. See I’m hard core about this shizzz. There is no room for error, no room for misinformation or misquotes and no room for a semi-twi-hard to step in my path. I’m not Avril Lavigne soft punk over this, no, I’m Johnny Rotten Sex Pistols crazy about this epidemic that has me in it’s clutches like the 1918 Spanish Influenza.

Could I interest you in this home? Vampires not included

Work: I am twenty-nine years old and work for a Fortune 500 company related to real estate and new construction. Here’s what happens when you are: (Say It Loud) – I’m a TWI-HARD and proud!

While sitting in a model home, in a suit, waiting to sell a splendid house to anyone who walks in my door, I see a younger girl, around twenty-four, with her fiance. I scrutinize her, not to see if she can afford the house, but to see if I notice the, “I’ve read the Twilight Saga and know the world,” look. You know the look… the one where their eyes permanently are subconsciously looking for something Twi related. Maybe it’s a Cullen Crest bumper sticker, a little bottle of liquor, a picture of a lion and a lamb, or anything related to cliff diving and Forks. Their eyes are constantly searching for something Twilight.

When this potential Twi-Hard’s fiance goes to explore the man cave of a basement I look her in the eyes and I see it. Like Edward with a mountain lion, I see the look and ask, “So, did you see New Moon?” SOLD! Another house, another commission, another sale thanks to Twilight. Who wouldn’t trust their sales rep when they talk Twilight to them? The fiance is confused when he comes upstairs from the man cave and the wife explodes that they are going to build a house, like, now.

That's Normal

Work Friends: Then there are my coworkers who know about this reality I live. One of them went to Burger King and left for me the NM cards with the pictures of the cast on the front and discounts to Hot Topic on the back. Her cute little yellow post-it notes that have cupcakes on them (I internally giggle “thank you CWIA”) states: “I saw these and thought of you! Enjoy!”
Yes, they all know. They even knew that Nov 20, 2009 was a huge, take the day off, party like a child, and go see a movie at midnight, event. I received at least 3 emails wishing me good luck amongst the teenagers and to drink lots of “red” wine.
The still-in-the-closet-semi-twi-hard coworkers know that we can giggle secretly about Jacob being too young and Rob, Robert, Edward, Robward, His Holy Hotness, whatever you want to call him, making our panties qualify for a mortgage (weirdo real estate language for panties disintegrating). Suddenly, my inbox is no longer filled with house buying related information but their favorite pictures of HHH in VF.

I highly suggest finding yourself an "out" Twi-hard friend. This is mine...

Friend: *sigh* Yes, I only have one Twi-Hard friend to non-stop talk about this world with BUT she’s very reserved and not “out”. Therefore I went on my hunt for other Twi-Hards and oh, I have found you. Sanity has returned and my serotonin levels are normal because I was afraid that I was loosing it. Now I know, “that’s normal.” Phew.

Family: This one’s a bit tricky. It’s me and my niece’s against the family world! We rule, they suck, and we don’t care that they don’t know what we are gabbing about: Marshmallows, kiss me I’m Irish, does she even like Italian, things like this just don’t happen, they do in my world, fire and powder, my kung fu is strong, face punch, punch face, … it goes on and on… for hours…
Yet, my sister did ask for my advice about my two niece’s iPod touches they were getting for Xmas. Sister wanted to know what Twilight quote to get engraved for each of them. Well, shiz monkey man, that’s a tough freaking question!! I told her, “La Tua Cantante” and “Quil-clout-lay.” It’s perfect, one’s Team Edward and the other Team Jacob. Only those on the inside (obsessed side) would know.

My mother caved and read Twilight. She refuses to continue with the series because, “I just can’t handle the description of kissing those cold, hard, lips…” Good thing I didn’t recommend that she try kissing the ice box for the experience (JK! I have never done that, I swear).

What did I request for myself for Xmas, you ask? Well, I told my husband I wanted a full-size figure of a certain celebrity. He rolled his eyes. I took that as a “yes, of course!”

Thanks LTT for allowing me to express how being out of the Twi-Hard closet had altered my sales skills, work relationships, and familial affairs. Not to mention my total language is forever altered and I’m so chillaxed with the change.


Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Bringing it back to what matters…. again

Dear LTTers,

I don’t know about you but sometimes I forget. I get wrapped up in the drama of the actor’s lives, in the hilarity of the fandom and in the frustrations of the movie making process that I forget why I fell in love with the Twilight saga in the first place.

I forget what it was like to read the books for the first time and sob when I realized they were over. I forget how obsessed I became after I watched the first movie and how I squealed in delight and held Moon’s hand so tight when we finally got to see New Moon.

I need to be reminded. And I bet you do too!

So here is a reminder- 1 beautifully-made video from each story. Let’s fall in love together again, shall we!?


Twilight & Midnight Sun: (After all this time it IS still possible to like that story!)

New Moon: Edward’s painful last kiss good-bye

Eclipse: So freaking excited for the REAL trailer!

Breaking Dawn (yes, I actually found a BD fanmade video that didn’t creep me out. Plus it uses some footage from the hour long vanity fair Twilight photo-shoot….. which should bring back memories for many of us of a time when there wasn’t Robsten vs. Nonsten. Before we knew enough about their intimacy to know whether or not we cared, didn’t care, or cared wayyyyy too much!)

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

What if Hitler read Twilight?

Dear LTTers,

I know what you do. You see we do a video post and you say “Oh, I’ll watch that later” or “Nah. Not in the mood for a video today” and go on your merry way, never coming back to watch the brilliant videos we hand-pick for you. Don’t let that be the case today.  Take 6 minutes out of your day to watch these two videos. Stick your kids in front of the teletubbies (does that still exist?) and sneak to the bathroom if you’re working and watch them on your iPhone. I’m serious. I needed this laugh and you need this laugh. There’s nothing going on in the Twi-world. Nothing to lift your spirits…. except for this.

(Warning: May not be funny if German is your first language. Or maybe it will be. I have no idea! UPDATE: if you speak German, MUTE the video and it’ll be funny!)

Hilter Finds out Edward leaves Bella in New Moon

Hilter Finds out the Eclipse script has leaked

Laughing yet?

Follow the jump for an exciting announcement! Continue reading

What’s taking Breaking Dawn so long?

Breaking Dawn logoDear Eclipse,

We’re almost at 5 months to the DAY of when Eclipse will be released and we’ve seen nothing but a wide angle picture of a meadow scene. More than 6 months before New Moon came out we had a trailer. Then soon after we had ABS! And JORTS! I’m kinda losing my patience here. What will be the catch phrases of Eclipse? Will we be treated to another 122 minutes off cut off blue denim’s finest? Or will you raise the fashion bar a bit and give us cut off black sweatpants, like Stephenie Meyers originally wrote? All I know is that I should be focused on you and your impending release in 154 days (see, I shouldn’t have had to look that up- I should have KNOWN that number off the top of my head) but I’m not. I’m barely even worried because we have bigger issues to be occupying our minds: Breaking Dawn

Dear Breaking Dawn,

What.The.Freak? I mean, I get waiting until the new year to make some sort of announcement. New Moon’s release was crazy- the numbers were outstanding- then the holidays and hit and Avatar made New Moon’s earnings look like pocket change- but all that is in the past. IT’S JANUARY TWENTY FIFTH. What the H is going on? All we know is what Moon shared with us a few weeks back. Which, to recap, was nothing. It’s all so blurry in my mind I can’t even remember- have we even had CONFIRMATION from you yet that you’re actually going to be made into a feature film? I know the stars are confirming it when they’re asked in interviews, but come on- who believes them? They think everyone lives in a sunny place where catering trucks sell sushi that won’t immediately send you to the emergency room writhing with stomach pain and every day folks can spell “Louboutin” (had to look that one up too). I need the 411 stat (of COURSE this twitter account exists: @BreakingDawn411– that’s like looking for a Robsten video set to “I’ll Make Love to youObviousssss!)

You’re really forcing the wheels in my brain to turn and turn… and figure out for myself why we haven’t heard any news yet. Here is what I’ve come up with:

1. Issues with Stephenie Meyer.

Pancho: Also, babe- write me a love scene with this blonde

And I’m talking something bigger than “Should it be one or two movies?” Cuz that’s easy- flip a gosh darn coin. Problem solved. No, no. I’m thinking if there are issues with Stephenie they are critical. Maybe this time she’s not happy with just a cameo role as a patron in the diner. Maybe she heard the outcry of 40-43% of Twilight fans 10 months ago and said, “Yeah- I agree. I want to recast Bella too. Let’s cast ME” and won’t sign off on the movie until they meet her demands.

Or perhaps there’s an issue within her marriage that’s she’s trying to fix. Maybe Pancho, her husband, finally tired of his wife always being in the spotlight and the focus never being on him, woke up one morning and demanded, “Steph- why does EVERY member of our family have a character named after them, but I do not?” And she gasped, red-faced, “You’re right. I must show the world that I DO love you by re-writing the series with YOUR name as the main character.” So she’s been busy writing about Bella and Pancho. And of course that changes the location of the story, as someone named Pancho would clearly never live in Forks. Instead, Bella and Pancho meet in a heavily wooded area outside of Guadalajara. Pancho has a point. We never think about him. He’s never gotten his own letter. He’s Mexican right? (His name IS Pancho). We did a whole bit about a mexican Twilight character- Tequila Tomas. We didn’t even think of Steph’s poor hubby. Why didn’t Patrón Pancho come to mind? Poor guy….

Find out what else is holding up Breaking Dawn after the jump! Continue reading

Twilight Secrets: Everyone still has one

Dear Twilight Secret Keepers,

I love hearing your secrets!

More secrets after the jump! Continue reading

My Twilight confession (it just makes no sense)

Dear Twilosophy 101 Class,

A few days ago I was just sitting at my desk at work and suddenly overcome with emotion. Like I cried real, actual tears. Why? Oh, just “Flightless bird, American mouth” by Iron & Wine from the Twi soundtrack came on. Why in the world did that make me cry!? Because I started remembering how it used to choke me up, and how I used to listen to the soundtrack over and over again… Remembering the story- Remembering Bella and Edward…their forbidden love… and DYING to see the movie again!

Hey. I have a beard. And will make you cry with my songs

I’ve seen New Moon 4 times (I know, THAT’s it! Moon is killing me in the # of times she’s seen it!) It’s still in a few theaters in my area, although it’s not EVERYWHERE like it was…. but, honestly, I’m not sure I’m going to go see it again. I don’t NEED to see it. I NEEDED to see Twilight. I’d sit at my desk, I’d get all teary-eyed when Iron & Wine came on… and then I’d make plans to go see the movie.

It makes no sense.

It’s not rational.

Twilight isn’t good

New Moon is better (but still not very good)

So why am I choked up right now? Is it the reminder of how entranced I was a year ago by the phenomenon? Is it the remembrance of the hours I spent google-stalking Rob Pattinson and learning intimate details about all the cast members we hate slash love now?

The hype has died down. Forget for a second that New Moon has made almost 700 billion dollars world-wide- The Twilight movie’s hype lasted longer. Maybe it’s because they needed to make room for Avatar, but New Moon is disappearing in theaters all across the country. I think this time last year it was still going strong in theaters across the nation. Twilight wasn’t released world-wide all at once, so I suppose the hype and buzz just grew and grew into eventual explosion. New Moon feels like it all exploded at once on November 20th.

But why don’t I cry when I listen to the New Moon soundtrack? God knows it’s the most effing depressing thing out there. Bon Iver kills me when he sings with St. Vincent. Thom Yorke gives me butterfly feelings in my belly (get the soundtrack on vinyl if you have a record player- besides the fact that it’s annoyingly on 4 sides, it sounds so amazing!) but I don’t cry. There’s no ‘moment’ song like Iron & Wine’s song at the prom scene for me.

I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes, feeling like a crazy person (I am) because I’m crying over memories of a really bad movie and how it made me feel, and I’m wishing that its less bad but still sucky part 2 would make me feel the same…

Here’s to that mother effing leg hitch and whatever song comes with it that better make me cry a whole year later after I first hear it,

What do you think? Am I crazy? Feel the same? Self-conscious cause you know The Font is gonna read your comments?

Follow the jump for a special message from us! Continue reading