Reshoots in Vancouver? What could POSSIBLY need to be reshot? Oh, I know…

Dear David Slade,

We’re 70 days out from Eclipse. SEVENTY. We’ve had one trailer (I think), a few stills, a lot of drama & rumor after rumor about so much stuff I can’t keep facts and rumors straight anymore.

Remember us?

Let’s think back to what was going on 70 days before New Moon released. I did a calculation (literally I checked it like 12 times & I’m probably still wrong) and figured out that was on September 10, 2009 (you remember, around our 10 month 9 month anniversary!)

70 days ago, Moon broke down ALL the best news in 10 words of less, signing off her Death Cab for cutie news section with my all-time favorite moonism ever:

Dear Chris Walla of Death Cab,
I think I’m in love, you called Edward an “A-hole.”

I will follow you into the dark,

We had the New Moon trailer released at the MTV movie awards and the LA times New Moon insider pictures. David you started your infamous twit pics of shadowy shapes of nature & pieces of grass, we had a soundtrack preview and more Jortspack pictures than we could handle. We were inundated with New Moon mania.

Sure, Chris Weitz is a DILF and you can’t compete with that- he rode the Summit PR train like Cathy Hardi rides Rob in her dreams. Eclipse WAS still filming during New Moon mania giving us double overload with Summit-released saga info as well as fan released Eclipse goods. And we know you’re doing reshoots in the upcoming days, so maybe you just don’t have anything good enough to give us. And speaking of reshoots, let’s vamp (ha!) on that for a second. Summit came out and acted like it wasn’t a big deal saying there were no major scenes to be re-shot. I think I’m gonna call your bluff. Not a big deal? We’re 70 days out- you’re in full on editing mode and there are some changes big enough that flying a few cast members to Vancouver is necessary? I’M GONNA CALL THAT A BIG DEAL.

As I’ve been kept awake late into the night thinking about WHY you might possibly need to re-shoot some scenes I’ve come up with only one possible explanation: You’re finally convinced the LEGHITCH is important and your half-assed attempt at it wasn’t good enough

We don't want any of your fancy-pants new dry humping in the meadow

You’ve been hearing our cry for a year now. You’ve seen our threatening tweets. Sure you didn’t believe us in the beginning and you tried some fancy new dry-hump scene where Bella feels the special tingles down there for the first time and tried to play it off as the leghitch, but that’s not what we asked for. That’s not what we need. It was simple. It was our only request- It’s the mother effing leghitch. And if my speculation is right and that IS why you’re going back up to Couve, then by all means, get it done, son! But just in case that wasn’t your plan and the LEGHITCH the RIGHT WAY still isn’t a part of the movie…… Here are some things I promise to do if there’s not a mother effing LegHitch, just the way we want it:

  1. Make cardboard cut outs of Chris Weitz & you and note the difference in their height with a big ass sign above their heads saying “BIG MAN vs SMALL MAN.” Then I will sleep out for as many days necessary to get up in the FRONT of the red carpet at the premiere where I can display my cut-outs proudly
  2. Boycott your movie (aka only see it once OR buy tickets for Sex in the City 2 and sneak into Eclipse without paying)*
  3. Track down your home address & give it to Catherine Hardwicke, telling her you were hoping she’d ‘stop by for a visit,’ margaritas in hand, to retell the story of how she was responsible for the love affair that is Robsten. If you’re extra bad I’ll tell her you want to help her make a new Robsten video for You Tube.
  4. Cut the blades of grass you were so adamant about taking pictures of during filming. You have a love affair with nature? Watch what I do to nature. Snip, snip.
  5. I will convince the VPs at Summit (and I’m VERY convincing (read: I got a new shirt that shows off the ‘girls’ real well)) that you want to direct Breaking Dawn SO badly that you’re willing to do it for free.

Half-assed attempt? Or the REAL deal?

So to recap, Eclipse is coming up SOON (70 days, 70 days) and I feel like we know very little about it. I’m scared to hear you’re doing some reshoots so late in the game, yet encouraged if they are to fix major issues that will give us a frownsmile if they are allowed in the final cut. If you HAD other plans for your time in Vancouver and you DON’T currently have an amazing leghitch scene of epic proportions currently shot, then I suggest you quick grab a couple sheets of screenplay paper & your teeny, tiny pencil and write us a mother effing leghitchscene to end all leg hitch scenes

Or else.


What do you think? Are you nervous they are doing reshoots? Are you still afraid we’re not going to get the leghitch we all dream of? Is this top priority on our fasting & praying list?

*once in college I snuck into a 2nd movie after paying for the first one with some friends & I still live with the guilt, so I probably won’t be doing option #2

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter


Thankful for David Slade (hopefully)

Dear David Slade,

I was asked to write a letter about what I’m thankful for this Twi-giving—I mean, Thanksgiving.  I couldn’t think of anything.  I mean, I’m grateful for the usual stuff like having a house to live in and not being dead from some horrible disease.  But relative to Twilight, I’ve got nothing left to say that hasn’t been said before.

So instead, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you’re going to deliver an incredible movie with Eclipse.  In advance, I thank you for the following:

This is all I ask...

The Leg Hitch.
I know you already have this “in the can”.  If Jesus loves me, and the song tells me He does, you spent six weeks of your filming schedule on the leg hitch alone.  Like those action movies where they show the car exploding from eight points of view, so should you show the Hitch from every possible vantage point.  Front angles, back angles, aerial views, slo-mo, hidden cameras in the inseam of Bella’s pajama pants–I want it all.  Also, sound effects are pivotal here.  No music (unless you can convince Tom Jones to let you use “You Can Leave Your Hat On”—that would be epic).  Only the sound of fabric-on-fabric as Edward slides Bella’s leg over his hip.  I know you won’t let me down.  So thank you for that.

Please, God. No

The Ring.
Edward’s mother’s ring.  The one he guilts Bella into letting him give her.  You’re not cheaping out on this one, are you?  Because you know that Hot Topic is going to sell a replica of it, and you know that I’m going to buy it and wear it around just like I had good sense.  So you hired a real jeweler to create the most stunning engagement ring, and you didn’t pay any attention to the way Stephenie Meyer described it, because it sounds god-awful big and tacky in the book.  You did these things because you love me, and because I’m faithful enough to thank you in advance, and because you don’t want to see eight million shoddy imitations of an ugly ring at the premiere.  I know you did.  Thank you.

Why aren't my camping trips like this?

The Tent Scene.
I want to know what EXACTLY Edward is seeing in Jacob’s mind during the tent scene. I don’t care if it appears in a poorly superimposed thought bubble above Taylor’s head, so long as I see Jacob doing all the freaky stuff he wants to do to/with Bella. You’ve certainly filmed this in glorious detail, you dirty, tiny man. I appreciate it.

The Soundtrack.
I know you’ve already got a message in with Tom Jones’ people about “You Can Leave Your Hat On”, but I’m hoping you’re working on getting rights to “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls for that non-canon “Edward alone in his room” scene you filmed.  Also, we haven’t gotten any decent rap songs with the franchise, and I heard 50 Cent say he was a fan.  You’ve taken advantage of this to get Fiddy to do a cameo as the entertainment Alice hired for the graduation party, haven’t you?  You’re the tops.

So, Dave, you have a pair of giant yellow pants to fill now that we’ve seen the DILF’s New Moon. Today I’ve given you preemptive thanks, which will be revoked immediately upon a poorly delivered leg hitch, a detail free tent scene, a gaudy ring or a boring soundtrack.  Don’t make me hunt you down in June.



P.S. Seriously, though, I’m thankful for Moon and UC, who, despite presumably having real jobs and living three thousand miles apart, manage to seamlessly bring us Twilight-related content with heaping side dishes of snark every day.  Even Sunday.  I’ll admit to being so lazy I don’t even read on the weekends.  Anyway, I’m not just saying this because I’m three days late handing in this assignment.  Without Bunny and Noreen I’d be on some other Twi-site, in a sea of Twimoms and squealing fourteen-year-olds, with the WordPress user name “Mrs. Cullen”, posting comments like, “ZOMG Rob is so HAWT ZOMG I want to marry him and have all his babies.”  Actually, I think I’ve made that exact comment on here before, so nix that.  The point is, Moon and UC make me work for it, make me laugh, and generally make me feel normal.  Thank you ladies.

Tiffanized- we love you. And you brought tears to my eyes. First from laughter and then from sappy feelings. It might be the anticipation of the pie I can smell in the other room though, so don’t get too big of a head. 🙂 We love you. And are thankful that YOU are a part of our community! XO

Member we’re busy with holiday stuff this weekend so patience getting comments approved! In the meantime:
Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter