How about some Twilight deductions on this years Taxes?

NOOOOOO!!!!

Dear Twilight,

It’s tax season!  I look forward to filing my taxes, because I usually get a bunch of money back since I don’t make all that much to begin with.  It’s like getting a huge bonus, even though technically it was my money all along and the government just held on to it and I didn’t even get the measly 2% savings account interest on it.  Whatever.  Not like I was going to actually save any of it anyway—most likely it would go towards buying a “Wolf Girl” candle or a backup set of New Moon trading cards.  But this year, once all the shoutin’ was done, I actually owed the IRS $105.

It turns out that I made more money in 2009 than I have ever made.  Seriously?  Because it didn’t feel like it.  How many times did I eat Ramen noodles for lunch because I had $17 to last me until payday?  I was living like Rob, wearing generic underpants and drinking cheap beer.  It seems inconceivable that I made the same amount of money as I did in 2008, much less more.  I hit the spreadsheets in search of the discrepancy, the anomaly that had left me cash poor in 2009.

Hmmm... what's different here... (click to enlarge)

My findings:

Do you see what happened there?  In 2009 I spent fully 10% of my income on Twilight and Twilight related stuff, including but not limited to:  books, action figures, bumper stickers, movie tickets, posters, lunchboxes, partyware, DVDs, magazines, tickets and travel to Brit Pack shows, and iPhone apps.  THIS WAS MORE THAN I SPENT ON CHILD CARE.  But, if I’ve learned anything from LTT, That’s Normal.

This is where you come in, Twilight.  Do you think for 2010 you could help me out?  Kind of like a Twilight bailout?

Some ideas–feel free to pick and choose:

It's true

  • It seems like you have more “exclusive” versions each time you release a DVD, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to afford the Eclipse Home Depot Special Edition that comes with an actual piece of torn wolfpack jorts.  If you put all the different DVDs in one giant box set and sell them at a 10% discount, that would be swell.
  • Disney did a promo where people volunteer a day of service for theme park tickets.  Perhaps I could donate to a relevant charity–heaven knows the Summit wig department could use some funds–in exchange for free tickets to see Eclipse.
  • Plan more events in the Virginia area.  Cross-country trips are expensive for me, what with the hotels and plane fare and tequila anti-anxiety meds I have to take just to be able to fly.  Overnight layovers for Rob at RIC would qualify as “events”, as long as you cc me on the itinerary.
  • Issue a Twilight Rewards VISA, so that at least while I’m constructing an overwhelming mountain of debt I can earn free T-shirts from Hot Topic and discounted autographs from TwiCon.

Obviously, I’m going to tithe to Twilight one way or another, but it would be nice if you acknowledged my contributions to your tremendous money pile by giving me a break or two.  It’s the least you could do for a working girl like me.

Love,
Tiffanized

P.S. You should also anticipate a letter from my boss about my lost work hours from 2009.  Just a heads up.

What else should be in the Twilight Bailout? Any deductions the government should talk into account for Twilight fans?

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