Will Bill Condon direct Breaking Dawn, The Musical? I sure hope so!

If you only knew...

Dear Bill Condon,

Oh Bill Condon… oh Bill, Bill, Bill… if you only knew what you were getting yourself into… alas that is a letter for another day. We have more pressing matters to discuss today…

Of all the rumored directors being vetted for Breaking Dawn: Gus van Sant, Sofia Coppola, Fernando Meirelles and a few others your name seems to just keep coming up. Especially yesterday when we learned that you may be in talks/negotiations to direct BD. And I gotta say I’m super excited! For the general public they probably best know you from your film adaptations of the musicals Chicago and Dreamgirls*. As a HUGE nerd fan of musicals this has my head spinning. Because I’m sure, like me, there are tons of people out there thinking Breaking Dawn will be turned into a musical. A musical version of Breaking Dawn? YES PLEASE!!! Just imagine it…

We open with a wide shot of Forks with an incoming rain storm in the background. Charlie slowly drives the streets in his cop car singing a  “Patrolling in the Rain” type of song under his breath. Then the skies open up and it begins raining. Raining glitter, of course.

glitter, lots and lots of glitter!

Then we catch up with Bella singing about that dumb ol car as she gases up the Mercedes Guardian at the gas station and then uses the gas pump as a prop jump rope and sings “Only a Human, not yet a Vampire” as a man taps dances around the car inspecting it.

Later on we have the wedding scene which I imagine as a sort of Guys and Dolls Nathan and Adelaide getting married scene only set in the Cullens backyard while we cut to shots of Jacob running through the forest singing “Get me to the church Cullens on time.”

Then to celebrate their marriage we have a huge ensemble number, a re-imaging of “We’ve only just begun” with the Cullen family, Wolfpacks, humans, townspeople raising closed umbrella’s for them to walk through and then as they leave for the honeymoon, instead of throwing birdseed or rose petals the guests throw, what else? Glitter!

In honor of Stephenie Meyer’s ultimate cockblock, for the honeymoon  scene instead of fading to black the musical version of Breaking Dawn will have something very similar to “Contact” by Angel in Rent, where we don’t actually really see anything go down but we know it’s a big metaphor for sex. Yup, Stephenie you will still have your fade to black in the end.

Yup, twihards made this Bill. GET READY

Bella giving birth closes the first act . I imagine this like the scene (I think, theater nerds help me out) in Carousel when Billy is stabbed and instead of it being literally blood spurting, instead a red sheet slowly gets pulled out to symbolize her bleeding to death as Edward holds up Reneesme all Rafiki-holds-Simba-up-in-Lion-King like and then hands her to Rosalie as he launches into a gut wrenching soliloquy about possibly losing Bella all while Jacob cowers in the corner singing to himself quietly.

End of Act 1

Follow the cut to see what I dream up for Act 2, it’s a real show stopper, trust me

Twilight at the Oscars 2010

Dear Taylor, Anna and Kristen-

My hat is off to you all for turning it out at the Oscars last night. Everyone was dapper, not shiny, and in proper fitting clothes. Even though two of you presented a montage about horror movies that was completely out of place at the Oscars and also featured a clip of New Moon which is NOT a horror movie and earned a HUGE laugh from the folks I was watching with. BUUUTTT we will take what we can get in these meager times. So let’s give out some props where props are due…

The tux wasn’t shiny, it fit well, you made all the girls ohh and ahh and yell “team Jacob” so I say mission accomplished on this one. The only thing that could have made this look better was if you had brought Big Daddy as your date and we would have gotten to see Big Daddy in a little tux!

Kristen, I have to say this is the best you’ve ever looked on a red carpet. The fit was fabulous making up for the atrocity that was your Bafta’s dress. The color, mindnight blue/black is SO spot on it’s ridiculous. The hair is up and out of your face so that you can’t touch it and mess with it and make me want to rip it out for you. Your makeup is beautiful… and some lucky photog just happened to catch this little glimpse of a smile on your face. I know, I’m quite shocked myself too. Woah this is a lot of compliments in one place, I feel like their served koolaid at the party and I took a swig. Well played, KStew, well played!

Oh Anna. Every girl oo-ed and ahh-ed any time you were on the screen last night. The color of the dress, the draping, the sweet little detail at the top and well just flawless makeup and hair. And even though you didn’t win (they should have given two awards out!) you were a winner tonight in this and according to all the party goers. We just wanted to be you. All we imagined was you responding:  “I know, right?!”

From a question about Twilight to what George Clooney thinks about working with YOU… what a leap you’ve made in the last year

(sorry for the craptastic video, friggin Oscars pulled all the good clips yet don’t provide an official one. WHAT.EV.ER)
Did we all love how they played that New Moon music through out their presentation? Not the people I was with! They kept yelling, why is this music still playing? And since I was not about to out myself on THAT one since I’d already said “SHHHH I need to hear this for WORK!” I kept quiet and wondered how dorky Taylor and Kristen felt for intro-ing some rando- montage clip about horror films. And THEN to be followed up by Anna Kendrick presenting right after them and not being introduced with “Star of New Moon” before her name.

It was a grand night full of a lot of wins for Summit, you guys showing up and then of course The Hurt Locker rocking it. We couldn’t have asked for anything more… well maybe a LITTLE bit more Rob. There’s always next year!

I’d like to thank God… and UC…
Themoonisdown

So what’d you think of the fashions, who wore it best? Was Anna robbed? Are you glad Taytay wasn’t in another shiny suit? Not enough Rob?
Don’t forget your Remember Me tickets it’s THIS Friday!!!

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