Big Daddy & Taylor go to the Olive Garden “where they’re family”

Hmmmm I can almost taste "The Tour of Italy"

Dear Big Daddy,

I see that you convinced Taylor to go to the Olive Garden for a lunch of all-you-can-eat “Soup, Salad and Breadsticks” so that you can finally get that last punch on your frequent diner card. Free chocolate lasagna with you next meal here you come! It’s also nice that you swung by Santa Monica Ave to pick up a local tranny to participate in your “Launter for a day” charity that you started with the family. Every weekend the family picks up a stray tranny/hobo/Disney star to “adopt for the day” and show them what Lautner-style hospitality is really all about. What they don’t know if that for every diner you bring in you get an extra punch on your card, so really it’s cutting your time till you get the free dessert in half. You’re SO smart, no one could pull a “shocker” on you! You’re pretty much the reason Outback had to stop their frequent diner program, after a week of consecutive lunches with the cast of The Suite Life plus all the ladies from Jumbo’s Clown Room (look it up) they almost went bankrupt from giving out so many free Bloomin’ Onions. Way to stick it to the man!

LTT: Where you’re family,
Themoonisdown

Black v neck? Check! Shiteous Nikes? Check! Borrowed plaid shirt? FAIL!

Dear Taylor,

So either Rob gave his costars personalized shiteous Nike’s for Xmas or this is a not-so-silent plea for GQ to name you their number 1 Best Dressed Male in 2011. Well played friend, well played!

XO
Moon

Follow the cut for an extra special Saturday surprise… you should defs follow the cut if your name is UC

We interupt this Kellan post…

We interrupt this Saturday morning LTT post to bring you this important Public Service Announcement (letter)

Dear Robsten,

We stopped caring months ago. But thanks for trying…

(i love how cute this little girl is!)

Rob and Kristen seen on the Isle of Wright and snapped with this super cute girl. Little paparazzo in training.

Now follow the cut to see our real Saturday post

Letters to Twilight in 10 words or less

Dear LTT-ers,

Just the other day I was talking to UC about how I wished I could just post two word letters or even three (go for the gold Moon!) because sometimes less is more especially when you see shiz like this:

Rob and Kristen spotted shopping in VINTAGE store

Dear Rob and Kristen,

Be less predictable.

Love your pal,
moon

So I decided to summarize the following Twi-news, pictures and what have you in 10 words of less… can I do it and still be semi funny? Will you love me when I fail miserably?

Let’s see shall we?

Your faithful servant,
Moon

Take the cut to see if I can do it!

Ashley Greene, Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning praying in the name of Rob in Italy

Dear Ashley, Kristen and Dakota-

I see that Kellan finally wore you down and you had a meeting of the girls accountability group of New Moon and decided to induct Dakota Fanning into the fold… how sweet of you gals!

Say 'Facebook!' No say 'Rob DO ME!'

First, Ashley decided to document the occasion because of course my BFF is like me and will inevitably scrapbook the moment for posterity to remember the day Dakota joined the league of girls “Praying and Fasting for a better New Moon.” The movement originally started by our dear Lula and continues till November 20 when we will find out if our prayers have been answered. Obviously you girls know how important this is so you started off the meeting with a round of prayer…

Kristen Stewart was just at a Women of the Word conference (obviously) and decided to begin after feeling the leading of the Holy Spirit and it went a little something like this…

KStew: Dear God we come to you today in front of the paparazzi and the crazy psycho set stalkers to say we are so thankful to be sweating our boobs off  filming here in Italy and want to welcome our newest sister in the Lord the Meyer, Dakota Fanning. Let her light shine to all she comes in contact with, though not Rob because he should only be seeing MY light, but anyway we ask for a hedge of protection around Dakota from all the whacky Pattinson pants girls and scary Twimoms, keep her safe and away from their Chico’s daywear grasp…

Dakota: Dear God, thank you for these special girls and may we all become closer than fake lesbians now that NReed is out of the picture… oh and an extra special blessing for my agent and manager for making a teen girls dream come true by taking me away from Oscar potential scripts and getting me this two-bit part and bringing me this much closer to Robert Pattin-

*interrupting* KStew: Uh that’s enough Dakota, don’t want to wear you out the first time, ASHLEY your turn, NOW!

Ashley: Huh? uh.. OH! I’m up… Dear God, after this whole accountability thingy is over please please please let us find an open Sephora store here in Montepulciano because all of us are out of concealer! Seriously, look at us, we’re out in public praying on a rooftop looking haggard, we NEED some MAC ‘studio stick’ coverage stat. Oh and please impress upon Jackson’s heart that he should ‘kiss groupies goodbye’ and shack up with me instead. Uh and thanks for Dakota, her presence helps give this little dog and pony show we call New Moon some much needed credibility.

And we all said AAAAAAMEN!

Then the always classy Kristen gave the watching paparazzi a little one finger blessing…

Jesus loves you too!!

Spoken like a true prophetess! Don’t miss KStew on BET’s Sunday Best and next year on tour with Juanita Bynum bringing the word like only SHE can!

Your sister in the Meyer,
Themoonisdown

PS Don’t forget to check out our daily letters to Rob and see UC get him drunk!
Oh and chat about it all over at the forum!

Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez come out. Officially.

And they called it puuupppyyyy looooveeee

Dear Taylor-

Looks like someone had the DTR* talk recently!! I can’t say how excited I am for you two… you’re so cute I just want to squeeze you like a couple of cabbage patch kids!

As a girl with an ass ton of guy friends I can say with some authority that I believe a DTR talk has occurred because unless you two are underage drunk in broad daylight on the sidewalk in front of the paps, no one goes for the under the boob side grab. Not even good friends.

Have your fun and kick out the jams with Selena now because puppy love is fleeting but Wolfgirl love is forever.

Your older wiser faux sister something
Themoonisdown

*for the uninitiated or those no longer in High School, DTR= “define the relationship”

Picture Source: Lainey Gossip

Not alright with this New Moon Hair & Makeup Dept.

if I was one of these girls or Jackson, I'd be crying openly (click to enlarge if you can handle it)

Dear New Moon Hair/Wig people-

I’ve never been more sad in my life.

This is just NOT alright. I am seriously sad and may think of boycotting you for making Jacksper look this ridiculous. His hair is poofy and NOT CUTE. What did you do wash and set it with sponge curlers ala 5th grade? I mean it must take a lot of work to take a normally great looking guy and make him look like a poodle at the Westminster Dog Show. In fact I think that’s where you must be going to get all the wigs that were in Twilight and now New Moon. Jacob’s half up, half down wig makes him look like a Native American My Little Pony. All he’s missing are the bejeweled eyes.

If this is the hair Jasper has when he kicks butt and draws blood at Bella’s birthday party someone will have to hold me in my seat because I may not be able to help myself. I need a bad ass Jasper taking a swipe at Bella and not some fancy boy with Shirley Temple hair.

I have no more to say about this. I’m going to act as if this never happened. I have my eye on you Wig wranglers!

The end.
Themoonisdown

PS girls in this picture: please do not frame this or make it your profile pic on Facebook. We need to forget this ever happened.

PPS UC, i ❤ you and would never give you poodle hair if I was a hair stylist

Working out with a Filet o Fish and Taylor Lautner

(TGIF LTT-ers!! I can’t tell you how happy I am we’ve made it to another Friday, so in honor of a great week of posts and a crappy week of work I’m bringing you one of the most ridiculous videos EVER!)

Dear Daddy Lautner –

What the heck is going on in this video? Was it time for Taylor to work out and that’s why you pulled over the SUV for a little impromptu weight training session?

“Hey Taylor and Trainer guy, pop the hatch you’ve got some reps to do kid, these filet o fishes ain’t buying themselves!”

And what’s the loud popping noise in the background? If I didn’t know better about the premise of New Moon I’d say you were on the set of “Saving Private Rob” and those are fake gun rounds going off… instead of what we all know that sound really is! It’s you crushing beer cans on your forehead while Taylor works the Delts out.

What we really need is a Daddy Lautner work out video… it’s pretty much like those old people chair work outs only yours involved a lawn chair and lifting 40’s instead of soup cans. Then to really get the muscles warmed up there’s a relay between you and that blond chick to see who can eat a McRib the fastest. You win of course! And the cover is the best… I picture Taylor standing over your shoulder spotting you as you benchpress a platter of McGriddles. GOLD, I tell you! You’re rich all thanks to me! Where’s the Amazon preorder?

Nice form Taylor!
Themoonisdown

Oh and get Taylor another Crest White Strip, I couldn’t see his gleaming chompers from space!

PS TGIF!!!!!!!!!! Time to hit that forum and get to chatting after commenting!

Weekend at Oregano’s

Come on ride the train and ride it... CHOO CHOO!

Dear Micheal (I won’t call you Oregano for this one)-

We saw the pictures on Lainey (where else?) today and just wanted to thank you for making Kristen smile! It seems like a long time since that ol sour puss has seemed genuinely happy and excited to doing something, even walking down the street with you! I looked at these pictures and thought, wow, she’s really pretty and having a great time with you! Unlike my usual reaction of annoyance with her.

So I was thinking what was the big deal about this weekend? Why are it so great? And I came up with these ideas… Cause this is what I sit around doing Michael, making up shiz like this… my life rules. Obviously… BUT back to the list!

01. Kristen is now 19 and you guys can party in Canada. I’m sure you two kids need a little liquid courage to get the good times rolling

02. Kristen spends all week staring at a buffed out Taylor and the Wolfpack and was ready to pounce when you showed up

03. Rob was outta town! And so was Nikki! For once you had her all to yourself, no conspiracies theories, no fake on screen vampire boyfriends, no fake lesbian lovers… just the two of you!

04. You brought up Kristen’s special bong for a visit. My how she’s missed it!

Looks like you're rehearsing your new musical "The Oregano and I"

05.You two watched all the episodes of Will & Grace that you play Jack’s son. JUST ELLIOT! (does the *just jack hands*) Who could keep a straight face when Megan Mullally and Sean Hawes are on screen?!

And all those add up to create a recipe for a GREAT weekend! Am I right, Kristen? Am I right? (nudge nudge, wink wink!)

I mean Micheal, you must have some special motion in your ocean ifyouknowwhatimsayin’ to make her smile THIS much! I underestimated you Arangano… never again!

Nothings gonna rain on your parade!
Themoonisdown

Another Jackson post… yet again

Dear Jacksper-

Since we didn’t get to rock out with you and that thing you call a band this week (Thanks for canceling by the way, whatever it’s not like UC and I are together every Tuesday my dear but anycrap…) We’re apparently going to OD on posts about you instead. See what you do to us? Please see us through this phase!

One of the great and sometimes embarrassing things about being a loud n proud Twilight fan is that people will send you links to everything Twi-related. Mostly it’s crap we’ve seen before, I mean we do run a Twilight/Rob blog after all, but still this means sometimes you get some real goodies that fall between the cracks. Like this little gem to the left here…

With all the hoopla surrounding Team Wolves and big reveal and Rob going into hiding and other crap we somehow missed this cuteness from Vancouver. And ain’t nothing like a little Jacksper and Ashley real life action. Cause this shiz is too cute for words. It’s like seeing Alice and Jasper in real life just out gettin’ coffee, ya know just another day in the neighborhood.

Jackson's got nothin' but a smile for you!

First off, tell Ashley since we’re now BFF’s to please share her boots, not the handbag. Kthanx.

Secondly, Jack ( hope you don’t mind if I call you Jack cause that’s what I’ve named your folder on my computer) this is re-donk-ulously adorable. Like in that you-look-like-a-high-school-crush-of-mine kinda way. Not so much the hat but the smile and the dimples. I just wanna poke my finger in one of them. Oh and the hair! Don’t cover it up! Have I ever told you about my curly hair fetish? People who know me well know I call it “the curly hair factor.” Chances are if you have curly or wavy hair I will be stupidly in love with you for no reason. Curly hair boys can do no wrong in my book. Now don’t use that to your advantage or tell Rob he needs to get a perm, cause his hair is wavy and perfs.

Ok, now that you know that will you please come back to LA and play with your ridiculous band so UC and I can rock out to some curly hair.

XO
Themoonisdown

PS ray bans, always the ray bans PLEASE!

PPS if you love us and you love Rob please vote for us at the Dazzle Awards! We’re up against some stiff competition and we’re currently in 4th place but I BELIEVE!!! We can do this people. IN OUR TIME! Now get over there and scroll down to best rob fansite and choose wisely!

Worlfpack pride!

Phase me baby

Dear Wolves-

Shhhhh what I’m about to tell you is TOP SECRET!! Ok, ready?

I’m having second thoughts…

I feel like a traitor for saying this around these parts… but for the first time I think I get it! After the photos of the wolfpack came out this week I can say I understand what all the fuss is about with Team Jacob. Only I want to call it Team Wolves! You boys are smoking hot and every kind of WIN I can think of. It got me thinking ‘wow, the Cullens seem kinda Pansy-ish all of a sudden and maybe the Wolves really could take them in a fight!’ I know!! I know, don’t spread it around but you’re totally making me have second thoughts.

I also gotta say that this is the first time I’ve felt really excited about New Moon after seeing you guys I was like let’s get this OOONNNN and I mentally started picking out songs in my head for the wolfpack and when that happens I KNOW I’m interested! While driving to work “Woman” by Wolfmother came on and all I could see was Jacob shredding on a motorcycle in a hot leather jacket!

RED HOT vs ICE COLD

I’ll always be Team Edward in the end but for Bella to be able to move on we needed some kind of convincing and boy, did we ever just get it. Now, I feel like this is totally possible. These guys are showing up ready to DO WORK SON! (name that quote). Now with hunky, hot, do-able Wolves this is easier to swallow and is already making me itch to pull out New Moon and Eclipse and read them again right now, just to imagine you boys as those characters. With you Wolves the fights in Eclipse are completely plausible now and I’m DYING to see how this all turns out.

talk nerdy to me, wolf on the right!!

I was talking to good pal Lula about how you guys are hot red blooded American MEN, real men and how this makes us feel like we’re cheating on Edward. I feel a little naughty and I like it! I just can’t help myself now. No need for Team Switzerland and we get Team Jacob finally but ef all that noise we wanna call it TEAM WOLVES, stand up and declare yourselves folks!

BIG UPS to casting, Chris Weitz, the PA, WHOEVER it was that made THIS happen I can totally see it now.

I feel the trembling, would you please phase me?
Themoonisdown

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