Hey, David Slade! Where are the Eclipse exclusives?!

Whoopty-friggin-doooo

Dear David Slade,

One image and no trailer and we’re 4 months away from the premiere for Eclipse? Why? What is up over there at David Slade Headquarters, Inc.? Seriously… something’s wrong, isn’t it? At this point before New Moon we already had: Oodles of images, 1 mini trailer for MTV Video Music Awards, 2 clips from ComicCon, and if my math is correct the first trailer that played before Band Slam, and maybe a couple little interviews. So much so, I had to declare born again virginity and put on my New Moon chastity belt. So far the belt’s laying in a corner gathering dust and I’m begging on the streets (of Twitter) like a h00r. What gives?

Now that I’ve said that, let me first start off by saying I have to say THANK YOU for not bombarding up with clips, and interviews and crap like we got with New Moon. Which was SO overkill. But I also have to say a LITTLE something would be much appreciated. I know us bloggers are dying for anything to post. ANYTHING. And not that snoozeville of a picture you guys released of Edward and Bella in the meadow. YAWN. I could have taken that myself with a cardboard cut out of Edward/Rob and me in a Bella wig in the weeds at Griffith Park. Nice try though.

This is it?! At least we got some plaid in there

Why don’t you give us a 30 second super teaser trailer! The the box block of all mini trailers! Make us WANT IT even more (that’s what she said). Make Twitter explode from all the speculation. Trust me, it will be SO worth it to see those tweets instead of the ones that Twihards tweet you on a daily basis begging for some Bella/Edward/Jacob threesome action.

The real Eclipse!!

Since we haven’t seen anything new from Eclipse I can only assume the following…

01. There was a horrible error at the film processing plant thus completely erasing all the footage you shot and you’re currently having to go back and reshoot the entire movie using the mini Edward/Bella/Jacob dolls from Hot Topic along with a couple GI Joes for the Volturi, a Ken doll for Carlilse, a slutty Bratz Doll for Victoria and a Teddy Ruxpin as the wolfpack a la “Be Kind Rewind” since there is ZERO budget left to buy more glitter, white pancake makeup and jorts.

Follow the cut for the rest of my speculations on why there have been ZERO Eclipse exclusives