Monday Funnies: Twilight Tattoo Freaks Part 2

Dear LTT-ers and Crazy Insane Twihards with a need for ink,

Last summer we wrote a post that highlighted the best and worst of the Twilight themed tattoos we could find on the web… you guys responded and it remains one of our most popular posts almost a year later. Of course last summer was a bit more innocent and not as many folks knew about Twilight like now… so when I went to search for something the other day and saw new tattoos floating around I knew it was time we revisit the best and worst of Twilight tattoos…

(click to enlarge these to witness full size crazy)


Oh hey there crazy New Moon fan, you have a ruffled Tulip growing out of your armpit. You might wanna get that checked out.


Reminiscent of  the NM tattoo, this girl went ahead and straight up tattoo-ed the entire section from the “moonless night” part of New Moon. Sure, this is commitment but now I’m just waiting to see some girl do full sleeves of all the words from the saga. DO IT someone. COMMIT or else your shit is WEAK!


From the badass mother effer file comes my favorite Twilight tattoo so far. Nothing says “I will ef your shiz so fast” like a “Cullen” knuckle tatt. FORKS REPRESENT!


From the “I took a couple Literature classes and look at my lace panties” file we have the “Fire & Ice” tattoo along with something from Edna St Vincent Millay, Shakespeare, and a partridge and a pear tree and someones rib cage.


Next to Jimmy Neutron/Edward of the Shire tattoo, this one of my next favorite portrait tattoo. This Edward has a hot ass mullet and a wonk eye. I’m think this girl took in our “picture” of the dealbreaker Rob mullet. So sexy.

and now… witness the piece de resistance

Courtesy of PeopleofWalmart we have the tattoo that was emailed to us at least 2390492034 times last week! Bonus points for it actually looking like Robert Pattinson is hiding in the back of this woman’s White Stag sweater at Walmart. Negative points for her being able to buy 96 cent KoolAid and me not having a Walmart within reasonable driving distance.

Oh Monday, with these Tattoos you are somewhat bearable. SOMEWHAT. You know what would make it more bearable? For Rob to pull out that guitar and start playing… but I guess we’ll have to settle for some tattoos in the meantime.

CULLEN PRIDE!
Themoonisdown

Are you planning your Twilight tattoo? What would you get? I’m thinking a version of Mount Rushmore with the 4 directors: Hardi, Weitz, Slade, Condon and SMeyer on the end. Totally normal, no?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Kristen Stewart it’s your 20th Birthday! Let’s take a look back!

Happy Happy Birthday!

Dear Kristen,

You’re finally out of those teen years and into what I refer to as the “old years” everything after teens just doesn’t really matter so much as you’ll find out. But alas you’re only 20 and you’re in that weird year that isn’t teen and isn’t fully adult. But it’s been a big year for you. Leaving behind your teens and entering adulthood has been pretty tumultuous to say the least. To celebrate let’s take a look back and see what all 19 had to offer…

After outting you and Nikki Reed as fake lesbians one of our friends Kim made this amazing video to celebrate your love and we laughed till we cried.

And as quickly as your love blossomed with NReed your love for that Italian spice Oregano ended.  In a last ditch effort to salvage the relationship and and Micheal Aranago embark on a not staged at all paparazzi documented piggy back romp through the streets of Vancouver. Goodbye Stewgano, we barely knew ye.

While Rob was off in Cannes he runs into your old Into the Wild costar Emile Hirsch and UC and I roleplay what that conversation must have been like. We also come up with our own safeword for future role playing. We also have amazing fun real lives outside of this blog, I SWEAR!

Obviously out of my mind I plead with you to bone Robert Pattinson while you’re filming New Moon in Italy. You probably took my advice. Or you didn’t and played some softball with the locals.

What else happened last year? Let’s remember and wish KStew a happy happy 20th after the cut!
Continue reading

Imma enter a Twilight contest

Dear country music lovers, Twilight fans, lovers of contests & closet rappers,

Who can forget the night of September 13, 2009 when we all crowded around our TVs in fear of what Rob would show up wearing, wondering if Ash would have a nip slip on the red carpet, pondering if Kristen’s hair could possible look any worse than at ComicCon and hoping that Taylor wouldn’t charm us so much that we really consider moving to Georgia? And then, our hearts skipped a couple beats as said underage boy in a man’s suit stepped on stage and this happened:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Congrats Kanye, you’ve again proved to be a douche.

But like everything in pop-culture, Kanye’s a-hole move quickly became a meme and provided us with countless LOLs as “KanyeGate” took over the radio, TV, news reports and interwebs.  It all came to a head when I discovered the Kanye Gate tumblr account, which, of course, had Twilight/Kanye mashups!

trueblood

immacathy

imma

Seriously? Photoshopping a little Kanye image with Twilight-related stuff? That looks like SO much fun & RIGHT up my alley. So I gave it a shot (after the jump) Continue reading

Kristen Stewart in Bella’s new wig!

Oh crap, those were real scissors

Oh crap, those were real scissors

Dear Eclipse Wig Dept,

Since Eclipse started filming last week and no one’s seen Kristen Stewart in her new Bella get-up everyone’s been well: wigging out. Heh. Clearly fans have been flipping out since they saw Kstew’s Runaways hair and wondered what the crap you were going to do with it for Eclipse. Wigs? Tracks? A weave? Extensions?! The mind spins with options! Ok, maybe that’s the 2 “big girl” drinks I just had, but spinning none the less.

So maybe we weren’t so kind to your New Moon counterparts a few months ago when we saw poor Jackson in that god awful poodle wig that was designed for Jasper. I still shudder even now when I see it and don’t know if I’ll be able to overcome it when I’m watching the movie, but well, I guess that’s something you have to live with and not me. Just don’t be surprised if I have Vietnam style flashbacks during the premiere anytime Jasper is on screen. But anyhow, what I’m now currently worrying about is what Bella’s wig will look like. I know we all let out a collective gasp and clutched our throats when we saw that KStew up and got crazy and cut herself a mullet for Runaways filming (you guys more than us I’m sure). Cause now you have to deal with that dead raccoon on her head and turn it into beautiful Bella hair. Sucks to be you all. BUUTT since we’re professional bloggers and total Twilight nerds around here, we’re here to help and I’ve got a few suggestions that just might work for The Great Mullet Fiasco of 09…

Since we’re in a recession and Jacob is now a werewolf you won’t need his old wigs, so why not reuse that for Bella’s wig? Almost the same color, just curl it up a little and presto long hair! We’re in a recessional yall and we all know how Summit likes to save a few clams so WIN WIN!
bellajacobwig bellajacobwig02

And since we’re talking about re-using why not try out the old Jasper poodle wig?! What, Bella’s not blond? Who cares, make her squirm a little for cutting it all off.
bellajasperwig

Follow the cut to see some more AWESOME wigs!
Continue reading

Joan Jett – We feel your pain (aka Kristen Stewart)

24, 24 hours to go... I wanna be sedated!

24, 24 hours to go... I wanna be sedated!

Dear Joan,

I bet you totally regret casting that ‘Twilight Girl’ to play you in the Runaways Biopic, even though your niece totally loves that hunky vampire dude and was hoping to meet him because of the KStew connection. But sadly, no Rob and all you’re left with is a skinny girl who blinks and stutters her way through your kick ass life.

And what about the hair? Instead of rocking your bad ass femme mullet she looks more like Johnny Ramone with a lot of volume. Makes me wonder what they’re gonna do in a month when she has to have Bella hair again. Get yo weave on girl!
I just read a story about you yelling at Kristen to step it up her game on the Runaways set and she ended up crying. Did she have the Bella hospital break down on you?

“What? Are yo- NO! NO! How, I don’t even know what you’re say- How Ho- Whadya whayda you talking about, yo- want me to go away- I, I, I can’t, I can’t I I can’t just leave – I… (fade out)”

I wanna rock n roll all night and party every day! This is not the KISS biopic ladies!

I wanna rock n roll all night and party every day! This is not the KISS biopic ladies!

Obviously at this point you had to slap her so she would snap out of it. You’re an original RiotGiRRRL for goodness sake. Teach that trick some respect! And I’m sure you’ll agree with me: There’s no crying in PUNK ROCK! Tell her to snap out of it or we’re gonna have words! Same goes for Dakota Fanning. These two need to bring it or go home cause if they screw up Cherry Bomb like Twilight got screwed we’ll have to lay the smack down like James did in the ballet studio.

So Joan, if you’re ever feeling blue about the whole thing or just like to laugh at people when they fall down, cause who doesn’t? Watch the following video… and maybe one of us will figure out how to put the falling part on loop!

Hello world, I’m your wild girl!
Themoonisdown

PS Read one of our very own LTR/LTT girls ROB ENCOUNTER at LTR!!
Talk about all this goodness at The Forum!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Follow the cut for some Runaways musical goodies from me to you!
Continue reading

Taylor Lautner at a hockey game in 4 takes…

Dear Taylor-

I had a great weekend, saw some friends, went to some house parties, got a fathers day gift (don’t forget Big Daddy Lautner this Sunday!) and wondered what you were up to now that New Moon wrapped principle photography… and lucky me Just Jared found you at a Detroit Red Wings hockey game! I totally forgot you were from the North because who else watches hockey around here? You and Big Daddy Lautner (my other name for Poppa Filet o Fish) did not disappoint with your AMAZING facial expressions during that game that were all caught on film for folks like UC and I to enjoy… and enjoy them we did!

taylorhockey01
Taylor: OH DUDE DAD!! That cougar behind me just grabbed my balls in the hall and I liked it!!
Big Daddy: Isn’t that a Katy Perry song?
Taylor: Um Yea, something like that, I don’t know Dad but she pushed me into the guys bathroom and told me she’d “make me a man” for Rob’s phone number, can you believe it?! I was like get in line sister!
Big Daddy: Hmmmph… kids these days… freakin 6 pack abs and mystic tans are wasted on the youth… I wonder if they have a McDee’s in this arena. Taylor go get me a McFlurry!

taylorhockey03
Taylor: Daaaadd… I just remembered Selena broke up with me. I’m really sad… do you have a kleenex?
Big Daddy: Uh, I got this leftover napkin from Wendy’s, will that do?
Taylor: sniff… sniff… yeaaaa but who will I walk in the rain with now? What about the umbrella I bought? Who will I give chaste sweet hugs to on the sidewalk in front of the papparazzi?
Big Daddy: Consider it a blessing she dumped you now Son. She’s a Disney girl, it would have taken 2 years to get to first base and then it would have ended in sorrow after the inevitable dirty webcam pics surfaced. Do you want some cotton candy?

Follow the cut to see if Big Daddy tackles a Dippin Dots vender…
Continue reading

Pledging to LTT

Dear LTT Pledges,

The Twilight Sisterhood has been having pledge month this June & we thought of how amazing it would be if we did that here at LTT.

We’re pretty easy-going Sisters, and we only require one task from the following list of initiations to be achieved in order to be accepted into our sorority:

  • Yep, make him take off the monkey costume & run around nude with him

    Yep, make him take off the monkey costume & run around nude with him

    Streak naked at a 100Monkey’s show and get Marty, the bananager, to join you. Yell “JASPER” at the top of your lungs the entire time.

  • Eat only Twilight conversation hearts for breakfast lunch and dinner ’till you’re rushed to the hospital with sudden onset diabetes.
  • Insist that all band aids you receive while AT the hospital be Hot Topic Twilight band aids.
  • Head on over to a neighboring sorority or frat and rip a tree (roots intact) out of the ground while screaming “AS IF YOU COULD FIGHT ME OFF.”
  • Act out chapter 32 of Wide Awake fan fiction with a male friend, at a church pot luck. In a park. Against a tree. (yep, it’s that chapter)
  • Read the mind of the hottest guy at work or school & write down his thoughts in Edward’s calligraphy (And if his thought happens to be “Be Safe”– you’ll get something extra special. Like Sam Bradley’s email address)
  • Run miles around a high school wearing a gray peacoat only stopping when you see a van approaching. Stop it with your hand, even if it’s just pulling into a parking spot, safely.
  • For extra credit, you & Kristen could also become the newest spokeswomen for PBR

    For extra credit, you & Kristen could also become the newest spokeswomen for PBR

    Invite & successfully get Kristen Stewart to join you at a Nascar race where you will ALSO need to have a mullet, like she currently has, and drink Pabst Blue Ribbons until you strip off your clothes and do a ho photoshoot on Dale Jr’s hood (that’s what she said).

  • Buy a Volvo. Drive from New York to Forks, WA in 12 hours or under while making home-made mushroom ravioli (I don’t wanna hear that this is impossible to do while driving. Figure it out)
  • Kill, filet & bread a mountain lion in Harry Clearwater’s famous fish fry (fine- if you can’t find Harry’s fish fry, you can use whatever your local market sells)
Good luck and may the best pledges win!
Love your favorite sisters,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown
Thanks to: Kristen, EastFriend, WestFriend & Moon, for without you I would have to stay up much later
a secret message about how rob will love you forever if you pick our name
Name our sorority: We’re serious. We want a name for our sorority. Even though it’s kinda a pretend sorority. Who cares. Name contest happening NOW. Leave your ideas in the comments. Winner gets automatic entrance into this kinda fake, but sorta real sorority. And first crack at Rob at our first frat/sorority mixer.
a secret message about how rob will love you forever if you pick our name
Introducing: Blurbs from the Forum topic Mods.
We had some weird forum issues this week. Kristin emailed and said this:
Good news is though, my whole gateway 504 issue is resolved! I was apparently riding the techno short bus…now I’m all up to speed and I even get to have recess with the normal kids! yay!
and Calliope, who apparently did not have the same “Gateway 504” issues with the forum said this:
this is me shaking my head up and down and smiling at you and pretending to have even the slightest effing clue as to what you are talking about while i’m mentally undressing rob.
a secret message about how rob will love you forever if you pick our name
What’s going on in our world? The following:
  • Rob has a question for us over on LTR
  • The Forum is buzzing with activity. Wanna see why? Check it
  • Follow us on Twitter & help us get to 2,000 followers this weekend!
  • Lauren from Lauren’s Bite is hosting a give-away. GO WIN
  • I have a wedgie so far up my butt I’m not sure it’s ever gonna come out (not true- just seeing if anyone reads this far…..crickets….)