Drunk texts, drunk dialing, drunk emails all about Twilight!

Paintings required

Paintings required

Dear LTT-ers,

You know that feeling, waking up the day after a particuarly crazy drunk fest and not quite rememebering how it all ended. Then you check your celly and realize you drunk dialed every ex you had in the last 5 years and left 10 minute messages about god knows what, then texted your Dad (accidently) about how eff-able that guy you just met is and then you realize you’re not wearing any pants and you’re on your porch. Trust we’ve all been there. And if you haven’t, well… what are you waiting for?

I think that may have happened to one of our dear readers because yesterday I checked our LTT email and read this gem which was clearly written after one too many gin and tonics at the Cat & Fiddle…

Heyheyy,, how much do you think they would charqqe to appear at a party?
 
Andd,, whenn aree KStew,, RPatzz,, andd TLaut makinqq ann aperance,, inn southh florida??

Drunk in South Florida (this is what I would imagine he/she would sign this if they hadn’t passed out before hitting send)

This could be YOU!

This could be YOU!

Well dear heart either your keyboard is sticky from all those gin and tonics or you are the victim of drunk emailing gone wrong. But I like where your head’s at so let’s explore this one shall we… How much do I think they would charge for an appearence? Well probably depends on which star you’re wanting to get at your party. Let me break down what I think each one would “cost”

Kellan – he seems like a Twi-whore going to all these Twiconventions so I’m gonna guess, a coach ticket to your nearest airport, a corner room at the nearest Holiday Inn, 100 bucks “mad money,” and his choice of Twihards to be available after his check in at the hotel. What they do after depends on their contracts. If you want Kellan to return I suggest one dress up like a naughty Sunday School teacher. At least that’s what I hear he likes.

Jackson – a spare corner in the venue for 100 Monkeys to set up. Cause obviously his contract includes a clause that they will play at the closest dive bar or AT your event. He also requested that you hand wash the bananager’s costume, cause trust after a 3 month tour of the east coast’s finest shit holes that thing smells like death.

Ashley – 30k. She ain’t stupid and she’s got an open line of credit at Barneys. Duh.

Nikki – Who?

Peter – A supply of ugly shirts by Affliction set up near his autograph table, a video camera so he can record his friend that no one care about, dancing in a bikini and room enough in the parking lot to park the RV. Oh and when you introduce him you must preface it with: “Mike Dexter is a GOD!”

Gil Birmingham – Bus fare to the event, Greyhound if they travel to your town. And the finest assortment of 40year old+ moms who are just there to “chaperone” their daughters at the event. Right, ladies, RIGHT.

Taylor – I spoke with Big Daddy Lautner and this is what he said it would take to get Taylor at your party: 100 dollar gift card to McDonalds, one of those Dominoes Pizza Bread Bowls in the hotel toom upon check in and a supply of new Polo button up shirts, size XXXL. Hey, don’t ask me that’s what Big Daddy said Taylor needs!

Kristen– You’re joking right? She’d give you the ‘bitch please’ stare through the phone and then hang up on your ass for being so stupid. But maybe if you send her some “herbal treats” before you call it might help the pitch.

Rob– His only request is that Moon be present, ready, willing and able to help him with his every need. Oh and maybe a baseball cap from your local tourist shop. Anything with a lobster, flower or whatever represents South Florida. He loves those free hats.

As for your other question, When will Rob, KStew and Taylor make an appearence in South Florida? My guess is the 10th of never… or maybe after you do the above.

Good luck Drunk in South Florida!!

hangover6Moving on… A while ago we featured one of my favorite sites Texts from Last Night on a Monday Funnies post. Texts from Last Night which is a site where people submit funny/inapporpriate texts they’ve receieved usually sent when people were of questionable sobriety. Well they’re at it again because recently JodieO alerted us to a new Twilight related Text that was posted.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/47253

So JodieO has this to say…

“Have you guys heard of the website www.textsfromlastnight.com ?  If not, it’s just a site where you send in strange or funny texts.  I consider myself fairly worldly, but the more I read it, the more impressed I am at how drunk and slutty some people can be.  Anyway, There was one about Rob that caught my eye: http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/47253
 
(706): i just met rob pattinson in italy. he’s so stupid, i feel like i would have to say “your penis goes here!”
 
While I would be surprised to learn that he really is stupid, it still wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me.
 
Drawing a map, just in case!
 
JodieO

Amen JodieO AMEN! I’m getting mine printed up and lamenated for when Rob comes back to me in LA. You can never be too prepared!

FYI we LOVE getting these emails! Please keep them coming oh and add our email to your phone for the next time just such on occasion arises. And by occasion I mean every day after 6! Email us letterstotwilight at gmail dot com!

Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

Hop on over to Letters to Rob!
Drunk post in the forum! We don’t mind!

Step right up to the Circus sideshow: Twilight Tattooed Freaks!

Dear Twi-hards,

Your enthusiasm, commitment and devotion to this saga continues to baffle and amaze me. Though I’m probably up there in terms of  enthusiasm, heck I blog about this EVERY day, I don’t know if my enthusiasm comes anywhere close to some fans I’ve seen. We all show our love for Twilight in different ways, passing the books on to a friend so they can become addicted (aka spreading the virus so you’re not alone!), creating your own New Moon trailer with your creepy husband while the cat wonders wtf is going on, or even getting a Twilight inspired tattoo. Now the Twi-tatt is by far the highest level of commitment out there and not for the faint of heart or SHY. I mean you’re going to be stuck with this thing for the rest of eternity and will forever be explaining why you have a tattoo of a shriveled up tulip on your boob of the face of a guy who kinda looks like Jimmy Neutron lost in the shire on your bicep.

The great thing about Twi-Tatts is that most will inevitably be some sort of embarrassing and if we’re (meaning those of us who love and make fun of the twi-dom on a daily basis) lucky; awesomely terrible! So in honor of Monday Funnies let’s take a gander at some Twi-tatts that somehow went very verrrry wrong.

The Cullen family crest- this is a big offender in my book because it’s not even official, it’s from the movie! That’d be like getting the quote “hold on tight spider monkey” or a portrait of Buttcrack Santa (my dream tatt).
cullencrestbackpiece
Grandma’s gonna be so confused when you get married… “but honey, I thought Steve’s last name was Steverson, not Cullen. Who is this Cullen boy?”

crestleg
Goes great with your Chico’s capris

Next up we have the popular quote-style tattoos where folks get their favorite passage tattooed on intimate body parts. With Stephenie Meyer being such a great writer I can see why you’d want those words around forever. Heh. Most people get the obvious stuff: “be safe” “and so the lion fell in love with the lamb” etc. If it was me I’d probably something like “I had an adrenaline rush, you can google it!” or my fave Carlisle quote: “Animal attack!” (RIP Grisham Mill Worker)

overkill
This is a classic case of I WANT IT ALL but I can’t decide so let’s just cram as much from the saga on my arms and see what happens. All we’re missing is a passage about the Spanish Influenza or a detailed description of Bella’s room.

newmoonbackpiece
Well if you’ve gone this far, why not a whole chapter?

tbonesteaktattoo
Now, while I love this quote and the sentiment, it looks like it’s been etched into a T-Bone steak or a leg of lamb not exactly what I’d call romantic, unless raw red meat is your thing.

Next let’s traipse into the logo/book cover area of the Twilight tattoos… and as much as I love the covers as the next person I’m pretty sure I don’t want some chess pieces on my body… besides I can’t even play chess!
treetrunk
Oh looks it’s a Twilight tree… let’s crack it open and count the rings.

tulipbesafe
In case you forget “Be Safe!” Oh and don’t forget to water your flowers, they start drooping if you don’t. FYI.

And now for the ultimate… the portrait tattoo… now anyone who knows tattoos know that portraits are the most difficult and need to be done by professionals… and well I’ll let you be the judge of these next few…

movieposter
I’ve always wanted a tattoo of a 12 yr old looking stuttering girl and an alien on my shoulder

And now for my favorite…
jimmnuetronintheshire
Jimmy Neutron Cullen, Hobbit from the Shire is your life now. If this was supposed to BE Robert Pattinson AS Edward Cullen than someone needs a refund. And laser removal surgery.

Now these folks are committed, there’s NO doubt about that… but what I really want to see is a Cora the waitress or a Solomon Trimble tattoo… now THAT’s devotion!

Off to get my LTT tattoo! Aka a Big Daddy Portrait!
Themoonisdown

Sources: Reader submitted pics, NewMoonMovie.org, Flickr, Google Image Search, Twilighters Anon

What is IT about Robert Pattinson? Watch us try to figure it out.
Dude, don’t let your fellow sisters in the LTT/LTR sorority down, read more and submit your Rob Porn!
As always up-to-the-minute good times and discussion over at The Forum!

The Twilight Museum of Art

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s Monday and I couldn’t be happier to celebrate this glorious, beautiful sun shiny day! I spent all yesterday thinking about how much I couldn’t wait for Monday, my favorite day of the week, and to share with you all the awesome pieces of Twilight art I’ve been collecting… it’s like a virtual museum of all the best artists in the world on my hard drive right now!

Now sit back and enjoy this joyous Monday!
Themoonisdown

alicedrawing

click to enlarge and enjoy the beauty!

When I look into Alice’s eyes I can really see the soul of her character… it’s almost like she’s seeing the future and the artist just happened to catch it on paper

click to enlarge and enjoy his true beauty

click to enlarge and enjoy his true beauty

I’m glad Edward’s true self has been captured for all the world to see. It was so obvious in the books that Edward was really a make up artist waiting to break free and show his love of MAC’s “Russian Red” lipstick. Sometimes it just takes a talented artist to bring a characters true self out

To continue this tour of the best art in the world take the cut!
Continue reading

Monday Funnies AND Stuff Guys say about Twilight: other stuff mutemathguy says

Dear LTT-ers –

Another Monday is upon us and I’m in the middle of a Twilight comic/funny stuff drought, so I’ve decided to bring you a hybrid Monday Funnies and Stuff Guys say about Twilight, featuring one of our most prolific Twilight thinkers: mutemathguy. It’ll always surprise me the stuff that guys will think and say about Twilight, and I think that’s one of the reasons we love our resident Unicorns so much- they bring such a different perspective on our favorite books and movie!

So in an effort to stave off the Monday blues… here’s another round of Stuff Guys say about Twilight with our pal mutemathguy.

One day out of nowhere I receive this message…

mutemathguy: it would have been funner if their last names were “Acula”
themoonisdown: acula?
mutemathguy: then that Dad would be Dr. Acula… you know…..like on scrubs?
SILENCE… time lapse of a few moments
mutemathguy: DRACULA?
mutemathguy: do you want me to draw this out with crayons?
themoonisdown: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH
themoonisdown: no i havent watched scrubs 😉

Another day…

mutemathguy: kristen stewart is a retard
mutemathguy: i was watching an interview
themoonisdown: which one??
mutemathguy: i have no idea
themoonisdown: letterman was probably her low point
mutemathguy: hahaha
mutemathguy: ok i’m watching it now
mutemathguy: oh my god
mutemathguy: shes high as hell
themoonisdown: HAHAHAHA, the part about driving from london to russia!?
themoonisdown: dear god, shes so awkward to watch. it’s like watching yourself being interviewed in jr high
mutemathguy: yea
Watching another video apparently…
mutemathguy: the dude is english
themoonisdown: are you watching kristen? or rob now?
mutemathguy: rob
mutemathguy: man, those two are a whiskey cocaine bomb waiting to go off

Just say no to drugs kids! Even if today’s particularly heinous!
XO
themoonisdown

PS A HUUUUGE HUUUGGGEEE THANK YOU for all the birthday well wishes, pics, videos, funny comments, and to Summit for sending Rob back to LA on Saturday to be at my party. I couldn’t ask for sweeter sentiments or nicer folks to read our blog. I wish I knew you all in real life so I could give you a huge (fake lesbian) smooch and a hug… but I can’t, so just imagine me hugging the computer screen and smiling like an idiot. XO!

UC – thank you for organizing the best blog posts and birthday wishes. I wish we could have celebrated together. Just keep chanting it: “next year! next year!” You are truly the best and I couldn’t ask for a better bloggy partner in crime. No one else can bring the funny like you. XO

The Quad- thank you for helping create the raddest blog post ever ABOUT ME! Everyone should have the chance to hear their pals tell them all the things they like about you. I may or may not have printed that out and made it into a tshirt to wear on bad days. Oh and where do I send your bribe payments? SPECIAL HUGS!

Watch the Kristen Stewart Letterman interview for a laugh… or at least a few cringe-worth momets to start your week off right!
Continue reading

Monday Funnies: It’s Monday, I’m at work and I’d rather be reading Twilight. FML

(We’re gonna play a little game… every time I tell you you’re going to hit the button in this link when I tell you to and then proceed… NOW don’t hit it YET until I say so… alright aaaaand GO…)

Dear LTT-er’s-

It’s once again  Monday (hit it!), and the debauchery of the weekend is now a distant memory (except that hickey) (hit it!) and instead of being curled up in bed reading Twilight or out with your friends wildin’ out or getting your drunk on in the Friday Night Crunk thread at the forum, we’re at work (hit it!). So in lieu of crying into your spreadsheets or that 3rd cup of coffee, let’s take a trip around the internet and laugh our faces off together.

Now you KNOW Twilight is getting big when entries on two of my favorite sites: F*ck My Life and Texts From Last Night start popping up and mention the saga. For the uninitiated, F My Life (FML) is a daily dose of short anecdotes based on a simple recipe: in a few sentences, users can tell everyone the shitty moment which ruined their day. These short stories must begin with “Today” and end with “FML”. When my friend sent me this one I KNEW I had to share…

click to maximum LOL's

click to maximum LOL's

(Hit the button!)

Now my newest favorite website is Textsfromlastnight.com and I just happened to catch a few today that you have to see. TFLN is a site where people submit texts messages they’ve received or sent after a particularly awesome or terrible night!

clicky for maximum LOL's

clicky for maximum LOL's

(Hit it!)

Who hasn’t sat around wondering things like this on occasion? Why didn’t the Cullens use their powers for good like killing Bin Laden (hit it!), or to help save the polar bears from extinction (hit it!), or heck, how come the Cullens couldn’t stop Sparks from never being produced again (hit it!)?! On these occasions I may or may not have been drunk.

clicky for maximum LOL's

clicky for maximum LOL's

(hit it!)

Capt Crunch donuts AND Jasper Hale? COME ON! Where and how do I get both of these delivered to my office right now? Oh wait… one’s a fictional character (hit it!).

Now I dare you to get through a day without wanting to use the button after your boss tells you you need to come in early tomorrow or finding out you’re up for a yearly review but because of the economy, all raises have been suspended (hit it!)

Now back to work kids! (hit it!)
Themoonisdown

PS While you’re in the forum today don’t forget to check out the video topic where the lovely Jena is going to be bringing us the very best in moving images! I saw a sneak peek of todays and I highly suggest you keep the button handy!

Monday Funnies – A dash of Oregano

Dear Micheal Aragano (AKA Oregano)-

Sometimes I feel really bad for you in this whole third wheel KStew/Rob  scenario. I totally loved you in both Almost Famous and on Will & Grace, you’re such a great young actor. But as much as I feel bad for your sometimes the below comic made me laugh my face off!

Happy Monday Everyone!
Themoonisdown

Clicky for maximum LOL's

Clicky for maximum LOL's

Monday Funnies – Lost in the Meyer

Dear LTT gals and guys-

Monday Funnies were such a hit last week that we’re back again with another AWESOME Lucy Knisley comic!

For those of us who came late to the Twi-world (aka after all the books were released) I think we can all remember vividly the first time we read the saga. At first a bit hesitant (teen vampires?!) but wondering what all the fuss was about and then so engrossed you’re forgeting to eat meals, and then a total addict who’s calling every bookstore within a 5 hr radius on a Sunday night to see who was open and had the next book just so you could get your fix. And just like the last comic we featured last Monday, Lucy nails “getting lost in the Meyer.”

Enjoy and Happy Monday (only 4 days till Friday!)
Themoonisdown

clickify for big LOL's

clickify for big LOL's

Check out more Lucy Knisley!! She rules!!

Wanna cry? Check out more Monday Funnies!