We interupt this Kellan post…

We interrupt this Saturday morning LTT post to bring you this important Public Service Announcement (letter)

Dear Robsten,

We stopped caring months ago. But thanks for trying…


(i love how cute this little girl is!)

Rob and Kristen seen on the Isle of Wright and snapped with this super cute girl. Little paparazzo in training.

Now follow the cut to see our real Saturday post

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Taylor Lautner on SNL… what shall we say…

Wait, I think I see a funny skit over there...

Dear Taylor,

Now you know I love ya something fierce (most days) and think of you and Taylor Swift as my own personal Disney Prince and Princess but when the nicest thing I can say about SNL is that you really can rock a wig… that’s probably not good. Now, before I get more than my daily share of hate mail I gotta say there were a couple shining moments in your episode of SNL…

  • Your opening monologue! Showing the VMA clip where you just stood there doing nothing while Kanye trampled all over your sweeties moment was all kinds of hilarious

Vodpod videos no longer available.
round house kick…

  • Those pre-roll photos they show of the host before the skit. Those were HOT sauce and should be added to some museum for creepy women older than you to enjoy

Oh hey hey heeeeey!

  • The wigs. How is it that you can pull off a blond wig, a floppy McDonalds arches mid 90s wig, an emo wig and a freaking crimped and braided teenage girl wig? Does it worry you any that compared to most other teenage boys you look pretty natural in  long girly hair? And most importantly does it worry you that a TV show has access to better wigs than a movie with a multi-million dollar budget has?

Nice rack!

See what else was win, what sucked and what certain red head country star made a cameo after the cut
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Where’s Daniel “Big Daddy” Lautner?

bigdaddyMIA

Have you seen this man?

Dear Taylor,

Where the HALE is your dad?! Every time a new photo of you comes out of you at an airport or running around town I hold my breath as I scroll through each image just waiting to see Bid Daddy’s face among them. Preferably off to the side, holding a to-go box wearing an XXXL polo shirt and some dad pants but alas he’s no where to be found. He’s been missing in action for weeks, maybe even a month since we last saw the man we’ve all come to know and love and refer to affectionately as Big Daddy.

bigdaddydreams

Hmmmm filet o fish

Where could be be? Did he get stuck in Rob’s old hotel room jail cell? Was Summit jealous of the coverage Big Daddy was getting from paps so they threw him in the same cell Rob was in for almost a month? Is Big Daddy jealous of Taylor Swift and all the face time she’s been getting with YOU? I mean, you took her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and didn’t take Big Daddy? That’s blasphemy! They serve red meat there! I would be hurt too. I’ve even started searching every McDonald’s in the Los Angeles area looking for a cuddly dad in a corner self soothing with a Filet-o-Fish while you’re out on the town with the other half of Swiftner, but he’s no where to be found! It’s as if he never existed! Tell him to stop taking Edward’s words so literally. I can’t take this anymore!

And now you’re off gallivanting through foreign countries with KStew with NO parental guidance? Is Big Daddy sitting at home in his easy chair when the newscaster says “It’s 10PM do you know when your children are?” and NOT KNOW where you are?! I shudder to think.

I’m worried Taylor! Please tell me Daniel “Big Daddy” Lautner is ok.

It’s 10PM do you know where your Big Daddy is?
Themoonisdown

Oh and Dear Kristen,

Nice outfits! No, I’m serious, I swear!

kristentaySAkstewSAgunshirt

Thank god for press tours! Oh and wanna share shoes?

❤ sometimes,
moon

What say you? is Big Daddy MIA? Where is he? And do you heart or hate KStew’s look in Mexico?

Find Big Daddy at The Forum
Rob’s doing something over at LTR
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!

Kristen Stewart: Love her? or Hate her?

Someone sent us an email yesterday with some “suggestions” and one of them was “be nicer to KStew.” We took it to heart. Kinda. We have two different fan letters offering some KStew love and some KStew, uh, not love. PS this is long. But worth it. Trust

Kristen Stewart – Stop Making Me Feel Bad For You.

Dear Kristen,

Do you have a lot of free time on your hands? Did the long break between New Moon and Eclipse make you go a little crazy? Because I do not see any other case why you would be haunting my dreams trying to make me feel bad for you. Yes, I call you a possum behind or your back, and tell anyone who will listen about your “keen acting style,” which I describe as a combination of blinking and the stuttering random incoherent sentences. And honestly, you get to kiss one of the hottest pieces of ass out there right now, so maybe i’m just slightly jealous of you so I talk shit about you. GET OVER IT. Its not cool to come into my dreams, also known as my Rob Fantasy Time, and be all awkward and pathetic. I know you are like that in person too, but for some strange reason my dream self feels bad for you instead of just annoyed like I am. Right now. With you. Do you not have better things to do then to bug me? Are Michael Oregano’s texts becoming far and fewer in between? You know, maybe if you don’t want him to know your secretly banging Rob on set you could try to not look so DAMN SATISFIED every time your around him. Its downright nauseating. But anyways, since you seem to have all this extra time to PESTER me with, I have come up with some ideas on how to kill some time.

  • Rotten Stew

    Rotten Stew

    Shower Daily. I know this one seems like a hassle and Rob likes you dirty, but damn girl. I could deep fry some french fries with the grease coming out of your hair. And maybe while you’re in there you can sing little melodies to yourself like the one you sing in Into The Wild – because HOT DAMN that was shit was B.O.M.B., right?

  • Grease Is The Word.

    Grease Is The Word.

    Find Shirts That Fit You Correctly. This I think will help you kill time the most. You seem to think that if you just knot your shirt on the side then its good to go – its not. INSTEAD, why don’t you just buy clothes in your size? Judging by the recent picture I saw of you, I’d say you’re about a 2 days from anorexic, or maybe 3. I can’t be sure, but that’s what dressing rooms are there for. (I KNOW!! Who’s of thought people would want to try stuff on before they bought it!!? Crazy!!)

  • Get Back Together With Michael. Now you are not the President so I’m pretty sure you don’t give a shit about your approval rating, but I am telling you it will SKYROCKET if you get back with Michael and let everyone think Rob is available again. Plus, Michael seems like a pretty good guy, and I’m sure after a bong and a half old memories will come rushing back to you – and you’ll wonder what you ever saw in the smelly unclean British boy.
  • Go Be A Guest Star On a Crappy TV Show Trying To Be Like Twilight. Have you heard of all the ones they’ve made? Its almost ridiculous – I can’t keep up. But if you’re wanting to kill some time and feel like showing off those acting chops, I’m sure any show would be ECSTATIC to have you. It’d be like a visit from the mother ship, the creator, their very reason for being – Or at least that is how your agent could pitch it so you get mega $$ for doing like 10 minutes of some blinking and sighing. I wouldn’t want to burden you with having to learn actual lines that you’ll probably just change anyway to something more artistic. You know add a couple um’s, you know’s, like’s, uh’s and mMm’s – signature KStew Style.
  • "Are You Seeing Those Bright Lights Too, Michael?"

    "Are You Seeing Those Bright Lights Too, Michael?"

    Try To NOT Get Photographed Doing Illegal Things. In case you forgot, you are not invisible. So every time you go outside to light up a little MaryJane, we can all see you. And those of us with cameras are going to take advantage of it. You might have noticed that one time when you and Michael were smoking on what looks like your front porch some bright flashes. NO, those were not hallucinations from some DOPE SHIT, those were camera flashes snapping away as you slowly get stoned. Then this summer I saw leaked pictures of you sipping on some Heinkien. Honey, we’re in America and in case you didn’t get around to noticing – the drinking age here is 21.

*Sigh* I’m hoping you’ll put my suggestions to good use. I know you’re a busy girl, but these things could really help your image too. You’ll be cleaner and well-liked, and I’ll sleep better and stop being angry for feeling bad for you. Its a WIN WIN. Now, listen up closely Stewart if I see your face again after I post this I’m going to take that as a F*CK YOU, JanuaryMorning. Which, in which case means all out war – and you will lose. K, great – well I’m glad we got this all cleared up and I confessed all the things I say about you so when we meet you’re not surprised or anything.

Hoping To NEVER See You (in my dreams) Again,
January Morning

That was the KStew love letter. Read the hate after the jump. Continue reading

For Kristen Stewart, a guide to keeping men happy

puttin' out the vibes

puttin' out the vibes

Dear Kristen,

On the day we finally declare peace in the Rob fandom by linking arms and uniting in one voice to declare “We are the Rob, We are the Fandom,” you go and stir the shit. Of course you would. Kinda makes me like you a bit too- ain’t nothing like rattling a hornets nest with the news that Micheal Arangano aka Oregano might actually be in Vancouver. Yup, the same Vancouver that you and the rest of the Eclipse cast is in (oh and that dude you’ve been seen with- Rob Whateverson- happens to be there too.) I kind of really want you to be seen one day with Oregano doing that lovely-dovey shiz like you all did in April and then the next day been seen all double O style with Rob because then you would be a Lady Pimp, Man Killer, and I would be forced into maybe, quite possibly, LOVING YOUR FACE. If you were stringing both of these boys along, making them fly to other countries, hide under hoods, buy you dinner, comb out your mullet and then get the H out of bed once you were finished with them, I would give you the biggest high five ever. EVER. Just the thought of it makes me smile and want to yell “Girl Power!” (Spice up your life!).

A look of pure want. Wanting 2 boys that is

A look of pure want. Wanting 2 boys that is

So since we have no real confirmation as to validity of this other than the ALWAYS valid Splash News *ahem* I’m going to speculate that it’s totally true and Oregano really is up there in Vancouver and the reason you didn’t go to the cast dinner last weekend was because it was Oregano’s day and not Rob’s, so like any good Lady Pimp you sent Rob along to the dinner to be watched over by your frenemie Nikki Reed while you, or should I say while Oregano, attended to your “needs.” I’m so kinda proud! Since you are 19, however, I have a feeling you’ve just recently tapped into your Lady Pimp Man Killer essence so you’re new at this and might be in need of a few tips from some seasoned sluts professionals. So out of the goodness of my heart, and as a sign of goodwill and Rob-peace, I’ve put together a little guide for you with the help of some pals:

Follow the cut to see the rules!
Continue reading

Twilight fans in an uproar over news of Kristen Stewart nudity

Peek-a-boo

Peek-a-boo

Dear Kristen,

Who says we’re not behind you? Who says we’re always so cruel to you? Today’s post is a big ol’ “In yer face” to all those people who hate on us because we may have, once or twice, poked fun at you. Today we’re coming along side of you to tell you how proud we are that you’re taking a stand. We’re cheering you on as you say ‘eff you’ to all the fans who think of you as virginal Bella, holed up in a hotel room with respectful, caring Robward; making love by a fire, sipping champagne through a straw while taking bubble baths together and talking about the names of your future children.

According to a very reliable source:

“The teen star [Kristen] will play a young lap dancer and prostitute in James Gandolfini’s gritty new film Welcome to The Rileys. Reports suggest Stewart walks around naked in many scenes and was so terrified of stripping on camera she insisted Twilight co-star and pal Nikki Reed join her on the set of the film in New Orleans, Louisiana.”

…some fans-turned-critics claim Stewart has “sold out” and wants to safeguard her career versatility by showing a more adult on-screen persona for a change.

Standing up and applauding Girl, it’s about time you bore it all for movie goers in the 12 select cities across the nation who are privileged to a special 3 night showing of your limited release movie. And for the 8,300 people who will buy the DVD. And the 58,000 pervy men who will jack off to your naked scenes found at KristenStewartXXX.com (website ©Moon&UC 2009)

kstewcatfish

The Director told me to spin until the catfish flattens out into the other direction

I love that you are defying expectation and playing a stripper & prostitute and getting naked for all the world internet to see. It’s high time we see some more Twilight stars nude rather than just Ashley & (basically) Kellan. I thought we’d have to wait until Xavier, bitter because making out with a red-headed mom in Eclipse didn’t launch him to stardom, secretly leaks a sex tape of him & Justin Chon to Perez Hilton, but I’m glad we don’t have to wait that long.

Don’t worry about showing off your naked body. It’s not like anyone (aka me) will be comparing themselves to you. No one will even notice your small boobs in action cause they won’t be able to see them, and no one will bask in the glory that my boobs their boobs are larger.  I can’t foresee anyone getting excited over a close up camera angle of your thighs because they could potentially spot some cellulite or spider veins (or at least see the spot where they might show up someday.) And I know that one of the disadvantages of being a skinny girl is that the minute you eat even a grain of rice, you can see it protruding from your belly. But I doubt anyone will notice the fried catfish poking through your middle area that you chowed down on the night before you shot the scene where you’re swinging scantily-clad around a pole. No one has a need to find the inperfections in the woman who is most likely screwing the most beautiful man to currently walk the earth. You don’t have to worry about a thing.

But selfishly I am looking forward to finding out what the above mentioned beautiful man sees in you. Do you have a golden va jay-jay? Will the audience be able to tell the number of kegels you do on a daily basis just by looking at you? Do you have a nice little booty tucked away in those skinny jeans and can you shake it better than Shakira, Fergie & Beyonce combined? And what does Rob see in your small bosom (we know he’s a big jugs man)? Does Heineken come pouring from your nipples with just the softest squeeze?

I know, right? Two words: Photo Shopped

I know, right? Two words: Photo Shopped

I know I tend to surround myself with the best, the brightest, the least 2nd-hand embarrassing, the funniest, the hottest and smartest Twilight fans around, but who are these “Twilight fans in an uproar” that are upset about you showing off your 107 lb frame? I, for one, applaud your artful decision to bare it all. And I promise that after the reviews of the movie come out and compare your portrayal of a stripper to the flopping of a slippery catfish, you can come on over to your friend UC’s house, and I’ll show you how it’s done.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Give KStew some love in The Forum
See what Moon pulled out of her magic hat for LTR

Spotted: Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart!

Dear Bobby Long,

I went to your show last night and all I got was this lousy picture…

kristinrobbobbylongLTTwm

Who could that be getting into that cab? 🙂 I know you don’t care but I’ll let everyone else’s imaginations run wild. Suffice it to say you were awesome and everyone will have to check back here for the full scoop.

Only in Hwood,
Themoonisdown

PS Don’t freak out. Take a deep breath.

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