What’s taking Breaking Dawn so long?

Dear Eclipse,

We’re almost at 5 months to the DAY of when Eclipse will be released and we’ve seen nothing but a wide angle picture of a meadow scene. More than 6 months before New Moon came out we had a trailer. Then soon after we had ABS! And JORTS! I’m kinda losing my patience here. What will be the catch phrases of Eclipse? Will we be treated to another 122 minutes off cut off blue denim’s finest? Or will you raise the fashion bar a bit and give us cut off black sweatpants, like Stephenie Meyers originally wrote? All I know is that I should be focused on you and your impending release in 154 days (see, I shouldn’t have had to look that up- I should have KNOWN that number off the top of my head) but I’m not. I’m barely even worried because we have bigger issues to be occupying our minds: Breaking Dawn

Dear Breaking Dawn,

What.The.Freak? I mean, I get waiting until the new year to make some sort of announcement. New Moon’s release was crazy- the numbers were outstanding- then the holidays and hit and Avatar made New Moon’s earnings look like pocket change- but all that is in the past. IT’S JANUARY TWENTY FIFTH. What the H is going on? All we know is what Moon shared with us a few weeks back. Which, to recap, was nothing. It’s all so blurry in my mind I can’t even remember- have we even had CONFIRMATION from you yet that you’re actually going to be made into a feature film? I know the stars are confirming it when they’re asked in interviews, but come on- who believes them? They think everyone lives in a sunny place where catering trucks sell sushi that won’t immediately send you to the emergency room writhing with stomach pain and every day folks can spell “Louboutin” (had to look that one up too). I need the 411 stat (of COURSE this twitter account exists: @BreakingDawn411– that’s like looking for a Robsten video set to “I’ll Make Love to you” Obviousssss!)

You’re really forcing the wheels in my brain to turn and turn… and figure out for myself why we haven’t heard any news yet. Here is what I’ve come up with:

1. Issues with Stephenie Meyer.

Pancho: Also, babe- write me a love scene with this blonde

And I’m talking something bigger than “Should it be one or two movies?” Cuz that’s easy- flip a gosh darn coin. Problem solved. No, no. I’m thinking if there are issues with Stephenie they are critical. Maybe this time she’s not happy with just a cameo role as a patron in the diner. Maybe she heard the outcry of 40-43% of Twilight fans 10 months ago and said, “Yeah- I agree. I want to recast Bella too. Let’s cast ME” and won’t sign off on the movie until they meet her demands.

Or perhaps there’s an issue within her marriage that’s she’s trying to fix. Maybe Pancho, her husband, finally tired of his wife always being in the spotlight and the focus never being on him, woke up one morning and demanded, “Steph- why does EVERY member of our family have a character named after them, but I do not?” And she gasped, red-faced, “You’re right. I must show the world that I DO love you by re-writing the series with YOUR name as the main character.” So she’s been busy writing about Bella and Pancho. And of course that changes the location of the story, as someone named Pancho would clearly never live in Forks. Instead, Bella and Pancho meet in a heavily wooded area outside of Guadalajara. Pancho has a point. We never think about him. He’s never gotten his own letter. He’s Mexican right? (His name IS Pancho). We did a whole bit about a mexican Twilight character- Tequila Tomas. We didn’t even think of Steph’s poor hubby. Why didn’t Patrón Pancho come to mind? Poor guy….

Find out what else is holding up Breaking Dawn after the jump!

All the Twilight news that’s fit to print – Unicorns and lots of BooBoo’s

Xavier: I thought I was supposed to be deaf? Ash: Trust me, that excuse only works once!

Dear LTT-ers,

There comes a time every few weeks or so that we have to do a news dump because there’s simply too much news and not enough letters in the day. So here’s all the news we think you should know about but couldn’t cover.

Extra, Extra, Read all about it!
Themoonisdown

• Our BFF Ashley Greene gets a Twitter and proceeds to lull us to sleep with tweets of her sleeping habits and stories of buying dog food. There’s something to be said about keeping the mystery, isn’t there? Love you BFF!

• Dude, Xavier did you forget what I told you to say if Jackson invited you to a 100 Monkeys show!? Did he not think you were deaf or sick with food poisoning? In other news, HIGH FIVE for going with Ashley, maybe you’ll be the lucky SOB to finally figure out she’s a hot piece, while the rest of that numbnuts cast wonders why they don’t have a girlfriend, or why theirs smells of grease.

• Both Melissa Rosenberg and Justin Chon dish that Eclipse will be a much “darker” film. No really? This is the book in that saga that contains the story of Jasper’s shady past, killing innumerable people, the turning and training of a newborn vampire army, the rape of Rosalie at the hands of her fiance, and fight training all culminating in arguably the saga’s most satisfying moment of conflict: the battle. So “dark,” you say? NO DUH!

Jacob hungry! Me want filet-o-fish!

• New Moon Action figures go on sale at Hot Topic. Is it just us or does Jacob look a little “special” in the face?

• Little Jacky is photographed with a boo-boo (not the kid playing Seth) Tuesday. No one knows whether it was his hand, his head or that terrible wig that was injured. I’m hoping he broke his hand after punching out the wig department after he saw his reflection in the mirror. Jackson Rathbone-r: kicking ass and NOT taking names!

• Little BooBoo Stewart gets his first tattoo! Awww, they grow up so fast, don’t they? How friggin cute is this kid?!

Follow the cut for more news, shirtless Kellan and Jackson the Unicorn!

Not alright with this New Moon Hair & Makeup Dept.

if I was one of these girls or Jackson, I'd be crying openly (click to enlarge if you can handle it)

Dear New Moon Hair/Wig people-

I’ve never been more sad in my life.

This is just NOT alright. I am seriously sad and may think of boycotting you for making Jacksper look this ridiculous. His hair is poofy and NOT CUTE. What did you do wash and set it with sponge curlers ala 5th grade? I mean it must take a lot of work to take a normally great looking guy and make him look like a poodle at the Westminster Dog Show. In fact I think that’s where you must be going to get all the wigs that were in Twilight and now New Moon. Jacob’s half up, half down wig makes him look like a Native American My Little Pony. All he’s missing are the bejeweled eyes.

If this is the hair Jasper has when he kicks butt and draws blood at Bella’s birthday party someone will have to hold me in my seat because I may not be able to help myself. I need a bad ass Jasper taking a swipe at Bella and not some fancy boy with Shirley Temple hair.

I have no more to say about this. I’m going to act as if this never happened. I have my eye on you Wig wranglers!

The end.
Themoonisdown

PS girls in this picture: please do not frame this or make it your profile pic on Facebook. We need to forget this ever happened.

PPS UC, i ❤ you and would never give you poodle hair if I was a hair stylist

Another Jackson post… yet again

Dear Jacksper-

Since we didn’t get to rock out with you and that thing you call a band this week (Thanks for canceling by the way, whatever it’s not like UC and I are together every Tuesday my dear but anycrap…) We’re apparently going to OD on posts about you instead. See what you do to us? Please see us through this phase!

One of the great and sometimes embarrassing things about being a loud n proud Twilight fan is that people will send you links to everything Twi-related. Mostly it’s crap we’ve seen before, I mean we do run a Twilight/Rob blog after all, but still this means sometimes you get some real goodies that fall between the cracks. Like this little gem to the left here…

With all the hoopla surrounding Team Wolves and big reveal and Rob going into hiding and other crap we somehow missed this cuteness from Vancouver. And ain’t nothing like a little Jacksper and Ashley real life action. Cause this shiz is too cute for words. It’s like seeing Alice and Jasper in real life just out gettin’ coffee, ya know just another day in the neighborhood.

Jackson's got nothin' but a smile for you!

First off, tell Ashley since we’re now BFF’s to please share her boots, not the handbag. Kthanx.

Secondly, Jack ( hope you don’t mind if I call you Jack cause that’s what I’ve named your folder on my computer) this is re-donk-ulously adorable. Like in that you-look-like-a-high-school-crush-of-mine kinda way. Not so much the hat but the smile and the dimples. I just wanna poke my finger in one of them. Oh and the hair! Don’t cover it up! Have I ever told you about my curly hair fetish? People who know me well know I call it “the curly hair factor.” Chances are if you have curly or wavy hair I will be stupidly in love with you for no reason. Curly hair boys can do no wrong in my book. Now don’t use that to your advantage or tell Rob he needs to get a perm, cause his hair is wavy and perfs.

Ok, now that you know that will you please come back to LA and play with your ridiculous band so UC and I can rock out to some curly hair.

XO
Themoonisdown

PS ray bans, always the ray bans PLEASE!

PPS if you love us and you love Rob please vote for us at the Dazzle Awards! We’re up against some stiff competition and we’re currently in 4th place but I BELIEVE!!! We can do this people. IN OUR TIME! Now get over there and scroll down to best rob fansite and choose wisely!

One picture, two takes: Jacksper’s edition

Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me!

Take One:

Dear Jacksper-

It’s awesome to see that you’ve taken up a part time job as an Elvis impersonator to fill all your down time while filming New Moon.

So tell me, do the grandma’s swoon when you sing “Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love” or perhaps they cry when you croon “Fools Rush In?”

But what I really want to see if you in a sequined jumpsuit doing “A Little Less Conversation” with KStew, NReed and Rachelle as your back up singers. That would blow that 100 Monkeys nonsense out of the water! Trust me.

Watch out Vegas, there’s a new star in town!

A little more bite, a little less bark!
Themoonisdown

Maria! I just met a guy in the Marines named Maria!

Take Two

Dear Jackson,

I’m trying to put my finger on the vibe I’m getting from your hair, and I’m a little confused. I’m feeling like you’re either going for the “Hi! I’m Jacksper Rathbone, and I look like a skunk” look or are secretly part of the gay Marine core.

Oh, I know what it is!  You’ve been feeling left out that Cam & Rob were asked to do that Vanity Fair “West Side Story” shoot last Spring that you are trying to convince the VF editors that you look the part, as well.  With hair like that, I bet you have killer dance moves, right?

Lovin’ the locks,
UnintendedChoice

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