Dear Hollywood Twilight; you killed my dream

Darling readers: I watched football (the American kind- not soccer) last night. AKA the sport that’s been proven to cause brain damage in its players. And therefore I believe it has caused brain damage to its watchers. (It’s the only explanation I can come up with for ANYONE thinking that “Coors Light” (the official beer of the NFL) is worth drinking) and as a result I cannot lead today’s Twilosophy discussion. But have no fear, we have a fan letter to act as your teacher today! XO, UC

Dear Hollywood Twilight,

I will open this letter by admitting one thing…you had already turned Twilight into a movie before I began reading the books. I knew you existed, but out of complete disinterest, I knew nothing about the movies or the actors within.

Then my curiosity began to grow over these books that my educated, married, adult girlfriends were enraptured with. I knew they were written for teenage girls, so why in the world would my coworkers be so enthralled? So I decided to give Twilight a shot. And I fell hard. I should not have, but I did. The book made me swoon. I wanted more. I needed more.

Let me pause and tell you that I fancy myself an educated woman. I have an advanced engineering degree in a very specialized field from one of the most prestigious engineering schools in the country. I have always been an avid reader. My personal favorites belonged mostly on an assigned reading list for a literature class rather than in the young adult section…even when I was a young adult. There was no reason I should like these books.

But I did. Oh, Hollywood Twilight, I loved those books.

The "real" Edward Cullen?

They resurrected someone in me with whom I had not spoken in a long time. The girl who dreamed that the perfect man existed. The man who was smart without being obnoxious, athletic without being prideful, attractive without the narcissism, gentle without being weak, and a gentleman without being corny. I had once imagine this perfect man existed. It was a happier time before the world introduced me to reality. I dreamed of Edward, although he never previously had a name. Now that I had read these books though, “Edward” would work. It seemed to fit.

I saw your movie adaptation of Twilight and was disappointed, appalled even. You know, Hollywood Twilight, it is your line of work that is supposed to bring stories to life. But you failed. You failed miserably. I was heartbroken that the Forks in my head was so much more realistic than the town you portrayed in that terrible excuse for cinematography. As an engineer, I should not be able to conjure up more desirable images in my head than you can on stage. But I did. And it made me throw up a little in my mouth.

But you know. I am a forgiving person. You didn’t have much of a budget. I can excuse that. You were born out of a cult following. I can get over it. The atrocity that was your movie didn’t stay with me long. It (the movie and the experience) was less than memorable.

Should've been Edward Cullen

As the release of New Moon approached, I became excited. I knew a bigger budget and a new director meant something good for this movie. I reread the series, including Midnight Sun and my Forks was alive once again. I began following blogs like LTT and LTR. I was so enthralled with what was to be. I began drowning in photos and trailers of actors and characters and sets, and all of their personal drama. It was very much like that teenage girl in me was flourishing again…following Hollywood drama liked I honestly cared.

And I was not disappointed this time. This movie was much more like what had played in my head originally. Sure there are discrepancies from the book, but I can handle a few of those. This one was more along the lines of my dream-scape.

But oh, Hollywood Twilight, it was not until last night that I realized the extent to which you have affected my life. I had no idea how far-reaching your ugly hand could reach. You see, last night I settled in for a nice long, bubble bath. I wanted–no needed–to escape the chaos of the day and the exhaustion that results from motherhood. So I grabbed Twilight off the bookshelf for the first time since last June. It would give me a dose of guilty-pleasure reading that I needed. An escape from reality.

As I got to that first cafeteria scene, I stopped dead in my tracks. I re-read it. I was mortified. I wanted badly to bang my head into the side of the bathtub to get the images out of my head, but thought that might cause great distress when my husband came running to find out what I was doing. You see, Hollywood Twilight, you have invaded my fantasies. The Edward that I had fallen in love with was no longer there in that book. It was Robert-freaking-Pattinson. WHY?!?! I read it about 3 times trying to get the imagine of him as Edward out of my head, but he just would not go away. Curse you, Hollywood Twilight. Curse you.

The Fan choice for Edward Cullen- TomStu

You see…I’m not a fan of Mr. Pattinson. I know there are others who will vehemently disagree with me, and I can respect their opinions. But he is not MY Edward. My Edward was very different. Not a bad acting, sullen, sparkly Edward who needs to find some tweezers for those brows, but my own personal reverie.

So now I wish you to know that while I will continue reading the series again, I am afraid that the saga is ruined for me. I will now probably take much more notice of the repetitive adjectives, the impracticality of this teenage girl’s interaction with other people including her father, the holes left in the plot by the over-fictionalization of vampire lore. I will probably notice much more that Jacob was so much better for Bella than Edward, and that from a psychologist’s point of view, Bella had some real dependency issues (and Edward was quite the stalker). That’s right, Hollywood Twilight. You’ve killed my dream.

Thanks. (sardonically)

–Hoping to one day reunite with MY Edward

This week we’re running some AMAZING contests on LTT, LTR and The Forum and we’re giving away the most amazing prizes. Make sure you check out the Letters to Twilight Valentines Day contest!

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