Spectulation Thursday

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Dear Kellan,

Man, what a GREAT interview with Access Hollywood! You never disappoint when you whip out your mannipples. I’m not sure I have ever seen a man whose nipples are always doing something fun- yours either look abnormally large or as perky as Megan Fox’s do around Robert Pattinson.

Uh, why are you going to Italy? I know you’re not in any scenes.  Do you want gelato THAT badly? Wanna compare your body to that of “The David?” Are you hoping a gypsy tries to steal your belly bag so that you have an excuse to get in a fight? Is sleeping for free on Rob’s floor really worth it? (Oh, wait…you’re banking on getting his bed, right? Since he’s clearly going to be shacking up with Kristen…)

Yeah, none of the above make sense, so I know what I’m gonna do.  It’s Thursday, it’s been a long week, I’m feeling kinda bored with Twilight Saga news… so I’m gonna spectulate…

You’re going so that you can get your Italy on with Ashley (if you know what I’m sayin.’)

NReed & Kstew move on over! A new fake lesbian couple is in town. Introducing: UCAsh

NReed & Kstew move on over! A new fake lesbian couple is in town. Introducing: UCAsh

Hey, I don’t blame you. Ashley is smokin’ and someone has to be give your mannipples some lovin.’ I hope she can handle it- have you looked at yourself  shirtless in the mirror lately? Those bad boys are hugggeeeee.

Don’t worry- I had some help with my spectulation. Some of The Quad jumped in on the fun:

Me: You know Kellan is just going to Italy to get his freak on with Ash
EastFriend: Duh. All these “they’re not hooking up” haters are on my nerves. (Which is basically every Twi site) I mean, GET THE HELL OVER IT!  Who cares IF they are!? Who cares IF they AREN’T!? Be cool. And then SPECTULATE!

and Moon shared her dream scenerio with me:

Moon: Hopefully Kellan & Ash hook it up out there in italy and then Jackson flies in and rescues her…

I dunno. I like me some Jacksper, and sure he & Ash have some chemistry from playing 18 yr old, married, vegetarian vampires, but I love the way she has described you as her ‘best friend.’ Plus your big, Teddy-bear like ways really get me. I’m on TeamKellan when it comes to who gets to shack up with Ash in Italy. Moon can jump on TeamJackson. Don’t worry- my team always wins. No one can deny you- especially when the other option is a bouffant-headed, bad wig wearing guy like Jackson…

I got your gargantiun nipples back,  baby,