Monday Funnies: Twilight, In 20 Years… and the LTT/LTR Store

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s a Monday and you might be on your 3rd cup of coffee looking to wake up and shake off the tireds. But you can’t, I know. In fact you’re probably looking pretty haggard when you catch your glimpse in the reflection of the coffee pot in the break room and wondered, ‘when the crap did I age 20 years?’ You’re definitely not eternally 17. So I was thinking if normal people feel this way than the twi folks have to have a few haggard days themselves. Since we could all use a pick-me-up and helped out with the site In 20 Years that Brooke sent me, I present you some of our Twilight folks… IN TWENTY YEARS!

First up we have Rob…

Hmmm… they usually say men get better with age… but it appears as though Rob’s eyebrows have just grown with age. And he may just have a drooling problem…

Daaamn and we thought present day Kristen was a hardass… look at what 20 years and some smokes will do to you… Joan Jett, midlife crisis movie here she comes!

Then it was Taylor’s turn and a funny thing happened…
I put this picture in, but kept getting this back
Looks like the apple (or the double bacon cheese burger) doesn’t fall far from the tree…

Follow the cut to see an extra special treat AAANNNDDD an extra special announcement. Spoiler alert it may involve tshirts

Sunday appreciation of the best/worst New Moon video ever!

Dear LTT-ers,

In honor of some of my bestest pals and the most awesome tshirt ever created, I present to you our favorite video:

3 Wolf Moon!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

This has spawned about a million references among my circle of friends. Most specifically “he’s just super sweet, I don’t know why!” It’s perfect to use when you just can’t explain why… and besides the main guy totally reminds me of this dude I used to work with, ill fitting tshirt and all.

Enjoy!

Moon

What are some of your favorite New Moon videos? Which ones haven’t we seen?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

This is how you found us? Vol. 6

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT-ers and lost googlers,

We haven’t done one of these in a while but one of our favorite old school posts are “This is how you found us?” One day waaaay back in 2009 we found this handy little feature on WordPress that tells you what search terms people used to find our blog and we’ve been laughing ever since. They used to be even more off the wall than these and though most days they’re boring search terms like “Twilight” or “Kellan Shirtless” sometimes we still run across a few gems and we save them to share. So here we go again with…

This is how you found us?

Blonde and sorta smiling? Our fave KStew!

Kristen Stewart blond – Hey Rob, Blond KStew is our favorite KStew, can you convince her to go back to that? Thanks.

Taylor Lautner underwear – Um, Fruit of the Loom or is he more a commando type guy? I can’t even ponder that cause I’ll get arrested and you probably will too.

Taylor Lautner ladies underwear – Wait, Taytay do you have something to tell us? Cause this mental image is so disturbing

I saw New Moon – Oh EM GEE We did too! Combined viewings? 11. Yup.

Hang on tight spider monkey – You don’t know said this makes us. Our precious blog is linked to that hideous line from Twilight. Someone hold me hand

Do’s and Don’t of Meetings – Don’t bring up your Robsession or penchant for spending the clients time on Twitter looking for new Twilight news. Just a word to the wise

JTT + Me = tru luv 4ever!

JTT Now – Well, when you say “JTT” I assume you mean mid 90s teen heart throb Jonathon Taylor Thomas and you’re wondering what’s he doing now? Not a friggin clue dude. Definitely not acting in Twilight, that’s for darn sure but I did hear he is gay. That takes that heart throb thing to a whole new level, doesn’t it? Obviously Tiger Beat mag does not come equipped with gay-dar.

Jonathon Taylor Thomas nude – 9 of you creeps searched this on the same day. WTF?! This is Randy from Home Improvement. Have some respect!

Where does Robert Pattinson hang out?– My guess? Anywhere you’re not

Follow the cut to see what else you crazies searched…

Imma give you a Cullen smile this weekend!

Dear LTT-ers and Imma Contest Participants-

Yesterday we presented you with the winners of the Imma Contest and promised that all weekend we’d be bringing you the rest of the best from the entries we received. Since there were SO many good entries and since only two special folks could win AND since  we just happened to create fake categories that just happen to fit perfectly with some of the entries and since (this is a lot of since’s)  we don’t have real prizes for all these lovely ladies, we’ve created fake ones to celebrate your amazing-ness. Cause that’s what we do here.

So here we go…

Best entry sucking up to the judges

Team Seth you win one day in fake lesbianship with us. A threesome, if you will. Rob is gonna be jealous. So is Stephenie.

Best entry featuring a dead artist from Sun Records – It’s a TIE!!!

Alice and Bella from Not an Addikt – You win a tube of ointment for that burning ring of yours. Ouch.

AND

@Chelseaheptig you win a lifetime’s supply of Dippity Doo hair gel and a peanut butter banana sandwich made by Edward Cullen himself

Follow the cut to see more Imma entries!

What a difference a year makes – Taylor Lautner then and now!

One of these things is not like the other

Dear Taylor, (have I ever written JUST you?)

It seems like just yesterday that you were that little kid who played Jacob Black with the bad wig in Twilight. The same dude who looked like a nerd on the red carpet at the Twilight premiere with your popped collar and bad sonic-the-hedgehog hair. But boy, how times have changed. It doesn’t seem like a day goes by without some picture hitting the interwebs of you looking like a hot piece. Now I know we already border on the possibly inappropriate with you but we’re the same age as the chicks on your movie set, so no harm no foul, right? And well we’re moving to Georgia till February when all this is legal, anyway so don’t worry, Chris Hansen is alright with it. I asked.

The other day I was sending UC OLD pictures of you and we were laughing our faces off at dorky you were and then I started sending over some new ones and it struck me: MY what a difference a year makes… from popped collars to soaked suits in the pool, you’ve come a long way Taylor. And since I can’t get enough of charts and turning normal business tools into tools of “mass Twilight shenanigans,” I present you with the “Then and Now: Taylor Lautner, what a difference a year makes” time line…

Click to enlarge, it's HUGE (that's what she said)

Your life in a timeline… I especially enjoy the glimpse into the future circa 2049… I bet it’s like looking into a mirror for Big Daddy. So if you’re keeping track you can print this out to add to your Twilight business documents folder. You know the one next to that folder you keep your fanfic in at work. Yup, that one.

Take the cut for a little treat

No more Jizz in the world or the Twilight fandom, we beg of you!

It's perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me but we're gonna need a clean up on aisle three

Dear LTT-ers, euphemism lovers and 16 yr old boys,

Can we all agree to call a moratorium on the word “jizz?” Sure, it was funny when Andy Samberg and Lonely Island sang the song “Jizz in my Pants” and even funnier when some enterprising soul put the song to the biology class scene In Twilight, cause who didn’t think Edward had had a little downstairs bonanza when they first saw it? But we’ve officially reached the cut off point. I was alerted yesterday by the “Jizz Tracker 7000” (official name for a fake tracker) that the word Jizz has officially become over used and not to mention just plain gross.

Since the song came out last winter I think I’ve heard the term used in every way possible, as a noun “What the jizz?” as a verb: “I just jizzed all over the place!” as an adjective: “He is so jizzingly hot!” and ya know what? We can’t deal anymore. We’re all smart gals (and dudes) around here I know you have other vocab words. I’d even wholeheartedly agree to the usage of words like “chagrin,” “irrevecable,” and “glower” instead!

So in the interest of our sanity and gag reflex (that’s what she said) can we stop using the term altogether and instead think of a term that equates extreme excitement without the bodily fluids?

I totes just sqee-ed in my pants,
Themoonisdown

And one last time for ol time’s sake! Take it away Lonely Island…

So are we the only ones SO over this word? Are there any more we can add to the list?

What shakin’ with Rob today?
Invent a new excited word in the forum!
We TWEET with excitement!