This is how you found us? Vol. 6

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT-ers and lost googlers,

We haven’t done one of these in a while but one of our favorite old school posts are “This is how you found us?” One day waaaay back in 2009 we found this handy little feature on WordPress that tells you what search terms people used to find our blog and we’ve been laughing ever since. They used to be even more off the wall than these and though most days they’re boring search terms like “Twilight” or “Kellan Shirtless” sometimes we still run across a few gems and we save them to share. So here we go again with…

This is how you found us?

Blonde and sorta smiling? Our fave KStew!

Kristen Stewart blond – Hey Rob, Blond KStew is our favorite KStew, can you convince her to go back to that? Thanks.

Taylor Lautner underwear – Um, Fruit of the Loom or is he more a commando type guy? I can’t even ponder that cause I’ll get arrested and you probably will too.

Taylor Lautner ladies underwear – Wait, Taytay do you have something to tell us? Cause this mental image is so disturbing

I saw New Moon – Oh EM GEE We did too! Combined viewings? 11. Yup.

Hang on tight spider monkey – You don’t know said this makes us. Our precious blog is linked to that hideous line from Twilight. Someone hold me hand

Do’s and Don’t of Meetings – Don’t bring up your Robsession or penchant for spending the clients time on Twitter looking for new Twilight news. Just a word to the wise

JTT + Me = tru luv 4ever!

JTT Now – Well, when you say “JTT” I assume you mean mid 90s teen heart throb Jonathon Taylor Thomas and you’re wondering what’s he doing now? Not a friggin clue dude. Definitely not acting in Twilight, that’s for darn sure but I did hear he is gay. That takes that heart throb thing to a whole new level, doesn’t it? Obviously Tiger Beat mag does not come equipped with gay-dar.

Jonathon Taylor Thomas nude – 9 of you creeps searched this on the same day. WTF?! This is Randy from Home Improvement. Have some respect!

Where does Robert Pattinson hang out?– My guess? Anywhere you’re not

Follow the cut to see what else you crazies searched…

Do you see (UC) what I see?

Dear LTTers,

Why yes that is “Bella’s house” in Vancouver, Canada as seen by Google Street view released today for Vancouver. Looks like the google car captured images during New Moon filming!

Peek-a-boo! Knock Knock! Rob are you in there?

Seriously? Zooming around “Bella’s House” is all kinds of awesome and I feel like I’m there, buttttttt it’s a little creepy. Speaking of creepy, no I’m not going to give out the address to this location so you can street view it on Google yourself. That’s a litttttttle too creepy for my liking! This is actually on someone’s property and I’m gonna throw out a HUGE THANK YOU to bikechick for sharing her secret so that I could be a creeper and look in Bella’s windows (I was looking for Jacob, obvvviously I know Robward isn’t there)

Seriously. We posted twice today. WHOA! But hey- nothing like a little spontaneous post to get us excited for- how many days now? FORTY THREE! WHOO HOO!

Also a perfect opportunity to remind you that you have less than 3 hours from the time this is posted to get your entries into us for the “Imma win a Twilight Contest contest” to win AWESOME prizes from Bella BeJeweled. YOU HAVE UNTIL 11:59 PM ET TONIGHT WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 7TH!

Okay… two posts in one day? I’m feeling weird. I’m gonna go drink or something.

LOVES,

UC

The Internet Has Spoken: Twilight is Lame

Dear people who don’t live in a Twilight bubble (aka normal people, most people in the universe & people I should spend more time with),

Sometimes when I see/hear/think of things in the Twilight world that you are also seeing/hearing/experiencing without being in the Twilight bubble yourself, I get really 2nd-hand embarrassed. Like, it’s one thing for ME to go to see a band play who’s lead singer is the baby mama of the 2nd-cousin of the father of the dude who plays Jacob’s sister Rebecca’s husband and see a crazed fan with a Twilight-themed tattoo and her fake lesbian life partner holding all 4 books plus a print-out of Midnight Sun for the the lead singer to sign, but for “normal” people to see that? Or even KNOW it exists? I apologize on behalf of the fandom.

I recently came across this website that has a ‘guide’ for all things Twilight called, “The Internet has spoken: Twilight is lame.” I read what they posted; I laughed along with them, and then I covered my face in 2nd-hand embarrassment because THEY think WE ALL are crazy for liking Twilight and are ALL crazy fans. And now I’m sure ALL FOUR of their readers probably agree with them. So I’m gonna do what any respectable 2nd-hand embarrassed person would do- share the embarrassment with all of MY readers so that we can, once again, thank the Twilight god (Buttcrack Santa, of course, turned into a god after his ascension into heaven) that we can proudly exclaim about all our Twilight actions: “That’s Normal.” (All our actions except attending that 100Monkey’s show. That was not normal! )

Enjoy today’s Monday Funnies after the jump!

This is how you found us Vol. 5

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT-ers and LTR-ers,

It’s been a while since we’ve had a “This is how you found us” post. Though I think after this last week, we just may know how a bunch of you found us, and WELCOME! But mostly people’s searches are getting to be a lot more boring, just the same ol Rob, Kristen, Jackson, Taylor and Kristen’s pregnant like a millions times. Come on, show us your creativity! But we’ve managed to pull together another stellar round of crazy searches for June and July!

For the uninitiated, WordPress (our blog program) allows you to see handy dandy stuff like numbers of visitors, which post is the most popular and what terms people searched for when they found our site. When we found this feature we would laugh so hard at some of the terms we knew we had to share them with you awesome readers! And thus this reoccurring blog post was born!

So here we go again…

• 

  I'm commissioning this as an Oil painting for my fire place

  Kristen i’m pregnant – Seriously, Kristen we don’t believe it. Stop trying to spread this rumor!

• Oil painting in film ‘twilight’ – Dear god please tell me you’re not trying to create a Twilight oil painting… we have enough stuff in the Twilight Museum of crap Art!

• Insane Twilight tattoos – oh you mean the back piece I got inked of the Forks, WA topographical map?

• Taylor Lautner in his underwear – Stop trying to fool us Chris Hanson, we’re on to you and we’ve already surrendered!

• Win a day with Rob Pattinson – This whirlwind day of romance includes lunch at a vending machine, a 1 minute conversation about cheetos, 4 hours reading in silence at a Borders and culminates with him waving as you get into a cab at 6:20PM. ENTER HERE!!Follow the cut for more good times and crazy googles!

Everything I needed to know about life I learned from Twilight

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

I’ve been apart of the Twilight fandom and reader of your saga for going on 9months now. Quite a short amount of time when you think about it and especially compared to some folks who have been around since the beginning. But 9months of living, breathing, reading and blogging about anything and everything, Twilight has show me quite a few things about life, stuff I can’t believe I didn’t know before all this and I’m sure you’ll agree…

• If your boyfriend ever breaks up with you, getting lost in the woods is a good way to meet some of the local boys and perhaps Mr. Rebound will carry you home if you act ‘out of it’ enough

• When you really need to know if your 17yr old crush exhibits characteristics of  a vampire, it’s totally ok to wait till you can get to a bookstore to buy a book about Native American Legends instead of googling it immediately

• 

  Fake, sexy vampires. Yes please

  It is perfectly acceptable to expect to find a guy who is gorgeous, smart, rich, charming, has a 6 pack, desires you above anyone else, would die for you and doesn’t’ mind when you’re a whiny little bitch

• If your crush shows you that his skin sparkles like diamonds in the sunlight, stick around! You definitely want to find out if he can uproot trees, hurl logs across fields and breathe you into submission with his ice cold breath

• If a man named Rob Pattinson happens to show up in your life, dominates your thoughts, your time and your sanity, it’s perfectly normal to want to slap that grin off his face and then want to do naughty things to him in a busy intersection

• It’s perfectly normal to expect your vampire boyfriend and your werewolf best friend to fight to the death on your behalf even when you can’t choose between them while leading them both on. It’s called chivalry after all

• To be a true catch all you need is: rock hard abs, family of super hero quality people, immortality, a sister with the ability to see the future, a shiny silver volvo, and a wounded heart

• If you’ve ever thought the idea of doing it with a vampire is sexy and dangerous, it is. You will enjoy the sex. The sex will be more mind blowing than you can imagine. But the pain of a half-vampire child ripping it’s way out of your womb because you chose to have unprotected sex with said handsome vampire? Not worth it

• When you go into labor with your unplanned, supernatural child, having your husband chew through your abdomen to deliver the monster baby is a viable delivery option

• I can write something funny about ANYTHING vampire-related in 30 minutes at 2 in the morning

• Meeting people off the internet with names like Mrs. P_ifurnastee,  Jaspergetsmeexcited and DrCullenatyourService and is a really safe idea!

Wait. You're how old?

• If a man tries to manipulate your emotions, let him. He’s only using his special gift to make you feel better about yourself because your boyfriend is a flawless human specimen, his sister is quite possibly a former supermodel, treacherous rival vampires have made it their lifes mission to kill you and you’re an average human girl who’s clumsy and thinks sweatpants and holey tshirts are acceptable clothing options to take on a trip to Italy

• Spending every evening online tweeting, posting in a forum and blogging about Vampires is good for your social life

So as you can see the keys to living a good life are found in your saga Stephenie! Did you know that? Between you and me I think you may be on to something. Who knows, this whole Twilight could really blow up some day!

Off to find a sparkly perfect boyfriend! Cause that’s totally possible!
Themoonisdown

Do what did you learn about life from Twilight?

Don’t miss out on Letters to Rob today!
Wanna chat more? Or read some new FanFic? Head over to the Forum!

This is how you found us? Vol. 4

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT/LTR’ers and googlers-

My how time flies! It’s already June and we missed one of our favorite reoccuring posts: “This is how you found us?!” in May. For those of us just joining in on the fun, WordPress (our blog program) allows you to see handy dandy stuff like numbers of visitors, which post is the most popular and what terms people searched for when they found our site. When we found this feature we would laugh so hard at some of the terms we knew we had to share them with you awesome readers! And May did NOT dissappoint, seriously these are some of the best we’ve seen. So without further adieu… This Is How You Found Us??!!

Where robert pattinson hangs out – You want to know my address? Or the 24hr taco joint down the street from his hotel?

Twlight edward eyes pillow case – It’s creepy trust me, but also totally awesome to scare your visiting co-blogger with when they wake up!

The Tuck Pattinson – is this Rob’s new nickname? Forget spunk ransom, it’s now officially Robert “The Tuck” Pattinson

Abstinence – Well, you’ve come to the right place… we’re totally saving ourselves for our wedding night with Robert Pattinson… and Jackson Rathbone… and Kellan Lutz… aaaannnddd… ok well maybe abstinence isn’t the term…

Buy Pattinsons wardrobe – this will cost you all of 4.75, to get his look all you need is whatever you wore in 9th grade and then access to either a Goodwill thrift store or movie Wardrobe dept. for a couple extra holey tshirts every 6 months. (This might be in my favorite top 5 things anyone’s every googled and found us! What else can you say about the genius of this?)

Robert Pattinson birthday gift from Kellan – I’m guessing either a personalized copy of The Purpose Driven Life signed by Rick Warren, or an ex-small purple wifebeater

Wig for new moon – NOT THIS ONE! If this is your New Moon Hair Dept, we are NOT happy. FYI

What is robert pattinson doing for his birthday – Well besides us, maybe about 29 shots of Jameson, smoke a whole pack and then hide in his room from you freaks.

http://www.jet-porno.ru – is this some kinky mile-high club shiz?? (check it at your own risk i have NO idea what that is)

funny lesbian birthday wishes – I’m not sure but maybe we can ask KStew and NReed for some ideas? Unless they’re not talking to each other now since that whole messy faux break up we’ve created in our minds happened.

Buttcrack school – Dude, Buttcrack Santa is teaching? Where do I sign up? Prof. Santa!

Follow the cut for more hilarious, scary and just plain weird googles! Trust me it just keeps getting better!

This is how you found us? Vol. 3

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT-ers and lost Googlers-

April is drawing to a close so it’s once again time to crack into our vaults of search terms. I know, I know! It’s just like (buttcrack) Santa came last night and left us all kinds of fun gifts.  So for the uninitiated, wordpress has this handy dandy feature that shows us every day what terms people google to find us. It’s generally the stuff you’d expect: Rob, Twilight, Filet o Fish (of course!) and for some odd reason Muse is one of our biggest terms, but then there are the othesr! And boy, are they off the wall! So we thought man, this is funny stuff- we really have to share it with everyone… and well here we are again with another round of “THIS IS HOW YOU FOUND US?!”

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find both LTT and LTR

• Adam Brody – be still my heart… our secret secret blog? Yup, that’s right: letterstoadambrody.com

• we were fine. i have not left my boyfriend – is that you Kristen Stewart? Are you trying to tell us something? You can email us, ya know!

• i gotta discuss – WHAT? What do you have to discuss with us?? Maybe you should head to the forum?

• 

  He loves me... he loves me not

  stephenie meyer +rob pattinson – equals true love 4ever? She wishes! You can stop googling you and Rob’s name Stephenie, it ain’t gonna change anything! Maybe you should read some fanfic instead

• taylor lautner with his mom – Seriously, right?! We love and adore Papa Filet o Fish but what about Mama Lautner? Is she a Mama Yogurt Parfait? Where is she? Cooking Taylor’s eggwhites? So many questions…

• what would taylor lautner want for a birthday gift? – I don’t know, how about a year membership to 24 Hour Fitness? A copy of season one of Wizards of Waverly Place? Or maybe a My Little Pony comb for his beautimus flowing wig?

Check out more crazy Googles after the cut!

This if how you found us? Vol. 2

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT/LTR Readers and Random Googlers –

It’s that time of the month again! Time to go trolling through the search terms that led people to our site. Last month we started this feature because we wanted to share with you awesome readers some of the funny stuff UC and I see on the ‘backend’ of the blogs that never get seen by anyone else. For the uninitiated wordpress has this handy dandy feature that shows us every day what terms people google to find us. Most searches that lead people here are obvious ones like: Twilight, Letters, Rob, shirtless Kellan pics… you know the usuals! But every so often we get a real winner that simply must be shared with the world and here are this months…

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find us

• filet-o-fish fan site – uh no, not us but this sounds like the perfect name for our new LetterstoTaylorsDad fan site. We LOVE you Taylor’s Dad!

• a shirtless jackson rathbone – it warms my heart that we’re thought of as a place where shirtless pics of the cast can be found. Someday I will unveil my gallery of all the shirtless pictures I’ve been collecting since we started these blogs

• kristen stewart looking like shit – so uh you’re looking for just ANY picture of Kristen, huh. Is there any other way she looks?

• robert pattinson buttcrack – Oh HALE nah, who does Rob think he is? Our lover Buttcrack Santa. NEVER!

• Robert pattinson win a date contest 2009 – Brought to you by a Nigerian Prince and the UK Lottery (which you’ve won!). Just ask these girls

• im rob pattinson ex-girlfriend – no you’re not! SHE is!

• robert pattinson hamburger – ok fakerpattz we know this one’s you!

• unicorn jasper – He does speak eloquently about Twilight, but these guys might have something to say about that!

• pornos – um, wrong place dudes. Unless we’re talking Rob, then head over here

• sass family crest – Sass? Was this you?

• does rob pattinson brush his teeth – this is still up for debate

• edward von twiligt – is this anything like the Count von Count?

More funnies after the cut…

This is how you found us??

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT/LTR Readers and random Googlers-

When we started this blog we weren’t really sure anyone would show up and it was mostly a place for us to catalog all the funny things we had said about Twilight and Rob… but little did we know you all would show up. And boy, did you ever! So we sat around wondering how in the world did they find us? Then we found this handy dandy feature on our blogs that tells us the search terms people used to find us. Most of them are your regular run-of-the-mill Twilight related terms but then there are the ones that made us wonder who in the world are these people and WHY would they be searching for this and WHY of all places would they come here looking for THAT? (we also wondered how many run-on sentences we could create). So we started keeping track of all the ones that made us laugh…

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find us

• taylor lautner is ripped – Yea he is! and we feel like creepsters talking about it, but we must cause he is now Wolfgirl property

• save a volvo ride a vampire lyrics – Heck no we did not write this ‘parody song’ but we definitely make fun of it!

• who plays renesmee in breaking dawn- um, no one. That’s a weird question. Have you ever read breaking dawn? This is not actually a movie. YET.

• jizz in my parents– I about peed my parents when I read this one, uh GROSS?

• kristen stewart twilight pants off makeo – so excited they couldnt even finish “makeout.” trust us, she’s not that exciting

• kristen stewart lesbian– yeah, we thought so too

• is rob pattinson a virgin – not after we’re done with him

• kristen stewart has no boyfriend – HAHA this might be news to Mikey Oregano

• rob and kristen fanfiction– i’m so 2nd hand embarrassed to read this one. as IF we’d ever write rob/kstew fan fic! Come on people!

• nikki reed kristen stewart kiss – again! We know
  

• susquehanna university – and you ended up here? I think you may be lost

• kristen stewart and nikki reed holding hands – apparently EVERYONE else is thinking the same thing

• taylor lautner teeth whitening – RIGHT!! Seriously, we want to know this too! Spill your secrets Taylor!

• rob pattinson likes asian – Yea, we have a sneaking suspicion who searched this one and her name is: his one and only and yes, friend he wants to give you a HUCG!

• 

  r-o-b-e-r-t h-o-m-e a-d-d-r-e-s-s

  rob pattinson ticklish – yes but only on his… uh… yea we’ll save those details for ourselves

• nikki reed kiss with kristen stewart van – kissing in a VAN?! down by the river perhaps?

• edward pantless pics – What?! WHERE?!

• twilight unicorn quote – have you READ Twilight? There are NO Unicorns in Twilight but there are TONS here!

• i hate ashley hate site ex gf – Sounds like you need some anger management cause we LOVE us some Ashley

• emmett shirtless pics – yes, i’m proud of this one because it is my one-woman mission to procure every shirtless Kellan picture in existence and curate them here as a homage to his greatness

• pictures of hand writing of robert pattinson – uh, this is creepy! what are you some kind of stalker?

• robert pattinson i hate you but i want to – again with the hate! don’t hate, participate people!

• reed midnight sun online – maybe you should READ more school books instead

Keep em coming googlers!
Themoonisdown & UnintendedChoice