Twilight Virgins say the darndest things

Dear Twilight sluts,

I love virgins. I get such a big kick out of people who have just or are currently experiencing their ‘first time.’ The way they talk; the way they’re all starry-eyed; the way they’re not jaded by the experience but still have hope for the purity & innocence of it- I just can’t get enough. It’s probably because it’s hard to remember when I lost my virginity- it seems to long ago.

I’ve been blessed to hold many a friend’s hand through the experience of losing her virginity. Of course I’m talking about losing her Twilight virginity. What did you think I meant? I introduced you to my friends UrbanGirl, ItalianGirl, Tex & PreggersPants back on this post [go, it’s brill] and I really thought it was over. I thought everyone in my life I could convince to read the series had done so. Turns out, Netta my cousin decided to hop on board and give her flower to Edward Cullen himself.

I really do love the innocence of a first time Twilight reader.  They don’t know the things we know- they may not know that Midnight Sun exists & probably aren’t yet pissed off at Stephenie for not finishing it. They probably have only seen the movie once or twice & haven’t yet realized, “This movie really kinda blows apart from Robert Pattinson & Buttcrack Santa.” They think they’re alone- oblivious to the MILLIONS of affected women out there. They call their other virgin friends and admit sheepishly,”I think I’m in love with a vampire,” not realizing the number of women throughout the world exclaiming, “That’s Normal!” And my favorite: They still refer to the actors & characters by their full names instead of Nik, KStew, Jack, Ash, Rob, etc. I recently received this e-mail from my cousin Netta:

Don’t tell anyone, but my friend Gretchen had a dream about kissing Edward Cullen.

First of all, sorry Gretchen, I just let your secret slip. But don’t worry. It’s only on my little blog. Secondly, thanks, Netta, for clarifying that it’s Edward Cullen she’s interested in kissing. At first I thought you meant Edward Scissorhands.

I want to rekindle that fire you once had for the series. I know it’s dwindling- don’t try to deny it. You’re over seeing pictures of Rob on the Remember Me set. You’re counting down the days until New Moon (126) and you wish that Stephenie would just write another damn book already! Today I have a gift for you in the form of texts I’ve compiled from my friends & family. [I’ve of course left you some necessary UC thoughts in brackets] After the jump, Read, recall & reminisce your first time….