A special Twilight birthday wish, for a special Twilight Girl

Dear Moon,

Happy Birthday! If you remember your birthday at all last year (If I recall you went on a pub crawl, so you may not) we celebrated your birthday on LTT with birthday greetings from the Cullens.

Well, they’re too busy this year impressing men with their ability to fight as opposed to letting us women peek in our their most intimate moments together, which is why we liked their story in the first place (no I didn’t just watch the Oprah Eclipse trailer for the first time & noooo I don’t think they’re pushing hard to capture a male audience. Why would you think that!?) so I thought I’d check in with some our favorite Twilight actors & LTT-characters for birthday wishes for you. Well, let me be clear- I have no interaction with these people… but if I did, I’m SURE this is what they’d say:

Jackson:

Moon for your birthday I promise to shower & look like my picture to the left for at least 24 hours. PLUS, I’ll even put down the guitar and come over and watch all my episodes from The OC with you. Then I’ll act out the baseball scene from Twilight. And show you what else I can do with my bat.

Rob:

I know that every time I’m photographed out and about some where in LA you lament, “UH why was he THERE? He needs ME to show him where to hang out in LA.” Well, for your birthday I’ll let you be my LA travel guide. We can start with brunch at the little cafe down the hill from your house where UC loves to get coffee (you know- the one across from the pot smoker’s coffee shop- if we wanna stop in there later, I know a girl who can score us some weed), and then we’ll hit the thrift shops that the paparazzi don’t know about, followed up by a trip to Amoeba Music to check out their record collection (Slightly obvious, but I figured you would’t HATE it if we happened to get photographed together). Then you can show me some of LA’s best, unknown beaches and after laying out in the sun Tyler & Ally style we’ll go back to your place for a little dance party- since I know you love those- but it’ll just be you and me. How does that sound? And I’d like to see your record collection so if you wanna lead me up to your bedroom and show me where you keep the music… well, then.. I wouldn’t mind lounging on your bed while you educate me with your fine music skills….and if you want to lounge on your bed also… I won’t mind. I’ll even pretend not to notice the Edward Cullen pillowcase starting up at me from the head of the bed… After the records are over I hope you don’t mind if I pick up the guitar in the corner by your closet. I wrote a little something with you in mind… I might mumble it while lounging on your bed, if that’s okay with you. It’s okay if you get emotional. It’s okay if you stare intently at me- I’ll be staring back. If you need me to hold you I’ll do that too, but I promise you… I have bigger plans in mind….I always treat my travel guides with the utmost care & respect. And after all, we both deserve a “happy ending” [Uh, is it getting hot in here? And did I just say that about a Moon/Rob fantasy?)

After the jump, find out if Moon gets her birthday wish- a Fake Lesbian story starring her, Nikki & Kristen! Continue reading

Kristen Stewart it’s your 20th Birthday! Let’s take a look back!

Happy Happy Birthday!

Dear Kristen,

You’re finally out of those teen years and into what I refer to as the “old years” everything after teens just doesn’t really matter so much as you’ll find out. But alas you’re only 20 and you’re in that weird year that isn’t teen and isn’t fully adult. But it’s been a big year for you. Leaving behind your teens and entering adulthood has been pretty tumultuous to say the least. To celebrate let’s take a look back and see what all 19 had to offer…

After outting you and Nikki Reed as fake lesbians one of our friends Kim made this amazing video to celebrate your love and we laughed till we cried.

And as quickly as your love blossomed with NReed your love for that Italian spice Oregano ended.  In a last ditch effort to salvage the relationship and and Micheal Aranago embark on a not staged at all paparazzi documented piggy back romp through the streets of Vancouver. Goodbye Stewgano, we barely knew ye.

While Rob was off in Cannes he runs into your old Into the Wild costar Emile Hirsch and UC and I roleplay what that conversation must have been like. We also come up with our own safeword for future role playing. We also have amazing fun real lives outside of this blog, I SWEAR!

Obviously out of my mind I plead with you to bone Robert Pattinson while you’re filming New Moon in Italy. You probably took my advice. Or you didn’t and played some softball with the locals.

What else happened last year? Let’s remember and wish KStew a happy happy 20th after the cut!
Continue reading

Blurbs about the Teen Choice Awards

Dear Twilight,

Another award ceremony is over huh? I’ll confess I didn’t watch it. But I plan to do no work and catch up on all the video clips I missed during the day today.

Don’t think I didn’t spend all Monday & Monday night breaking down people, outfits & gossip from the TCAs though. No no.. never doubt me.  Enjoy today’s Blurbs about the Teen Choice Awards from The Quad, Calliope & Brooke.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

The one with that girl we don’t recognize from Twilight

Vodpod videos no longer available.

EastFriend: I watched Mark Steines’ cute lil’ interivew with the Twilight cast after the TCAs ended, and could not, for the life of me, figure out why there was a little Asian lady tagging along with the Twi-crew.

  • Did Ashley rescue her from a Taiwanese sweatshop and put her on Summit’s staff, thereby offering and encouraging a better lifestyle?
  • Was sweet lil’ Asian lady really a dealer in disguise? Cause some serious doobie could be hidden in the folds of that scarf!

And then it hit me. It’s Justin Chong. Dude…when did he come out? And where was Neil Patrick Harris?

The one where Rob channeled Ward Cleaver

Leave it to Rob-ver

Leave it to Rob-ver

EastFriend: Rob looked cute.  The scruffy beard was good times.  But the outfit?   What’s with channeling Ward Cleaver at the TCAs?  Even Mike Brady had better style than that.
4 hours later she still can’t get over it
EastFriend: 50 bucks says that plaid shirt Rob wore last night was STINKY. Marcus’ sweat all over it. You know he didn’t wash it. Just picked it up off Marcus’ hotel room floor. Thank God Stephanie prob had the foresight to say, “Let me press that for you.” Maybe she sprayed Febreeze on the arm pits. One can only hope…

Read all about classical music, twilight scandals & real lesbians after the jump! Continue reading