Kristen & Taylor: The real life Bella & Jacob?

Dear Jake & Bells,

I think you have competition for the cutest friends that have ever lived:

Yes. Kristen & Taylor- or… that’s at least what Moon & I think…

Friends? Or lovers....?

Moon: so now that we’ve seen this video….don’t you love how KStew acts like shes old and wise. PUH LEASE girl!
UC: right…. you’re 19!!!
Moon: I liked her at the beginning with the smile stuff and then she had to get all “old soul” on us and talk about cajones
Moon: WAiT TiLL YOU GROW UP A LiTTLE and shut it
UC: side note- I love in that interview at the TCAs when he’s asking about the teenage years and doesn’t realize she’s STiLL a teen, and she’s pretending she’s not… but also knows everyone knows she is..and it’s a big ol’ awkward turtle
Moon: it’s cause she acts like she’s 50. Be 19. Dude I wasnt that serious at 19
UC: seriously. do keg stands- leak naked pictures of yourself or SOMETHiNG
Moon: Kellan will hold your legs while you do a keg stand- he’s a pro I can tell
UC: he’s done a LOT of keg stands…and then spent a lot of time in prayer the following day
Moon: Taylor would 100% be headed in his footsteps if he was a normal kid going to college soon- he’s so that good times guy. Just laughing it up, joking around- he just seems like a good time
UC: I have a feeling Taylor’s read some- oh dang.. what’s it called? Oh yeah… Wild at Heart
Moon: Like Taylor’s the guy you want to run errands with you on Saturday cause even though it’s mundane, it’s gonna be a lot of fun
UC: he’s probably gone on the Wild at Heart conferences where they go into the wild & think about how to never masterbate again…. with Big Daddy, of course
Moon: well if Taylor’s read Wild at Heart than KStew most defs needs to read Captivating
UC: dude I don’t think it’s called Wild at Heart– I think that’s the movie about the horse & the blind girl
Moon: it is wild at heart and also the movie. and the girl’s version of the book is Captivating
UC: First off, I love that you know what movie i’m talking about. and #2, I recently sold Captivating on ebay, and I’m pretty sure the address I shipped it to was for “Bella Stewart” somewhere in Vancouver…
Moon: totally cried at that movie when she went blind! and he loved her anyway….
UC: so.. you’re right…. Kristen is reading Captivating
UC: TOTALLY cried- my fav movie when I was growin up
Moon: she needs to learn how to get captivating
UC: I haven’t seen it in years
Moon: maybe it’s wild hearts cant be broken??
UC: YES!
Moon: whatever I get the two confused
UC: it’s often that I confuse men’s books on how not to lust vs. Disney films about blind chicks riding horses

Moon: I want to see Taylor & Kellan at a promise keepers event
UC: with Big Daddy and Kellan’s dad
Moon: And Big Daddy will wear a shirt that reads, “real mean sing real loud”
Moon: oh Promise keepers
UC: tens of thousands of men in the same room talking about how sometimes they jack off to thoughts of someone other than their wife.
Moon: while Phillips Craig and Dean lead the alter call. And then they all hug it out at the end and pile back into the church van
UC: church jokes are fun

What’s this site about again? Oh yeah, Twilight. We get back to it after the jump…

Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez come out. Officially.

And they called it puuupppyyyy looooveeee

Dear Taylor-

Looks like someone had the DTR* talk recently!! I can’t say how excited I am for you two… you’re so cute I just want to squeeze you like a couple of cabbage patch kids!

As a girl with an ass ton of guy friends I can say with some authority that I believe a DTR talk has occurred because unless you two are underage drunk in broad daylight on the sidewalk in front of the paps, no one goes for the under the boob side grab. Not even good friends.

Have your fun and kick out the jams with Selena now because puppy love is fleeting but Wolfgirl love is forever.

Your older wiser faux sister something
Themoonisdown

*for the uninitiated or those no longer in High School, DTR= “define the relationship”

Picture Source: Lainey Gossip

Taylor and Wolfgirl sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g

perfect for framing, christmas cards, prom portraits

Dear Taylor and Wolfgirl-

Since we hooked you two kids up for Taylor’s 17th birthday we thought we’d give you another gift. Being the kind, responsible folks we are here at LTT/LTR we’ve decided it would be best to lend our services as chaperons on Taylor and Wolfgirls dates. You see we want this to last and understand the pitfalls that many relationships fall into. Especially Hollywood relationships. So Rob, UC and I have agreed to triple date with you to keep your minds and hearts pure. Not to mention give you less hump-y potentional. For you guys at least. Us? That’s a different story.

Dates and locations we approve of…

• Volunteering at the old folks home – Wolfgirl can play piano, Taylor can entertain them with karate kicks and then you guys can duet on “Apologize“

• Five after Five dinner specials at Luby’s on Tuesdays – carpool with the old foggies from the home

• Youth Group Lock-ins

• The Library – you two can do research on the teen pregnancy and abstinence essays we’ll be collecting at the end of the date

• Bingo and table games night at the Elks Lodge – now these are some folks you could learn a thing or two from, like how to wash out ziplock baggies and avoid emphysema n stuff

Now we’re not saying don’t have a little fun, by all means please do! Hold hands, skip, kisses on the cheek, sit next to each other in church but listen kids, you gotta leave enough room for the holy spirit!

Now excuse me while Rob and I go make out in the reference section of the library.

Your older wiser mentors!
Themoonisdown and UnintendedChoice

Happy 17th Birthday Taylor

Get ready to make out in his mom's Ford Taurus, Wolfgirl

Dear Taylor-

UC and I have thought long and hard about what we were going to do for your birthday; we even made a Google calendar reminder just so we wouldn’t forget it- it was THAT important to us. So what would a 17 yr old up-and-coming movie star want that he probably couldn’t get on his own?

Then we had an epiphany: why not, a totally hot, rad, awesome, intelligent, non-stoner GIRLFRIEND, that’s what!!!??

So, Taylor, I present you: WOLFGIRL!

Yep, you're right! She DOES look like her beautiful older sister.

 

 

Yes, we went ahead and got you a girlfriend! Seriously, you should bow at our feet because Wolfgirl is good peoples and comes from the best stock around. Why yes, Wolfgirl is UC’s little sister!! A more perfect match we couldn’t imagine. A young lady, your age who was raised right and totally not affected by the Hollywood/Twilight scene. As a matter of fact, Wolfgirl had not read the Twilight series until UC and I came up with this dastardly plan, and UC KNEW she must read the books so we could hook you two crazy kids up.

Personally, I’ve made it my mission to track you down at whatever 24-Hour Fitness/Bally’s/Equinox location you’re pumping iron at in LA these days and become your “older sister/friend/yenta/matchmaker” so that I could impart my wisdom on you and share all the secrets I think you need to know about life, oh and hook you up with the hottest, bestest girl your age that UC and I approve of.

Now Taylor, I know you lead a busy life: working out, school, working out, eating egg whites, running, being the real life version of Jacob, but trust me Wolfgirl can hang! And just wait till you try her eggwhite omelet! (Note to Wolfgirl: figure out how to make eggwhite omelets stat!)

So gas up that mom-mobile, Taylor, cause Wolfgirl’s ready to be picked up so she can show you a good time for your birthday. Oh and not THAT kind of good time (yet), this is a GOOD girl and you will treat her as such!

Happy Birthday Taylor!
You owe us, BIG TIME!!
Themoonisdown and Unintendedchoice

PS And what birthday would be complete without party favors? So dear Wolfgirl and LTT/LTR readers, I bring you the music video Taylor made of himself singing OneRepublic’s “Apologize.” Try not to swoon too hard at the amazing art direction and cinematography,  gotta save something for the relationship. Let Taylor light your candle!

If you’re not inspired by this new love to join in on our Twialentine’s Day contest than you must have a block of ice where your heart should be.  Thaw it out by entering the contest!