The Twilosophy of Twilight celebrities

Dear Twilight cast member lovers,

I did a lot of thinking while I was on vacation last week. I tried not to, but as I laid on the beach, relaxing to the tunes on my iPod, feeling the salty breeze flow over my body, my mind drifted. And I know you know what that means. Yes. I thought about you all. And of Twilight. On vacation. I thought specifically about the lives of these stars that Moon & I write about each and every day. And I started pondering WHY we’re so enamored with them.

A few weeks ago, Moon & I were talking about how it seems like Taylor has no friends. Sure he has Big Daddy, and WE know he’s all the friend anyone could ever need, but Taylor’s an 18 year old guy. He shouldn’t yet be in the mindset of “I have a really cool dad who always knows how to get the best table at a national food chain.” He should be watching porn with his bros & getting crap from them for letting Taylor Swift drive HIM around Hillsboro village in Nashville last week (Oh, did I forget to mention my friend’s boss saw them drive by? Oops- it’s true.) And I’m not so sure Dakota has too many friends. Sure maybe there’s that girl who lent her a pencil once in Spanish class, but most 16 year olds are constantly surrounded by an entourage of gal pals (then again, most 16 year olds haven’t made more than I’ll ever make by the time they were 5…). And while she’s the originator of the fake lesbian– the girl bff- Kristen Stewart has never really been seen publicly with anyone other than costars or lovers. What do Taylor, Dakota & Kristen have in common? Twilight err Oprah err all think Rob is hot err NO! Child Stars. So I got thinking about how many people want to be friends with celebrities. I hear people talk all the time about being BFFs with Kristen and how they’d love to be her friend.. people say that all the time about all sorts of celebs- Hell, I even say it.. but why?

UC & Moon

Do your friends do THIS with you!?

If you know me at all in real life, you’ve probably heard about the friends I love dearly. Pardon me while I brag, but I have incredible friends. My friends run their own companies. They make me laugh- like could be on a comedy tour kind of laugh. They are artists, musicians and creators. They are extremely educated and smart, and yet half the time instead of talking to them I choose to blog about celebrities? Why? Sure Kristen uses big words from time to time and has an allure about her that might be mysterious and interesting to some, but I don’t think she’s ANY more interesting than any of the incredible people in my life. And Ashley has a smokin’ bod & a bitchface to rival Kstew’s, but give any of my friends a trainer, stylist & hair extensions and they’d be competing for the same modeling gigs she is.

What are we so interested in about celebrities? Their stories from being famous? That they are world-traveled? That they have money? That they “know” people? But who cares about the people they “know?” I just explained above the people I know. Give my friend Scott the level of celebrity that Rob has and he’d be much more alluring and better spoken- guaranteed. My husband is just as talented as any famous musician out there- I’d say that even if I didn’t sleep with him- and I can go on and on naming my friends & their talents. The only difference between with them and celebrities is that celebrities got a break. They were a few of the lucky, talented (or beautiful and untalented or just really lucky) who got through- very few do.

Come see my many talents

And it’s one thing to obsess over celebrities in general, but then we’re talking the TWILIGHT cast!? Some will argue for Kristen or Rob’s talent. Most will agree that Dakota is pretty legit, but no one seriously thinks Taylor is gonna win any sort of award except for “Kept me in business for the most time in years 2008-2009” from Chris Hansen. Yet we talk about him over and over and over again. WHAT is it!? WHY is it!?

I know all these things, yet I still DESIRE to talk about celebs because their lives seem so much more interesting. But are they? Kristen may get to travel the world but at what cost- do those things matter if there’s no one really close to share it with? Did Rob ENJOY Budapest while being there? He might as well have been in Jersey, shooting in some old warehouse in Camden. And while going out to the Olive Garden with dad is cool the first couple of times, eventually….. that’s just a little sad….

I kind of feel bad for the Twi celebs- especially those who were sort of brought up in the world of the rich & famous- it’s one thing to not be able to go grab a burger in LA without getting photographed, but to have few close relationships? That makes me kinda sad….. Until I remember how much richer than are than me…. Never mind…

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Do you ever wonder why we’re so obsessed with celebrity culture? And specifically the celebs of Twilight? Do you agree that Tay, Dakota & Kristen seem to be semi-friendless? Wanna write them REAL letters & see if they wanna be pen pals?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

News Dump: All the Twilight News fit to print, Monkey smell, Bree’s back and bitchface

Turn off your smell-o-vision

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s time again… tons of tid bits of interesting info but not enough time to write letters about it all. That means it’s time for a news dump. We’ll let you know what we think about the news and you decide from there if you care that much about 100 Monkeys or how Tyler Houseman’s promo shoot turned out.

  • If these pictures had a scratch-n-sniff function this post about Jackson and 100 Monkeys playing at Bamboozle would smell like BO, ear hair, vomit, a melted Slurpee, an ash tray full of wet cigarettes, a used sweat towel from Jr High gym class, and melted Depp hair gel. Yup, EXACTLY what it would smell like.
  • Bill Condon is announced as the director for Breaking Dawn. No word on whether it will be one or two movies or 3D or not lame but he writes fans a letter and does get a few things right, he addresses us all as twihards, Twilight fans and Twilight Moms. *RECORD SCRATCH* ummm… BILL? We’re gonna need to talk about this later
  • David Slade got into the #goo stuff Monday night and tweeted till he got the munchies and left. IN THE FUTURE disable all communication devices before lighting up. Just ask La Stew.

Wait, she wrote a book about ME?!!

  • Probably one of the causes of Slade’s online hissy fit, Lainey Gossip posted lots and lots of gossip and speculation about what REALLY went on behind the scenes of the Eclipse reshoots or as officials are calling them “pick ups.” Personally, I’d like to think the cause of all the hub-bub is actually because of the helicopters Punk’d Images hired to get these grainy ass photos of Bella and Jacob out on a dock somewhere… speaking of wasn’t I just talking about Vancouver and docks?
  • The New York City paparazzi show us that they’re big fans off LTT by yelling the most amazing comment ever at Kristen while on the Met Gala red carpet… witness and then crazy Krisbians you can yell at me in the comments


We’ll leave it up to you to decide whether that’s a curtain or a table cloth around the bottom of her dress

Biiiiiitch please, I gotta tattoo

  • Promo shots for Eclipse are starting to circulate around the nets of The Cullens, The Holy Trinity and The Wolfpack. For what it’s worthy Leah has the best bitchface and rack hands down.
  • Robert Pattinson still loves to choke a bitch out. And wear incredibly tight, ball hugging, high waisted pants. We love it. We don’t.

Yup, that’s the news… I’m still thinking about Bree and being called a Twi-hard by Bill Condon…

IN THE FUTURE the news will be beamed to our brains. THE FUTURE IS NOW!
Themoonisdown

So what do you think about Leah’s bitchface? Amazing, right? And her hot ass tatt. Has anyone gone to a recent 100 Monkeys concert? Did I get the smell right? It’s been quite a while for me.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Tweed Edward vs High-School Edward

I’m almost home! Have you missed me? Probably not, because I posted some pretty kick-ass fan letters this week. THIS ONE is not any different!


Dear Summit Execs/Twilight & New Moon hair, makeup & wardrobe people:

Allow me to introduce myself:  I’m a thirty-something married mom.  Middle class, suburbs, Midwesterner, blah blah blah.  All I’m missing is the minivan and that’s only because that would cramp my style.  But I digress.  My purpose of writing is to discuss with you the urban myth of women hitting their sexual primes in their 30s.  When I turned 30, my husband waited with baited breath but as I was 4 days away from going into labor with our 2nd child, there was no sexual awakening that night.  The next year, same thing-hubs crossing the digits-but apparently taking care of a 3 year old and a 1 year old doesn’t make you frisky.  Who knew??  Another year or two or four went by and the husband was like a kid who has found out Santa Claus doesn’t exist.

Then in April 2009, I picked up Twilight.  I started reading it one night in bed while the hubs was snoring next to me, probably dreaming of Farrah Fawcett (holdover adolescent crush, RIP Jill Munroe).  I read through a few chapters and was intrigued but not hooked.  Yet.  That next night, I had a naughty dream about Edward and woke up………IN LOVE.

Cue obsession with all things Robward.

Cue voracious reading of consecutive novels in “The Saga” and the first of MANY viewings of Twilight.

Cue husband’s disdain (jealousy?) of my obsession.

Cue my discovery of the “fade to black” blanks filled in via *speaks reverently* FAN FICTION.

Cue………sexual prime!

See husband’s happy face as he finds out “Yes, Virginia, Santa DOES exist.”

Myth busted, Summit.  With a little help from a fictional character from  young adult novels, of course.

So why the hell am I writing to you, Summit execs and movie hair/makeup/wardrobe people, you ask?  Because as a newly inducted member of the “Sexual Prime Club” who fantasizes about sharpening her claws, I find myself noticing young adult men in ways I never did.  (That’s normal, right?  And I did say “adult.”)  Twilight allowed me to perv on a hot, hot, hot seventeen-year-old who is really a 108-year-old vampire but portrayed by a 23-year-old man!  GENIUS!  WIN for cougars everywhere.  I can fantasize but it’s legal.  I can lust but there’s no threat of jail time and ridicule from my peers.  (Well, there’s always ridicule but no threat of “pedophile” spray-painted on my driveway.)  I can perv without a visit from Chris Hansen.

This kiss gave me the chills.  He sneaked into her bedroom!  How hot to my thirty-something old self that knows how creepy it should be! “I just wanna try one thing” INDEED!

The T shirt.  That tight jaw.  The bad-boy sheepish grin.  The crazy driving.  The stalking and voyeurism.  It’s like someone read my 14-year-old self’s diary!

Then…..New Moon happened.  (And some particularly angst-ridden FF.  And some dreaded Christmas shopping. And flu season.)

Allow this chart to illustrate:

How Twilight/New Moon affected my sex life:

This is supposed to keep my sexual prime going strong?

WTF, Summit?  Where did that hot, hot, hot high school boy go?  I don’t WANT to crush on my college Anthropology professor!  I don’t WANT to fantasize about chalk dust on tweed.  I don’t WANT to role-play getting an A for “extra credit.”  (Wait-scratch that.  That kinda sounds fun.)  I don’t WANT Edward to be as grumpy as my grandpa discussing the Great Depression and how every “kid” under the age of 45 is on drugs.

I WANT my illicit (yet legal) thrills, Summit.  I WANT high school Edward back.  Now I know Eclipse will be out soon so this letter may be too late, but millions of thirty-something libidos (and the future happiness of their partners) are counting on you.  Leather, NOT  tweed.  Sex hair, NOT old man hair.  Tight, sexy jeans, NOT elastic-waist “slacks.”  The Cullen crest cuff, NOT Grandpa’s pocket watch.

To recap:

YES please

HALE NO!

Keep the myth alive, Summit.  (You can probably expect another letter before Breaking Dawn so you don’t go the “Dad” route on Edward with sneakers and bald spots.  “Teenaged” dads can be HOT too.)

Signed,

USDA Prime

Why have we never discussed this before? Teenage Edward vs. Old Man Edward. MOON & UC FAIL! What do you think? Are you into OldManward? Or do you like the idea of the 17 year old who is really 108 but played by a 23 year old Teenagerward?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Twilight and LTT become more than just a book and more than just a blog for Freya

*I hope you have some water proof mascara on and a hankie handy cause Freya write US  (that doesn’t happen very often!) a special letter on her one year anniversary*

awwww memories!

Dear Moon and UC:

It’s my one year anniversary commenting on LTT!  I finally came out of lurkdom on April 19, 2009, and commented on a post on Kellan.  I’d been hanging out on LTR and LTT for about a month, since the Twilight DVD came out, and I saw how cute Rob was when he talked on the commentary, and I proceeded to Google everything Twi-related.  Which, of course, led me to you.

I have to get a little Twintimental and Twilosophic here, which is not my normal way, but I have to say, Twilight and LTT have changed my life.  Literally.  I knew when I put my first comment out there that I was stepping into an established society of commenters.  I felt like it was already a clique as people commented back and forth all day long, not just talking about Twilight, but also about daily life.  I was worried, because I had never commented on a blog before. But Kellan was oiled up and dirty and reading Purpose-Driven Life and Moon referenced the Song of Solomon—I couldn’t help but ask Kellan to reenact passages from the Song of Solomon with me.  And low and behold, out of the 27 comments that day (can you believe it?  So few!), both VickyB and Moon responded back to me, laughing at my joke! (Moon, the first few times you or UC commented on anything I wrote, I fangirled a little.  I won’t lie.) I became a commenter in that moment.  Then the Forum came along, and I really started to interact with the lovely ladies of LTT.

Then came Twitter, and I was a goner.  I could Tweet all day long, look at pictures of Rob, and keep abreast of all the Twi news.  And in the course of that, I really got to know some people. I began to associate names and faces with the funny, witty comments.  I began to share more and more of myself.  And it rose above being just about those “vegetarian vampires” or Rob’s hotness, and instead became about the relationships that I was lucky enough to develop.

Who doesn't write their 1st novel in silver ink?

When I first read Twilight (and subsequently New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn in rapid succession), I had decided to be pragmatic.  I gave up on having a dream in life.  I didn’t have time for love, friendships, or my own creativity.  There was work, and blankly staring at the TV, and that was pretty much it.  I felt numb.  Then (as dumb as it may seem), I read Twilight, and fell a little bit in love with Edward.  And like an involuntary itch that you have to scratch, I found the need to write something.  In the course of three months, I wrote an entire novel.  I will never publish this novel, but it was an amazing experience, because I knew that I COULD write a whole book, if I wanted to.  That was empowering to me.  And I felt more alive than I had in a long time.  Then I began to get to know people (now that I wasn’t holed up with my novel every night), and I started to really want to be friends with people I was meeting, not just to talk about Twilight.

Some of my best friends now are people I met here, and I couldn’t be more grateful.  I’ve done a few meet-ups with some fantastic people—Brooke Lockart, Marta, Stage Manage This, It’s La Push Baby, Jordan the unicorn, and Krazy Kidd are people I’ve all been fortunate enough to meet in real life. I’ve got big vacation plans for this summer to meet up with even more fabulous people I’ve met here.

I could have never predicted, last year when I first hesitantly wrote my mini-letter to Kellan, how much I would need friends this year.  That I would need people who lived outside of my life, who could listen, sympathize, and laugh with me.  People to talk books and music and makeup with on any given day.  People who would give me a new perspective and enrich my life.  Letters to Twilight has given me people who seem hand-picked, just right for being my friends. They  have been the key to my sanity when my world seems insane, the refuge from all the things I can’t control right now.

So, to my LTT friends, thank you for being good friends.  For all the talks, the gifts, the encouragement, and the love, I thank you so much. My world would be bleak without your friendship.

Yea, thanks guys!

To the cast of Twilight, thank you for being so ridiculously good-looking.  Not to mention funny, bright and interesting enough for me to YouTube you, Google you, and find this place.

To Stephenie Meyer, thank you for listening to Bella and Edward and making them come to life in the pages of your books.  Without them, I wouldn’t have had the impetus to make some changes in my life and to reach out to these people.  You are to credit for creating this community in the first place.

To Moon and UC, thank you for being so incredibly funny and devoted and for becoming my friends, as well.  I know you never anticipated this being what it is now, and that it’s evolved almost organically.  But the fact is, without your willingness to slog through every day, whether you felt like it or not, this all would not be.  You’ve brought together hundreds of people.  You’ve spawned countless friendships.  You’ve given us a spot in your lives, and in turn, have received a spot in ours.  I love you ladies.

My love for Twilight may wane, my love for Rob cool to passing interest, but for the very real people here, I hope that our friendships last a very long time, indeed.

Love,
Freya

dangit Freya now my eye make ups all jacked up but I lurve you anyway! We’ve said it a billion times bit we’re glad we can be a place where friends meet and friendships are born. Twilight is just the catalyst for all this and we couldn’t be happier because of it. So have you made any friends through LTT/LTR or that Micheal Buble forum you’re apart of or the NKOTB fan club you were in back in the day? Tell me about i!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Kellan & his Mom!

Hun, have you been keeping up with your "Read the Bible in 365 Days" schedule?

Dear Kellan,

When I first saw this picture I fell in love with you Mom, cause she’s sooooo well, a MOM. She know’s how to have a Chico’s kind of day while in LA with her sun. The capri cargo pants, the floral paisley flowing top coupled with what can only be a pair of Born sandals. They are SO comfy, I know I’ve worn my mom’s around the block one time. I wanted to tell you how much I love her Classy Cuts bob and the obligatory bump in the back that can only be made with a “rat” comb and some Salon Selectives aerosol hairspray! She’s awesome to say the least. I also imagine her to be asking you how your bible study small group is going. Are you inviting new lost souls to the group? What are you thoughts on The Purpose Driven Life 2 (really purposeful!), and when your singles group is having it’s next progressive dinner.

Too bad she was cut short when you got to the restaurant and Anna-Lynn was there lookin’ all kinds of wind blown and she figured out it wasn’t going to be a mom and son brunch but a mom meet my “girlfriend” brunch. I feel sad for her.

After I thought about ALL of that I got distracted by your shirt. What could “Men for Women Now.com” be? So of course I Ctrl T’d and typed that shiz in and what I found made me laugh. And laugh. And laugh. When I opened the website the following video starts auto playing


Who doesn’t love BOOBS? Really, it should be called Boob-book! HEH HEH. Ok Kevin Connolly, you can drop you “E” persona when you’re talking about boobs and breast cancer it’s just creepy.

So yes Kellan loves boobs and he loves saving them. So much so he wears a shirt about it while walking with his Betty Baptist Mom. Oh how I love this whole picture.

Thank you for caring about boobs and for giving me the best start to my weekend!

It’s a matter of life and breast!
Themoonisdown

Thx MenforWomenNow.com

It’s the freakin’ weekend baby, I’m about to have me some fun! What are your plans? How HOT is Kellan? How much does his Mom remind you of your own?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Appreciation for the supporting cast

We love the Twilight supporting cast- we really do. From Butcrack Santa to Tequila Tomas, and Big Daddy Lautner to Michael Oregano we can’t get enough of them. Even if they were killed off in the first movie, don’t really exist or aren’t really ‘cast’ members- they are in our hearts. We’re not alone in our love for the smaller parts of the Twilight cast:
secret
Dear Twilight,
secret
I would like to express my appreciation for your supporting characters who don’t get as much time in the limelight as the main cast:

Thank you for staring at me, my young friends...

Aro– Thanks for being a traditional vamp. You’re an intriguingly odd blend of hand wringing, “My Precious” coveting, Golum mixed with Paul Reubens from the Buffy movie. Your cat-playing-with-a-mouse demeanor just kills. I may have even dabbled a little in Team Aro on occasion (just briefly and ’cause I’m old). But alas, Aro, I don’t think you’d be on my team, ifyouknowwhatimsayin.


Jane’s Eyebrows- Above that fabulous smokey eye is a well groomed, but very prominently wide eyebrow. It’s comforting. It takes me back to my early childhood in the 80’s where eyebrows were encouraged to run wild. It was a simplier time for eyebrows, back then. Brooke Shield’s -before-she-was-peddling-Latisse caterpillers were “the Rachel” of the eyebrow world. True, we have Rob’s free range eyebrows, but they are an entity all to themselves. Jane’s eyebrows are a waxed, 2nd cousin to Robs. If Rob is Team Eyebrow’s pitcher, Jane is the teams first baseman.
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Anna Kendricks Boobs– Seriously, you could bake cookies on that rack and everyone appreciates a good boob. Daily, I am awash in a sea of clevage (Snow, are you a stripper? No. Are you a mammogram tech? No… I just live in the OC) and all I can say is Nice Tits. Go Team Boobs!
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Carlisle’s Scarf Collection– Carlisle, I’m jealous and I admire your appreciation of neckware. You’ve seen centuries of neckcessories come and go, from Ruffs, to Cravats, to Ascots, to Neckties, and now scarves. I bet you have some cashmere beauties tucked away. Caius likes scarves too. Were you two, like, scarf buddies back in the day? Team Scarf? (OK I just pictured the opening scarf scene from “Basic Instinct” and now I’m a little creeped out). Anyway, I’d love any of your cast offs. Mmmmm I bet they smell delicious.
Secret
Jacob’s Teary Wolf Eye– Oh how you made me howl with sadness and oh how I was Team Jacobed in that moment. The “Academy” should give a nod to The Eye. The Eye made me feel. The Eye can ACT. (OK, maybe I’m projecting here because my dog gives me the same sad eye, hang head, dejectedly skulks out of the room whenever he catches me putting on non-dog walking shoes. Guilt is powerful). Oh Sad Wolf Eye, how you break my heart.
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Ashley Greene’s Painted on Bikini Pictures– Many of us have that pesky 15 5 pounds to lose. I lost 4 lbs. following the What Would Ashley Eat diet. On “What Would Ashley Eat”, or W.W.A.E. for short, One simply asks herself when, say, choosing a salad dressing, would Ashley pick Bleu Cheese? HALE No. She’d probably use lemon juice and salt &pepper. Lemon is a great diet aide. You don’t get those fierce hollow cheeks without suckin some sour. For that 9 PM snack, when dinner just wasn’t quite enough, instead of reaching for crackers (would Ashley? No), grab some almonds and a big glass of tequilla organic fat free milk. I’m thinkin there is another component to this diet, like What Would Ashley Throw-up, but I’m not going to go there.
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Appreciating the supporting cast like a good bra,
snowwhitedrifted


Don’t forget Angela’s camera! And what about that kid who almost kills Bella with his car? And MRS. Cope! Poor flustered by 17-year-old Edward-Cullen, Mrs. Cope! What secondary “Characters” do YOU love!?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter