Open Weekend Post: Hosted by the Eclipse Cardboard Stand Ups

Dear Eclipse Merchandise/Marketing folks,

WTF happened here? Was someone asleep at the wheel? Let’s take a closer look?


First off the expression on his face. It’s a mix between “the one who smelt it, dealt it” and “eh, fuck it, let er rip.” Put that face in the NSYNC circa Pop Odyssey denim jacket with converse from the Target collection and you’re got a recipe from my dreams. Also pretty sure those are his personal black jeans. He doesn’t let anything but the best thrift store denim tough those thighs.

Next up…

Poor pooooor Jacob/Taylor. This is just an all around bad look. The poofy hair, the moobs (man boobs) showcased by a shirt that makes you look like you just ate the WHOLE Chipotle burrito during your lunch break and you’re really regretting it now. Worn with the haphazardly tied LUGGS and this cardboard cut out screams construction worker with his heart on his (non-existent) sleeve.


Who left the wind machine on between the America’s Next Top Model shoot and the Eclipse Promo photo shoot? And the poor girl was told “do the KISS ME” eye brow raise and ended up the recipient of some crazy photoshop shenanigans as her left eye is like 2 inches lower than the right. WTF happened there?

So if waking up in your darkened bedroom only to be greeted by a teenage construction worker who loves Carne Asada, America’s Next Top Model reject and the Fart-meister than these cardboard cut outs are for you. 33 bucks and the dream can be yours!

Happy Freakin’ Weekend!
Themoonisdown

Who’s buying one of these? I think the LTT/LTR headquarters needs the entire set so we can put them in compromising positions and feed the Jacob one tacos when we have writers block. Who’s with us?

Thanks Twifans for the tweet to tip me off!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

A Rebuttle: The Font wants to talk about the Leg Hitch and life and 93 Buicks

*Because we like to beat dead horses here at LTT and because the Font has a response to my letter from yesterday that you need to read and then hug someone after, here he is to talk about his take on The Leg Hitch*

Hey Twi-Fans.

How are you? Good? That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.

So what’s been going on since we last talked? Oh, did someone write gay fan fiction about you and a close friend? Did you get yelled at on Twitter about Michael Vick by someone who is now blurring the line between fan and friend? Did a pretty girl you were interested in refer to you as “that Twilight guy” in person? No, no, sorry. I’m getting your life confused with mine.

But listen. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to talk about Leg Hitch or whatever the fuck it’s called.

I cannot believe all of you women are getting this excited about dry sex. Seriously.

Yeah, sure, foreplay’s exciting NOW. Where were you when a generation of teenage males were locking themselves in their rooms eight times a day? If you would have asked a fourteen year old Font “hey buddy, what do you want to do all day?” I would have responded “dry sex and video games.” Maybe something about collectible card games if you caught me in the right month.

Now, I certainly was not unwillingly abstinent from dry sex for too long in my teenage years (thank you Cinco De Mayo pageant queens), and I harbor no grudges about teenagers being slow to give into their Font-related jean-on-jean urges. I get it. They were young and confused.

BUT. My point is this. When Moon explained what it actually was, I got confused, because that is like rank amateur shit. I was “leg hitching” in the back of my 1993 Buick Skylark before I was legal to drive it. It is not a complicated procedure. It is also not that uncommon.

It’s sort of like someone explaining to a pitcher what a curveball is. He’s almost going to get confused about what they’re talking about, because it’s so simple. What’s the big deal? Put your hand in the ‘C’ shape, twist and swing it over the corner of the plate. You’ve done it a thousand times before you got out of little league.

[Please appreciate how hard it was to not make a sex joke in the previous paragraph.]

All this to say! You are not really excited about Leg Hitching. You are excited about having a man desperately in love with you finally being willing to profess that love in a tangibly physical way. If there’s a takeaway for the legions of fourteen year old girls that I know read this blog daily: it’s that sex (even dry sex) matters.

None of the dudes you fall in love with is going to be as pretty as Edward, or have his literally rock hard abs. That is science. But they can love you the way that he does: not just cause you’re gonna give it up, or because he doesn’t like being alone, or because you’re a prop in the production that is his life.

And T&A is plentiful. There are always more nineteen year olds with tighter abs and thinner thighs, there’s always a new exciting girl with new noises and new things to say about how interesting your job/car/suit is.

But the SOUL, right? That stays. That’s eternal. You love a woman for something you can’t see, you’ll be there for awhile.

There’s an Edward out there for you. Some dude you’ll get excited about basic sex moves for. It’s worth separating the wheat from the chaff.

Yes, I actually wrote a post about the value of sex while using a vampire metaphor.

Until the next time someone says something dumb that upsets me,

The Font

Number one, let’s get mad at The Font for calling us 14 year old girls when clearly we don’t allow them here (although they occasionally sneak on. Hey little girl- Taylor Lautner probably likes boys now- you need to go on a Justin Bieber fan site.) Secondly, what do you think? Is The Font, gulp, right? Thirdly, do you like how I got carried away with all the motivational posters? Those are so addicting. Oh, and The Font thought of ALL of them!

Kinda think you might be crushin’ on “The Twilight Guy?” Read more from him

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Twilosophy: Why is the Leg Hitch in Eclipse SO important?

Dear LTT-ers and Twilosophy Majors,

Yesterday, after UC posted her thoughts on the Eclipse reshoots and how David Slade better get the “leg hitch” right and if that’s the reason for all the secrecy and need to go to Vancouver than she was all for it. Which we are, 100%. I mean we’re so committed to this being right we’re even willing to be the stand in’s or film it ourselves with a camera phone and Robert Pattinson in our wrought iron bed (we share one, duh. All good bloggers do) with gold brocade bedding we purchased at Anna’s Linens for the occasion. But as it turns out not everyone even knows what the crap the leg hitch even is. Witness this resulting conversation of me trying to explain it after yesterday’s post…
c

More like #cop a feel than #leg hitch

The Font: okay, i have pretended to understand this for long enough what the fuck is leg hitch?
Moon: i thought i explained it to you guys during a podcast
Font: no way, i would remember
Moon: ok, so in Eclipse theres this super hot scene that everyone always talks about. edward leaves to go off hunting with the dudes and leaves bella with alice and whoever at his house. well his room doesnt have a bed since vampires dont sleep so she thinks shes going to sleep on the couch or something during this weekend well anyway he gets her this bed (im so embarrassed) at some point in the weekend he comes back and they start getting it on. i will look up the quote but anyway during the making out it says something about “leg hitch.” we’ve been talking about it since last march and well it took off
Font:wait, leg hitch like his junk?
Moon: NOOOO! like grabbing someones leg and pulling it up
Font: I DON’T UNDERSTAND MOON*! what? this is a dry sex metaphor?
Moon: omg Font*
Font: Moon*, i have been reading this site for like six months (editors note: WAY longer. you’ve been making fun of me since at least last summer). i don’t know what the fuck is going on
Moon: OMG SERIOUSLY?!!!!! if you’re making out and/or having sex with someone
Font: i get it!
Moon: and you grab their leg like under the knee
Font: listen this is not my first rodeo
Moon: thank god! please dont make me explain it anymore!
Font: i really feel like this is a let down
Moon: why? cause, sometimes seeing behind the curtain isnt as good as the illusion.
Font:  truth, truth. But it’s such a weird phrase
Moon: I’m looking it up…

“He pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip” -pg 186

Font: that doesn’t even make sense. these books are dumb
Moon: COME ON!

It's so important people feel the need to create fan art about it!

So of course this got me to thinking… why is the leg hitch so important? What about this seemingly small moment in the 3rd installment of the saga has captured the passion of so many people? And what does it say about the characters and us readers?

First off I think we have to understand that this is really one of the first “intense” (for them) make out moments Bella and Edward have. Besides some kissing and hugging the ultimate self cock blocker, Edward keeps it pretty G rated for the kids. So for readers who have been salivating over every little hand hold or emo eye locks in the science room, this is about more than we can handle. Bella and Edward touching… down… there?! ZOMG. But ever the moralist and well, a good story teller, Stephenie Meyer leaves us wanting more cause just when things are heating up Bella opens her dumb fat mouth and Edward remembers his priest-like lifestyle.

Secondly, this make out is the catalyst for a very important conversation between Edward in Bella. After remembering he thinks girls have cooties and pushing Bella away they discuss her not-s0-secret trips to La Push while he was gone. And FINALLY Edward figures out he’s being a monumentally freaky overprotective boyfriend and agrees that Bella should be able to visit Jacob and her friends in La Push. He comes to the realization that he needs to trust her judgment more. Even though she’s a danger magnet and is subconsciously, in some way in love with Jacob, Edward realizes that if Bella feels she’s safe than he needs to trust her.

Bada bing bada BOOM

And finally it’s important for Bella to see that Edward likes her in more than a vampire-I’m-attracted-to-your-blood-only kind of way. He wants her like any normal high school boy wants his girlfriend. Who doesn’t want to feel that way? Even though he shuts her down just when things are getting all mcsteamy up on the brocade bedspread, she already comes to the realization that he likes her on multiple levels.

But really, what isn’t there to GET about the leg hitch? It’s hot. It’s Edward in a bed doing all kinds of things high school girls and 20 somethings girls and 30 something girls and 40 something girls and moms and librarians and the Golden Girls dream about doing with a guy like him.

And THAT, my friends is why the much ballyhooed “leg hitch” is important!

We ain’t talkin’ trailer hitches!
Themoonisdown

So why do you think the leghitch is so important to us? Why is it important to Edward and Bella. What’s the BIG deal??


*We do not actually call each other Font and Moon in real life. Thank god. This is weird enough*

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Appreciation for the supporting cast

We love the Twilight supporting cast- we really do. From Butcrack Santa to Tequila Tomas, and Big Daddy Lautner to Michael Oregano we can’t get enough of them. Even if they were killed off in the first movie, don’t really exist or aren’t really ‘cast’ members- they are in our hearts. We’re not alone in our love for the smaller parts of the Twilight cast:
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Dear Twilight,
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I would like to express my appreciation for your supporting characters who don’t get as much time in the limelight as the main cast:

Thank you for staring at me, my young friends...

Aro– Thanks for being a traditional vamp. You’re an intriguingly odd blend of hand wringing, “My Precious” coveting, Golum mixed with Paul Reubens from the Buffy movie. Your cat-playing-with-a-mouse demeanor just kills. I may have even dabbled a little in Team Aro on occasion (just briefly and ’cause I’m old). But alas, Aro, I don’t think you’d be on my team, ifyouknowwhatimsayin.


Jane’s Eyebrows- Above that fabulous smokey eye is a well groomed, but very prominently wide eyebrow. It’s comforting. It takes me back to my early childhood in the 80’s where eyebrows were encouraged to run wild. It was a simplier time for eyebrows, back then. Brooke Shield’s -before-she-was-peddling-Latisse caterpillers were “the Rachel” of the eyebrow world. True, we have Rob’s free range eyebrows, but they are an entity all to themselves. Jane’s eyebrows are a waxed, 2nd cousin to Robs. If Rob is Team Eyebrow’s pitcher, Jane is the teams first baseman.
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Anna Kendricks Boobs– Seriously, you could bake cookies on that rack and everyone appreciates a good boob. Daily, I am awash in a sea of clevage (Snow, are you a stripper? No. Are you a mammogram tech? No… I just live in the OC) and all I can say is Nice Tits. Go Team Boobs!
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Carlisle’s Scarf Collection– Carlisle, I’m jealous and I admire your appreciation of neckware. You’ve seen centuries of neckcessories come and go, from Ruffs, to Cravats, to Ascots, to Neckties, and now scarves. I bet you have some cashmere beauties tucked away. Caius likes scarves too. Were you two, like, scarf buddies back in the day? Team Scarf? (OK I just pictured the opening scarf scene from “Basic Instinct” and now I’m a little creeped out). Anyway, I’d love any of your cast offs. Mmmmm I bet they smell delicious.
Secret
Jacob’s Teary Wolf Eye– Oh how you made me howl with sadness and oh how I was Team Jacobed in that moment. The “Academy” should give a nod to The Eye. The Eye made me feel. The Eye can ACT. (OK, maybe I’m projecting here because my dog gives me the same sad eye, hang head, dejectedly skulks out of the room whenever he catches me putting on non-dog walking shoes. Guilt is powerful). Oh Sad Wolf Eye, how you break my heart.
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Ashley Greene’s Painted on Bikini Pictures– Many of us have that pesky 15 5 pounds to lose. I lost 4 lbs. following the What Would Ashley Eat diet. On “What Would Ashley Eat”, or W.W.A.E. for short, One simply asks herself when, say, choosing a salad dressing, would Ashley pick Bleu Cheese? HALE No. She’d probably use lemon juice and salt &pepper. Lemon is a great diet aide. You don’t get those fierce hollow cheeks without suckin some sour. For that 9 PM snack, when dinner just wasn’t quite enough, instead of reaching for crackers (would Ashley? No), grab some almonds and a big glass of tequilla organic fat free milk. I’m thinkin there is another component to this diet, like What Would Ashley Throw-up, but I’m not going to go there.
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Appreciating the supporting cast like a good bra,
snowwhitedrifted


Don’t forget Angela’s camera! And what about that kid who almost kills Bella with his car? And MRS. Cope! Poor flustered by 17-year-old Edward-Cullen, Mrs. Cope! What secondary “Characters” do YOU love!?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Wait, Renesmee is cool? She serves a purpose? Cam explains why

*Cam writes to Stephenie about the much debated vampire love child Renesemee and gives it to us from a mom perspective. An LTT mom perspective… settle in… This is also an excuse to post more creepy Renesmee fan images*

The fact that these exsist make my day!

Dear Stephenie,

I get it. I totally get it. Reneesme. See, I’m a mom, too. So I 100% get and support Reneesme.

I know most of the fandom can’t stand your rapidly aging, mind-reading, half – vamp baby and they really can’t stand her name, but I get why Reneesme had to happen and appreciate her part of the story.

You said on Oprah that your kids were terrible sleepers – that they didn’t sleep through the night until they were almost 2! Ouch. As any mother knows, those first few months of sleep deprivation (or in your case years!) will make you go crazy. Straight up question your sanity, make you feel like a zombie crazy. (No wonder you dreamed of vampires!) You’ve also said that to you, your Twilight world was a fantasy world where Bella did and experienced things you never would. So no wonder that when you took our beloved Twilight series to its ending, you would include a miracle half – human, half – vampire baby who embodies all of the things real babies aren’t. You wanted Bella to experience motherhood in a way none of us ever will – in idyllic (if slightly creepy and horrific) perfection. You made Bella the luckiest vampire in the world when you created Reneesme. Not only does she get the perfect man night after night for all of eternity, she gets the world’s perfect baby. Win – win.

So Stephenie, I’ve compiled a list of all the reasons Reneesme totally makes sense and all the fabulous qualities of a fantasy half – human, half – vampire baby and pregnancy.

  • Conception – On a private island with the world’s perfect man, with action so hot you break beds, plus all the eggs you can eat? Sign me up!


  • Pregnancy – Instead of 40 long weeks of your body slowly getting bigger and bigger and stretching every which way – you get it over with quickly. One month of rapid stretching and bone breaking. Um, wait…maybe this isn’t an advantage.


  • Birth – This sounds pretty horrible. I think both my husband and I would freak out if he had chewed our children out of me. I had to convince him just to cut the umbilical cord. But hey, any way you get a baby out is no walk in the park. Plus, ultimately this gets Bella what she wants – Edward. Maybe it is worth it.


  • The baby sleeps through the night immediately. Win!

Seriously, if you made this please raise your hand

  • You don’t have to nurse her. Yes, being able to nurse your children is a gift and a joy and a special bonding time. But it also ruins your boobs. And limits what you can do. I’m not one of those people to just whip out my boobs and nurse anywhere. Although UC’s boob off does sound interesting. Can there be a National Geographic prize for those TwiMoms among us?


  • No post baby weight to get off. In fact, post birth you look better than you did before. This is pure fantasy. After I had my babies, I was just glad my earrings hadn’t fallen out and I hadn’t sweated or cried all of my mascara off.


  • You wake up wearing a hot silk dress and stilettos, ready to spring into vampire action!


  • You have sex really quickly after you have the baby. Like all night every night while your baby sleeps happily in the next room. This is why there are TwiMoms. Because we know the reality — your sex life is totally different after kids – and right after you have the baby…um, not so much.


  • Jacob imprinting on her. You know, love, and trust the person who will take care of your child for the rest of her life. You know they have met their soul mate. Those are all dreams of moms for their children. We want nothing more than for our children to have life partners who will love, respect and take care of them. Sure, it’s a bit creepy that he used to be in love with Bella, but whatever. Minor detail.

The newest and my most favorite entry into the Renesmee fanart Hall of Shame

  • The name — Do I like the name you picked, Stephenie? Does it matter? Nope. My theory is if you birth it, you get to name it no questions or opinions from anyone else allowed. Is it a mouthful to say and spell?  Yes. But this is your baby, Steph, so if you like the name, then good for you.

You’re welcome, Stephenie. I know most people complain about Reneesme. I know she ruined the story for a lot of fans. But to me, she was the icing on the fantasy vampire life cake. And while there are some aspects of vampire mommy hood (Edward) that sound appealing, I think I prefer human mommy hood.

Just one request….could you help a sister out and finish Midnight Sun?

Completely and Irrevocably in Reneesme’s Defense,

Cam

Good call Cam… Maybe Stephenie just wanted to write about having the perfect little girl that she wouldn’t get to have as a human. And the boob thing, totes get that! But these manips? Don’t get these… What do you all think? What’s the real reason Stephenie decided to write Renesmee into the story?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

What ever happened to…

Dear LTTers,

We’ve been with you for awhile now and over the past year and 4 months we’ve talked about a lot. A lot of themes and characters have come and gone. Some people who were SO vital to our – err- organization are like distant memories. Today we begin a new series where we dig into the past and find out whatever happened to… whoever we’ve sadly stopped talking about. First on today’s list…..

Buttcrack Santa

After his wild success playing the role of “Buttcrack Santa” in Twilight in 2008, Ned Bellamy went on to star as a secondary, mostly-forgotten character in a few episodes of 2 different, barely watched television shows and as the highly popular character named “Cabinet Member” in the television series 24. No- I got that wrong. He was the “character name “Cabinet Member” in the highly popular television series 24. He has not yet worked in 2010.

In his spare time he either writes or reads one-shot fan fic about himself:

Just in time for Christmas! This is what I think happened during the “butt-crack Santa incident”. Written in Waylon’s POV One-shot.

Seeing Bella all grown up reminded me of the last time I saw her. It was Christmas. Charlie brought four-year-old Bella to a Christmas party. I decided to suprise the kids and dress up like Santa Clause. Well, the suit was a little big, so I stuffed it with a few pillows.

At about seven o’clock, I came out to give out the presents. All the kids lit up, especially Bella. I gave out all the presents from under the tree. There was one last present left, but the bow was stuck on a branch. I bent down to get it unstuck and I heard some giggling. I thought it was just from getting the present caught on the tree, but Bella blurted out, “Ew! Butt crack!” Everyone laughed. I pulled the sagging Santa pants up and finally got the present unstuck and gave it to it’s owner. The rest of the party went fine, but I didn’t get up from the couch the rest of the night. When Charlie was about to leave to take Bella home, he patted me on the back and said, “Good job, butt-crack Santa.” Bella giggled and they went home.

A.N.: Now, wasn’t that a good holiday Pick-me-up? Now click that little green button below and give me a nice, tasty review!

P.S. Beware of ill-fitting Santa suits!

(Go review that fic & make that writer’s- aka Ned Bellamy’s- day)

The 100 Monkeys

Once known for their ability to write a hit song about an every day object found in the puffy-painted canvas tote of a fan club member, the 100 Monkeys have seemed quiet as of late. Or has it just been our incredible lack of care for Jackson Rathbone as compared to the other cast members like we were accused of in a recent fan letter:

Hooray- a way for you to make up for your inexcusable neglect of Jackson Rathbone- have you been covering the 100 City tour?  did you have pictures of the black eye? did you write about the Hard Rock Las Vegas brouhaha? have you shown us awesome Last Airbender trailers?  noooo it’s all about Kellen in underwear ads and Taylor’s father for some unfathomable reason.
Anyway here’s your chance to make it all up.  Jackson and the 100 Monkeys will be in Philadelphia April 8th at the North Star and it would be lovely if you would attend and tell us about it.
Coco
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Unfortunately I was busy on April 8th ogling pictures of Kellan Lutz in his undewear and photoshopping Big Daddy Lautner getting stuck in the drive thru window of a McDonalds and couldn’t make the show. However, maybe in a few years I’ll think about attending one again after my ears heal from the last time I saw the band in Philadelphia.
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However, in keeping with the theme of “Whatever happened to” and in no way writing this to appease Coco (even though I love nothing more than to bend over backwards for someone’s bitchy request), I did some research on the band. The Monkeys now have a pretty cool-looking website and seem to still run around town with Marty the Bananager. They are reconsidering his role in the band as the banana suit smells so bad that it’s actually keeping the girls away. This spring the band is on a 100 city tour and Jackson latest “look” is turning me- normally a lover of hippie, dirty rock boys- into a lesbian. Their music is just as bad- if not worse- than when I first saw them a year ago. Believe me, I just spent the last 5 minutes listening to clips of their songs on the “100 Monkeys Jukebox” praying for something I could tolerate. I came up empty handed.
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On the new website, there is a “Chatter” section where their fans can discuss the latest color of puffy paint to use on their canvas Monkey bag & share with each other (and hope that the band will take a peek too) the most recent art inspired by the band. For example:

This beautiful masterpiece

Or this- the best Jackson has looked in 2 whole years:

(I actually like this- shhh don't tell)

And I’m so happy to have finally found Moon’s birthday present:
Find out MORE after the jump! Continue reading

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by where the EFF have I been?

Dear Twilight,

Where the EFF have I been? I’ve missed some GREAT videos over the past year or so.

Starting with this BRILLIANT video from the fall that apparently 1,000,000 other people saw:

Spider Monkey with Grandma Bella? Carlisle’s voice!? Jasper’s hair? The Radiohead knock-off at the end and “They do in my world?” AMAZING!

This video from forever ago makes me sad & now I want to READ the book again!

And we may have posted this before but if we did not- SHAME on us becuase it’s so brilliant. And watch it again if we already posted it because.. well, it’s SO Brilliant:

I love weekend videos! Happy Weekending!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

If you are new or haven’t been around in awhile, a few weeks back Moon & I decided to stop posting on the weekends & instead post an “OPEN POST” on Saturdays that stays up until Monday morning. That way you can chat if you want, enjoy something short & funny and then get back to important stuff…. until the Twilight world picks up again. Then Moon & I will be back to wasting your time on the weekends! If you’re super bored…. I’m gonna pick a random post for you to read or re-read. How about from…… May 17, 2010? I have no idea what this is: Bad case of Lovin’ Dr. Cullen

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Open Post hosted by Tweed Day and Angry Men

Dear LTTers,

This weekend’s Open Post is hosted by none other than TWEED DAY. Yes- THAT’S RIGHT!!! Today you don’t need an excuse to put on your tweed and have a good time. It’s actually a national holiday (who cares for which nation) Directly from a very random website:

When : Always April 3rd

Tweed Day celebrates one of two things. Either it celebrates the warm, fashionable woolen clothing that originated in Scotland. Seemingly always in fashion, Tweed keeps you warm and looks good, too. It should come as no surprise to learn that tweed is more popular in the north, and not often worn in the south.

Or,…it celebrates the birthday of a corrupt , New York City politician.

Are you saying “what the?” like we are? Read all about it here. We don’t really care about the traditional celebration of National Tweed Day. Today let’s celebrate our favorite man in tweed, Edward Cullen:

Sigh… so Grandpa-ish yet so hot. Thanks Claudia for the heads up!

But OH! We’re not done. Because this weekend is a holiday weekend and sometimes we feel generous on holidays, this open post is hosted by SOMEONE ELSE too. It is hosted by angry men who have lost their women to Twilight…

(Seriously I know this song is SO bad, but just get through it- it’s worth it!!)

When I first saw this video I was just STRUCK with how similar the lives of Twilight lovers are. Sure we look different, act different and ARE different… but at the end of the day… we’ve given up a HUGE chunk of our lives and dedicated it to this VAMPIRE story… much to the dismay of the men in our lives! I laughed so hard because I seriously think my husband has had the exactly conversation or complaint of me like in this video at least once a day for the last year and 1/2 (without the awful music!)

Hoppy Easter, enjoy passover or just have a good weekend!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks again Claudia & thanks to Jennifer for the video!!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Summit- do you need help with Breaking Dawn?

Continuing on our Spring Break (aka Moon & UC do some boring, geeky bloggy business for a few days), CalliopeBlabs brings us Part I of an EPIC Breaking Dawn suggestion for Summit!

Dearest Summit,

Seems you’ve been having some trouble with this whole Breaking Dawn issue.  I mean, I get it… I read the book, I KNOW there’s a lot to work through. One movie or two? Where to split? Who to direct? How to get around those pesky child protection laws to make TayTay falling in love with a baby okay.

Not to mention all the bargaining I’m sure you’ve been doing with Rob and Kristen.  Did they convince you to allow for TomStu to come to Isle Esme with them?  You know they don’t like to leave him by himself for too long… he’s a clingy one that TomStu.   Also, I know you and Rob have been trying to convince Stewie that method is the best way to go where Renesmee is concerned… any luck?

Or perhaps you’ve taken my advice and are trying to get the Pitt-Jolie biological offspring to star as the Golden Child since they all look the same since we all know with parents like Jolie-Pitt they’d be impeccably appropriate employees. I mean, Angelina and Brad… all business all the time. expect for that time when they got busy on one of your movie sets… I mean seriously!?! What do you feed your employees? So yes, I GET what monumental issues you’ve been facing with Breaking Dawn.

But…

you know….

it’s already APRIL.

I’m starting to get a little nervous here.

So of course, like the overly imaginative person I am… and because, unlike you, I do have a soul, I’ve decided to help you guys out here.  I’ve created the perfect solution to the problems you obviously can’t get around. Let’s just use the Bella, Edward & Jacob dolls you so willingly created and marketed at an exorbitant price to the Twi-fandom to make Breaking Dawn.  It’ll be cheap… you won’t have to worry about CGI… and no one will act out on set.   Sure some fans might be pissed but they’ll get over it. Plus, they are just fans… what do you care!?!

Still unsure? Need a visual? No problem.  Let me show you how it’s done… the story of Breaking Dawn: cheap, drama free and without the speculation of whether or not Barbie and Ken are doing it (they are). Grab the popcorn, dim the lights… and enjoy. Because at this rate, it might be as good as we are gonna get.

BOOK 1: BELLA

Bella: (Grumbles) Fine random dudes… i’ll let you get some pictures of me and my fancy car.

Bella: (pouting) i wish Edward would have stayed the night instead of gallivanting with his brothers. At least purple’s still cool… even if I am about to get married. I mean nothing says ready for the altar like purple sheets. At least, that’s what my YM magazine says.

Renee: you’re getting married… and you aren’t even knocked up!

Bella: (nervously) Dad, I think I’m going to puke.

Charlie: (loudly) You little LIAR! I knew it… you are knocked up! Where is that punk. I’m gonna kill him.

Charlie: why are you even here?

Bella: I DO

Priest: It’s not time for that yet dear

Bella: I DO

Edward: love, still not time for that

Bella: I DO.

Edward: I DO.

Bella: (relived and horny) YAYYYY we are married!

Find out what happens after the jump! Continue reading

Letter to Stephenie Meyer: Bree- really?

Upon hearing the news that Stephenie Meyer wrote a book about Bree, @Brookelockart, Moon & myself quickly began an email conversation to speculate what was UP with this news. Brookie was inspired to write THIS letter:

Wait.. is this a joke?

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think the next installment to the Twilight Saga would be a Novella about Bree – a new born flailing and screaming vamp that came oh so close to getting a second chance and a new diet, but met a slightly anticlimactic ending at the hands of the Volturi.

Steph, (can I call you Steph?) I believe I just made Bree 10 times more exciting than she actually was in Eclipse. I understand the purpose she served in the series; it not only showed Bella the true nature of a new born vampire, it set up expectations for the reader, so when Bella is changed she is remarkably different. So there it is. Purpose served. Why in Hale would you need to give her a back story?  When I read on your site that you wrote The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella, I stared at my screen for a good 30 seconds just dumbfounded (and wondered if you were a Full House fan – How RUDE!). Then I mumbled under my breath, “What about Midnight Sun?!”

I took my frustrations to twitter, where the fandom was agitated. Thank god I follow some hilarious, snarky people. The tweets sparked my imagination about all the 3rd tier characters that I really never ever want you to write about any more than a blip in that elusive Twilight Series Guide (Yeah, December 2008, my ass). Just so we are clear, here are all the future titles we never want to see appear on your site:

  • The Lauren Mallory Diaries (thanks MasenVixen for that gem)
  • Cougartown: Mrs. Cope can’t help herself
  • The Untold Story of Lee Stephens, a fainting teenage boy
  • Fever Pitch – Renee and Phil’s love story
  • Surf’s Up: Rebecca Black escapes to Hawaii
  • A Pack Life: Jared does Sam’s bidding
  • How to Price Gouge on the Olympic Peninsula – A John Dowling Handbook
  • Austin, Connor and Ben – Nerds Unite! (this would be The Font and White Yorkie’s fav)

"Hi, I'm Bree." WHO!?

I’m hoping, Steph, that you get the point. I know these characters may fascinate you, but really all we want is Midnight Sun. There’s something that I’ve been dying to address with you…I’ve heard rumors that in writing New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn that you lost Edward’s voice. You fell in love with Jacob and could no longer give us a story from Edward’s perspective. Stephenie Meyer, I accuse you of being Team Jacob and the only way to prove your innocence is to finish Midnight Sun. This Bree story is insulting. I’m sorry, I do get easily distracted, but there’s no way that a Bree story will fulfill my need for Edward. GIVE ME MORE EDWARD.

Now once Midnight Sun is completed and I’ve read it 6 times, I will find it acceptable for you to write about the following:

  • Edward Cullen – New Moon, well actually I’ve read the Fan Fic, “Dark Side of the Moon” and have convinced myself that this is what you would have written if you were Team Edward. So no rush on this Novella.
  • Leah Clearwater – Who wouldn’t want to know more about this strong-willed shape shifter? She has a tragic love story and finally finds some reprieve when she leaves Sam’s pack. Will she imprint? Will she ever be able to have kids? Will she ever learn to like the Cullens?
  • Edward Cullen – Leg Hitch, nuff said.
  • Emmett Cullen – We got a Jasper and Rosalie back story, but poor lovable Emmett is left out. Emmett needs his time to shine!
  • Edward Cullen – Please, please, please, please write Isle Esme from his perspective and for Pete’s sake, NO FADE TO BLACK.

Let’s recap: No one cares about Bree, do NOT write any more novellas about minor characters, FINISH MIDNIGHT SUN, then give us Honeymoon Edward. Is it really too much to ask??

Your faithful fan and Team Edward Captain,

Brooke

PS That was noon on June 5th, right? *marks calendar*

Who else has June 5th marked on their calendar? And are you just gonna download the book for FREE or will you actually shell out some moolah to read it? And seriously…. BREE!? What are your thoughts!?

We’re gonna pound this one in your head. Don’t forget to check out The LTT Biggest Loser on The Forum

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