It’s a Twilight Father’s Day

To all the Twilight daddy’s: Carlisle Cullen, Billy Black, Charlie, Harry Clearwater, Big-Daddy Lautner & Edward,

A big HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to the whole group of you from Moon & I.  We love you all so much, we couldn’t pick one fav to write to today so we’re writing to you all (just kidding, Big Daddy-Lautner, you know you’re our fav).  Actually your kids are writing to you because we have our own daddys to take care of (although ours aren’t as cool as a vampire, Native American, cop or McDonald’s spokesperson…)

Enjoy your day! Go on over to Harry’s and grill out with his famous fish fry!
<3, UC & Moon

carlisleDear Carlisle,

Edward: Thank you for saving me from the Spanish Influenza & capturing my 17 year old perfection for eternity. Thank you for your encouragement to stay strong and not kill my beloved Bella &, of course, for the rockin’ sex tips. Although next time, I’d prefer it if you’d not get so detailed on how much Esme, my mother, likes to do that there.

Rosalie: Thank you, Carlisle, for changing my darling Emmett after he was attacked by that bear.  I’ll be honest I’m not crazy about how all that shit when down with Edward.  Why the hell didn’t you prep him first and convince him to love me? Also, I’ll deep down hate you forever for turning me into a vampire in the first place. Couldn’t you have let me die? F*ck y Oh yeah, this isn’t about me. Happy Father’s day Dad…

Emmett: Thanks for my smokin’ hot girl, Rose. And for that tip on how much mom likes that there- now Rose does too!

Alice & Jasper: (UC note: Uh, we couldn’t exactly find Alice & Jasper…. seems Jasper may have recently had a conversation with you, Carlisle? Something about something somewhere…..?)

Carlisle might be the reason we have Edward & so we’re the most grateful to him, but he’s not the only daddy! See all the other letters after the jump! Continue reading

Celebrating Memorial Day with Twilight!

And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free...

And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free...

Dear Military service people, fallen heroes, deceased vampires and those who have gone before us-

Today is Memorial Day here in the states, it’s a day set aside to remember the past, people who have passed on in our lives and also to thank our service men and women for protecting and serving. We here at Letters to Twilight and Letters to Rob salute you and thank you for you service to our country! Without people like you we wouldn’t be free to profess our love for a British Boy, wear cute outfits like Ms. Stewart over there, or be free to write a snarky blog about vampires.

Today we’ve dragged Kristen Stewart out in her campy military finest to pay special tribute to the following:

James – You certainly made for interesting sport and fodder for the first book/movie but I have to say I’m glad your creepy trailer trash-y self won’t be around for another movie

Victoria – We will most definitely miss your faboo hair after Edward rips you limb from limb in Eclipse. It’ll be awesome but we’ll miss seeing a kick ass girl uh well… kicking ass!

Harry Clearwater – we barely knew ye… but anyone who fathered Seth Clearwater, makes the best fish fry in Forks and is Charlie’s BFF MUST be good people!

Jasper Whitlock – Thank you for your valiant service as a major in the Confederate Army before you were unceremoniously turned into a vampire and then helped train and lead the New Born Army… though I’m not quite sure that kind of army is something we celebrate on Memorial Day but we’ll use any excuse to talk about Jasper

Army Unicorn – our very own unicorn commenter who happens to serve and protect each day in the US Army. We ❤ ya!

Have a wonderful holiday… cook lots of cured meats and we’ll see you back here tomorrow and back to our regularly scheduled programming
XO
Themoonisdown

PS Don’t forget to check out Letters to Rob and see what’s cooking over there for Memorial Day
Chat it up in the forum!

Billy Burke is My Boy

Worst show that I love to love and hate all at the same time

Worst show that I love to love and hate all at the same time

Dear Billy Burke,

I was watching the season premiere of “My Boys” the other day, which is the worst show in the history of the world, yet I love it and still can’t believe hasn’t been canceled.

Last season left on a cliffhanger with Bobby (the one P.J. SHOULD be with) getting married the next morning, and P.J. in her hotel room with Bobby’s brother Jack, about to do the nasty.  Bobby comes to her room and tells P.J. he thinks he’s making a mistake marrying the girl and then sees his brother in the room. Dun dun DUN!

I was torn- I liked Bobby a LOT b/c duh, he’s played by the actor Kyle Howard and was once on Home Improvement in ’97 and he’s super hot.

P.J., please have sexual intercourse with me

P.J., please have the sexual intercourse with me

But his brother Jack is charming and handsome and sooo into P.J. You can see my predicament. Who do I root for? Who do I want P.J. to end up with in this awful yet amazing show that I can not believe has lasted longer than Arrested Development did?

So I’m watching the new episode, seeing the drama go down and feeling strangely disconnected from Jack (the bro).  I can’t put my finger on it. Why don’t I want him and P.J. together anymore? Did I make my decision subconsciously and I’m rooting for team Bobby (aka Kyle Howard from 7 episodes of “The love boat: the next wave” in 1998?) And why does Jack suddenly look so familiar to me? Did I see him at the grocery store or something?

Bella, be home by 9

Bella, please be home by 9

After a quick trip to IMDB, I figure it out. Jack is Charlie Swan and you played Charlie Swan so you play Jack. I never realized it. That mustache did a lot.

So while I used to be attracted to Jack and want him to hook-up with P.J., now I think it’s all creepy and weird b/c Charlie is Jack and you are Jack and Charlie and Charlie is the father of a 17 year old, and Jack is trying to hook up with a 27 year old and ahhh.. it’s all messed up.

Hugs and Chicago loves,
UnintendedChoice

Are you so intrigued by this amazingly awful show? Wanna know if Bobby wins or Charlie-Jack wins? Okay, I’ll tell you: After three seasons and lots of flirting and talk about Chicago, Bobby & P.J. finally hook-up. Then they play lots of poker, talk about the Cubs & P.J.’s guyfriends have a ‘stache growing contest (they wanna be just like Charlie Swan). That was my 3 season recap. Now you don’t have to waste time watching the show, even though it’s the most amazing badly written show that should have been cancelled episode 2 EVER!

Have you been the The Forum? Have you checked out TwiTheatre with Calli? You don’t want to miss it this week. It’s hilarious. TwiTheatre