LTT Podcast Episode 5 – All the family together at last!

Dear LTT-ers,

Guess what! We FINALLY joined the 21st century, figured out technology and Both UC and I AND The Font and White Yorkie are together at last on Episode 5 of the podcast. All our voices together at last discussing all the latest in the Twi-world, it’s like a chorus of angels singing. Kinda like when Robert Pattinson walks down the street. And I must admit it might be the best one we’ve done. For reals.

Episode 5 – Robert Pack-it-in-your-son Part 1 (right click save as)

• UC intros us!

• LTT is chosen to participate in the “fan junket” with Stephenie Meyer – White Yorkie & The Font react. They also give us ideas for questions as only they could.
  -Discussion of  the evolution of Stephenie Meyer’s writing
  -How our questions will be different
  -Moon is secretly dating the Twilight guy

The only acceptable ipod to listen to this podcast on

• Kristen’s Roadtrip
  -Rob Zombie and musical taste

• The Font and White Yorkie ask us about Ok Magazine
  -Masters of spin

• Official LTT Store
  -Reaction to the Unicorn tshirt
  -Send your pictures of you in LTT/LTR gear and the Font & White Yorkie will
  -Autographing underwear at Comic Con
  -White Yorkie’s type of ladies

• Big announcement!

• The LOD / Brit Pack

Reader Responses from last week – The Flash, Justin Long & Bruce Willis

• LTT Event during Eclipse week in Los Angeles

Or I guess this one is acceptable too...

Reader Questions

• Do guys really have a problem dating older women? If Bella can be with Edward who’s 107, why isn’t it the other way around? White Yorkie gets personal. What about the cougar phenomenon? UC gets personal

So there you have it! Part 1 of the whole podcasting family together at last. Wasn’t it great? Want more? Then you have to send us your questions, news topics for discussion, haiku’s to read, poetry and applications for the boys’ hearts! We work off your questions alone! EMAIL your questions to our special podcast email and hopefully your question will be featured on the next LTT podcast!

Happy Thursday!
Themoonisdown

PS If your name is NOT UC than PLEASE please read this post for a special announcement! Seriously, GO read it!

Need more LTT Podcasts in your life? Check em out!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

LTT Mailbag: Questions for Stephenie – We answer them

Hey youuu guuuuysss! Get ready for some crazy emails!

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

We’re going to meet you in a few weeks and become BFF’s and talk like girlfriends about Robert Pattinson and shoes and whether Pinkberry or Yogurtland is the best and about how we think Nacho is a hot piece and well maybe a little bit about Eclipse too. So when we got this letter to you we thought since we’re like 3ish weeks away from being BFF’s we could totally answer them for you. Why, not?

DEAR STEPHENIE MEYER,

I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS FOR MY SCHOOL BOOK REPORT……
c

1.IS IT REALLY TRUE THAT YOU GOT THE IDEA OF TWILIGHT FROM A DREAM?

– TRUE. Double chili cheese dogs, fried pickles and jalapeno nachos from the Arizona State Fair will do that to you. Edward and Bella in the meadow were in fact the by product of the most wicked case of heartburn every medically recorded in the state of Arizona. Besides eating through half my esophagus and a whole bottle of Pepcid AC I just had to sit down and write out the dream, minus the nachos, churros and frozen lemonade’s that danced a circle around them.
c

HA HA Bill Condon, prepare yourself!

2.DID YOU ENJOY MAKING THE BOOKS AND MOVIES FOR TWILIGHT?

I don’t “make” the movies I just sit back and watch people like Chris Weitz try to figure out how to bring my books to the screen and not be maimed and beaten in the process by crazy Twihards who insist on exact book to movie translations. Those are my favorite days on set. I saw four women hoist David Slade over a toliet and threaten to give him a swirly if he left out the story about the 3rd wife. HAHA Slade, good luck figuring that out for the screen. So to answer your question: Yes, I totally enjoy it!
c

3.WILL YOU BE MAKING MORE BOOKS LIKE THE TWILIGHT SAGA?

Maybe, that depends on what new food venders show up at the Fair this year. I’m hoping for some of those friend oreos and a ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl and presto blamo hopefully I’ll have the Alice/Jasper story all worked out.
c

Going up in flames in a mall parking lot near you!

4.WILL YOU STILL BE MAKING THE BOOK MIDNIGHT DAWN?

Yes, I’ll be slipping a finished copy to UC and Moon when I meet them in a few weeks. No one else will see if but rest assured they will get to read all the rest of Edward’s juicy thoughts and I may just slip in a copy of Forever Dawn while I’m at it. Shhhhh don’t tell! It’s a surprise!
c

5.DO YOU HAVE OTHER HOBBIES THAN WRITING?

Lots, but my favorite is going to every Hot Topic store within a 100 mile radius of where I’m at and buying out all their Twilight merchandise. Then I take it outside and burn it all. But I save one shirtless Jacob shirt for myself. That’s what I wear to sleep in at night. Nacho loves it. No, he doesn’t. But I rest easier knowing that stuff isn’t in the hands of impressionable young teens and older women who should know better.
c

Working on my jazz hands

6.WILL YOU BE IN ANY OF THE OTHER TWILIGHT SAGA MOVIES?

I’m in them all! Just because you didn’t see me order a veggie burger in New Moon doesn’t mean I wasn’t there. I was actually biker #2 in that Port Angeles scene with Bella. They needed someone with motorcycle experience so of course both David Slade and I stepped in. Unfortunately, he got the part of Biker #1 and got to drive Bella around but he returned the favor by doing me a solid and subbing me in for Kristen during the leg hitch scene. So I win! Where I end up in Breaking Dawn, you’ll just have to wait and see. Spoiler Alert: I’m the maid who sings the song “Scattered feathers, busted headboard, this dude scored.” in the morning after Isle Esme musical number.
c

7.WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A VAMPIRE OR WEREWOLF IN THE MOVIES?

C. a Zombie

Wait, who's this guy again? His hand is NOT cold as ice

8.WHAT ARE YOUR HUSBAND AND SONS NAMES?

Edward and Renesmee… I mean umm… what’s their names again?
c

LOVE ONE OF YOUR # 1 AND BEST FANS OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA,
HONEY LOVER 🙂

So we hope/know those answers are pretty close to what you’d tell sweet, sweet delusional Honey if she actually had your email address and not ours. And yes, now that you’ve announced us and some other sites will be hanging with you, our “crazy” (a real folder we have in gmail) emails have increased exponentially. I can only imagine what the other sites are getting but we hope this does you justice

Until June!
Themoonisdown

PS Want to send Stephenie us an email?! Do it!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

*obviously Stephenie Meyer didn’t answer any of these questions, we just have overactive imaginations*

Questions for Stephenie about Midnight Sun

With the excitement of Monday’s surprise announcement, the launch of our LTT Store, Running our contest through Thursday, and the hundreds of dirty dishes piling up on my kitchen counters, we’ve been busy. Our email inbox has been filled with contest entries, fun messages from long-time lurkers and lots and lots of question suggestions for Stephenie Meyer. I think we need an assistant. Brookelockart has been offering her services for years, but turns out she expects payment other than the promise of UC & Moon co-written smutty fan fic starring her, Edward & Larry411. Who knew!? Anyway, a theme has emerged from the questions we’ve been told to ask so far: Midnight Sun, Midnight Sun, Midnight Sun…..I’ve had two fan letters about this very topic sitting around for awhile now, so I thought today would be the perfect time to share them!

Please, God. No

Dear Stephenie:

Brooke’s letter to you when the news about the Bree novella broke pretty much said it all: We want Midnight Sun- not some story about a newborn who barely had a blip of a connection with Bella and Edward (though I know I will end up buying it).

But with the desire for Midnight Sun that is so strong its painful, I would like to ask one thing of you WHEN you relieve our suffering and finish the book (I can’t bare to think of out as an if):

Please don’t have Edward purposely pick out that specific outfit on the day of the meadow so he can match Bella. Tell me that after I read the Midnight Sun draft and (naturally) went back to re-read Twilight, I misinterpreted a detail with the extra information I had. I noticed that Bella, the night before going out to the meadow with Edward, no only gratuitously used “drugs” (cough medicine), but she fussed over what she was going to wear. Does that mean she laid her clothes out? Because Edward was most likely in her room that night watching her sleep. PLEASE tell me that she didn’t lay out the ensemble and Edward saw it and thought that somehow it would be a good idea to dress alike.

Hey Bells, I noticed you picked out Brown panties for today. Me too

Have you seen couples that do this? It’s not cute- it’s not sweet. I cringe whenever I see this atrocity. But more so, it’s not something Edward would do. But I felt I had to mention it because I didn’t think he would have kept a lemonade bottle cap as a “token” either, which made me worry that maybe my fear was valid.

So please, keep that in mind. And for the love of all that is holy finish Midnight Sun!

Thanks,
JacobEdwardsWife

PS – I can never thank you enough for your choice of Jacob and Edward’s names. But THANK YOU 😉

We ponder more Midnight Sun stuff after the jump!

Twilight Moments that have shaped us (Oh, we’re interviewing Stephenie Meyer)

Dear LTTers,

There are those moments in life that shape you- Graduations, Weddings at young ages, anniversaries, pregnancies by vampire husbands, beautiful children’s births, children biting their way out of your womb, Children moving out of the house, your ex boyfriend falling in love with your newborn child…Moments that are Epic– Getting our first commenter on LTT was one like that. To this day we still refer to Christa as our “Fanbase” & our #1 fan. Then there was the time when Sam Bradley commented on a post where we made fun of him. That was before we realized that wasn’t a big deal and could draw his moles from memory.

Big day!

Then there was the first day we suddenly had over 200 readers on the blogs. And then we met you. And you. and you. Then Stephenie said she READ US which we’re still questioning and sometimes fear that her mentioning “LTT” really meant “Linux Trace Toolkit” and her bro & webmaster, inspiration for small wolf, Seth, just threw it in there to make a dorky computer joke (Linux is something the geeky cousin tried to get me to understand once)

Then there was RobstenGate in August, seeing Rob on Ellen in November and that moment during karaoke night when I visited Moon in LA last fall and everyone was singing “We are The Rob” and I just FELT it. What’s “it?” I don’t know- you just know it when you feel it. Those moments shaped us.

And then stuff like this happens and we question once again if Seth, the inspiration for the small werewolf, is taking his anger out at his sister for naming the weakest werewolf after him (But Seth, he does get some one-on-one with Bella & saves her life!! (Ugh.. I think… Note to self- re-read Eclipse before meeting Stephenie)) and punks us YET again & makes it all up. But it looks like the little hat spoke. And shit just got real because I just programmed “Interview Stephenie Meyer in an undisclosed location” into my calendar.

Hey guys,

I want to do something different with publicity for this movie release. For Twilight, I did the normal press junket, for New Moon I got to go on Oprah. Both of these were fun, exciting experiences. However, they both had the same drawback—the interviews were designed for a very broad audience, and because of that, most of the questions were about things you guys have known the answers to for years. I feel like all of the basic questions have been answered, and for Eclipse I want to focus on the more specific questions of the readers. To accomplish that, I’m hosting my own mini-junket with a few fansites. It will be held on Friday, June 18th, the week before the L.A. premiere.

Unfortunately, I can’t talk to every single site, and I want to keep this as low key and enjoyable as possible. So I put all the U.S. fansites in a hat (for logistical reasons, we had to keep this in the country) and drew out four names.

The names I drew were:

* Twilight Series Theories (twilightseriestheories.com)
* Twilight Source (twilightsource.com)
* Twifans (www.twifans.com)
* Letters To Twilight (letterstotwilight.wordpress.com) <——HOLY CRAP THAT’S US!!!!!!!!!

Each of these sites is invited to send two members of their staff (or one member and a guest) to our fan-centric mini-junket. You will be contacted shortly by my assistant, who will give you all the specific information. In the event that any of the sites is unable to send representatives, I’ve already drawn four back up sites, which I will post if it becomes necessary.

I’ll answer all of your questions (and your readers questions, if you want to poll them) about the Eclipse Movie, and the Bree story, as well, which will have been out for a few weeks by then. We’ll have lunch, hang out, and hopefully have a fantastic time. I hope you all can make it!

-Steph

WHATTTTTT? Are you SURE!? And have you really read our site? We’re not your “What happens when Bella gets her period” kinda question askers (oh wait- we ask that all the time. Should we push her for the REAL answer “I didn’t think about that one- give me a break” since none of us believe that “the blood is dead” crap? ) And Steph we’ve joked from time to time that you have a thing for Edward and therefore for Rob (but then again- who are we to talk? We run a Rob site) so are you sure…We get to meet YOU?

To repeat the majority of the conversations Moon & I had over chat yesterday afternoon:

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After the jump. Read some of the MANY responses we’ve received since yesterday:

Life after Breaking Dawn- A Contemplation

It’s UC, posting from the past (seriously, I’m drafting this like 2 years in advance) because I’m still on my romantic vacation with my husband having the BEST time of my life drinking the BEST drinks in creation (please don’t rain in Mexico, please don’t rain in Mexico). Today we have a great letter about life AFTER Breaking Dawn. Dream with us (or be horrified), won’t you?

Dear Stephenie,

Have you ever stopped to think about what life will be like a few years or so down the road for everyone with the way you ended Breaking Dawn? If not you should and I think you should consider about writing about it (AFTER you finish and publish Midnight Sun of course).

First you should probably know a couple things about me. I loved Breaking Dawn with all it’s flaws, even the ones that infuriated me (case in point: Edward delaying sex AGAIN after Bella’s a vamp on her first hunt. I yelled at the book/Edward. He finally can have worry free sexy time and he doesn’t take the opportunity? He has been a 17 year old for like 90 years, you KNOW he wants to get some. But no, he stops Bella by mentioning the kid. Seriously!? …but I digress…). Where was I? Oh yes things you should know about me. I’m an idealist and hopeless romantic, so as a result I have a weakness for getting a happy ending (twss). I like details. And another thing is I always want more. My mind constantly wonders, “then what?” I want the story to go on not wanting it to end. So I’ve thought several times since I’d first read Breaking Dawn “what would happen?”

Will the Volturi go after and kill Joham for his experimenting and creating those half-vamps? Will the Volturi stop there, or will they kill Nahuel the guy who saved them all from a bloodbath and his sisters? What will the Cullens do when they find out about it? Will they step in and go ninja on the Volturi’s asses and be the new Volturi family and everyone will live in fear of the Cullen’s wrath instead? Will all vampires for the rest of eternity say “you don’t provoke the Cullens unless you want to die”? Or will the Volturi do a sneak attack on the Cullens and try to take out Renesmee first?

Yes all of these things and much more have run through my mind. But the most nagging questions for me have been surrounding the four most central characters at the end of the story: Edward, Bella, Jacob, Renesmee… and sex. (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I’m a very sexually minded creature).

Find out what this idealist, sexually-minded creature comes up with for “Life after Breaking Dawn” after the jump!

Twilosophy: Why is the Leg Hitch in Eclipse SO important?

Dear LTT-ers and Twilosophy Majors,

Yesterday, after UC posted her thoughts on the Eclipse reshoots and how David Slade better get the “leg hitch” right and if that’s the reason for all the secrecy and need to go to Vancouver than she was all for it. Which we are, 100%. I mean we’re so committed to this being right we’re even willing to be the stand in’s or film it ourselves with a camera phone and Robert Pattinson in our wrought iron bed (we share one, duh. All good bloggers do) with gold brocade bedding we purchased at Anna’s Linens for the occasion. But as it turns out not everyone even knows what the crap the leg hitch even is. Witness this resulting conversation of me trying to explain it after yesterday’s post…
c

More like #cop a feel than #leg hitch

The Font: okay, i have pretended to understand this for long enough what the fuck is leg hitch?
Moon: i thought i explained it to you guys during a podcast
Font: no way, i would remember
Moon: ok, so in Eclipse theres this super hot scene that everyone always talks about. edward leaves to go off hunting with the dudes and leaves bella with alice and whoever at his house. well his room doesnt have a bed since vampires dont sleep so she thinks shes going to sleep on the couch or something during this weekend well anyway he gets her this bed (im so embarrassed) at some point in the weekend he comes back and they start getting it on. i will look up the quote but anyway during the making out it says something about “leg hitch.” we’ve been talking about it since last march and well it took off
Font:wait, leg hitch like his junk?
Moon: NOOOO! like grabbing someones leg and pulling it up
Font: I DON’T UNDERSTAND MOON*! what? this is a dry sex metaphor?
Moon: omg Font*
Font: Moon*, i have been reading this site for like six months (editors note: WAY longer. you’ve been making fun of me since at least last summer). i don’t know what the fuck is going on
Moon: OMG SERIOUSLY?!!!!! if you’re making out and/or having sex with someone
Font: i get it!
Moon: and you grab their leg like under the knee
Font: listen this is not my first rodeo
Moon: thank god! please dont make me explain it anymore!
Font: i really feel like this is a let down
Moon: why? cause, sometimes seeing behind the curtain isnt as good as the illusion.
Font:  truth, truth. But it’s such a weird phrase
Moon: I’m looking it up…

“He pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip” -pg 186

Font: that doesn’t even make sense. these books are dumb
Moon: COME ON!

It's so important people feel the need to create fan art about it!

So of course this got me to thinking… why is the leg hitch so important? What about this seemingly small moment in the 3rd installment of the saga has captured the passion of so many people? And what does it say about the characters and us readers?

First off I think we have to understand that this is really one of the first “intense” (for them) make out moments Bella and Edward have. Besides some kissing and hugging the ultimate self cock blocker, Edward keeps it pretty G rated for the kids. So for readers who have been salivating over every little hand hold or emo eye locks in the science room, this is about more than we can handle. Bella and Edward touching… down… there?! ZOMG. But ever the moralist and well, a good story teller, Stephenie Meyer leaves us wanting more cause just when things are heating up Bella opens her dumb fat mouth and Edward remembers his priest-like lifestyle.

Secondly, this make out is the catalyst for a very important conversation between Edward in Bella. After remembering he thinks girls have cooties and pushing Bella away they discuss her not-s0-secret trips to La Push while he was gone. And FINALLY Edward figures out he’s being a monumentally freaky overprotective boyfriend and agrees that Bella should be able to visit Jacob and her friends in La Push. He comes to the realization that he needs to trust her judgment more. Even though she’s a danger magnet and is subconsciously, in some way in love with Jacob, Edward realizes that if Bella feels she’s safe than he needs to trust her.

Bada bing bada BOOM

And finally it’s important for Bella to see that Edward likes her in more than a vampire-I’m-attracted-to-your-blood-only kind of way. He wants her like any normal high school boy wants his girlfriend. Who doesn’t want to feel that way? Even though he shuts her down just when things are getting all mcsteamy up on the brocade bedspread, she already comes to the realization that he likes her on multiple levels.

But really, what isn’t there to GET about the leg hitch? It’s hot. It’s Edward in a bed doing all kinds of things high school girls and 20 somethings girls and 30 something girls and 40 something girls and moms and librarians and the Golden Girls dream about doing with a guy like him.

And THAT, my friends is why the much ballyhooed “leg hitch” is important!

We ain’t talkin’ trailer hitches!
Themoonisdown

So why do you think the leghitch is so important to us? Why is it important to Edward and Bella. What’s the BIG deal??

*We do not actually call each other Font and Moon in real life. Thank god. This is weird enough*

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Wait, Renesmee is cool? She serves a purpose? Cam explains why

*Cam writes to Stephenie about the much debated vampire love child Renesemee and gives it to us from a mom perspective. An LTT mom perspective… settle in… This is also an excuse to post more creepy Renesmee fan images*

The fact that these exsist make my day!

Dear Stephenie,

I get it. I totally get it. Reneesme. See, I’m a mom, too. So I 100% get and support Reneesme.

I know most of the fandom can’t stand your rapidly aging, mind-reading, half – vamp baby and they really can’t stand her name, but I get why Reneesme had to happen and appreciate her part of the story.

You said on Oprah that your kids were terrible sleepers – that they didn’t sleep through the night until they were almost 2! Ouch. As any mother knows, those first few months of sleep deprivation (or in your case years!) will make you go crazy. Straight up question your sanity, make you feel like a zombie crazy. (No wonder you dreamed of vampires!) You’ve also said that to you, your Twilight world was a fantasy world where Bella did and experienced things you never would. So no wonder that when you took our beloved Twilight series to its ending, you would include a miracle half – human, half – vampire baby who embodies all of the things real babies aren’t. You wanted Bella to experience motherhood in a way none of us ever will – in idyllic (if slightly creepy and horrific) perfection. You made Bella the luckiest vampire in the world when you created Reneesme. Not only does she get the perfect man night after night for all of eternity, she gets the world’s perfect baby. Win – win.

So Stephenie, I’ve compiled a list of all the reasons Reneesme totally makes sense and all the fabulous qualities of a fantasy half – human, half – vampire baby and pregnancy.

• Conception – On a private island with the world’s perfect man, with action so hot you break beds, plus all the eggs you can eat? Sign me up!

• Pregnancy – Instead of 40 long weeks of your body slowly getting bigger and bigger and stretching every which way – you get it over with quickly. One month of rapid stretching and bone breaking. Um, wait…maybe this isn’t an advantage.

• Birth – This sounds pretty horrible. I think both my husband and I would freak out if he had chewed our children out of me. I had to convince him just to cut the umbilical cord. But hey, any way you get a baby out is no walk in the park. Plus, ultimately this gets Bella what she wants – Edward. Maybe it is worth it.

• The baby sleeps through the night immediately. Win!

Seriously, if you made this please raise your hand

• You don’t have to nurse her. Yes, being able to nurse your children is a gift and a joy and a special bonding time. But it also ruins your boobs. And limits what you can do. I’m not one of those people to just whip out my boobs and nurse anywhere. Although UC’s boob off does sound interesting. Can there be a National Geographic prize for those TwiMoms among us?

• No post baby weight to get off. In fact, post birth you look better than you did before. This is pure fantasy. After I had my babies, I was just glad my earrings hadn’t fallen out and I hadn’t sweated or cried all of my mascara off.

• You wake up wearing a hot silk dress and stilettos, ready to spring into vampire action!

• You have sex really quickly after you have the baby. Like all night every night while your baby sleeps happily in the next room. This is why there are TwiMoms. Because we know the reality — your sex life is totally different after kids – and right after you have the baby…um, not so much.

• Jacob imprinting on her. You know, love, and trust the person who will take care of your child for the rest of her life. You know they have met their soul mate. Those are all dreams of moms for their children. We want nothing more than for our children to have life partners who will love, respect and take care of them. Sure, it’s a bit creepy that he used to be in love with Bella, but whatever. Minor detail.

The newest and my most favorite entry into the Renesmee fanart Hall of Shame

• The name — Do I like the name you picked, Stephenie? Does it matter? Nope. My theory is if you birth it, you get to name it no questions or opinions from anyone else allowed. Is it a mouthful to say and spell?  Yes. But this is your baby, Steph, so if you like the name, then good for you.

You’re welcome, Stephenie. I know most people complain about Reneesme. I know she ruined the story for a lot of fans. But to me, she was the icing on the fantasy vampire life cake. And while there are some aspects of vampire mommy hood (Edward) that sound appealing, I think I prefer human mommy hood.

Just one request….could you help a sister out and finish Midnight Sun?

Completely and Irrevocably in Reneesme’s Defense,

Cam

Good call Cam… Maybe Stephenie just wanted to write about having the perfect little girl that she wouldn’t get to have as a human. And the boob thing, totes get that! But these manips? Don’t get these… What do you all think? What’s the real reason Stephenie decided to write Renesmee into the story?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Letter to Stephenie Meyer: Bree- really?

Upon hearing the news that Stephenie Meyer wrote a book about Bree, @Brookelockart, Moon & myself quickly began an email conversation to speculate what was UP with this news. Brookie was inspired to write THIS letter:

Wait.. is this a joke?

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think the next installment to the Twilight Saga would be a Novella about Bree – a new born flailing and screaming vamp that came oh so close to getting a second chance and a new diet, but met a slightly anticlimactic ending at the hands of the Volturi.

Steph, (can I call you Steph?) I believe I just made Bree 10 times more exciting than she actually was in Eclipse. I understand the purpose she served in the series; it not only showed Bella the true nature of a new born vampire, it set up expectations for the reader, so when Bella is changed she is remarkably different. So there it is. Purpose served. Why in Hale would you need to give her a back story?  When I read on your site that you wrote The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella, I stared at my screen for a good 30 seconds just dumbfounded (and wondered if you were a Full House fan – How RUDE!). Then I mumbled under my breath, “What about Midnight Sun?!”

I took my frustrations to twitter, where the fandom was agitated. Thank god I follow some hilarious, snarky people. The tweets sparked my imagination about all the 3^rd tier characters that I really never ever want you to write about any more than a blip in that elusive Twilight Series Guide (Yeah, December 2008, my ass). Just so we are clear, here are all the future titles we never want to see appear on your site:

• The Lauren Mallory Diaries (thanks MasenVixen for that gem)
• Cougartown: Mrs. Cope can’t help herself
• The Untold Story of Lee Stephens, a fainting teenage boy
• Fever Pitch – Renee and Phil’s love story
• Surf’s Up: Rebecca Black escapes to Hawaii
• A Pack Life: Jared does Sam’s bidding
• How to Price Gouge on the Olympic Peninsula – A John Dowling Handbook
• Austin, Connor and Ben – Nerds Unite! (this would be The Font and White Yorkie’s fav)

"Hi, I'm Bree." WHO!?

I’m hoping, Steph, that you get the point. I know these characters may fascinate you, but really all we want is Midnight Sun. There’s something that I’ve been dying to address with you…I’ve heard rumors that in writing New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn that you lost Edward’s voice. You fell in love with Jacob and could no longer give us a story from Edward’s perspective. Stephenie Meyer, I accuse you of being Team Jacob and the only way to prove your innocence is to finish Midnight Sun. This Bree story is insulting. I’m sorry, I do get easily distracted, but there’s no way that a Bree story will fulfill my need for Edward. GIVE ME MORE EDWARD.

Now once Midnight Sun is completed and I’ve read it 6 times, I will find it acceptable for you to write about the following:

• Edward Cullen – New Moon, well actually I’ve read the Fan Fic, “Dark Side of the Moon” and have convinced myself that this is what you would have written if you were Team Edward. So no rush on this Novella.
• Leah Clearwater – Who wouldn’t want to know more about this strong-willed shape shifter? She has a tragic love story and finally finds some reprieve when she leaves Sam’s pack. Will she imprint? Will she ever be able to have kids? Will she ever learn to like the Cullens?
• Edward Cullen – Leg Hitch, nuff said.
• Emmett Cullen – We got a Jasper and Rosalie back story, but poor lovable Emmett is left out. Emmett needs his time to shine!
• Edward Cullen – Please, please, please, please write Isle Esme from his perspective and for Pete’s sake, NO FADE TO BLACK.

Let’s recap: No one cares about Bree, do NOT write any more novellas about minor characters, FINISH MIDNIGHT SUN, then give us Honeymoon Edward. Is it really too much to ask??

Your faithful fan and Team Edward Captain,

Brooke

PS That was noon on June 5^th, right? *marks calendar*

Who else has June 5th marked on their calendar? And are you just gonna download the book for FREE or will you actually shell out some moolah to read it? And seriously…. BREE!? What are your thoughts!?

We’re gonna pound this one in your head. Don’t forget to check out The LTT Biggest Loser on The Forum

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Breaking it down: Eclipse Sneak peek, threesomes, S&M workouts and Chippendales

Dear Eclipse Sneak Peek,

You’re just TOO good, too full of lol’s and wtf’s for us to let you pass by without breaking it down. All 5+ minutes. Yup, we’re breaking down the Eclipse sneak peek and away we go…

Moon: ok  here it is!

UC: let’s mother effing DO THIS
Moon: Wait, DUDE the little chocolatiers promo AGAIN!i love it.ok, I’m ready
UC: DAMN RILEY IS HOT
Moon: dude im so glad they got someone on etsy to make the clacker thingy that marks in the time for a scene
UC: aww david slade- so small, gay… short..
Moon: ps same cinematopgrapher as NM just saw that. so there will be SOME sort of continuity

UC: KELLAN HAS MAN BOOBS, I stopped it ON HIS BIG ASS BOOBS that are bigger than mine
Moon: THERES SO MUCH What, where are the boobs!?
UC: Haha he stands up like 29/30 major boobage
Moon: why is kellan wearing an off the shoulder top?
UC: I HAVE THAT SHIRT
Moon: like he took his sweatshirt and cut off the neckband
UC: he was at an 80s party earlier that day
Moon: he should be jazzercising or getting “physical” with Olivia Newton John and not kicking nomad vampire ass
UC: he needs a bra
Moon: you think he does that exercise from Judy Blume novels? “i must i must i must increase my bust” at night since like vampires dont sleep and he has nothing else to do
UC: yes, and it works but not for me. He has a perfect woman. with a big bust herself and he’s jealous she’s not always there… for him to caress the chest so … he grew his own
Moon: hahaha he can feel himself up
c

wait, Victoria's after BELLA?!

Moon: i just want to hear xaviers voice again. he better have a big part in the press for this
UC: um i think he will. look at his face it’s hot
UC: okay… this is seriously beating a dead horse…poor horse…but can we once and for all get it out of our system and LAMENT over Kristen’s awful wig?
Moon: HAHAHA and bryce’s while we’re at it. I feel bad she had to do an interview wearing it
Moon: at 38 she and david slade are having the most intense staring contest. i bet she won
UC: i THINK that Taylor just found out WHY victoria is upset he’s like…. “Bella is the reason that victoria is mad. SHe basically KILLED james” he had like a lightbulb go off in this interview..
Moon: he’s like DUDE thats why??!! and he turns around to ask kristen off camera and shes like DUH, haven’t you read this crap yet? So they cut to her and Kristen’s has to explain it
UC: nope- he’s too busy with his ka-rah-tay to have actually read the books
c
Follow the cut for threesomes, Rob running on the hampster wheel and the REAL story behind Eclipse

Dear Midnight Sun

Dear Midnight Sun,

I haven’t thought about you in awhile. I haven’t read you in awhile. It’s all the wondering about why Eclipse is having this supposed drama and what is taking Breaking Dawn so long to have any news that’s keeping me from remembering how you were my favorite 12 chapters of anything I’ve ever read. But today I saw a pretty cool video about what you might be like and I got thinking about you again.

I think the best part about you being completed would be that we’d probably get another movie with Buttcrack Santa in it. Not to mention lots of Cullen family interaction which is my absolute favorite (next to Buttcrack Santa). Maybe we’ll find out Alice calls Jasper her “Giddy-up Cowboy” or something. Would we have a ton of intimate scenes of Rob Edward in his bedroom, alone brooding, thinking, fantasizing….? (I’m talking something sexy here. Not like that jizz in his pants thing in biology class) Will we get a HUGE blooper real of Peter Facinelli and Rob Pattinson cracking up as Carlisle is slobbering all over Edward’s neck?

All I know is I want it BAD. Another chance to hear Buttcrack Santa sing his song about a kitty? Would we get to find out more about Cora the waitress at the diner? It would basically be like Twilight- but more centered around ROB and not in that depressingly blue gray color!? UNTOUCHED BY CATHI HARDI!?

Halle-freakin-lujah

(Will we be jealous when we see Edward with another girl like Tanya?)

Can you make the movie without Stephanie even finishing the book? We know how it ends!

Here’s hoping,
UnintendedChoice

Follow the jump for an important poll!