Open Weekend Post: Hosted by the Eclipse Cardboard Stand Ups

Dear Eclipse Merchandise/Marketing folks,

WTF happened here? Was someone asleep at the wheel? Let’s take a closer look?

First off the expression on his face. It’s a mix between “the one who smelt it, dealt it” and “eh, fuck it, let er rip.” Put that face in the NSYNC circa Pop Odyssey denim jacket with converse from the Target collection and you’re got a recipe from my dreams. Also pretty sure those are his personal black jeans. He doesn’t let anything but the best thrift store denim tough those thighs.

Next up…

Poor pooooor Jacob/Taylor. This is just an all around bad look. The poofy hair, the moobs (man boobs) showcased by a shirt that makes you look like you just ate the WHOLE Chipotle burrito during your lunch break and you’re really regretting it now. Worn with the haphazardly tied LUGGS and this cardboard cut out screams construction worker with his heart on his (non-existent) sleeve.

Who left the wind machine on between the America’s Next Top Model shoot and the Eclipse Promo photo shoot? And the poor girl was told “do the KISS ME” eye brow raise and ended up the recipient of some crazy photoshop shenanigans as her left eye is like 2 inches lower than the right. WTF happened there?

So if waking up in your darkened bedroom only to be greeted by a teenage construction worker who loves Carne Asada, America’s Next Top Model reject and the Fart-meister than these cardboard cut outs are for you. 33 bucks and the dream can be yours!

Happy Freakin’ Weekend!
Themoonisdown

Who’s buying one of these? I think the LTT/LTR headquarters needs the entire set so we can put them in compromising positions and feed the Jacob one tacos when we have writers block. Who’s with us?

Thanks Twifans for the tweet to tip me off!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

My Edward/Jacob Manllow – A secret affair

The Edward "Manllow"

Dear LTT-ers, Twihards and makers of Twilight Merchandise,

Of ALL the things on the internet that are Twilight related and have come out over the past couple years the one I’ve been sent to most BY FAR has to be the Manllow!! Yes, EVERYONE and their iguana sent me (and UC) the link to that pillow shaped like a man with Edward or Jacob’s face printed on it on it.

And I must apologize for not returning all those emails because, honestly… I already have my own Manllow* and I’ve just been TOO busy this week with him/it to be bothered to write any of you back. Sorry Mom, sorry bill collectors, sorry BFF’s from high school looking to reconnect, sorry 8374349 Facebook notifications, sorry Grandma and sorry organ donor society emailing to tell me my new heart is available, I can’t write you back. I have a Manllow and I’m not afraid to sleep with it!

So why have I been too busy to answer my emails because of a Manllow, you say? What have I been doing with the Manllow?

Don't look now Jacob, Edward Manllow and I are having a private moment

• Watching movies and the entire 2nd season of Six Feet Under with my Manllow is a no-brainer. He holds the remote AND me while I cry over David and Keith’s lost love and the craziness that is Brenda (seriously can she die yet?)

• He’s also a great day bed and hang out spot for my 10 cats! They love purring in his arms when I’m away for the day. Manllow is NEVER lonely for company

• When I want a night in I cook a special dinner of Lean Cuisines for the both of us and pop the top on some Boone’s Farm Blue Hawaii, light a few candles and have a special romantic night for two

Oh and FYI the Manllow isn’t just for your bedroom, you can take the Manllow into public with you… here’s what I’ve done with my Manllow outside of the bedroom this week

Ain't no thang just a Manllow threesome

• I live in LA so traffic is horrendous! Our lovely Dept of Transportation provides HOV lanes for vehicles with more than one person riding in them and they go way faster than regular lanes. SO to save time on my way to see New Moon for the 8 gajillionth time I stuck my Manllow in the passenger seat and zoomed off down the freeway in search of popcorn and Face Punches!

• My Manllow and I snuggled at the movie theater with the armrest UP! Making out WITH Edward/Jacob WHILE watching New Moon in the theater? You should try it sometime, I HIGHLY suggest it

• Went for a picnic with my Manllow. Griffith Park will never be the same now that I’ve reenacted the Meadow Scene with the Edward Manllow. He sparkled and we talked about forever. It was magical. Sorry UC.

• I take my Manllow shopping with me. I stick him in the front basket of the grocery buggy and he points out everything he wants. Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Check! Cuties? Check! Cookies & Cream Dreyers Yogurt? Check! Cat Food? Check! Ladies Dove Deodorant? Check! I mean…

• For dinner I took my Edward/Jacob Manllow to Fridays so I could get the 2 for Tuesdays. Two appetizers, two dinner entress and two desserts all for 22.22! What a steal that I couldn’t have gotten without my Manllow. We even saw Cathy Hardwicke in the bar and she sent over a mucho Cougarita “for Rob, call me.” How nice was that?!

Love me, love my Manllow

So can you blame me, people? The Manllow and I are in love and just like Lars and Bianca in Lars & the Real Girl- we’re taking our love public and we’re here to stay regardless of public perception that I am a crazy lunatic. My Manllow loves me just the way I am.

My Manllow kinda makes me think of the Kid Sister/My Buddy that I had as a kid… only WAY more adult. Ifyouknowwhatimsaying. So all week I’ve been signing the theme song… sing it with me friends:

My Manllow, my Manllow… my Manllow aaaannddd mmeeee!

XO
Themoonisdown

Who has a Manllow on back order? Do you think I’m legit and actually really have a Manllow? What would YOU do with your Manllow?

I’d tell you to get your OWN Manllow but they’re SOLD OUT!

*HALE NO I do NOT own an Edward/Jacob Manllow and I’m allergic to cats!*

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

I saw New Moon and I LOVED it….

I know many of you haven’t seen the movie yet. GO GO GO GOOOOOOOO what are you waiting for!? Of course you know I’m writing about it today, but don’t worry- I’ll warn you before there are spoilers

Did someone bring YOU a goodie bag with knock-off Ray bans inside?

Dear New Moon,

A story to sum up the night: After remaining in our seats until the last credit rolled, singing along to every word of “Meet me on the Equinox,” occasionally letting out a yelp, a squee or an expletive and holding hands with friends and strangers around us, our group of (just) 18 gals ventured into the concession area of the theater continuing with our yelps, squees and expletives along the way. As we gathered around for a group photo in front of the Eclipse poster we decided what that moment needed was a group hug. Hugs were passed around, more squees were heard and then it hit us- just a hug will not suffice. What we needed was a New Moon huddle. So we gathered together, we all put our arms in the middle and on the count of 3 we raised our hands in the air and yelled: JORTS!

It’s 3:46am and I could go on and on about the movie I just saw. But it’s 3:46am and I really want to go to sleep, so I’ll just share a few thoughts. The first being that it’s amazing. So if you haven’t seen it yet, forget the bad reviews, forget any preconceived notions you have based on the badly made last movie (Twilight) and just go. Lower your expectations. Clear your mind of anything you hope to see and just go enjoy the great portrayal of a really great book.

I have a confession, though.  With all that talk I shoved down your throats about managing expectations and ACCEPTING IT NOW that the movie very well may suck, I still hung on to a few expectations myself. Thankfully, Chris Weitz reads my mind (and therefore may now have access to my body) and BROUGHT it with New Moon. After the jump here are a few of my expectations that were met ABOVE and BEYOND! *Spoiler Alert* (see ending for *end of spoiler alert*)

My perfect New Moon premiere outfit – Contest

Dear New Moon cast members,

We are 34 days from the premiere of New Moon and to be honest I’m started to freak out a little bit.That’s 34 days till every Twihard descends on Los Angeles to hunt you like dogs in the street. Ok, maybe it won’t be that intense. 34 days till UC and I are reunited again. 34 days till I get to meet tons of our awesome readers turned pals! 34 days till we make out with Chris Weitz to how our gratitude. But mostly there’s only 34 days for me to pick out the perfect outfit to wear when I see New Moon. You can imagine how much I’ve been thinking about this. UC has already pulled her perfect outfit together so I’m under the gun and I need to find the hottest, sexiest outfit that will make Rob stop dead in his tracks.

So I got to thinking that I should probably wear something comfortable since I’ll have to be able to punch and kick easily and the outfit needs to be able to last several days out in the elements as I’ll be sleeping on the sidewalk in front of the theater next to a hobo. Because of these prerequisites I’ve decided I should role with a tshirt and here are the options I’ve found…

I’m just a werewolf… not a mummy or a zombie or even a cookie monster. Sorry to let you down

Follow the cut to see my NM outfit and to learn about our CONTEST!

Twilight cast member endorsements!

Dear Twilight Stars-

I’ve been thinking about you lately (shocking, I know) and I’ve thought about some ways you can parlay this popularity into cash money in your pockets! You’re seen daily with a variety of products and all without an endorsement deal! And it struck me, you guys need to be spokeswhores for your favorite products! Talk about making a little mad money on the side and all for doing what you normally do!

I’m sure you’re skeptical of attaching your name and likeness to any product so I’ve drafted up a couple proofs to show you the possibilities!

Now Wolves, you guys are a little less known that the main characters currently but together as a group you have more star power, so when I saw these pics…

Hot men in UGG-ly boots!

I knew you’d be the perfect spokesmen for UGG boots! Over the last few years the boots have gone from must have to must only wear at home but with you guys sporting them you can boost the demand for not only the women’s line but the mens! And you’re already doing it, all you have to do is walk around on set, flash a little chest, look whimsical and presto, instant spokeswhores!

I vant yo suck yo blood

I just saw these pictures of you in dracula/goth/vampire shiz for some MTV show and thought, wow you would be the perfect spokeswhore for America’s favorite psuedo parent scaring (except Moon Mom) store in the mall.  Goth kids everywhere would weep black smudged tears of relief to see someone who really “gets it.” Cure and Joy Division albums not included.

Follow the cut to see more Twilight spokesperson opportunities

New Moon T-shirts worth wearing

Dear New Moon t-shirt competition at CafePress,

Please accept the following t-shirt designs as entries into your contest to design the perfect New Moon T-shirt for Twi-hards to wear (or as I like to call us: ‘New Mooners”) I plan to spend my $250 Am/ex gift card at Hot Topic buying Robward v-neck T-shirts for all my guy friends in Jonas Brothers cover bands and the $100 CafePress gift card on Jacob Black thongs. I will give them out at women’s shelters in Georgia.

If that doesn’t prove I’m the biggest “New Mooner” around, I don’t know what does. I didn’t follow your instructions as I felt it limited my creativity, but I know you’ll be happy with what I’ve produced:

1. Wolfpack Pride

2. Never Forget

3. Something for everyone:

4.

5.

6. Made in the U.S.A.

7. What number are you?

8. Hot

9. Delusion on a t-shirt

Tell all those other suckers designers I’m sorry I’m so much better!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Yes. I am seriously going to enter this contest. Even though I didn’t follow the directions & I totally broke all their rules.  But which shirt should I enter? I can’t decide. They’re all so amazing cuz I’m so amazing at t-shirt design (ahem) How about YOU all decide:

Moon embarrasses herself AGAIN in the name of the blog on LTR (I think she’s gonna expect the same from me soon enough…. yikes… how will I embarrass myself in front of you all…..)

Discuss which t-shirt YOU would buy on The Forum

Don’t forget about the contest WE’RE having! *hint* We are getting a TON Of entries via email, but few via Twitter- we’re picking a winner from email AND twitter, so for a better chance, enter on the tweets!

Ask and ye shall receive! Answered Twilight Prayers

Dear Twilight,

We spend most of our time complaining about things related to you and praying that something will change and not enough talking about when things go right! Cause that happens about .5% of the time, but I digress. So I’d like to showcase some of our answered prayers!

Remember just the other day when I wrote a letter within a letter asking for an official Wolfpack Jorts picture?! Well ask and ye shall receive because not a day later we were graced with this…

Coming to a Gap near you!

Hallelujah! Someone up there (Summit) is reading LTT and watching out for me. Just look at those jorts, the beauty, the magesty! Though, to be honest, I was praying for a more shirtless JortsPack picture a less a ripped muscle tee picture that accentuates their manboobs. Their moobs, if you will. But for now I’ll print it out and add to my shrine of the Jortspack.

Follow the cut to see the rest of my answered Twilight prayers

Imma enter a Twilight contest

Dear country music lovers, Twilight fans, lovers of contests & closet rappers,

Who can forget the night of September 13, 2009 when we all crowded around our TVs in fear of what Rob would show up wearing, wondering if Ash would have a nip slip on the red carpet, pondering if Kristen’s hair could possible look any worse than at ComicCon and hoping that Taylor wouldn’t charm us so much that we really consider moving to Georgia? And then, our hearts skipped a couple beats as said underage boy in a man’s suit stepped on stage and this happened:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Congrats Kanye, you’ve again proved to be a douche.

But like everything in pop-culture, Kanye’s a-hole move quickly became a meme and provided us with countless LOLs as “KanyeGate” took over the radio, TV, news reports and interwebs.  It all came to a head when I discovered the Kanye Gate tumblr account, which, of course, had Twilight/Kanye mashups!

Seriously? Photoshopping a little Kanye image with Twilight-related stuff? That looks like SO much fun & RIGHT up my alley. So I gave it a shot (after the jump)

Holy jacked up New Moon poster, Batman

Dear New Moon movie poster designer,

I just saw the Edward/Bella version of the New Moon poster and I gotta say it’s kinda janky. So I gotta ask, was this a rush job? Gotta get something to print so Hot Topic and Walmart have shiz to sell to the tweens? That can really only be the answer because as you’ll see below I’ve broken down the poster from a designers perspective since I used to be one myself. Seriously, what’s with the size of Edward’s head, it’s like twice the size of Bella’s. I mean sure actors have big noggins but this looks either blown up way out of proportion to his body or you jacked this head from another picture and inserted it into this one because it worked better. Which is all fine and dandy but use the transform command a little more wisely next time and the rulers. You didn’t need to use a movie poster as your way of saying Rob/Edward has a huge ego! You could have left his fly down or something. Duh.

So since you may have copy and pasted a different head onto this body, why didn’t you just do the same with his hand? Cause as it stands he looks like he’s got “The Claw” happening, like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. That was a comedy, this is not. Well at least I hope I’m not laughing for all the wrong reasons on November 20th.

And then lastly can we talk about doing a little research? Cause by definition “New Moon” is actually the absence of a moon or rather the inability to see one and yet there it is. In the background like some cheesy clip art you pulled from Microsoft Publisher 1995 and threw a drop shadow on.

Wasn’t Taylor lockjaw and Bella’s slutty shirt and Eddie’s van enough the first time around? I’m looking forward to what you have up your sleeve for Eclipse. Maybe a 10 foot Werewolf dismembering a newborn?

Ok so did I nerd out enough on this one? Did I lose you with all the design nerdery and most importantly am I the only one who noticed that?

Happy Sunday!
Themoonisdown

A Twilight blogger in need of help

Dear LTT Fashionistas,

I need help. I have a really important event to go to, and I need to make a really good impression. It’s important that I be ‘set apart’ at this event and really show my unique “UC-ness.” I thought of a few things- I love cats so I could wear whiskers (scratchy). I love cupcakes and I could constantly eat one (fattening). Then it hit me. Duh. Twilight.

So here’s what I have picked out for my outfit so far:

The shirt

Custom made t-shirt from this pattern found here via the ever helpful Google images.

The Pants

Pattinson Pants lady won’t return my call (I think she’s mad that we won’t post her TomStu pants- we told her “We don’t run letterstostu.com, Pattinson Pants lady”…) so I’m improvising here, but I’m pretty happy with how my very own “Creepy pics of Rob Pattinson Pants” came out:

The Shoes

I’ve had  my eye on these bad boys ever since I posted them in the Twilight art gallery a few months ago.  What a perfect time to break them in!

The Bag

This is where you all come in. I need help. There are so many options and I don’t know what to do.  Let me know which of the following bags are your favorite to complete my outfit:

There are SO many good options and it’s SO hard to decide! HELP!

(Psst: here is the outfit so far…. You can see how it really needs one of those bags to complete the look!)

Good catch! I DID leave a little room to show off my belly. Sexy, huh?

Thanks for your help! I’m really gonna SHINE at this event!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

PS: Just in case: How to tell if someone is using sarcasm

Discuss my outfit on The Forum
Tell Rob how jealous you are of my hottness on LTR

To the bag lady and cover purses lady on Etsy. Thank you for the beautiful items of which I can make fun.

And Thank you, April, for finding the perfect bag options to go along with my outfit!