A Rebuttle: The Font wants to talk about the Leg Hitch and life and 93 Buicks

*Because we like to beat dead horses here at LTT and because the Font has a response to my letter from yesterday that you need to read and then hug someone after, here he is to talk about his take on The Leg Hitch*

Hey Twi-Fans.

How are you? Good? That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.

So what’s been going on since we last talked? Oh, did someone write gay fan fiction about you and a close friend? Did you get yelled at on Twitter about Michael Vick by someone who is now blurring the line between fan and friend? Did a pretty girl you were interested in refer to you as “that Twilight guy” in person? No, no, sorry. I’m getting your life confused with mine.

But listen. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to talk about Leg Hitch or whatever the fuck it’s called.

I cannot believe all of you women are getting this excited about dry sex. Seriously.

Yeah, sure, foreplay’s exciting NOW. Where were you when a generation of teenage males were locking themselves in their rooms eight times a day? If you would have asked a fourteen year old Font “hey buddy, what do you want to do all day?” I would have responded “dry sex and video games.” Maybe something about collectible card games if you caught me in the right month.

Now, I certainly was not unwillingly abstinent from dry sex for too long in my teenage years (thank you Cinco De Mayo pageant queens), and I harbor no grudges about teenagers being slow to give into their Font-related jean-on-jean urges. I get it. They were young and confused.

BUT. My point is this. When Moon explained what it actually was, I got confused, because that is like rank amateur shit. I was “leg hitching” in the back of my 1993 Buick Skylark before I was legal to drive it. It is not a complicated procedure. It is also not that uncommon.

It’s sort of like someone explaining to a pitcher what a curveball is. He’s almost going to get confused about what they’re talking about, because it’s so simple. What’s the big deal? Put your hand in the ‘C’ shape, twist and swing it over the corner of the plate. You’ve done it a thousand times before you got out of little league.

[Please appreciate how hard it was to not make a sex joke in the previous paragraph.]

All this to say! You are not really excited about Leg Hitching. You are excited about having a man desperately in love with you finally being willing to profess that love in a tangibly physical way. If there’s a takeaway for the legions of fourteen year old girls that I know read this blog daily: it’s that sex (even dry sex) matters.

None of the dudes you fall in love with is going to be as pretty as Edward, or have his literally rock hard abs. That is science. But they can love you the way that he does: not just cause you’re gonna give it up, or because he doesn’t like being alone, or because you’re a prop in the production that is his life.

And T&A is plentiful. There are always more nineteen year olds with tighter abs and thinner thighs, there’s always a new exciting girl with new noises and new things to say about how interesting your job/car/suit is.

But the SOUL, right? That stays. That’s eternal. You love a woman for something you can’t see, you’ll be there for awhile.

There’s an Edward out there for you. Some dude you’ll get excited about basic sex moves for. It’s worth separating the wheat from the chaff.

Yes, I actually wrote a post about the value of sex while using a vampire metaphor.

Until the next time someone says something dumb that upsets me,

The Font

Number one, let’s get mad at The Font for calling us 14 year old girls when clearly we don’t allow them here (although they occasionally sneak on. Hey little girl- Taylor Lautner probably likes boys now- you need to go on a Justin Bieber fan site.) Secondly, what do you think? Is The Font, gulp, right? Thirdly, do you like how I got carried away with all the motivational posters? Those are so addicting. Oh, and The Font thought of ALL of them!

Kinda think you might be crushin’ on “The Twilight Guy?” Read more from him

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Twilight and LTT become more than just a book and more than just a blog for Freya

*I hope you have some water proof mascara on and a hankie handy cause Freya write US  (that doesn’t happen very often!) a special letter on her one year anniversary*

awwww memories!

Dear Moon and UC:

It’s my one year anniversary commenting on LTT!  I finally came out of lurkdom on April 19, 2009, and commented on a post on Kellan.  I’d been hanging out on LTR and LTT for about a month, since the Twilight DVD came out, and I saw how cute Rob was when he talked on the commentary, and I proceeded to Google everything Twi-related.  Which, of course, led me to you.

I have to get a little Twintimental and Twilosophic here, which is not my normal way, but I have to say, Twilight and LTT have changed my life.  Literally.  I knew when I put my first comment out there that I was stepping into an established society of commenters.  I felt like it was already a clique as people commented back and forth all day long, not just talking about Twilight, but also about daily life.  I was worried, because I had never commented on a blog before. But Kellan was oiled up and dirty and reading Purpose-Driven Life and Moon referenced the Song of Solomon—I couldn’t help but ask Kellan to reenact passages from the Song of Solomon with me.  And low and behold, out of the 27 comments that day (can you believe it?  So few!), both VickyB and Moon responded back to me, laughing at my joke! (Moon, the first few times you or UC commented on anything I wrote, I fangirled a little.  I won’t lie.) I became a commenter in that moment.  Then the Forum came along, and I really started to interact with the lovely ladies of LTT.

Then came Twitter, and I was a goner.  I could Tweet all day long, look at pictures of Rob, and keep abreast of all the Twi news.  And in the course of that, I really got to know some people. I began to associate names and faces with the funny, witty comments.  I began to share more and more of myself.  And it rose above being just about those “vegetarian vampires” or Rob’s hotness, and instead became about the relationships that I was lucky enough to develop.

Who doesn't write their 1st novel in silver ink?

When I first read Twilight (and subsequently New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn in rapid succession), I had decided to be pragmatic.  I gave up on having a dream in life.  I didn’t have time for love, friendships, or my own creativity.  There was work, and blankly staring at the TV, and that was pretty much it.  I felt numb.  Then (as dumb as it may seem), I read Twilight, and fell a little bit in love with Edward.  And like an involuntary itch that you have to scratch, I found the need to write something.  In the course of three months, I wrote an entire novel.  I will never publish this novel, but it was an amazing experience, because I knew that I COULD write a whole book, if I wanted to.  That was empowering to me.  And I felt more alive than I had in a long time.  Then I began to get to know people (now that I wasn’t holed up with my novel every night), and I started to really want to be friends with people I was meeting, not just to talk about Twilight.

Some of my best friends now are people I met here, and I couldn’t be more grateful.  I’ve done a few meet-ups with some fantastic people—Brooke Lockart, Marta, Stage Manage This, It’s La Push Baby, Jordan the unicorn, and Krazy Kidd are people I’ve all been fortunate enough to meet in real life. I’ve got big vacation plans for this summer to meet up with even more fabulous people I’ve met here.

I could have never predicted, last year when I first hesitantly wrote my mini-letter to Kellan, how much I would need friends this year.  That I would need people who lived outside of my life, who could listen, sympathize, and laugh with me.  People to talk books and music and makeup with on any given day.  People who would give me a new perspective and enrich my life.  Letters to Twilight has given me people who seem hand-picked, just right for being my friends. They  have been the key to my sanity when my world seems insane, the refuge from all the things I can’t control right now.

So, to my LTT friends, thank you for being good friends.  For all the talks, the gifts, the encouragement, and the love, I thank you so much. My world would be bleak without your friendship.

Yea, thanks guys!

To the cast of Twilight, thank you for being so ridiculously good-looking.  Not to mention funny, bright and interesting enough for me to YouTube you, Google you, and find this place.

To Stephenie Meyer, thank you for listening to Bella and Edward and making them come to life in the pages of your books.  Without them, I wouldn’t have had the impetus to make some changes in my life and to reach out to these people.  You are to credit for creating this community in the first place.

To Moon and UC, thank you for being so incredibly funny and devoted and for becoming my friends, as well.  I know you never anticipated this being what it is now, and that it’s evolved almost organically.  But the fact is, without your willingness to slog through every day, whether you felt like it or not, this all would not be.  You’ve brought together hundreds of people.  You’ve spawned countless friendships.  You’ve given us a spot in your lives, and in turn, have received a spot in ours.  I love you ladies.

My love for Twilight may wane, my love for Rob cool to passing interest, but for the very real people here, I hope that our friendships last a very long time, indeed.

Love,
Freya

dangit Freya now my eye make ups all jacked up but I lurve you anyway! We’ve said it a billion times bit we’re glad we can be a place where friends meet and friendships are born. Twilight is just the catalyst for all this and we couldn’t be happier because of it. So have you made any friends through LTT/LTR or that Micheal Buble forum you’re apart of or the NKOTB fan club you were in back in the day? Tell me about i!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Appreciation for the supporting cast

We love the Twilight supporting cast- we really do. From Butcrack Santa to Tequila Tomas, and Big Daddy Lautner to Michael Oregano we can’t get enough of them. Even if they were killed off in the first movie, don’t really exist or aren’t really ‘cast’ members- they are in our hearts. We’re not alone in our love for the smaller parts of the Twilight cast:
secret
Dear Twilight,
secret
I would like to express my appreciation for your supporting characters who don’t get as much time in the limelight as the main cast:

Thank you for staring at me, my young friends...

Aro– Thanks for being a traditional vamp. You’re an intriguingly odd blend of hand wringing, “My Precious” coveting, Golum mixed with Paul Reubens from the Buffy movie. Your cat-playing-with-a-mouse demeanor just kills. I may have even dabbled a little in Team Aro on occasion (just briefly and ’cause I’m old). But alas, Aro, I don’t think you’d be on my team, ifyouknowwhatimsayin.


Jane’s Eyebrows- Above that fabulous smokey eye is a well groomed, but very prominently wide eyebrow. It’s comforting. It takes me back to my early childhood in the 80’s where eyebrows were encouraged to run wild. It was a simplier time for eyebrows, back then. Brooke Shield’s -before-she-was-peddling-Latisse caterpillers were “the Rachel” of the eyebrow world. True, we have Rob’s free range eyebrows, but they are an entity all to themselves. Jane’s eyebrows are a waxed, 2nd cousin to Robs. If Rob is Team Eyebrow’s pitcher, Jane is the teams first baseman.
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Anna Kendricks Boobs– Seriously, you could bake cookies on that rack and everyone appreciates a good boob. Daily, I am awash in a sea of clevage (Snow, are you a stripper? No. Are you a mammogram tech? No… I just live in the OC) and all I can say is Nice Tits. Go Team Boobs!
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Carlisle’s Scarf Collection– Carlisle, I’m jealous and I admire your appreciation of neckware. You’ve seen centuries of neckcessories come and go, from Ruffs, to Cravats, to Ascots, to Neckties, and now scarves. I bet you have some cashmere beauties tucked away. Caius likes scarves too. Were you two, like, scarf buddies back in the day? Team Scarf? (OK I just pictured the opening scarf scene from “Basic Instinct” and now I’m a little creeped out). Anyway, I’d love any of your cast offs. Mmmmm I bet they smell delicious.
Secret
Jacob’s Teary Wolf Eye– Oh how you made me howl with sadness and oh how I was Team Jacobed in that moment. The “Academy” should give a nod to The Eye. The Eye made me feel. The Eye can ACT. (OK, maybe I’m projecting here because my dog gives me the same sad eye, hang head, dejectedly skulks out of the room whenever he catches me putting on non-dog walking shoes. Guilt is powerful). Oh Sad Wolf Eye, how you break my heart.
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Ashley Greene’s Painted on Bikini Pictures– Many of us have that pesky 15 5 pounds to lose. I lost 4 lbs. following the What Would Ashley Eat diet. On “What Would Ashley Eat”, or W.W.A.E. for short, One simply asks herself when, say, choosing a salad dressing, would Ashley pick Bleu Cheese? HALE No. She’d probably use lemon juice and salt &pepper. Lemon is a great diet aide. You don’t get those fierce hollow cheeks without suckin some sour. For that 9 PM snack, when dinner just wasn’t quite enough, instead of reaching for crackers (would Ashley? No), grab some almonds and a big glass of tequilla organic fat free milk. I’m thinkin there is another component to this diet, like What Would Ashley Throw-up, but I’m not going to go there.
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Appreciating the supporting cast like a good bra,
snowwhitedrifted


Don’t forget Angela’s camera! And what about that kid who almost kills Bella with his car? And MRS. Cope! Poor flustered by 17-year-old Edward-Cullen, Mrs. Cope! What secondary “Characters” do YOU love!?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Wait, Renesmee is cool? She serves a purpose? Cam explains why

*Cam writes to Stephenie about the much debated vampire love child Renesemee and gives it to us from a mom perspective. An LTT mom perspective… settle in… This is also an excuse to post more creepy Renesmee fan images*

The fact that these exsist make my day!

Dear Stephenie,

I get it. I totally get it. Reneesme. See, I’m a mom, too. So I 100% get and support Reneesme.

I know most of the fandom can’t stand your rapidly aging, mind-reading, half – vamp baby and they really can’t stand her name, but I get why Reneesme had to happen and appreciate her part of the story.

You said on Oprah that your kids were terrible sleepers – that they didn’t sleep through the night until they were almost 2! Ouch. As any mother knows, those first few months of sleep deprivation (or in your case years!) will make you go crazy. Straight up question your sanity, make you feel like a zombie crazy. (No wonder you dreamed of vampires!) You’ve also said that to you, your Twilight world was a fantasy world where Bella did and experienced things you never would. So no wonder that when you took our beloved Twilight series to its ending, you would include a miracle half – human, half – vampire baby who embodies all of the things real babies aren’t. You wanted Bella to experience motherhood in a way none of us ever will – in idyllic (if slightly creepy and horrific) perfection. You made Bella the luckiest vampire in the world when you created Reneesme. Not only does she get the perfect man night after night for all of eternity, she gets the world’s perfect baby. Win – win.

So Stephenie, I’ve compiled a list of all the reasons Reneesme totally makes sense and all the fabulous qualities of a fantasy half – human, half – vampire baby and pregnancy.

  • Conception – On a private island with the world’s perfect man, with action so hot you break beds, plus all the eggs you can eat? Sign me up!


  • Pregnancy – Instead of 40 long weeks of your body slowly getting bigger and bigger and stretching every which way – you get it over with quickly. One month of rapid stretching and bone breaking. Um, wait…maybe this isn’t an advantage.


  • Birth – This sounds pretty horrible. I think both my husband and I would freak out if he had chewed our children out of me. I had to convince him just to cut the umbilical cord. But hey, any way you get a baby out is no walk in the park. Plus, ultimately this gets Bella what she wants – Edward. Maybe it is worth it.


  • The baby sleeps through the night immediately. Win!

Seriously, if you made this please raise your hand

  • You don’t have to nurse her. Yes, being able to nurse your children is a gift and a joy and a special bonding time. But it also ruins your boobs. And limits what you can do. I’m not one of those people to just whip out my boobs and nurse anywhere. Although UC’s boob off does sound interesting. Can there be a National Geographic prize for those TwiMoms among us?


  • No post baby weight to get off. In fact, post birth you look better than you did before. This is pure fantasy. After I had my babies, I was just glad my earrings hadn’t fallen out and I hadn’t sweated or cried all of my mascara off.


  • You wake up wearing a hot silk dress and stilettos, ready to spring into vampire action!


  • You have sex really quickly after you have the baby. Like all night every night while your baby sleeps happily in the next room. This is why there are TwiMoms. Because we know the reality — your sex life is totally different after kids – and right after you have the baby…um, not so much.


  • Jacob imprinting on her. You know, love, and trust the person who will take care of your child for the rest of her life. You know they have met their soul mate. Those are all dreams of moms for their children. We want nothing more than for our children to have life partners who will love, respect and take care of them. Sure, it’s a bit creepy that he used to be in love with Bella, but whatever. Minor detail.

The newest and my most favorite entry into the Renesmee fanart Hall of Shame

  • The name — Do I like the name you picked, Stephenie? Does it matter? Nope. My theory is if you birth it, you get to name it no questions or opinions from anyone else allowed. Is it a mouthful to say and spell?  Yes. But this is your baby, Steph, so if you like the name, then good for you.

You’re welcome, Stephenie. I know most people complain about Reneesme. I know she ruined the story for a lot of fans. But to me, she was the icing on the fantasy vampire life cake. And while there are some aspects of vampire mommy hood (Edward) that sound appealing, I think I prefer human mommy hood.

Just one request….could you help a sister out and finish Midnight Sun?

Completely and Irrevocably in Reneesme’s Defense,

Cam

Good call Cam… Maybe Stephenie just wanted to write about having the perfect little girl that she wouldn’t get to have as a human. And the boob thing, totes get that! But these manips? Don’t get these… What do you all think? What’s the real reason Stephenie decided to write Renesmee into the story?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Taylor Lautner: Friendless?

Dear UC & Moon,

Something has been bothering me lately (not really), I’ve spent countless hours pondering this… I feel that it is vital (pointless) to get a better understanding of Taylor. Now, he’s finally legal, having just celebrated his 18th, what did he do? I know Big Daddy Lautner would splurge on a birthday cake for his big boy, and sure there were hats and balloons but… and this is what bothers me… Were his friends there? Does he HAVE friends???

We have only ever seen him with his ex, Swifty (<3), the Disney chick who’s name I don’t care to remember and Big Daddy of course and countless other nameless faces (probably his management, and ALL ADULTS!) What normal 18 year old doesn’t have a group of friends? Friends his OWN AGE? I mean, Rob has his BritPack, Kstew has her fake lesbians but Tay??? Where’s his crew?

Guys, I need your help here… I need to rest easy knowing Tay has some guy friends and if not… I say we hold a friend audition! I vote no on Justin Bieber and anyone affliated with Disney (especially the JoBros). Any suggestions?

Resting uneasy,
Hepburn

Well Hepburn, what a FABULOUS idea. I’d be lying if I said Moon & I hadn’t had this concern ourselves. We’ve spent many a five minutes hour worrying about Taylor’s apparently lack of friends. Not that we think he’s complaining- with a father like Big Daddy, who needs friends? But for the sake of his fans & all those who are becoming more and more convinced of his homosexuality because of his never-ending slew of of female, Disney star friends/PR ploys, I think we need to get to the bottom of this.

First things first, I did a quick google search to see what Tay-Tay has been up to lately. It looks like he was recently spotted at a Lakers game. He HAD to go with friends, right!? RIGHT!? I snagged these photos from EclipseMovie.org for us to investigate:

Evidence #1

Wait- that’s not a minidress & a bra strap I see- that’s a MAN shoulder. And NOT Big Daddy’s! DO we have some proof!? Does Tay Tay have a FRIEND?

Evidence #2

It looks like Tay-Tay may have changed seats to get a better view of the basketball players the honeys (or else that WAS Big Daddy next to him in the first picture and he ran out for a second to stock up on the $79.95 Lakers-Bakers combo (Nachos with chili & bacon, four hot dogs, 2 64 oz Coca-Colas, caramel popcorn, a bucket of fries topped with chedder & crab and a fried twinkie for dessert. Oh, plus a side salad and a gatorade for Taylor)) Not sure who the new guy on Tay-Tay’s left is. Could it be another possibility for a friend?

Evidence #3

Is he looking at Kobe Bryant? Or the girls? Will we ever know?

Uh oh- this piece of evidence is supicious. No red-blooded 18 year old male would leave Taylor in front of cheerleaders who haven’t eaten in 3 weeks (except for the girl who gobbled up the crab-fry that Big Daddy dropped) ALONE. Is it true? Does Tay-Tay have no friends?

Evidence #4

It's called a what? And THAT's what Rob said he was allergic to?

Our final piece of evidence shows us Taylor, seeing the nether regions of a woman for the first time, next to a male. Is it a fan who wanted to ask what it was like NOT being a bear? Is it his manager (who is apparently gay) telling him horror stories about sex with women? Is it Big Daddy, who miraculously dropped 167 pounds after consuming the Lakers-Bakers Combo? I think we ALL know it’s NOT a friend. No 18 year old male has what looks to be the beginnings of a full beard. Unless he’s a hipster. And no hipster would wear a collared shirt. He’d be in an ironic Fish-O-Filet sponsored “Relay for the Heart 1994” T-shirt.

After seeing these pictures of Taylor out for a night of crab-fries and Kobe Bryant, I have to conclude…… that Taylor has no friends…

Find out what we’re going to do about this piece of news, after the jump! Continue reading

Summit- do you need help with Breaking Dawn?

Continuing on our Spring Break (aka Moon & UC do some boring, geeky bloggy business for a few days), CalliopeBlabs brings us Part I of an EPIC Breaking Dawn suggestion for Summit!

Dearest Summit,

Seems you’ve been having some trouble with this whole Breaking Dawn issue.  I mean, I get it… I read the book, I KNOW there’s a lot to work through. One movie or two? Where to split? Who to direct? How to get around those pesky child protection laws to make TayTay falling in love with a baby okay.

Not to mention all the bargaining I’m sure you’ve been doing with Rob and Kristen.  Did they convince you to allow for TomStu to come to Isle Esme with them?  You know they don’t like to leave him by himself for too long… he’s a clingy one that TomStu.   Also, I know you and Rob have been trying to convince Stewie that method is the best way to go where Renesmee is concerned… any luck?

Or perhaps you’ve taken my advice and are trying to get the Pitt-Jolie biological offspring to star as the Golden Child since they all look the same since we all know with parents like Jolie-Pitt they’d be impeccably appropriate employees. I mean, Angelina and Brad… all business all the time. expect for that time when they got busy on one of your movie sets… I mean seriously!?! What do you feed your employees? So yes, I GET what monumental issues you’ve been facing with Breaking Dawn.

But…

you know….

it’s already APRIL.

I’m starting to get a little nervous here.

So of course, like the overly imaginative person I am… and because, unlike you, I do have a soul, I’ve decided to help you guys out here.  I’ve created the perfect solution to the problems you obviously can’t get around. Let’s just use the Bella, Edward & Jacob dolls you so willingly created and marketed at an exorbitant price to the Twi-fandom to make Breaking Dawn.  It’ll be cheap… you won’t have to worry about CGI… and no one will act out on set.   Sure some fans might be pissed but they’ll get over it. Plus, they are just fans… what do you care!?!

Still unsure? Need a visual? No problem.  Let me show you how it’s done… the story of Breaking Dawn: cheap, drama free and without the speculation of whether or not Barbie and Ken are doing it (they are). Grab the popcorn, dim the lights… and enjoy. Because at this rate, it might be as good as we are gonna get.

BOOK 1: BELLA

Bella: (Grumbles) Fine random dudes… i’ll let you get some pictures of me and my fancy car.

Bella: (pouting) i wish Edward would have stayed the night instead of gallivanting with his brothers. At least purple’s still cool… even if I am about to get married. I mean nothing says ready for the altar like purple sheets. At least, that’s what my YM magazine says.

Renee: you’re getting married… and you aren’t even knocked up!

Bella: (nervously) Dad, I think I’m going to puke.

Charlie: (loudly) You little LIAR! I knew it… you are knocked up! Where is that punk. I’m gonna kill him.

Charlie: why are you even here?

Bella: I DO

Priest: It’s not time for that yet dear

Bella: I DO

Edward: love, still not time for that

Bella: I DO.

Edward: I DO.

Bella: (relived and horny) YAYYYY we are married!

Find out what happens after the jump! Continue reading

How about some Twilight deductions on this years Taxes?

NOOOOOO!!!!

Dear Twilight,

It’s tax season!  I look forward to filing my taxes, because I usually get a bunch of money back since I don’t make all that much to begin with.  It’s like getting a huge bonus, even though technically it was my money all along and the government just held on to it and I didn’t even get the measly 2% savings account interest on it.  Whatever.  Not like I was going to actually save any of it anyway—most likely it would go towards buying a “Wolf Girl” candle or a backup set of New Moon trading cards.  But this year, once all the shoutin’ was done, I actually owed the IRS $105.

It turns out that I made more money in 2009 than I have ever made.  Seriously?  Because it didn’t feel like it.  How many times did I eat Ramen noodles for lunch because I had $17 to last me until payday?  I was living like Rob, wearing generic underpants and drinking cheap beer.  It seems inconceivable that I made the same amount of money as I did in 2008, much less more.  I hit the spreadsheets in search of the discrepancy, the anomaly that had left me cash poor in 2009.

Hmmm... what's different here... (click to enlarge)

My findings:

Do you see what happened there?  In 2009 I spent fully 10% of my income on Twilight and Twilight related stuff, including but not limited to:  books, action figures, bumper stickers, movie tickets, posters, lunchboxes, partyware, DVDs, magazines, tickets and travel to Brit Pack shows, and iPhone apps.  THIS WAS MORE THAN I SPENT ON CHILD CARE.  But, if I’ve learned anything from LTT, That’s Normal.

This is where you come in, Twilight.  Do you think for 2010 you could help me out?  Kind of like a Twilight bailout?

Some ideas–feel free to pick and choose:

It's true

  • It seems like you have more “exclusive” versions each time you release a DVD, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to afford the Eclipse Home Depot Special Edition that comes with an actual piece of torn wolfpack jorts.  If you put all the different DVDs in one giant box set and sell them at a 10% discount, that would be swell.
  • Disney did a promo where people volunteer a day of service for theme park tickets.  Perhaps I could donate to a relevant charity–heaven knows the Summit wig department could use some funds–in exchange for free tickets to see Eclipse.
  • Plan more events in the Virginia area.  Cross-country trips are expensive for me, what with the hotels and plane fare and tequila anti-anxiety meds I have to take just to be able to fly.  Overnight layovers for Rob at RIC would qualify as “events”, as long as you cc me on the itinerary.
  • Issue a Twilight Rewards VISA, so that at least while I’m constructing an overwhelming mountain of debt I can earn free T-shirts from Hot Topic and discounted autographs from TwiCon.

Obviously, I’m going to tithe to Twilight one way or another, but it would be nice if you acknowledged my contributions to your tremendous money pile by giving me a break or two.  It’s the least you could do for a working girl like me.

Love,
Tiffanized

P.S. You should also anticipate a letter from my boss about my lost work hours from 2009.  Just a heads up.

What else should be in the Twilight Bailout? Any deductions the government should talk into account for Twilight fans?

We heard from LTT reader Krystal about an Water for Elephants reading group starting THIS SATURDAY: Check it out

Don’t forget to check out The LTT Biggest Loser on The Forum

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter