Life after Breaking Dawn- A Contemplation

It’s UC, posting from the past (seriously, I’m drafting this like 2 years in advance) because I’m still on my romantic vacation with my husband having the BEST time of my life drinking the BEST drinks in creation (please don’t rain in Mexico, please don’t rain in Mexico). Today we have a great letter about life AFTER Breaking Dawn. Dream with us (or be horrified), won’t you?

Dear Stephenie,

Have you ever stopped to think about what life will be like a few years or so down the road for everyone with the way you ended Breaking Dawn? If not you should and I think you should consider about writing about it (AFTER you finish and publish Midnight Sun of course).

First you should probably know a couple things about me. I loved Breaking Dawn with all it’s flaws, even the ones that infuriated me (case in point: Edward delaying sex AGAIN after Bella’s a vamp on her first hunt. I yelled at the book/Edward. He finally can have worry free sexy time and he doesn’t take the opportunity? He has been a 17 year old for like 90 years, you KNOW he wants to get some. But no, he stops Bella by mentioning the kid. Seriously!? …but I digress…). Where was I? Oh yes things you should know about me. I’m an idealist and hopeless romantic, so as a result I have a weakness for getting a happy ending (twss). I like details. And another thing is I always want more. My mind constantly wonders, “then what?” I want the story to go on not wanting it to end. So I’ve thought several times since I’d first read Breaking Dawn “what would happen?”

Will the Volturi go after and kill Joham for his experimenting and creating those half-vamps? Will the Volturi stop there, or will they kill Nahuel the guy who saved them all from a bloodbath and his sisters? What will the Cullens do when they find out about it? Will they step in and go ninja on the Volturi’s asses and be the new Volturi family and everyone will live in fear of the Cullen’s wrath instead? Will all vampires for the rest of eternity say “you don’t provoke the Cullens unless you want to die”? Or will the Volturi do a sneak attack on the Cullens and try to take out Renesmee first?

Yes all of these things and much more have run through my mind. But the most nagging questions for me have been surrounding the four most central characters at the end of the story: Edward, Bella, Jacob, Renesmee… and sex. (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I’m a very sexually minded creature).

Find out what this idealist, sexually-minded creature comes up with for “Life after Breaking Dawn” after the jump!

Renesm--- Wait, Taylor? Is that you?

Anyway.

Think about it the scenario you’ve set up here. EDWARD CAN READ MINDS. Sure through the whole story that’s been it’s own cool thing (I wonder how many times through the last 90 years he had private ‘happy time’ listening to people’s thoughts while going at it. Free porn no one ever knows about! Again, I digress.). But think about a FATHER being able to hear the thoughts of his daughter and of her lover (lets face it , eventually it’ll happen). After a few years, Edward is going to be no longer impressed with Jacob’s thoughts. Or Renesmee’s for that matter. And it’s going to be all kinds of awkwardness. Renesmee is going to start looking all womanly after like three or four years old or something. Jacob is a guy, he’s GOING to notice and think about it.

I can see it now:

Wow Nessie’s looking good. She got stacked last night. Jacob thinks and his thoughts turn very unclean. Edward hearing this hisses at Jacob, picks him up and literally throws him out of the Cullen’s house.

Or what about after Jacob and Renesmee’s first kiss?

Mmmm, who would have known mother and daughters kissed so much alike? Bella did that exact same thing with her tongue as Nessie does… Jacobs thoughts circle.
–graphically detailed mental flashes of each kiss flipped back and forth comparing how satisfying both were– Run through Jacob’s mind.
Edward snarls and turns to lunge at Jacob but Bella stops him long enough for Jacob to run out of the house.

Maybe Bella decides to intervene and tries to shield Jacob and Renesmee’s thoughts as often as possible after she’s all adult-looking (even though she’s really only five years old… but that’s okay with Jacob because “age is just a number babe”) to keep sanity but slips during a crucial moment:

Renesmee walks by Jacob with a big satisfied smirk on her face and reaches over to touch Jacob’s face to ‘tell’ him something.
-Vivid, detailed recall of the night before, suggesting they go off to go at it again- Renesmee’s thoughts fill Jacob’s mind as she eyes him suggestively.
Just then Edward, unaware of that, leans in to kiss Bella across the room breaking her concentration on her shield on her wolf friend and daughter.
Holy crap! Jacob thinks panting with lust as the images Renesmee provided swirl with his own dirty, naughty thoughts. Ready as any teenage boy is, jumps at the chance immediately to go off somewhere alone with her.
In the same moment Edward lunges at his throat.
Its about that time that Bella decides either she and Edward, or Renesmee and Jacob need to go off on their own for awhile. Immediately. Before Edward kills Jacob.

I also wondered what Jacob and Renesmee’s coitus would be like. I wasn’t sure if Jacob would get all pissy and frustrated because of her ‘talent.’ Guys can get all defensive about their bedroom skills:

“God Nessie! Do I ever do anything right?” Jacob complains after Renesme tells him through her extra powers she wants him to pin her against a wall. “I kiss you and you want me to use less tongue. Then the next time it’s more tongue. I get on top, and you want me to be on bottom, or I’m on bottom and you tell me you want me to pin you to the wall. I kiss your neck and you want me to bite you. By-the-way I’m really sick and tired of you biting me all the time. It so does not turn me on.”

But then I though, no. Jacob imprinted on Renesme. It’ll all be about her. It will all turn him on and make him hot even they develop a fetish of biting eachother. Or if she asks for really weird shit like to try it while Jacob’s in wolf form. (Ew, I know but some people have some pretty freaky bedroom habits, and I’m just saying it could happen.)

But I thought maybe you’d be able to make the Team Jacob fans happy with some really steamy love scenes between the two of them. I would guess those scenes would be something loosely similar to a steemy, goth version of the bedroom scene in “What Women Want” with Mel Gibson. You know, crank up the heat, add some funiture being wrecked and input a werewolf and half-vampire in the place of the two humans. Just make sure you don’t fade to black so you don’t leave the Team Jacob fans blue-balled… wait I heard you’re one of them so I guess that didn’t need mentioning. (Or does the Team Jacob thing not work with Renesmee? Do the Team Jacob people only want to see him with Bella? Or do you not care, that as long as you get some good hot stuff about Jacob you’re cool?)

Screw Edward. Women want this

And what about Bella and Edward. Bella can push her shield away, she could turn up the heat on their love life by sharing her thoughts with Edward now too… another twist to a goth version of “What Women Want” bedroom scene. And one I really would like to read given I’m a Team Edward gal. Will they finally get a decent sex life? Or will Bella forever be trying to coheresc Edward into sex? Will he always be infuriatingly un-sex-crazed?:

Bella, excitedly retreats to the huge cottage closet with a very large box in her hands.
“I’ll be out in just a second Edward. Trust me it will be worth it…” she calls.
It finally arrived! she thinks excitedly. Bella slips on one of the black, lacy nighties the box is overflowing with. The exact same one that broke Edward’s willpower on the Island. She’s sure that it will work on him again. She checks herself in the full-length mirror before exiting the closet, proud of herself for getting Alice to buy her an entire case-full of that nighty so when its shred to pieces she’ll have another, and another.
“Oh Edward,” she purrs as she steps out of the closet.
Edward growls.
“Mmmm, yes!” Bella exclaims believing it worked and Edwards growl was one of passion. Just as she goes to lunge at him, Edward yells.
“I’m going to kill him! I am going to hunt him down and kill him this second!!”
Bella stops confused. Did the designer screw up the nightie? She looks down to check.
“Do you know what that dog is doing to our daughter right now?!?!” Edward roars enraged.
Edward storms out of the bedroom. Bella groans and sits on the floor deflated denied sex yet again.

Tell me it won’t be like that! Tell me Edward and Bella will bust up a few houses, thin a few forests, and make the rest of the Cullens ill with their incessent need to get busy. And give me the details you held back in Breaking Dawn so I don’t have to suffice myself with writing my own (I discovered I wrote FF without knowing that’s what I did until I cashed in my FF V-card the other week. I didn’t know what I’d written was what FF was until I read someone elses and realized “wait a second!”. I’d decided if you weren’t going to fill in the details on the island I’d do it myself, I just never shared it like others so graciously have). But maybe I’ll talk about that in another letter…

Anyway I just wanted to give you a few things for you to consider (and avoid) if you do stop to think about their lives years later as Nessie becomes a five-year-old adult. And maybe I gave you some inspiration and we’ll see a book some day called: A Million Moons (or some title having something to do with night or suns or moons) that tells us about the Cullen’s (and wolves) lives a few years down the road.

Love,

JacobEdwardsWife

Thank you Stephenie for giving us material to joke about endlessly for YEARS to come!

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