Yes, I’m writing you about the Eclipse trailer that premiered on Oprah on Friday. Since you’re outta the country without a lifeline internet connection, I am by myself! Who am I supposed to talk to about the trailer? I feel like I’m all alone! Ok, maybe not we have a billion friends and blog readers, but still it’s just not the same! I feel like I’m cheating. I keep looking over my shoulder because I think you’re gonna walk in and catch me breaking it down with someone else. Well, I did and it was goooood. It wasn’t you and me but it was gooooood. And so is the trailer. There’s lots to discuss. The ring, The Riley, The Circle of Life… LET’S DO THIS!!!!
Moon: Brookie, we need to break down this trailer PRONTO! UC has gone south of the border, Calli is drunker than Cathi Hardwicke at TGIFriday’s all you can drink Cinco De Mayo celebration and The Font won’t answer my calls. It’s just you and me girl. You, me and some questionable hairlines.
Brooke: lemme watch again I love how the trailer starts off with Bella wearing a hoodie like it isn’t already the 800 pound gorilla in the room let’s hide the hideous wig under a hoodie. NO ONE will notice
Moon: HAHAHAHAAH exactly its so obvious they tightened the shot to keep her hairline out of like 3/4ths of the shots in the trailer. COME ON!
Brooke: I also don’t get who in the make up department has it out for rob
Dude, tell me before she shows up... do I look like Caspar?
Brooke: he’s a funking gorgeous guy and yet he looks closer to Ronald McDonald than Edward Cullen
Moon: some poor girl who thought he turned her down during the filming of twilight and it just turns out he was so embarrassed he was mumbling
Brooke: hahaha, he probably proposed and she took it seriously she probably breaks make up brushes every time she has to do K’s makeup
Moon: Wouldn’t you?
Follow the cut to feast on some Riley, talk about Ronald McDonald and Raves
Brooke: Riley is FIIIIINE
Brooke: see proof that someone hates rob Riley doesn’t not look like a fast food clown
Moon: he can enunciate clearly when the make up artist asked him out and he said YES and he paid! he KNOWS!
Brooke: yes! enunciation is key to non-pancake make up and not being awkward and asking your makeup artist to marry you and then forget you said it an hour later
Moon: or buying underwear with your male bff but ya know whatever
Brooke: please go look at 41 seconds in. first – YAY graduation party
Moon: the party and the hairline
Brooke: second – the hair! OMG. SOOO BAD.
Moon: its like a rave
Brooke: yes, when rolling you don’t worry about your hair it’s all about the beat and things feeling good
Moon: and alice is saying the wig police are crashing the party to haul her in for crimes against normal hairlines
Brooke: the large jean shirt? is hiding her rave outfit Ah hem, alice is one to talk… I saw the bump-it wig
Moon: the choker! she added a candy necklace and pacifier for the rave
Guys does this hair make me look like a fast food clown?
Moon: and then next is car lisle who just continues on the bad wig train the only people NOT touched by bad hair is rob, taylor and xaiver
Moon: nice boobs, but its so a comb back
Brooke: yes, sigh… okay back to the matter at hand.. bad bad bad wigs I don’t know what it is, but Jacob seems younger than NM Maybe because the make up makes everyone else seem older and the bad wig she seems out of place
Moon: sorry my ramen was ready. (single girls HOLLLAAA!!)
Brooke: OOOOH Rob’s hair at 50 seconds in! droopy! where’s the bouffant?!?
OMG, this is how I look in these movies? WTF?
Moon: he looks CRAZY at 50 seconds like a pissed off history teacher or maybe he realized the make up artists hates him he saw a mirror
Brooke: yes! caught his reflection… only explanation to be that pissed no one knew why though cause he mumbled
Moon: he’s like AHHH SHIT i said something wrong its like his ruddy/blushed cheeks in Goblet of Fire
it’s cause he didnt bring coffee to the make up artists in the morning like she asked. SCREWED!
Brooke: I bet the cast heard Rob say at this moment, ” mumble mumble mumble LIT-RALLY mumble mumble” i’d cutabitch for not bringing my coffee either
Moon: its like the makeup dept version of using a sharpie on a drunk person they just really over exaggerate one feature and make you look like a freak
*insert Jaws music here*
Brooke: what’s up with the Neo-nazi vamp army?
Moon: DUDE at least they bathe though can we agree on that?
Brooke: so freaking true
Moon: and the “ring wraiths” music as they get out is a creep sandwich. so you think the smell of the body wash they use in the lake is Mountain Fresh scent? or Old Spice?
Moon: look over here, we’re vampires. now over here we’re werewolves. Look down, where are you? In a forest? Now back up we’re at La Push. What’s in your hand? It’s a dream catcher! Back at me it’s an ugly engagement ring, look again the ring is now a motorcycle. Anything is possible when you live in Forks, Washington!
Brooke: OMG, ba! that would be awesome. I will pay you a whole dollar to create that did you notice the guy next to hot Riley when they come out of the water? i want to know him a little better he’s beefy
Ready, set.... HIKE!!
Moon: oh lemme rewind he must’ve played for the forks high school football team he’s defs defensive line material they thought he got drunk and ran away after a crazy High school party. Poor Brett the football player!
Brooke: oh man, I do not need any more reason for Chris Hansen to look Moon up.
Moon: actually victoria showed up and convinced Brett (the football player) to make out in the pool house and he’s a baby vamp now
Brooke: and a reminder to those out there that Taylor is STILL underage in this trailer. wait, forks people have pool houses? I missed this on the tour
Moon: hahahaha well ya know he was a rich kid maybe he bused in from port angeles?
Brooke: oh sad Forks High
It's the circle of LIIIIFEEEE and it moves us all!
Moon: 1:07 WTF is in the middle of the field??a big dumpster?
Brooke: hold on… looking
Moon: a trash heap?
Brooke: not a trash heap…it’s like pride rock from the lion king this would be a great scene for a musical number Alice flipping over the wolf is pretty badass
Moon: carlise runs up there and holds up rensemee after shes born while edward and bella stand in the back looking proud
Brooke: YES! the circle of life… everyone bows the forest animals actual come out and bow
Moon: and little renesmee wiggles around. dang thats alice??
Brooke: yes, I’m pretty sure… will watch again yes, I believe it is alice… good for her. that’s so hard work flying over that imaginary wolf
Moon: and can we talk about jasper FINALLY looks more decent
Brooke: his “hair” actually moves in the wind. upgrade!
THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!!! I mean uh... down with you mean vamps
Moon: he doesnt look like a weekend civil war re-enactor anymore
Brooke: he brought the coffee in the morning to the make up ladies. smart man
Moon: amen we all know Jackson has the good stuff maybe he brought some edibles w/ the coffee
Brooke: Heh…well he supplies the rave later
Brooke: dude, did you skip the ring?
Moon: HOT hahaha WE DID
Brooke: you just went and ignored it
Moon: damn we’ll go back no maybe its at the end i have blocked the ring its THAT awful
Brooke: you just totally ignored all 2 seconds of that god awful hideous SM has bad taste ring
it’s at 1:13 so you can get a good look there’s actually a lot in that shot… you see the crescent scar, the charm bracelet that jake gives her (but the charms are out of the shot) and the “vintage” ring
I pledge my undying love to you with this cracker jack prize
Moon: oh lemme go back. good lord its like HUGE costume jewelry your grandma wears YUCK edwards got better taste than that or at least alice does
Brooke: but SM doesn’t, sadly
Wait a second Bella, I'm a teenage boy!
Brooke: and tell me it doesn’t look like Taycob is rubbing one out (it’s 1:15/1:16)
Moon: I GOT IT!ok 115 he’s PISSED he looks like HULK SMASH TAYCOB ANGRY TAYCOB SMASH
Brooke: yes, in motion it looks like that but still frame… he’s a man on a mission btw bahahah TAYCOB FIGHT FOR BELLA
Moon: and then his pants rip off it all makes sense now
: you are so right
You just can't... I can't don't ever le- you kiss-kiss-kissed me, wait I I I I kissed you! DONT ever let me do that again! You can- uh a i
Moon: what so we wanna bet 118-121 is from THE KISS between Jasob and Bella or her telling him off
Brooke: ooh, you are right cause it’s snowy out so that’s him saying that he doesn’t have anything to live for
Moon: it HAS to be and shes all out of breath
Brooke: and she’s shivering Dick Move JAKE
Moon: and another bad hairline
Brooke: bad hairline and his hair is a bit Poofy
: the snow at 124ish looks SOOO fake if its so cold outside why in the HALE is she wearing a little flannel?
I thought things were supposed to get smaller in the cold?
Brooke: 124 also has a nice shot of K’s nostrils RIGHT, where’s her coat?
Moon: were edward and jacob too busy having a pissing contest to worry about weather conditions?
: and did they really not have time to run down the outfitters and pick up some thermals?
NO not my hair! Grab it before it gets away!
Brooke: 131, is that Carlisle in the bad blond wig being thrown? I’m so confused
Moon: yes the wig flew off his head it couldnt be attached to him any longer it had to fly free after all it’s like the old saying: “if you let it go and it comes back to you then it was meant to be.” he’s testing the wig
: you are a wise sage words to live by also kinda what Edwards does with Bella… in Eclipse… he lets her have some 108 degree make out sessions with the wolf boy and she comes back.
: It’s Edward. It was never a competition.
So UC, what do you think? I gotta say at the end I forgot who Bella, Edward and Jacob even were. WHERE are they? Will there be another trailer that actually touches on the love triangle that this book is based on? Don’t get me wrong I love the action and the Riley and the fighting but where the crap was the Holy Trinity besides rubbing it out or looking pissed off? Time shall tell…
COME BACK UC!
A huge thanks to Brooke for filling in with the hilarity while UC is off relaxing and maxing!
So your thoughts? What stuck out to you? The hair? The action? Taylor gettin’ busy in the garage? Let’s share shall we?!
Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter
*A Reminder: UC is off in Mexico for the week so it’s just me, Moon at the wheel. Comment mods/email/tweets may be slower than normal because I’m a single parent blogger this week, but don’t worried I will see it/read it/tweet it/moderate it. Patience is a virtue!*
Filed under: Twilight, Bella, Video, Edward, Jacob, Alice, Eclipse, jasper, Carlisle, jackson rathbone's hair, breaking it down vanity fair style, Riley Tagged: | Bella, jasper, hair, Alice, Edward, Taylor Lautner, vampires, Jacob, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Jackson Rathbone, Eclipse, party, wigs, trailer, summit, make up, Riley, Xavier Samuel, werewolves, premiere, Circle of Life, Lion King, newborns, Oprah, rave, Incredible Hulk, Old Spice, man commercial, ring, engaement