Open Weekend Post: Hosted by the Eclipse Cardboard Stand Ups

Dear Eclipse Merchandise/Marketing folks,

WTF happened here? Was someone asleep at the wheel? Let’s take a closer look?

First off the expression on his face. It’s a mix between “the one who smelt it, dealt it” and “eh, fuck it, let er rip.” Put that face in the NSYNC circa Pop Odyssey denim jacket with converse from the Target collection and you’re got a recipe from my dreams. Also pretty sure those are his personal black jeans. He doesn’t let anything but the best thrift store denim tough those thighs.

Next up…

Poor pooooor Jacob/Taylor. This is just an all around bad look. The poofy hair, the moobs (man boobs) showcased by a shirt that makes you look like you just ate the WHOLE Chipotle burrito during your lunch break and you’re really regretting it now. Worn with the haphazardly tied LUGGS and this cardboard cut out screams construction worker with his heart on his (non-existent) sleeve.

Who left the wind machine on between the America’s Next Top Model shoot and the Eclipse Promo photo shoot? And the poor girl was told “do the KISS ME” eye brow raise and ended up the recipient of some crazy photoshop shenanigans as her left eye is like 2 inches lower than the right. WTF happened there?

So if waking up in your darkened bedroom only to be greeted by a teenage construction worker who loves Carne Asada, America’s Next Top Model reject and the Fart-meister than these cardboard cut outs are for you. 33 bucks and the dream can be yours!

Happy Freakin’ Weekend!

Who’s buying one of these? I think the LTT/LTR headquarters needs the entire set so we can put them in compromising positions and feed the Jacob one tacos when we have writers block. Who’s with us?

Thanks Twifans for the tweet to tip me off!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

69 Responses

  1. The Edward one reminds me of a Walmart photoshoot.. just me?

  2. Es Horible! WTF happend to Edward’s face? Hvae a nice weekend and i will eat carne hasada mjammie!

  3. I will never understand Summits photoshop skills (or lack thereof)… Why photoshop at all? They all gorgeous naturally…

    Have a great weekend guys!

  4. The ones from New Moon are on sale at FYE now! Walked past there yesterday in the train station…$24.99 for your own tweed Ed!

    P.S.- I have an embarrassing photo of my sister posing with a Jacob cutout….should I share it?? 🙂

  5. is it just me or does kristen’s pose make her legs look chunkier than they are? girlfrann has super skinny awesome legs (i may or may not be jealous) but the cutout makes her look just kind of thick.

    and that jacket, of rob/edward’s … just no. haha.

  6. I won’t complain about Edward’s shoes. Remember the brown dress shoes with the black pants during the parking lot scene in New MOon? And then again with the grey bday suit? uggh *cringes* horrible..I’ll take this converse wearing Edward over that one any given day. Btw, Edward wearing converse sounds like…Fanfiction!
    I thought Jacob’s look was intended to be more manly with his manly boots and jeans. And Bella’s photoshopped hair looks decent.
    One thing that bothers me is their expressions in this cardboard cutouts. Oh well..Happy Weekend everyone. Even though here in Dhaka weekend starts from Friday… and ends today 🙂

    Btw thoughts on the Eclipse trailer? I’m guessing UC and Moon will do the post on that on Monday? Can’t wait for that…I know you guys will be hilarious….

  7. I miss the Twilight bouffant.

  8. Is it just me, or do Edwards eyes look red, not gold when you blow iy up? That’d be a HUGE fail.

  9. Ok, not totally red, but def. not gold. More orange.

  10. And I’m thinking, “she’s wearing Keds?” Did I miss the memo?

  11. Rob reeks of JC Chasez circa 2000.

  12. Ugh too horrible for words! Bella is looking sulkier than usual… never thought that was possible! C’mon girl you got Eddie and Jake fighting over you, smile a bit!!! Jacob, well best of the three I would say but what is with those boots? Edward just looks plain creepy, is he meant to have cramp or something? Wouldn’t want to bump into him in a dark alley looking like that… which is something I never thought I would hear myself say!

  13. Ah, Summit… you’re trying too hard.

    Bella looks awesome – well, besides the keds and the hair. A little too much wind.

    Jake still looks UNF (I’m a hopeless Jake-hard… um, err fan.) But the jeans are too baggy and what the EFF is with those boots! He just needs the yellow hardhat.

    Ed is looking kinda scrawny to me. The denim jacket is okay, but too small. The black jeans are good, the shoes are eh. Everyone’s right, the eyes are FAIL. And the look on his face… looks like a soap opera expression.

    • I think the wind is trying to hide her awful wig. It almost looks like real hair there.

      What is it with Summit and bad wigs? I mean, you would think they could buy some decent wigs or spring for some extensions.

      Did anyone notice in the Eclipse trailer how Carlisle’s hair is even bigger and fluffier than in New Moon? With each movie his hair height grows two inches.

      And Jasper’s hair….I mean, really.

      • For serious on Carlisle. Watching the new trailer, I was so scared of his hair…as though it were going to attack. It was reminiscent of America’s Next Top Model hair dresses episode last week.

    • Why is everyone wearing denim jackets? The entire Cullen clan is decked out in them in the trailer and stills. What is going on with the styling department? I guess a jean jacket is cool here and there, but everyone all the time? I dont get it…. And Jake, that just awful, I dont even know where to start

  14. Laughable all around. Those black “jeans” look like satin seduce me pants that Deuce Bigalow would sport. Give Jake/Taylor a sweatband and he could be an offical member of Menudo. And KStew/Bella looks like a hideous oil painting you’d see in your Great, Great Aunt’s mansion that’s eyes follow you no matter where you walk. And what’s happening with the bunching at her crotch, are the pants too tight? Not tight enough? Why is she wearing shoes Olivia Newton John sported in Grease? This is A LOT OF LOOK!

  15. The Edward one kind of looks like Jason Priestly.

  16. “showcased by a shirt that makes you look like you just ate the WHOLE Chipotle burrito during your lunch break and you’re really regretting it now.”–Bahahaaha!
    God if I wasn’t Team Edward before, I surely would be now, just from looking at construction worker Jake.

    So wtf? –Edward’s traded his pea coat and gramps’ tweed jacket for a ..jean jacket? Jean jacket? Dude. Why even cover up that delicious goodness that is the Robward v neck up anyway???
    Waaahhhh! Bring back the pea coat back, damn it! ..Along with the perfectly coiffed bouffant… and while we’re at it… the SILVER Volvo 😉

    • What’ s wrong with a jean jacket? He’s wearing it since the 50’s, he really likes it.
      Plus jeans is in again and we know how fashion forward the Cullens are.

    • Seeing these have made me run back to the fence – and stay there. Both Edward and Jake are freaking me out. Which is worse… “let ‘er rip Edward” or “Village People Jake”??? I can’t decide.

  17. Wait …. there’s an LTT/LTR HQ?

    I want to go to there.

    • Yeah, wasn’t that where Rob’s Details photoshoot took place? With nudie Moon & UC posturing rudely about the place?

  18. This is the funniest thing I read today! Seriously Edward’s face is a mix between “the one who smelt it, dealt it” and “eh, fuck it, let er rip”. Now I can’t stop laughing, lol xD

  19. Good grief, they are toes obviously the promos for the yet to be released Edward, Jacob & Bella latest Mr Potato Head type inaction figures. You know, you get to swap around facial expressions, hair and clothes. Rob’s eyebrows are a direct Mr Potato Head rip-off, but hey, I’ll let that slide, Mr Potato Head has enough awesomeness to share willingly.

    I think Summit have done a bang-up job of making up for previous inaction doll fiascos (see previous posts-did they boys get their consultancy fees?). I just can’t wait for the Transformer inaction doll rip-offs, the ones where you can readjust the wolfpack guys into wolves – AWESOME!

  20. I just love you. Have a great weekend all!!!

  21. Afterthought: Why did they hide THE RING behind her leg?

  22. In good news, my boyfriend owns the same shoes that Edward is wearing, so I guess that ups his cool points (my boyfriend’s).

    In bad news, that Beller eye thing is really bugging me.

  23. I had such high hopes for the Eclipse Edward CCO. Now I wish I could go back in time and get the Twilight Creepy Stalker Edward one.

  24. MID-love ya! Couldn’t have said it better myself. I mean, I already have a real life man that shows me the ” pushin out a fart face ” every day why in the EFF would I pay money to look at a cardboard cut out of one?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  25. “Trying too hard” and “A lot of look” in the comments above sum this little disaster up very nicely!

    Summit was trying so hard with these that they circled around to being ridiculous and cartoonish!

    How do we go from chic peacoat bouffant Edward in Twilight to 100 year old grandpa Edward in New Moon to 90’s NSync 14 year old sharing a frozen yogurt at the mall wearing Target’s back to school finest Eclipse look? Edward seems to have some serious identity issues. He definitely is not old or mature enough to get married. Please, please bring back the peacoat, and…. I never thought I’d say this….even bring back the grandpa professor tweed if you have to. Anything but this sloppy outfit.

    As for Jake, excuse me while I cry a little. That is NOT the werewolf I fell in love with. That is a 1990s construction worker who shops at Walmart and who can’t decide if he’s in or he’s “out”.

    And finally, love her or hate her you have to admit Kirsten is naturally a very pretty girl. So why in the world did they decide to use Photoshop to make her look like someone else? Were they trying to make her prettier or homelier? I don’t get it. Either way, that’s a very bizarre look for her. it looks like someone’s Intro to Photoshop homework gone wrong.

    Ahhh how I love critiquing Summit’s pre-release memorabilia. It seems like just yesterday we were discussing the sexy Walmart tank (which was a far better look for her!)

    P.S. No offense to Walmart… truthfully, I like to shop at Walmart.

  26. Regarding the keds, and hollister and yada yada, it absolutely makes no sense. It’s like they had a total lack of regard for the book here. Bella is supposed to not have a lot of money. I know that in one of the movies, not sure if it was Twi or NM but you could tell she was wearing American Eagle jeans by the design on the back pocket, but all of her other clothing was so non descript that it flew under the radar. But now we have designer jeans, crappy brand name shoes, that she would NOT wear, the windblown I’m a supermodel, and the eyebrow cock, WTF! Don’t get me started on Jake and Edward. E-Too small denim jacket, that isn’t his style either, with emo skinny jeans, in two different shades of black, and his black shoes. This is waaay worse than what he was wearing in NM, although that was awful. Grey suit, blue shirt, BROWN shoes. Is the wardrobe lady colorblind? All we have left to see is black socks with sandals!!!!! And Jake, well poor Jake, he looks like the poster boy for the book, how to tell pep[le your gay without saying it out loud. WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE and what have they done with my characters?????!!!!!!

    • If he were wearing black socks with sandals it would only be because he’s trying to fit-in in the Northwest. Trust.

  27. Thinking about this some more (aka avoiding other things I should be doing today) I’ve decided the scenario in which these cardboard standups were taken: a “summit promo department intern” set up a camera in front of the hotel laundry room early on a Sunday morning after the cast had been at an all-night shoot. The intern caught the cast that morning on their way to do their yearly laundry. All they had on – while washing their finest- were some random 90s clothes they found dumped in a garbage bag outside the thrift shop down the street on their walk back from the shoot. The intern shouted “surprise” and captured each of them on film. (This explains the casts’ disoriented looks, the eyebrow, and the “let ‘er rip” Edward face…he really did let one rip because he was so shocked.) A few months later, after doing the real promo shoot (you know, the one with the good hair and wigs, the tasteful and modern but not too designer clothes) there was a power surge and everyone’s laptops blew and all of the photos were lost. New photos couldn’t be retaken in time for the cardboard standup printing people, because Rob and Kristen were busy gallivanting around Europe by then. So, the summit promo department intern stepped up and saved the day with his “Candid Camera” pictures.

    • On the other hand…

      Dare I say, at least Edward isn’t wearing a sleeveless white shirt with mandarin collar? (Or would that have been better?!)

      • Ooh then we could have had Bella in her khaki skirt and red blouse!!!

      • Oh god! I guess we should pick our battles… at least we dnt have Edward in turtlenecks.

        I’ll forgive them for the fugly ring being true to the books but at least their clothes aren’t.

  28. I laughed for 5 mins over that. ILY.

  29. I’ve decided that it must be in some contract that someone MUST say “it’s time” in each movie. In this one, Alice’s line was stolen by the Volturi.

  30. I know i’m way to late commenting on this, but had a busy no-twi-weekend – i know, i know i’ve been unfaithfull to LTT! by doing other stuff and having a twi-off weekend, it’s almost embarrasing and (almost) true..

    I just can’t help myself – I need to let it out, even though no one would read this comment:

    I would not mind getting some construction worker – Jacob/Taylor!! (if i wasn’t married off cause! ;-))

    Jacob/Taylor is hot as a construction worker – that pic is just fuel on the fire for me and my nightly dreams – (sorry my beloved hub, even though i love you, and only you, i DO sometimes dream of a certain wolfboy) – who may, or may not turn into a very grown up mail construction worker tonight??

  31. Bella would NEVER wear Hollister jeans. WTF??

  32. guess the wardrobe people have to give Nordstroms SOME form of style to work with for the New Twilight line…..

  33. The new moon standups were way better!! who made them? I have a link to their images.

    I have one from Nordtroms last year. Image is so much better.

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