What ever happened to…

Dear LTTers,

We’ve been with you for awhile now and over the past year and 4 months we’ve talked about a lot. A lot of themes and characters have come and gone. Some people who were SO vital to our – err- organization are like distant memories. Today we begin a new series where we dig into the past and find out whatever happened to… whoever we’ve sadly stopped talking about. First on today’s list…..

Buttcrack Santa

After his wild success playing the role of “Buttcrack Santa” in Twilight in 2008, Ned Bellamy went on to star as a secondary, mostly-forgotten character in a few episodes of 2 different, barely watched television shows and as the highly popular character named “Cabinet Member” in the television series 24. No- I got that wrong. He was the “character name “Cabinet Member” in the highly popular television series 24. He has not yet worked in 2010.

In his spare time he either writes or reads one-shot fan fic about himself:

Just in time for Christmas! This is what I think happened during the “butt-crack Santa incident”. Written in Waylon’s POV One-shot.

Seeing Bella all grown up reminded me of the last time I saw her. It was Christmas. Charlie brought four-year-old Bella to a Christmas party. I decided to suprise the kids and dress up like Santa Clause. Well, the suit was a little big, so I stuffed it with a few pillows.

At about seven o’clock, I came out to give out the presents. All the kids lit up, especially Bella. I gave out all the presents from under the tree. There was one last present left, but the bow was stuck on a branch. I bent down to get it unstuck and I heard some giggling. I thought it was just from getting the present caught on the tree, but Bella blurted out, “Ew! Butt crack!” Everyone laughed. I pulled the sagging Santa pants up and finally got the present unstuck and gave it to it’s owner. The rest of the party went fine, but I didn’t get up from the couch the rest of the night. When Charlie was about to leave to take Bella home, he patted me on the back and said, “Good job, butt-crack Santa.” Bella giggled and they went home.

A.N.: Now, wasn’t that a good holiday Pick-me-up? Now click that little green button below and give me a nice, tasty review!

P.S. Beware of ill-fitting Santa suits!

(Go review that fic & make that writer’s- aka Ned Bellamy’s- day)

The 100 Monkeys

Once known for their ability to write a hit song about an every day object found in the puffy-painted canvas tote of a fan club member, the 100 Monkeys have seemed quiet as of late. Or has it just been our incredible lack of care for Jackson Rathbone as compared to the other cast members like we were accused of in a recent fan letter:

Hooray- a way for you to make up for your inexcusable neglect of Jackson Rathbone- have you been covering the 100 City tour?  did you have pictures of the black eye? did you write about the Hard Rock Las Vegas brouhaha? have you shown us awesome Last Airbender trailers?  noooo it’s all about Kellen in underwear ads and Taylor’s father for some unfathomable reason.
Anyway here’s your chance to make it all up.  Jackson and the 100 Monkeys will be in Philadelphia April 8th at the North Star and it would be lovely if you would attend and tell us about it.
Unfortunately I was busy on April 8th ogling pictures of Kellan Lutz in his undewear and photoshopping Big Daddy Lautner getting stuck in the drive thru window of a McDonalds and couldn’t make the show. However, maybe in a few years I’ll think about attending one again after my ears heal from the last time I saw the band in Philadelphia.
However, in keeping with the theme of “Whatever happened to” and in no way writing this to appease Coco (even though I love nothing more than to bend over backwards for someone’s bitchy request), I did some research on the band. The Monkeys now have a pretty cool-looking website and seem to still run around town with Marty the Bananager. They are reconsidering his role in the band as the banana suit smells so bad that it’s actually keeping the girls away. This spring the band is on a 100 city tour and Jackson latest “look” is turning me- normally a lover of hippie, dirty rock boys- into a lesbian. Their music is just as bad- if not worse- than when I first saw them a year ago. Believe me, I just spent the last 5 minutes listening to clips of their songs on the “100 Monkeys Jukebox” praying for something I could tolerate. I came up empty handed.
On the new website, there is a “Chatter” section where their fans can discuss the latest color of puffy paint to use on their canvas Monkey bag & share with each other (and hope that the band will take a peek too) the most recent art inspired by the band. For example:

This beautiful masterpiece

Or this- the best Jackson has looked in 2 whole years:

(I actually like this- shhh don't tell)

And I’m so happy to have finally found Moon’s birthday present:
Find out MORE after the jump!

Respect AmanDUH


Once the mascot of 2nd-hand embarrassment with her Twilight reenactment videos with her husband, “Special” Edward, AmanDUH Berkowski has spent the past year being honored as the “Hot Slut of the Day” on Dlisted, deleting her YouTube account, writing books, making films, reinstating her You Tube account, writing religious poems, making public videos basically asking another You Tube sensation to become her lesbian lover only to have her dreams shattered when the object of her desire closed her You Tube account, having a baby, closing her You Tube account once & for all and opening a new account under a new name where she she seems to have found God and written religious songs, making a naked video in a bathtub (<— NSFW but not the video. I wouldn’t do that to you (I didn’t watch it- but I am including that in Moon’s birthday care package)) and continuing her love of the Twilight Saga as proven by the two following You Tube videos (they will open in a new window as AmanDUH doesn’t allow the embedding of her videos, which is probably a good idea seeing as how she likes to get naked in them)

Oh, AmanDUH- Emo Mandy is nice & all, but we really miss the original you. Won’t you pretty please post your Twilight reenactment videos again!?

It will never be the same…. We miss this:

And that’s “What ever happened to?“! Who have you missed hearing about and want us to track down for next time?

Love your friendly Twilight investigator,

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

85 Responses

  1. Good Lord.
    AmanDUH’s husband IS special!
    Snap me off a piece of that!
    Woah, that was kinda bitchy. I guess I’ve got my bitch knickers on tonight . . .
    Um, I kinda like that drawing of Jacksper as well. It’s really well done!
    As for the one you’ll be giving to Moon for her bday, I’m totes going to print it out and frame it. And put it next to my bed.

    • If that drawing was done live at the gig it’s goo….but it has a goo ‘spirit’ to it regardless of its other failings.
      I have my ‘former drawing tutor’ bitch bloomers on, it seems.

  2. I had wiped AmanDUH and her uh.. special.. videos from my memory.
    Thanks for that, UC.

    • I played the Amanduh Sudden Silence and it literally scared my puppy!

      Now its personal Amanduh, leave mu adorable puppy alone!

  3. I think Buttcrack Santa & AmanDUH should put their creative heads together & come up with a pre-Eclipse masterpice of some sort, which will be so amaaaaaaaazing that Summit will immediately headhunt them to be the joint producers of Jumping Shark (BD), parts 1&2. AmanDUH Jr (male or female) will no doubt be a shoe-in for She Who Must Not Be Named Renesmee….

  4. That’s not Amanduh’s original husband is it? This guy looks young enought to actually be married to her.

  5. I totally just checked out AmanDUH’s Youtube channel… not the naked video though. I don’t really think I can handle that right now 😉

    @UC: I can’t believe Coco wrote that Letter to you. I mean, you have already been to a 100 Monkeys concert. And that’s NOT something you have to do multiple times. Cause it only takes about 2 minutes to find out that they suck. Badly! Even though it is kinda funny that they once improvised aka made up a song called “Boo Boo Kitty Fuck”. SO BAD!

  6. Buttcrack Santa fan fiction? I haven’t been this afraid to click a link since Snail Penis Day. Please tell me it’s lemon-free; I will not be able to sleep at night.

  7. that 1st picture of AmanDUH is kind of freaking me out

  8. Three letters: *PPL*, I miss her.


  9. I kinda miss the days when Aragano was around. Oregano, we barely knew thee.

  10. I miss bobbygee. 😦

  11. I was just thinking the other day that Amandah was looking pretty tame compared to girls flying to Budapest to stalk Rob, those who devote their lives to hardcore Robsten or Nonsten activities, and, well, for that matter, girls who write UC/Moon bitchy letters instructing them to review 100 monkeys. (why?!)

    But thank you for that reminder. The “good old days” are never as good as we think they were… Amandah is just as crazy as the rest. Albeit in a slightly more interesting and slightly less “I’m afraid you’re a serial killer” way than insaniac Twihards tend to be.

    • does kristen count in the “girls flying to Budapest to stalk Rob” category?

      ha! bring on the pitchforks!

  12. This is my first encounter with AmanDUH.
    I am now going to disconnect from the internet, shut down the comp., possibly get my electricity cut off, lock all doors and windows, pull the curtains and immerse myself in grade A brain bleach for as long as it takes.

    Everything is…..tainted.

    UC, thank you for sharing this specialness.

  13. *sings to the tune of Strawberry Fields Forever*

    Let me take you down, ’cause we’re going to visit Buttcrack Santa
    Drank from tiny bottles, and knew how to make a kitty meow.
    Buttcrack Santa Forever.
    Buttcrack Santa Forever.
    Buttcrack Santa Forever.


    • Nice song – now we just need a youtube video of you singing it to be complete!

      I love your avatar by the way. I truly think that was one of the best moments of any movie. Ever.

      • Thanks! But if I posted a vid of me singing it, it would probably break YouTube! 😀

        Glad you like my avi… and that moment in the movie kills me, too. Just the look on her face. Priceless.

  14. I had actually forgotten about Amanduh, and our plans to make our own re-creation videos of Twilight. I think I was going to offer up my cats to walk around in the background, looking disinterested and licking themselves.

    Now that I have been reminded of her again, what is the time frame to forget again? About 6 months? Hmmm.

  15. Umm wow. I loves this.

  16. What happen to Illegal??
    I miss her and sparkled cupcakes…

    I also miss eddie! He was fun

    • Also MIA: Fangbanger and StotheP. Could they possibly have MORE IMPORTANT things to do than write hilariously snarky comments for us? I certainly hope not.

      • Me, Pizz, Illegal & Bobbygee ran away together.

        We felt unwelcome and started a fic writing twitter club. It’s WAY cooler.

        PS. I’m kidding, mostly. Bobbygee isn’t on twitter… that I know of. Although he does email me the link to his website every morning.

        PPS. I’m just mega bogged down w/ hw.

        PPPS. Lovely post, UC. I miss this site and you commentors sometimes. And the complete waste of a day that I could accomplish here. 🙂

        • Miss you too flanspanker! And IWL…if I mention the sock puppets can I lure her out of hiding? Come back everybody!

        • You and BobbyGee, huh? I guess it had to happen sometime, being together like that every day, working the same blog. You can deny all you want, we know that a denial is a confirmation. And I’ve seen the pap photos. Tell him he can come out of hiding, and we’ll still recognize him even if he’s grown a beard.

        • I’m here! I’m here! *waves excitedly*
          Sorry…I’ve been real busy cause I moved back home to Sri Lanka and lo and behold I suddenly have something called a social life (booooooo)
          Also Bobbygee is a pretty demanding dude. (eewwwww)
          I’ve MISSED you guys….*sniff*

          p.s. Whatever happened to Illegalautner? They were amazing together no? In their land of unicorns and chocolate trees….

          The hamster is tired of meeting people…

          • At least make sure you give us wedding news. I want to be sure to wear my formal jorts on the day in honour…*pulling out sewing machine and sparkly lace*….just let me know if you need a garter.

        • I think I DID find a bobby gee twitter account once! when i do my research for WHAT HAPPENED TO… part duex, I’ll find out:)

      • Ohai!

        Definitely not more important, but I’ve certainly had more annoying things to do. Stupid work is stupid. My coworker quit suddenly and I’ve been all alone in the office, unable to do more than lurk occasionally.

        Great post, UC. Just this morning I heard “Closer” by KOL and thought how images of Amanduh writhing and wailing on her couch had damn neared ruined that entire album for me. Where does one purchase brain bleach?

        And now I’m going to have the Full House theme song in my head all day! Teehee.

  17. 🙂

  18. If I can recall correctly, I agreed with UC that the 100Monkeys were a terrible band way back when she had the post about them. At the time, all that I had heard of them was their random Monster de Lux album and videos posted on YouTube.

    I have since changed my opinion of them. I actually like the 100Monkeys now and think that it’s fun that Jackson can make up songs on the spot about any prompt you give him.

    Jackson may even be above TayLaut in my “Boys o’ Twilight” love book. (Yeah, I said it, Amber. And no, I don’t really have a book.) I do also think that the boy needs a haircut. I usually like the “dirty boy” look, but not the “I-really-don’t-give-a-shit, they’ll-still-wanna-bang-me” look.

    I know that we’re all snarky on here, but I do also believe that Coco’s email was a little out of line. Do your research before lashing out. If everyone did this, then there wouldn’t be a need to be bitchy at all.

    I’m a lover, not a fighter. We all have our own opinions. Just because someone does or doesn’t like a band that you do, doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person.

    I’m personally super excited that in less than 2 weeks I’ll be seeing 100Monkeys in Dallas on back-to-back nights!! I’ve seen the guys a few times and they’re all so nice to their fans and just really down to earth guys who just like to make music. The definition of “music” is different for everyone. Keep that in mind.


  19. LOL………………….MOON’S BDAY PRESENT!!!!!!!!!!.

    HILARIOUS. That image will be the fuel that gets me through the rest of my day. Oh, JAX.

    Where’d the pretty go?
    :*( I was Team Jasper for a split second a year ago.
    Not anymore.

    xo Ash

  20. Awe, but we still get to see Buttcrack Santa on the Seinfeld rerun.

  21. Where’s the Mom who wrote a song about how her daughter is in love with Robert Pattinson?

    This information is vital to my life.

  22. I’m officially creeped out for the day.

    Ok, LTT girls! I have an off topic question for you (and since there is no better resource on what to do with my time, I come to you all):

    100 (or 1000? or 100001?) Monkeys will be playing at a venue near me tomorrow. To go or not to go? That IS the question. Now, I know many of you do not enjoy Jacksper’s band. I have never heard them. I’d clearly being going just to be a weird fan (I might have to wear a disguise). What would LTT do (WWLTTD)???

    • If you have the chance, you should probably go, just to see what all the fuss is about. If it sucks, you can always leave. If it doesn’t suck, then that’s a bonus. And you can report back to us!

    • GO GO GO!!!!!!! Just because I hate them and think they’re a fraudulent band taking advantage of their band members fame (watch it with the thumbs-downs monkeys fans, I may know things you don’t know…. 🙂 ) that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t experience them for yourself!!!


      no seriously…

    • You should go! I had such a blast at the show in Des Moines. The tickets were so cheap and it was a lot of fun! I took a friend with me (the same one I dragged to a Twi convention) who had never heard the band’s music, but she loved it just because the guys have so much energy. Make sure to watch for Marty’s roaming banana hands…

  23. To be even more off topic than Katie S above:

    I was in bio today and we were talking about chromosome pairs and how humans have twenty three. Some one PLEASE tell me I’m Normal because when my professor mentioned that other species have different numbers my brain immediately went to “oh yeah, vampires have 25 and werewolves have 24.”

    Normal, right? Right?!

    • Totally normal. But my mind immediately jumps to Fake Vampire Science and how we can twist Real Science to make the existence of vampires plausible. Because some would argue that a creature that has no cell division or reproduction would not need or have chromosomes. But they would be wrong, because SMeyer said they had them, and she is the authority.

      • I love you brain. And I love yours, too, kitkat.

      • I love vampire science. I was wondering, if a vampire bites but doesn’t kill an animal do they turn into vampire animals? There could be some crazy hampsters out there (oh, no offense IWL). They could have made a whole hampster army to battle the newborns. Maybe in the musical..

        • Or in the Twilight Sock Puppet Travelling Theatre Company? Squees excitedly & gets out very small knitting needles…

        • I saw a movie, maybe it was called “The Littlest Vampire” or something like that, about a kid who becomes vampire, and in it a herd of cows gets turned into flying vampire cows, with glowing red eyes, and as they fly overhead like a flock of birds, things get covered with, well, you know, cow-patties. Very amusing! But that’s all I really remember of the movie.

          • Yeah, and it would be great if they could work something like that into the final showdown with the Volturi in Breaking Dawn, the Musical.

    • Did you mention this to him, because he may have gaps in his knowledge even though he’s a Professor.

      PS. Also ‘love all you brains’.

    • LOVE this kitkat. Completely Normal! 😉

  24. Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t think Coco’s letter was rude; just snarky. Clearly she loves her some Jackson, and who can blame her? 😉

    But, having never heard anything from 100 Monkeys, and based on how bad everyone says it is, it could be that just asking you to go to a show could be considered “bitchy”, lol.

  25. Also, I think it’s good to feel uncomfortable, ie. incredibly embarrassed for someone else, if only so that you feel a little bit better about your own life. Therefore, I shall be clicking on some of those AmanDUH links later this evening.

    And I’d like to thank AmanDUH for making me feel normal.

  26. I think I just saw Butt Crack Santa on Scrubs.

  27. AND how about whatever happened to N. Reed and K. Stew being Fake Lesbian BFFs?? You never see those two together now and they were best friends.

    • didn’t they have a totally emo melodramatic falling out because RPattz *allegedly* started screwing the Stew after *allegedly* having a fling with the Reed?


      I think KStew is fakelesbian with Dakota Fanning now. They pashed and everything.

  28. Bella would never say butt crack … Too low class. She would just be embarrassed- like I was when they said that in the movie.

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