Will Bill Condon direct Breaking Dawn, The Musical? I sure hope so!

If you only knew...

Dear Bill Condon,

Oh Bill Condon… oh Bill, Bill, Bill… if you only knew what you were getting yourself into… alas that is a letter for another day. We have more pressing matters to discuss today…

Of all the rumored directors being vetted for Breaking Dawn: Gus van Sant, Sofia Coppola, Fernando Meirelles and a few others your name seems to just keep coming up. Especially yesterday when we learned that you may be in talks/negotiations to direct BD. And I gotta say I’m super excited! For the general public they probably best know you from your film adaptations of the musicals Chicago and Dreamgirls*. As a HUGE nerd fan of musicals this has my head spinning. Because I’m sure, like me, there are tons of people out there thinking Breaking Dawn will be turned into a musical. A musical version of Breaking Dawn? YES PLEASE!!! Just imagine it…

We open with a wide shot of Forks with an incoming rain storm in the background. Charlie slowly drives the streets in his cop car singing a  “Patrolling in the Rain” type of song under his breath. Then the skies open up and it begins raining. Raining glitter, of course.

glitter, lots and lots of glitter!

Then we catch up with Bella singing about that dumb ol car as she gases up the Mercedes Guardian at the gas station and then uses the gas pump as a prop jump rope and sings “Only a Human, not yet a Vampire” as a man taps dances around the car inspecting it.

Later on we have the wedding scene which I imagine as a sort of Guys and Dolls Nathan and Adelaide getting married scene only set in the Cullens backyard while we cut to shots of Jacob running through the forest singing “Get me to the church Cullens on time.”

Then to celebrate their marriage we have a huge ensemble number, a re-imaging of “We’ve only just begun” with the Cullen family, Wolfpacks, humans, townspeople raising closed umbrella’s for them to walk through and then as they leave for the honeymoon, instead of throwing birdseed or rose petals the guests throw, what else? Glitter!

In honor of Stephenie Meyer’s ultimate cockblock, for the honeymoon  scene instead of fading to black the musical version of Breaking Dawn will have something very similar to “Contact” by Angel in Rent, where we don’t actually really see anything go down but we know it’s a big metaphor for sex. Yup, Stephenie you will still have your fade to black in the end.

Yup, twihards made this Bill. GET READY

Bella giving birth closes the first act . I imagine this like the scene (I think, theater nerds help me out) in Carousel when Billy is stabbed and instead of it being literally blood spurting, instead a red sheet slowly gets pulled out to symbolize her bleeding to death as Edward holds up Reneesme all Rafiki-holds-Simba-up-in-Lion-King like and then hands her to Rosalie as he launches into a gut wrenching soliloquy about possibly losing Bella all while Jacob cowers in the corner singing to himself quietly.

End of Act 1

Follow the cut to see what I dream up for Act 2, it’s a real show stopper, trust me

Now that Bella is a vampire we’ll start off with a big production number with all the Cullens and Bella sprinting and jumping through the woods as she tries out her new vampire senses

Keep it cool Cullens, reeeeaaaalll cool

After that we’ll have a quick number between the Cullen ladies: Alice, Rosalie and Esme as they try to figure out what to do with Renesmee. It will be called “How do you solve a problem like Renesmee

Then of course we’ll have to have some sort of Cullens vs Wolfpack rumble in the woods very reminiscent of the Sharks vs Jets in West Side Story. “When you’re a Wolf, you’re a wolf all the way from your first fever phase to your last dying day…”

Then it’s time for the Volturi to waltz in and do some evil stuff. With jazz hands and glitter, of course. Kinda like when the Nazi’s show up in Sound of Music.

He's stayin' he's staying and YOU and YOU and YOU you're gonna love him!

Once Bella’s crazy shield protects them all and nothing of super consequence happens, the Volturi slink off (with Jazz hands) and the Cullens and Wolfpack break out into a victory celebration. This may or may not be like Kool and the Gang’s song but I’ll leave this one up to you, Bill.

But I really must insist that we close out the whole movie with a big duet between Edward and Bella much like Danny and Sandy in Grease singing “You’re the one that I want.” All while a shower of glitter rains down on them. Of course.

So Bill, you can see I’m really hoping you turn Breaking Dawn into a big musical extravaganza, we’ve had enough of these other regular movies, we really really really need to see The Family von Cullens singing and dancing. And whether you make Jacob sing “And I am telling you…” in an attempt to get Bella to reconsider her love for Edward and to win her back, is totally your call and will depend on whether Taylor’s voice has gone through “the change” yet but I would pay a lot of money to see that. A LOT!

Jazz Hands!

PS Bill, we have tons of emails and pictures from random moms who think their child is the next Renesmee. We’re totally down to lend a hand with casting. FYI

What other scenes needs to be in Breaking Dawn, the musical? What other broadway tunes should they rip off? Does anyone out there hate musicals? Are you crazy??!! What’s you’re favorite musical?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

*DUH, obviously I don’t think Breaking Dawn will be a musical (thought I kinda wish it were true) nor do I only know Bill Condon for his musicals*

119 Responses

  1. THIS. F*cking EPIC idea!
    I would SO pay good money to see this!!!

    • *gasping for air* And I thought I would NEVER pay good money to see Breaking Dawn! But now you’ve got me salivating, girl. LOVE the West Side Story references!

      Oh, Moon, how did you know that I am a closet-musical lover with a huge collection of musical records? I feel so…naked before you. Now, if you could only work in something from Pippin, I would heart you even more. How about everyone sings to Bella on the brink of getting married “Bella, think about your life” as she recaps, before walking down the stairs, all those sparkly moments that led up to this Final Decision?

  2. Haha! Between your musical ideas and Calli’s Barbie doll BD, this movie has so many hilarious possibilities.
    I love it.

    Oh, and just because you asked, favorite musicals.. that’s a tough question!
    Sound of Music, Joseph, Phantom, Mamma Mia, and Wicked 😀

  3. Oh thats good thats really good

    p.s do you really get photos from people wanting thier kids to be Reneesmes ? I am taking it as a joke but with Twilight you never really know.

    BTW I can totally see Jacob doing “Hopelessly devoted to you “

  4. I think an interrupting song in Breaking Dawn can only do wonders to that shit-not-so-tastic story.

    Dear Summit

    I will make seeing Breaking Dawn in the cinemas part of my daily…er, no, weekly routine if it means I get to hear Rob sing and perform a dance number complete with jazz hands, glitter sans shirt. Please make this happen!

    Lotsa Love (sometimes)

    Favourite Musicals: Across the Universe (I have a weakness for hot Brits who can sing) and even if this doesn’t count as a musical Almost Famous (<3) I still live in a fantasy world where I wish Stillwater was a real band.

  5. “Once Bella’s crazy shield protects them all and nothing of super consequence happens, the Volturi slink off (with Jazz hands)” oh man… I can see Michael Sheen doing Jazz hands and LOVING it! I can see Jamie Campbell Bower doing jazz hands and HATING it! Good times!

    Oh, Edward and Bella should do a duet “you are mortal, going on immortal, i’ll tell you what to dooooo-ooo…” In fact, they could probably use the costumes from Alice’s frolicky vision from New Moon to film that one.

  6. Act 3 should start with Bella, now a vampire, singing “Defying Gravity”

    ♪♪ Something has changed within me
    Something is not the same

    Too late for second-guessing
    Too late to go back to sleep
    It’s time to trust my instincts
    Close my eyes: and LEAP! ♪♪

    ..where she actually leaps to almost kill Jacob. ^.^

    • 1. how did you make those music signs??

      2. have you seen the Harry Potter musical online? “I’m Cho Chang yaaaaa’ll” hehehe

      • yeah, spill the beans on the secret of the musical notes! tres cool.

        • oh. haha.. just type Alt-1-3.. use the number pad on your keyboard. (sigh. geek alert) ♪♪ ♥☻☺♠ ♦ ♣

          @Rachel B. there’s a harry potter musical?? does the cedric character sing?? that’ll kill me.

          • ♪ sweeeeet! chochang, you’re awesome ♫♪♫♪

          • yes! check on youtube for it! in fact here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwM_AKeMCk

            (hope the link works)

            the alt 1 thing didnt work for me…does it only work if you have that side number pad thingy? I am on my laptop which doesnt have a number pad. nuts.

          • @Rachel B. thanks for that.. will watch it now. and yep, sadly, it only works with the full keyboard. at least, that’s what i think. i haven’t tried it on a laptop..

          • thanks absolutelyvlc!! mwah.

      • Haha, that HP musical were awesome.

  7. LOL, moon. I’m not too much into musicals.. I know call me crazy. But I’d pay big $bucks$ to see Rob and Stew do a duet together.. would be utterly EPIC!

    Love the whole idea … jazz hands and glitter..lots of glitter….

    Question: Would Renasty come out of the womb singing??? –That might actually lighten the whole situation up… you know make you forget about Edward gnawing Bella’s uterus and all…

  8. So one of my fav musicals right now is Legally Blonde the musical. I have to CD and pump up the jams on my commute!

    I would make some songs over for BD for you guys, but I’m not sure anyone else has seen this one???

    • OMG when bella looks in the mirrory window at the reception there can be “Bend and Snap”
      and then a reprize of it when she first sees herself as a vamp

      lervs Legally Blonde

    • I’m with you on the LB. Belle, Elle, same difference. I suggested “So much better” a little further down.
      OT The girl who won the Mtv contest to replace Laura Bell Bundy on Broadway was a good friend of mine. She did a great job. So proud.

      • thats so aweseom @robzilla! She is so cute & seems really nice! I loved that show!!

        I loved it when they sang “ohmigod you guys” which doing sit ups on the workout balls. How to fit that into BD?

        “ohmigod ohmigod you guys…looks like Bella’s gonna win the prize!” ??

    • Haha, the “gay or european?!” song was in my head the whole time whilst Reading yesterdays LTR.
      Saw it in London & loved it.x.

  9. Ok, so I agree with everything up til the end duet with Bella and Edward. It absolutely HAS to be a song and dance number, and it absolutely HAS to be “I’ve Had The Time of My Life” ala Baby and Johnny in Dirty Dancing. And if that’s not in it, with the lift and all, then I ain’t watching it. Just sayin.
    Oh, and Edward needs to wear his raybans and a black leather jacket, just like Johnny.

  10. I’m a HUGE musical dork too!
    Should Edward do Sun Rise Sun Set from Fiddler for Jacob and Renesme? They didn’t seem to have a song. Yet. 🙂
    Or, um…. the song Two Ladies Cabaret is popping into my head, but I don’t really know where it’d be appropriate…..

    • They could change it to Two Monsters . . . ” Two monsters, tweedle dee dee dee, and I’m the on-ly girl, yah!”

  11. Lux – I basically just choked on my bagel re: Renesme coming out singing. All I can picture is the Dracula the Musical with puppets from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. When the puppet gives birth, and the vampire babies are basically pulled out with a string, and are instantly singing!
    There are so many possibilities.

    My fav musicals: RENT, Cabaret, Little Shop of Horrors, Sweeney Todd, Avenue Q and Urine Town.

    I bow to your awesomeness.

  13. Jamie
    Bawahahaha love LOVE that Forgetting Sarah Marshall idea… .. oh yes the possibilities…
    Can Edward do a full frontal like Jason Segel in that movie??? Please?

  14. hi 🙂

  15. Oh what I wouldn’t do to see the wolfpack singing ‘ Lonesome Polecat Wolf ‘ from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers while swinging axes in the woods.

    A man can’t sleep, when he sleeps with sheep


    This was a really great post. Love musicals!

  16. So I’ll admit, when I read the title of today’s blog I was doubtful….but Moonie, your vision….quite simply epic. Plus you so brought the funny and by the end of today’s blog I’m so on board with the whole idea.
    Teamseth, can you sing and dance?

  17. Anything with JAZZHANDS has my vote!

  18. Bella MUST sing “Think of me” from Phantom as she leaves Jake behind at the wedding. Epic sad moment.
    Lovin the JAZZHANDS! Oh and anything from my fave musical Seven Brides for seven brothers is WIN!!!!

    • Edward must sing Chicago’s Billy “Give ’em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle them” when explaining to Bella how to act in front of Charlie. And then burst into Be our guest with all the Cullens as backups. Carlisle can play Lumere

      • OMG! Bella must sing Elle’s Legally Blonde “I am so much better than before” when Jake sees her for the first time after her change.
        I really must stop now.

        • Ok just one more.
          The gathering of vamps should sing “Do you hear” from Le Mis as the Volturi approach for the final show down.

      • Carlisle as Lumière, I can see it before me! This suggestion is all win!

  19. I’m not really a fan of musical, but I’d defs go see that. I wouldn’t want to miss those jazzhands!

    I can also picture Alice giving Bella her big wedding make-over on the tunes of ‘Popular’.

  20. MAMMA MIA is totes my favortie musical.

    money money money for the beginning where bella is whining about the car. the winner takes it all for edward at the wedding, just to rub it in jacobs face. Jacob can sing slipping through my fingers when he is running through the woods before the wedding. Gimme Gimme Gimme for when Edward goes off to his bachelor party………….

  21. Can they instead open on Forks w/ a Sweeny Todd type number about how disgusting and rainy Forks is?

    What about from Cabaret when the main guy (always forget his name) is singing about how if they could see his love through his eyes. Carlise could sing it about Renesme to convince all the other vampires that she’s not evil.

  22. This is perfect, especially since the majority of the cast claims to be musically inclined!

  23. can we change the thumbs up on posts to jazz hands?

  24. Wicked definitely!!

    After Bella goes all vampy, Jacob can sing:
    “Who can say if she’s been changed for the better…but she has been changed for good!”

  25. When Bella tells Renee about the engagement she can sing “Can’t help lovin dat man”. Granted KStew is no Ava Gardner but it would be fun to see. (This scene in Showboat is one of the BEST ever in Hollywood…IMO)

    I would like to see the Cullen Men doing a “Going Courtin” type song for when they go hunting for Edwards Bachelor party.

    And at the wedding Carlisle brings out a video of Edward when he was a young little vampire singing “Bless Your Beautiful Hide” from 7 Brides for 7 Brothers thinking of the day he will finally meet his bride.

    And then a duet between Jacob and Edward doing “Anything you can do I can do better” (Annie Get Your Gun)

    Clearly I love any musical with Howard Keel.

  26. Um, I just had a serious nightmare regarding the inevitable “Twilight: The Musical” that will open in about 8 years, when dvd sales have tapered off from all 5 movies, and Stephenie hasn’t written a damn thing and needs to feed her koi fish pond.

    Edward: Are you afraid?
    Me: F*CK YES. That’s f*cken terrifying.

  27. Which part is Julie Andrews playing?

    Love your vision Moon! I am thinking Bill could hire you on as some sort of assistant. 😉

  28. This is way random, but
    I had a NIGHTMARE last night …
    Cathy the Coug was going to direct BD…
    And bree’s book was made into its own movie!!

    What the Hale was that about??
    I’ll die if cathy the coug directs BD

  29. Oh Moon, you raised my theatre nerd boner!

    I have thought about the twi cast as characters from “Grease” before (that’s normal, right), since Carlisle and Rob already have the pompador hairdo’s. Alice is “Beauty School Dropout”, Rosalie is slutty Rizzo, etc.

  30. In all seriousness I think BD the musical may be way more watchable than the actual BD movie. The fact that it’s a musical might counterbalance the crazy enough to make it enjoyable.

    My favourite musical? Wicked! I just saw it last September in San Francisco. Amazing.

  31. What about a Bollywood musical version? Lots of choreographed dancing ensembles with all the wedding guests, or the gathering of all the vampires, and think of the final scene with the Volturi, the wolfpack, the “good” vamps, and the Cullens, with Bella and Edward playing hide and seek and singing their duet. And they could probably save millions by using an Indian production company and director!

    • LOVE that idea. While we’re at it we could recast a few people in the movie with the cast of Slumdog Millionaire who are all amazing. And the birth of Renesmee could be represented as a song and dance with an impeccable dance routine, lots of colorful fabrics, sparkles, and hand waving…no grotesque gore required. Perfect!

    • Bollywood musical, my brain is squeeing so much I can hardly think. They do jazz hands right?.

    • Jai Ho FTMFW!
      Anybody seen Bride & Prejudice with that guy from Lost? I love love love it.

      What a treasure trove to mine for TwiBollyLight. Moon, you ARE genius.

  32. I’m pretty sure the Cullens/Wolfpack/Random Vamps need to sing “And the World Will Know” from Newsies…sung to the Volturi as they stand against them…..

    • YESSS!!!! with little newsies hats! best idea!!! maybe we’ll get christian bale to come back for this

      • I dunno Moon, he might yell at Rob. And then Rob would probably cry. And then Christian would have to flee from the twihard wrath!

        • That actually sounds like an amusing turn of events. I take it back. Christian Bale for BD musical!

      • Oh my gosh – can you even imagine the magnitude of hotness if Christian, Rob and Taylor (’cause I am on a first name basis with all of them) were on screen AT THE SAME TIME?!?!?!? We are talking movie screen on fire a la Inglourious Basterds, people!

        Probably Joseph Gordon-Levitt should make an appearance because A. We already know he loves musicals and B. he basically dresses like a newsie anyway (hot)!

  33. I used to think I hated musicals, but then I realised that some of my very favorite movies are musicals (“Annie,” “Nightmare Before Christmas,” “Grease”), and that I really just hate bad musicals 🙂 (BTW, I have never seen “West Side Story” but after seeing a “Kids Next Door” takeoff on it the other day, the Doorbell and I decided we need to see it!)

    Moonie, you are a dangerous women- this idea is brillz. You do know that someone is going to actually produce “Twilight Saga: The Musical” 10 years down the road…you should trademark or copyright this idea NOW!

  34. I think the duet between Edward and Jacob during Bella’s death/Renesme’s birth should be more akin to Lily’s Eyes from The Secret Garden:

    From death she casts her spell,
    All night we hear her sighs,
    And now a girl has come
    Who has her eyes.

    She has her eyes.
    The girl has Bella’s chocolate eyes,
    Those eyes that saw him happy long ago.
    Those eyes that gave him life
    And hope he’d never known.
    How can he see the girl
    And miss those chocolate eyes?

    Or maybe Jacob’s self-imposed exile to Wolftown or his despair at Bella getting married and not imprinting on anyone can be like “On My Own” from Les Mis?

    And now I’m all alone again
    Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
    Without a home, without a friend
    without a face to say hello to
    But now the night is near
    And I can make-believe she’s here

    • Sometimes I walk alone at night when the rest of the rez is sleeping
      I close my eyes and think of her and then I’m happy with the company I’m keeping.
      The wolfpack goes to bed,
      Finally I can live inside my head…

  35. Moonie,

    Don’t hate me but I’m not crazy about musicals…I do love the idea of having it be sort of like…Moulin Rouge. Lots and LOTS of color and dynamic visuals 🙂

    Can you imagine what Bella’s transformation would be like if Baz directed Breaking Dawn? I’m just DYING visualizing it in my brain…It would be lucious.

    and lots and lots of glitter.

    xo Ash

    • ZOMG Baz for BD is soo bonkers I would just explode in excitement if this happened!

    • I think this idea is very appealing. Perhaps the idea of making this movie as a musical, or as a cartoonish Tim Burton-type fantasy, is so attractive because the abysmal story line NEEDS production values to make it come alive rather than just lie there and stink.

    • This would be amazing, too… I can so see Bella wearing Nicole Kidman’s feathery pink outfit from her opening scene in MR for her stay on Isle Esme.

      The soundtrack would be amazing, too, if Baz directed. It’s about time for a new “Lady Marmalade”ish song to hit the radios.

  36. the score, when their not singing and danceing could be some dramatic Phantom of the Opera is parts that are really inappropriate. LIKE when they are in the ocean and it fades to black. when she comes up behind himits could be the Jaws-esque theme!

  37. Moon- you made my day! I just finished Breaking Dawn (again) and was questioning my fan-ness because I kept thinking “How on earth will they make this a movie, let a lone a good one?”
    This is the answer. Right here. Thank you!

  38. OMG that “family” picture… I never knew Edward married Morticia Addams. Or that she was a heroin addict…

  39. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by jet_set_go: laughing out loud!! literally! today’s LTT is killing me! killing me. so f*cking brilliant. :)) http://tinyurl.com/ygknkof

  40. this makes me so happy there are opther musical nerds.

    my faves: the music man (harold hill crush since i was like 5), seven brides for seven brothers, annie, sound of music, oklahoma… pretty much anything classic rogers and hammerstein

    • Maybe we could work in a number where Jessica sings “I’m Just a Girl Who Can’t Say No” to Mike!

    • I saw The Music Man on Broadway when Robert Sean Leonard (crushed on him since Dead Poets’ Society) played Harold Hill. I was in the front row. The footbridge extended out over the audience just enough that I could have grabbed his ankle. Died.

  41. OMG…”as Edward holds up Reneesme all Rafiki-holds-Simba-up-in-Lion-King like”

    Total WIN…complete with snorting out my propel.

  42. um… for one, Bella needs to sing Ariel’s Little Mermaid style about becoming a human, but of course it’s becoming a vampire. “part of your wooooorld!!!”

    also, the guys need to jump around and sing all Newsies style when they are practicing for the fight.

    Oh yeah!

  43. I love how we all solve the big problems at LTT. Maybe we should encourage world leaders to post their big problems, cause if LTT can figure out how to whip up such passion for BD the movie it can do ANYTHING.

    • Right: nuclear disarmament, global warming, terrorism? Pfffft! Piece of cake! Breaking Dawn: The Movie, on the other hand, now that’s a problem the greatest minds of our time have yet to find a solution for!

  44. I think the marriage should be consummated to Elephant Love Medley from Moulin Rouge with the roles slightly reversed. Just think of it, naked Edward, the pale moonlight over the ocean with a million little reflections that (obviously) looks like an endless sea of glitter. ~swoon~

  45. This would be so incredibly awesome. And even if they don’t do it for the big screen, it could always go Broadway. And Edward wouldn’t be the first vampire to put his feelings into song: Lestat totes has his own musical, which I would LOVE to see.

    Also, The King and I and Singing in the Rain (if it counts) are my favs. Actually, White Christmas is my absolute fav, nevermind it’s holiday theme.

  46. Hey guys we are currently filming a ” Twilight/New Moon ” parody from the makers of Disaster Movie right now in Louisiana. The movie is still untitled, but it should be out by this summer. We’ve been filming for about a week now, and even though I hate to say this it’s actually a little funny. Noone can replace Robward but Matt Lanter is doing an amazing job. I can’t wait to see the finished project.

    So just out of curiosity how many of you will actually go and see this when it comes out?

  47. ok. i didn’t see where anyone else had this thought, so i’m gonna toss it out there.
    for the musical breaking dawn, i have this GREAT idea of jacob and the wolfpack at billy’s house getting ready to go to the wedding. jacob dancing around, with a picture of bellers, singing “should i stay or should i go” by the clash, complete with quil & embry singing the backup vocals. i know it’s not a normal musical # but would be too funny anyway.
    ok, that’s my thought.
    also, at the end when the volturi leave the cullens & friends HAVE to bust out with quenen’s “we are the champions”! hahaha!! well, at this THIS is how i pictured it in my mind when i read it anyway.

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