Continuing on our Spring Break (aka Moon & UC do some boring, geeky bloggy business for a few days), CalliopeBlabs brings us Part I of an EPIC Breaking Dawn suggestion for Summit!
Seems you’ve been having some trouble with this whole Breaking Dawn issue. I mean, I get it… I read the book, I KNOW there’s a lot to work through. One movie or two? Where to split? Who to direct? How to get around those pesky child protection laws to make TayTay falling in love with a baby okay.
Not to mention all the bargaining I’m sure you’ve been doing with Rob and Kristen. Did they convince you to allow for TomStu to come to Isle Esme with them? You know they don’t like to leave him by himself for too long… he’s a clingy one that TomStu. Also, I know you and Rob have been trying to convince Stewie that method is the best way to go where Renesmee is concerned… any luck?
Or perhaps you’ve taken my advice and are trying to get the Pitt-Jolie biological offspring to star as the Golden Child since they all look the same since we all know with parents like Jolie-Pitt they’d be impeccably appropriate employees. I mean, Angelina and Brad… all business all the time. expect for that time when they got busy on one of your movie sets… I mean seriously!?! What do you feed your employees? So yes, I GET what monumental issues you’ve been facing with Breaking Dawn.
it’s already APRIL.
I’m starting to get a little nervous here.
So of course, like the overly imaginative person I am… and because, unlike you, I do have a soul, I’ve decided to help you guys out here. I’ve created the perfect solution to the problems you obviously can’t get around. Let’s just use the Bella, Edward & Jacob dolls you so willingly created and marketed at an exorbitant price to the Twi-fandom to make Breaking Dawn. It’ll be cheap… you won’t have to worry about CGI… and no one will act out on set. Sure some fans might be pissed but they’ll get over it. Plus, they are just fans… what do you care!?!
Still unsure? Need a visual? No problem. Let me show you how it’s done… the story of Breaking Dawn: cheap, drama free and without the speculation of whether or not Barbie and Ken are doing it (they are). Grab the popcorn, dim the lights… and enjoy. Because at this rate, it might be as good as we are gonna get.
BOOK 1: BELLA
Bella: (Grumbles) Fine random dudes… i’ll let you get some pictures of me and my fancy car.
Bella: (pouting) i wish Edward would have stayed the night instead of gallivanting with his brothers. At least purple’s still cool… even if I am about to get married. I mean nothing says ready for the altar like purple sheets. At least, that’s what my YM magazine says.
Renee: you’re getting married… and you aren’t even knocked up!
Bella: (nervously) Dad, I think I’m going to puke.
Charlie: (loudly) You little LIAR! I knew it… you are knocked up! Where is that punk. I’m gonna kill him.
Charlie: why are you even here?
Bella: I DO
Priest: It’s not time for that yet dear
Bella: I DO
Edward: love, still not time for that
Bella: I DO.
Edward: I DO.
Bella: (relived and horny) YAYYYY we are married!
Find out what happens after the jump!
Bella: let’s go dance awkwardly in the corner of the reception for no apparent reason.
Bella: OMG Quill… Embry… Jacob! you came to the wedding! SQUEEEEE yay!
Edward: Are those your formal Jorts Mutts?
Bella: (confused and on a boat) Edward Where are we going?!? OMG my dreams are becoming full on hallucinations… I swear a see a baby… and Alice?
nekkid Edward: okay bella… lets do it in the tepid water
Bella: YESSSS finally… let me get nekkid
Bella: Good morning hot stuff… wanna go another round?
Edward: get off of me bella i’m a ANIMAL!
Bella: Yes… yes you are!!! *growls & pounces*
Edward: No Bella! No means No!
Edward: (distraught) look in the mirror Bella! no more sex! (sparkles away)
Bella: we’ll see about that!
Bella: do i make u horny edward?
Bella: how bout now?
Edward: NO! NO SEX!
Edward: Are you trying to kill me?
Bella: you don’t LOVE ME!! *CRIES*
Edward: gah! i cannot deny you! Fine!
(they do it)
Bella: sexytime makes me hungry.
Edward: more eggs? My o my dear. I’d better vampify you before you go letting yourself go
Bella: Uh-oh Edward… I don’t feel so well!
~*~ End Breaking Dawn Book One ~*~
Look out for Book 2: Jacob from Breaking Dawn presented by Barbie and friends. I promise it’ll be out before Summit announces the actual making of Breaking Dawn.
Laugh, Joke and Stay Happy fandom.
P.S. can you count the number of Summit digs in this post?
We heard from LTT reader Krystal about an Water for Elephants reading group starting THIS SATURDAY: Check it out
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