How about some Twilight deductions on this years Taxes?

NOOOOOO!!!!

Dear Twilight,

It’s tax season!  I look forward to filing my taxes, because I usually get a bunch of money back since I don’t make all that much to begin with.  It’s like getting a huge bonus, even though technically it was my money all along and the government just held on to it and I didn’t even get the measly 2% savings account interest on it.  Whatever.  Not like I was going to actually save any of it anyway—most likely it would go towards buying a “Wolf Girl” candle or a backup set of New Moon trading cards.  But this year, once all the shoutin’ was done, I actually owed the IRS $105.

It turns out that I made more money in 2009 than I have ever made.  Seriously?  Because it didn’t feel like it.  How many times did I eat Ramen noodles for lunch because I had $17 to last me until payday?  I was living like Rob, wearing generic underpants and drinking cheap beer.  It seems inconceivable that I made the same amount of money as I did in 2008, much less more.  I hit the spreadsheets in search of the discrepancy, the anomaly that had left me cash poor in 2009.

Hmmm... what's different here... (click to enlarge)

My findings:

Do you see what happened there?  In 2009 I spent fully 10% of my income on Twilight and Twilight related stuff, including but not limited to:  books, action figures, bumper stickers, movie tickets, posters, lunchboxes, partyware, DVDs, magazines, tickets and travel to Brit Pack shows, and iPhone apps.  THIS WAS MORE THAN I SPENT ON CHILD CARE.  But, if I’ve learned anything from LTT, That’s Normal.

This is where you come in, Twilight.  Do you think for 2010 you could help me out?  Kind of like a Twilight bailout?

Some ideas–feel free to pick and choose:

It's true

  • It seems like you have more “exclusive” versions each time you release a DVD, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to afford the Eclipse Home Depot Special Edition that comes with an actual piece of torn wolfpack jorts.  If you put all the different DVDs in one giant box set and sell them at a 10% discount, that would be swell.
  • Disney did a promo where people volunteer a day of service for theme park tickets.  Perhaps I could donate to a relevant charity–heaven knows the Summit wig department could use some funds–in exchange for free tickets to see Eclipse.
  • Plan more events in the Virginia area.  Cross-country trips are expensive for me, what with the hotels and plane fare and tequila anti-anxiety meds I have to take just to be able to fly.  Overnight layovers for Rob at RIC would qualify as “events”, as long as you cc me on the itinerary.
  • Issue a Twilight Rewards VISA, so that at least while I’m constructing an overwhelming mountain of debt I can earn free T-shirts from Hot Topic and discounted autographs from TwiCon.

Obviously, I’m going to tithe to Twilight one way or another, but it would be nice if you acknowledged my contributions to your tremendous money pile by giving me a break or two.  It’s the least you could do for a working girl like me.

Love,
Tiffanized

P.S. You should also anticipate a letter from my boss about my lost work hours from 2009.  Just a heads up.

What else should be in the Twilight Bailout? Any deductions the government should talk into account for Twilight fans?

We heard from LTT reader Krystal about an Water for Elephants reading group starting THIS SATURDAY: Check it out

Don’t forget to check out The LTT Biggest Loser on The Forum

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

37 Responses

  1. Your letter is awesomness, Tiffanized. And full of truth. If only my boss knew how many working hours I have wasted on Twilight-related stuff…

    • have you read the wallbanger update yet? Now might be a good time :p.

  2. I love how you only see Bella in your pie-chart. Whenever we associate something negative with Twilight, we have Bella to make a point.

    • Rob wouldn’t fit (that’s what she said).

  3. Tiff…

    This is perfect!!!

    (Said with Bella’s voice when she gets her lovely truck in Twilight) Yes, I AM TWI-NERD embodied.

    I’m fully signing the petition for twi-related tax breaks.

    Signed,
    *IwishIcouldspend10%ofmyincomeontwijunkbuthubbywoulddisownme*

  4. Where do I find batteries in this pie-chart?
    Medical?
    Personal Care?
    Charity?

    • I have a separate pre-tax spending account for batteries. My deposits into that account have been staggering since November of 2008.

  5. I actually consider most of my twilight purchases as “savings” because maybe one day (crossing fingers) it will actually be worth something & I can sell it to finance my retirement.

    #ICanJustifyAlmostAnything
    and
    #ISwearIAmNotDelusional

    • Aren’t you clever? Maybe it will fund some college educations, too.

  6. LOVE this post! Uncle Sam is taking a huge bite
    out of my ass this year…but I guess I should count my blessings that we owe money because that means we both had jobs in ’09. Still hate owing them anything…

  7. I think TurboTax has added a box to check for this.

  8. I❤ you Tiffanized! I hope to see you soon at a "Twi" related event soon, but one involving any LOD members, cause they hate and love me real bad.

    Miss you, hope to see you soon.

    PS This crazy ass bitch made me birthday cuppycakes, a month after my burfday and brought them to me. I consider that money well spent!

    • Damn, I didn’t even include the cost of cuppycakes for Jane Trigs.

      • cough*July17th*cough. Cuppycakes? Makes big eyes & thinks of Sparklepeen cake. Then makes BIG smile.

        P.S. Tiffanized, you’re the nearest thing I have to a fake lesbian crush. It was the jorts.

  9. Love the letter Tiffianized!

    I do have some coupons for Vicki’s secret if you want them, wearing generic undies is just not fun!😉

    • It’s okay. I just throw on a pair of gray Marks & Spencer boxer briefs and pretend Rob left them at my house last time he came over.

  10. There should also be a chart of time we spend in cyberspace following everything Twilight instead with our RL friends and/or family. Mine increased exponentially.

    • Yeah the “soft dollars” spent using up time. As they call it at work. Count that and I’ve spent a fortune.

      • So true! Time is money, right? Imagine the cash we would all have it we added up all the hours we have spent related to Twilight and earned even a measly dollar/hour. I think I could fly to Hawaii for sure.

        Twihours + (1.25 • hours of obsessing over rpatz) + (hours wasted at work • hourly wage) • (what performance bonus should have been/actual) = Priceless

  11. Can we all just live in a twilight world together? You girls read my mind with every post and I would be honored to have all of you as friends! ❤ u all!!

    • I’m in!

  12. Love the letter, Tiffinized. Do you have another blog somewhere that I can stalk you on, too? I think you’re hilarious. I have found that I have actually SAVED money from my closet Twilight addiction. With the amount of time I spend on-line following Twilight-related stuff, I have found much less time to shop in the real world. And since I have kept my “acute fondness” on the DL I don’t even own a single Twilight t-shirt! I guess I should be thanking Twilight for taking up so much of my time that I am actually under my budget this year.

    • I do have a blog, but I rarely update it, and it’s almost never about Rob. Just click on my name above this comment.

  13. Another great letter Tiffanized! Very funny on both LTT and LTR today. I needed a laugh as I am on my third day of suffering from a particularly nasty cold, w hich your posts enabled me to temporarily forget about as I was reading them this morning.

    I can totally relate to not knowing where my $$$ went even though this year was also my highest-earning year ever. Certainly some of it went into Twilight…also I think the productivity hours lost due to Twilight should count, too. Adding up the hours I’ve spent thinking or doing something Twilighty in 2009 would be terrifying.

    • Hope you feel better soon!!

      • thanks!

  14. Hilarious letter. Tiffanized, you never fail to crack me up! But at first I thought it was written by Moon and I was very confused when I read, “This was more than I spent on childcare.”

    • Glad I wasn’t the only one.

      • Glad I wasn’t the only one, too! I had to scroll down to see who it was.

    • And somewhere, Moon is breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought.

  15. FanTAXtic!😀

    I’m sooo glad I got my taxes done way early. Of course, my refund is done way early, too.😛

    I want that Eclipse Home Depot Special Edition that comes with an actual piece of torn wolfpack jorts. Now. Will work for jorts! It’s true.

    Hahahaha….

    • Yeah, my favorite idea was the box set of special editions. If they could maybe coordinate a little better, and allow us to buy just ONE dvd, that would be great, thanks. I called my mother after I got my Target dvd (and then saw the chart of awesomeness that is how the dvd makers screw with us) and told her to buy the Walmart dv.
      Also, my Target dvd came with a film cell that is cut from the ACTUAL film (and then replicated). That was the small print.

  16. Another jewel from you, Tiffanized! Well, I think I’ll be getting a refund for the first time in years thanks to Twilight, because I spent so much time in the Twi-world I hardly made any money at all, but still paid estimated taxes based on prior years! Pathetic, I know.

  17. omg, Tiffanized, that was hilarious.

    I need one of these charts to compare the time I have spent on Twi-related stuff. I am trying to spend Spring Break doing some spring cleaning, and am pretty appalled at how gross some of the more neglected corners of my house are….I was trying to figure out how it was that MORE dust got into my house, but I think the problem is that I haven’t spent as much time taking the dust OUT of my house as I used to…..

  18. Tiffanized,
    Awesome post! I love a story with info graphics (*design nerd).
    More importantly I relate. My husband is much relieved that I have found some money-saving Twilight techniques I will now share:

    Borrow: I was dumb enough to buy the soundtracks before I found out that you can borrow them from the library. Now I have the soundtrack scores cds and albums of some from our fave featured artists w/out having to buy them all!

    Buddy Up: When Summit screws us with special features, what was I going to do? buy both, duh. Smarter conclusion… I bought one version, and @ekels bought the other… I knew I learned to share in Kindergarten for a reason!

    Distractions: Thanks to UC, Moon, and a whole slew of fan fic authors, I have been able to keep myself entertained without my debit card🙂

    Flaw In My Evil Plan: I have not yet figured out how to deduct movie tickets from my 1040. Any ideas ladies?

  19. Hilarious letter Tiffanized🙂

  20. I was going to do my taxes, but I procrastinate everything so decided to catch up on LTT. It’s like you knew…

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